More than OCD happening here?

[Guest guest]

I'm beat this morning. My 19 y/o dd really had a bad day yesterday. I went

running yesterday morning so we would have time to go to the commissary and fix

dinner together. I got home and the kitchen and living room were in shambles.

She had started a 'project' of emptying out the closets and just stopped to

watch tv instead. She had piles everywhere. I didn't say a word and took her to

the commissary. When we got back, I figured she would finish cleaning up her

mess. Nope. I was as gentle as possible, and I told her that when mom and I

come home from work, it is stressful to have so much clutter. Could she please,

next time, make sure she has the job done when we get home. She just fell to

pieces! " Oh, you don't appreciate my work! You're judging me! " It went on and

on. She went and cried in her room and I made dinner. When she came out, I

explained again that nobody was mad, criticizing, judging, etc. It was a

'teaching moment' and it is done.

We had a nice dinner and, for the evening, her big deal is having everybody

watch Glee together. We watched 2 episodes and we were ready for bed. I asked

her what her plan was for the next day. She said she was going to have a " Me "

day. What's that? " Oh, I'm going to make a list of every Disney movie ever

made and put them in categories. " Why I asked? Oh, she figured out that

everyone thought 2D movies were dead but then came along the princess and the

Frog. She has an idea for a Latina version of the story. She wants to go work

for Disney as an 'imaginateer' and make movies. She said the list wasn't an

obsession, but rather research. I was just making conversation, or so I

thought, and said, " Those jobs are very competitive. Great work if you can get

it, but very hard to even get a shot. " I suggested she go talk to a college

counselor on base to see how much of the course work she could do here on base

or on line. She just blew up! " The whole world tells me I can't! etc. She

dug up old anger issues. Per my daughter, we never supported her love of the

arts. If we had, she would have been on Broadway by now. But, she said, she

realizes we were 'ignorant' of the arts. I told her we had paid for tap,

ballet, dance, etc lessons for years. That I had driven her to drama camp all

summer before we left the States. That we had supported her in her high school

drama club. That we had, over two summers, taken her to FIVE Broadway plays.

That one of the reasons we chose her college was that it had a huge drama

department.

Then she said we had forced her to go to dance and that if only we had shown her

a video of great dancers, she would have realized how great she could have been

and would have worked harder. There's just no sense to what she is saying.

I told her I was tired of hearing how everything is MY fault and that she has

zero responsibility for her actions and choices. She said that she wished she

had stayed in LA because she would be 'chasing her dream.' I told her that if

she weren't raped and or murdered, (she is 19, but looks 13) the best she would

be looking at is working a minimum wage job, walking everywhere she went, (she

can't drive) not knowing a single soul, and coming home to an empty apartment

without so much as a TV. She said, " I could give up TV for my dream. "

Then she got mad that I didn't think she was " One in a million. " She is

convinced that they are going to take one look at her in LA and make her a star

because she has 'the look.'

I tried and tried to explain to her that her happiness in life is not going to

be decided by a one in a million shot. She can be amazingly happy doing what

she considers, " ordinary " jobs. She told me I just don't understand that she

is different- She is meant for great things.

She adored her drama teacher. Ms E. She said he drama teacher always believed

in her. Why can't we? I asked if her drama teacher ever told her to lie to her

family, risk her life, and run away to LA. " No " Ms E, I pointed out, is just

an 'ordinary' drama teacher. Is she 'one in a million?' I she unhappy not being

in LA? No, she loves her work and is perfectly happy.

I could see her brain grinding away at that for a good minute. Then she just

started crying, said she'd never share such a deep, personal secret with me

again. I asked how long she'd had this 'dream.' Oh, a week now. So, it's a

deep, personal secret? For a week?

How do I get her to stop placing all this pressure on herself to achieve dreams

which are fantacies at best?

I'm at my wits end. Thank God for valium or I wouldn't be able to get out of

bed today.

There must be more going on here than OCD.