Re: the female world is of a painful cruel way to live

[Guest guest]

Sondra --

Don't feel bad -- I'm fairly NT and I don't like doing all those things

either. I can't stand the feel of foundation makeup on my skin -- it

makes me want to wash it off. But you don't need all that stuff to be

feminine. There's a lot more to being a woman than our appearance!

-- Cassie

sondra wrote:

> as for me never had of any coordinations to wear of heels as my body

> cant balance and walk in them if I to tried of it always twist of an

> ankle and such. so cant wear of them.

>

> Never to be of able to wear much if any jewelry at all either becuase

> the metals on them are often colder than my skin and thus is feels

> like fever and touching cold sinks with teh inner arm, it is of

> painful for me. but did practice to wear of some bracelets but can

> only wear of them for a short time if the season is of hot outside.

>

> Cant wear of make up as it smells horrid and causes of my face to

> react in negative ways.

>

> Cant have good enough EF to carry a purse so I to need of a back pack

> that is maked for girls and i sof ligt weight ans use of that as my

> purse things.

>

> Finger nail polish causes me great anxiety and strong need to get it

> back off because it feels so sensory overloading to me.

>

> Most if not all purfumes will cause of the asthma to cause of weezing

> for me so avoid of them too.

>

> I to be just cant do much of the female roles because it is of

> painful and overloading for me. Many have been to try to make me be

> more female and it just is not somethings I to have internally a

> sense of and not able to really do those things in ways they do. I to

> have one strong female things though, that isof being one who is of a

> nurturer. I to love babies and little kids. I to be of good to care

> for them and can understand their play, emotions, actions and such

> more than anything else in my world around me.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sondra --

Don't feel bad -- I'm fairly NT and I don't like doing all those things

either. I can't stand the feel of foundation makeup on my skin -- it

makes me want to wash it off. But you don't need all that stuff to be

feminine. There's a lot more to being a woman than our appearance!

-- Cassie

sondra wrote:

> as for me never had of any coordinations to wear of heels as my body

> cant balance and walk in them if I to tried of it always twist of an

> ankle and such. so cant wear of them.

>

> Never to be of able to wear much if any jewelry at all either becuase

> the metals on them are often colder than my skin and thus is feels

> like fever and touching cold sinks with teh inner arm, it is of

> painful for me. but did practice to wear of some bracelets but can

> only wear of them for a short time if the season is of hot outside.

>

> Cant wear of make up as it smells horrid and causes of my face to

> react in negative ways.

>

> Cant have good enough EF to carry a purse so I to need of a back pack

> that is maked for girls and i sof ligt weight ans use of that as my

> purse things.

>

> Finger nail polish causes me great anxiety and strong need to get it

> back off because it feels so sensory overloading to me.

>

> Most if not all purfumes will cause of the asthma to cause of weezing

> for me so avoid of them too.

>

> I to be just cant do much of the female roles because it is of

> painful and overloading for me. Many have been to try to make me be

> more female and it just is not somethings I to have internally a

> sense of and not able to really do those things in ways they do. I to

> have one strong female things though, that isof being one who is of a

> nurturer. I to love babies and little kids. I to be of good to care

> for them and can understand their play, emotions, actions and such

> more than anything else in my world around me.

>

>

[Guest guest]

cassie I to agree but in the real of society they place of so much

power to the views and ideas of what woman are to be. media portrays

of htem being thin, tall and much maked up. there is of this hidden

code of expectations for wamans to be of a certain standard of

feminine and so called sexy and for this woman have a mixed role of

expectations and are penalized as a neagtive if htey do not fit any

or parts of those expected roles.

Womans in general not only have of that but they also have this

hidden code of inclusion and exclusions of others in thier little

social groups and so many are excluded if they do to fit their ideas

of a female social pecking order role. Not sure if sayed that right

but it is of the words I to hear much so. and in some ways can

comprehend of it because can see how much in the life of me have been

excluded since childhood from other females because I to simply lack

the ability to reflect a strong internal awareness of being female.

They also have of a strong language code that they seem born with and

have an internal manual within them and this is where for me cant

ever compete or keep up with because I was to be born without that

manual. the sad is hte manual is not somethings you cna order if you

got cheated in life without one. it is not something other womans

will share to be willing to disclose to you either.

So it is not just appearance we are left behind in but the whole

realm of being feminine. Even while being born one dicated by body

structures I to simply was not given the intenral gender of having a

clue hwo to match up to a gender given to me. Yet in all true can

honsestly say do not feel male either. Although socially can feel

more connected to the way they communicate and behave.

So when I to like to wear of mens soft long sleeved t shirts like

things it is ot with an intenral intent to connect to a male role but

is due to sensory issues only that makes me feel more able to cope

life if have of clothings that do not interfer and distract me from

conecting to people around me. it is of adapting one parts of my life

to reduce some of the issues that cause me an inability to connect.

