Newbie

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone. I just joined this group today and would like to introduce

myself. I am Steffanie, married with two boys--ages 7 and 9. My oldest has

always exhibited signs of anxiety, but it has intensified over this past year.

2 1/2 years ago, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Our family has been in a

state of crisis ever since. I traveled from IL to CA in June of '09 to have

brain surgery to remove the tumor. The tumor is considered brain cancer,

although it's a low grade. After surgery, my son was very well behaved. Once

school started, the problems started. He was in trouble all the time, but the

things he was doing were pretty minor. He repeated the teacher's instructions,

made weird sounds and hummed while he read, also couldn't sit still. The

teacher had zero tolerance or willingness to listen or understand. I tried to

explain that he's constantly worried his mom will die, he's been through a lot,

and he's really anxious. I was told that they didn't care why he had the

behaviors, they just needed to stop. We decided to change our kids to a private

school this year where the environment is much more peaceful and loving. These

last several months, he has been exhibiting signs of OCD, mostly at bedtime. He

cannot shut off his brain, gets up repeatedly for hours to tell us things he's

afraid he'll forget by morning, compulsively has to say the same thing every

time, " I love you. Goodnight. I'll see you in the morning. " " Infinity I love

yous and don't let the bed bugs bite. " His bedtime rituals are exhausting and

go on for hours. No one is getting any sleep, and we're all on pins and

needles. My husband and I try to remain calm, but we just have a hard time. We

try not to yell, but many times we are yelling, " Go to bed. Be quiet! Stop

talking! " It's not good at all. I do see a new counselor, and she told me that

it makes sense as to why he's acting this way. She said that when I had

surgery, I went to sleep, and there was a good possibility I could die. This is

why he can't go to sleep and cannot let me go to sleep at night. He's afraid I

may not wake up in the morning, and he wants to be sure I know he loves me and

that I love him too. This is absolutely heartbreaking. Our family has been

through so much, and now we are dealing with this kid with issues--that's my

fault. No one understands. They just think he's annoying and naughty. My god,

we are trying so hard with him. He's been going to a counselor for over a year

with no results seen. We have an appt scheduled with a psychiatrist and a neuro

psychologist for some evaluations. If we yell, spank, etc., he just gets more

upset and it makes the situation worse. Friends think they know better and can

discipline him in front of us. This leads to him being afraid of EVERYONE and

more anxious. Family does not understand and just think we don't discipline him

and that we let him be in charge. Oh if only they could be flies on our walls.

I really feel like our family is crumbling, and I feel so alone. No one

understands and they only judge us. Thanks for listening!

Steffanie