Now off topic I to be of haoving a bad day. the pains in me are of

much flared up this day. I to also feel flu like even though not

having a flu. I to yesterday placed of a spoon full of steaming hot

rice into my mouth unaware of the hot to it until too late and

because problem solving is not normal I to swollowed it as my way to

get rid of the hot burning but the problem solving had scolded the

whole inside of my throat and esophogus as it is of hard to swollow

of foods this day. I to not feel fevered but just feeling a little

with mild vertigo and weak and muscles aching. I to took of two

tylenols and one of my neurontin and so now feeling sedated on top of

all this. when my body is of ill so much it does not allow me to feel

as if connected in complete but in breif like dream states. I to come

here because want some sense of reality of connecting but it exhausts

of me when in this state.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

cassie I to agree but in the real of society they place of so much

power to the views and ideas of what woman are to be. media portrays

of htem being thin, tall and much maked up. there is of this hidden

code of expectations for wamans to be of a certain standard of

feminine and so called sexy and for this woman have a mixed role of

expectations and are penalized as a neagtive if htey do not fit any

or parts of those expected roles.

Womans in general not only have of that but they also have this

hidden code of inclusion and exclusions of others in thier little

social groups and so many are excluded if they do to fit their ideas

of a female social pecking order role. Not sure if sayed that right

but it is of the words I to hear much so. and in some ways can

comprehend of it because can see how much in the life of me have been

excluded since childhood from other females because I to simply lack

the ability to reflect a strong internal awareness of being female.

They also have of a strong language code that they seem born with and

have an internal manual within them and this is where for me cant

ever compete or keep up with because I was to be born without that

manual. the sad is hte manual is not somethings you cna order if you

got cheated in life without one. it is not something other womans

will share to be willing to disclose to you either.

So it is not just appearance we are left behind in but the whole

realm of being feminine. Even while being born one dicated by body

structures I to simply was not given the intenral gender of having a

clue hwo to match up to a gender given to me. Yet in all true can

honsestly say do not feel male either. Although socially can feel

more connected to the way they communicate and behave.

So when I to like to wear of mens soft long sleeved t shirts like

things it is ot with an intenral intent to connect to a male role but

is due to sensory issues only that makes me feel more able to cope

life if have of clothings that do not interfer and distract me from

conecting to people around me. it is of adapting one parts of my life

to reduce some of the issues that cause me an inability to connect.

Now off topic I to be of haoving a bad day. the pains in me are of

much flared up this day. I to also feel flu like even though not

having a flu. I to yesterday placed of a spoon full of steaming hot

rice into my mouth unaware of the hot to it until too late and

because problem solving is not normal I to swollowed it as my way to

get rid of the hot burning but the problem solving had scolded the

whole inside of my throat and esophogus as it is of hard to swollow

of foods this day. I to not feel fevered but just feeling a little

with mild vertigo and weak and muscles aching. I to took of two

tylenols and one of my neurontin and so now feeling sedated on top of

all this. when my body is of ill so much it does not allow me to feel

as if connected in complete but in breif like dream states. I to come

here because want some sense of reality of connecting but it exhausts

of me when in this state.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I agree with all of these! No heels, very

little jewelry (just medicalerts), no makeup or

perfume, no purse, and no nail polish. I do like to do

my hair though (I just won't put spray or gel in it,

ick)

Kassiane

--- sondra wrote:

> as for me never had of any coordinations to wear of

> heels as my body

> cant balance and walk in them if I to tried of it

> always twist of an

> ankle and such. so cant wear of them.

>

> Never to be of able to wear much if any jewelry at

> all either becuase

> the metals on them are often colder than my skin and

> thus is feels

> like fever and touching cold sinks with teh inner

> arm, it is of

> painful for me. but did practice to wear of some

> bracelets but can

> only wear of them for a short time if the season is

> of hot outside.

>

> Cant wear of make up as it smells horrid and causes

> of my face to

> react in negative ways.

>

> Cant have good enough EF to carry a purse so I to

> need of a back pack

> that is maked for girls and i sof ligt weight ans

> use of that as my

> purse things.

>

> Finger nail polish causes me great anxiety and

> strong need to get it

> back off because it feels so sensory overloading to

> me.

>

> Most if not all purfumes will cause of the asthma to

> cause of weezing

> for me so avoid of them too.

>

> I to be just cant do much of the female roles

> because it is of

> painful and overloading for me. Many have been to

> try to make me be

> more female and it just is not somethings I to have

> internally a

> sense of and not able to really do those things in

> ways they do. I to

> have one strong female things though, that isof

> being one who is of a

> nurturer. I to love babies and little kids. I to be

> of good to care

> for them and can understand their play, emotions,

> actions and such

> more than anything else in my world around me.

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I agree with all of these! No heels, very

little jewelry (just medicalerts), no makeup or

perfume, no purse, and no nail polish. I do like to do

my hair though (I just won't put spray or gel in it,

ick)

Kassiane

--- sondra wrote:

> as for me never had of any coordinations to wear of

> heels as my body

> cant balance and walk in them if I to tried of it

> always twist of an

> ankle and such. so cant wear of them.

>

> Never to be of able to wear much if any jewelry at

> all either becuase

> the metals on them are often colder than my skin and

> thus is feels

> like fever and touching cold sinks with teh inner

> arm, it is of

> painful for me. but did practice to wear of some

> bracelets but can

> only wear of them for a short time if the season is

> of hot outside.

>

> Cant wear of make up as it smells horrid and causes

> of my face to

> react in negative ways.

>

> Cant have good enough EF to carry a purse so I to

> need of a back pack

> that is maked for girls and i sof ligt weight ans

> use of that as my

> purse things.

>

> Finger nail polish causes me great anxiety and

> strong need to get it

> back off because it feels so sensory overloading to

> me.

>

> Most if not all purfumes will cause of the asthma to

> cause of weezing

> for me so avoid of them too.

>

> I to be just cant do much of the female roles

> because it is of

> painful and overloading for me. Many have been to

> try to make me be

> more female and it just is not somethings I to have

> internally a

> sense of and not able to really do those things in

> ways they do. I to

> have one strong female things though, that isof

> being one who is of a

> nurturer. I to love babies and little kids. I to be

> of good to care

> for them and can understand their play, emotions,

> actions and such

> more than anything else in my world around me.

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry you're not feeling well, Sondra. We've got colds going around

here too. It seems like we always get sick right around the holidays.

I hope you feel better soon.

-- Cassie

sondra wrote:

> cassie I to agree but in the real of society they place of so much

> power to the views and ideas of what woman are to be. media portrays

> of htem being thin, tall and much maked up. there is of this hidden

> code of expectations for wamans to be of a certain standard of

> feminine and so called sexy and for this woman have a mixed role of

> expectations and are penalized as a neagtive if htey do not fit any

> or parts of those expected roles.

>

> Womans in general not only have of that but they also have this

> hidden code of inclusion and exclusions of others in thier little

> social groups and so many are excluded if they do to fit their ideas

> of a female social pecking order role. Not sure if sayed that right

> but it is of the words I to hear much so. and in some ways can

> comprehend of it because can see how much in the life of me have been

> excluded since childhood from other females because I to simply lack

> the ability to reflect a strong internal awareness of being female.

>

> They also have of a strong language code that they seem born with and

> have an internal manual within them and this is where for me cant

> ever compete or keep up with because I was to be born without that

> manual. the sad is hte manual is not somethings you cna order if you

> got cheated in life without one. it is not something other womans

> will share to be willing to disclose to you either.

>

> So it is not just appearance we are left behind in but the whole

> realm of being feminine. Even while being born one dicated by body

> structures I to simply was not given the intenral gender of having a

> clue hwo to match up to a gender given to me. Yet in all true can

> honsestly say do not feel male either. Although socially can feel

> more connected to the way they communicate and behave.

>

> So when I to like to wear of mens soft long sleeved t shirts like

> things it is ot with an intenral intent to connect to a male role but

> is due to sensory issues only that makes me feel more able to cope

> life if have of clothings that do not interfer and distract me from

> conecting to people around me. it is of adapting one parts of my life

> to reduce some of the issues that cause me an inability to connect.

>

> Now off topic I to be of haoving a bad day. the pains in me are of

> much flared up this day. I to also feel flu like even though not

> having a flu. I to yesterday placed of a spoon full of steaming hot

> rice into my mouth unaware of the hot to it until too late and

> because problem solving is not normal I to swollowed it as my way to

> get rid of the hot burning but the problem solving had scolded the

> whole inside of my throat and esophogus as it is of hard to swollow

> of foods this day. I to not feel fevered but just feeling a little

> with mild vertigo and weak and muscles aching. I to took of two

> tylenols and one of my neurontin and so now feeling sedated on top of

> all this. when my body is of ill so much it does not allow me to feel

> as if connected in complete but in breif like dream states. I to come

> here because want some sense of reality of connecting but it exhausts

> of me when in this state.

>

> Sondra

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry you're not feeling well, Sondra. We've got colds going around

here too. It seems like we always get sick right around the holidays.

I hope you feel better soon.

-- Cassie

sondra wrote:

> cassie I to agree but in the real of society they place of so much

> power to the views and ideas of what woman are to be. media portrays

> of htem being thin, tall and much maked up. there is of this hidden

> code of expectations for wamans to be of a certain standard of

> feminine and so called sexy and for this woman have a mixed role of

> expectations and are penalized as a neagtive if htey do not fit any

> or parts of those expected roles.

>

> Womans in general not only have of that but they also have this

> hidden code of inclusion and exclusions of others in thier little

> social groups and so many are excluded if they do to fit their ideas

> of a female social pecking order role. Not sure if sayed that right

> but it is of the words I to hear much so. and in some ways can

> comprehend of it because can see how much in the life of me have been

> excluded since childhood from other females because I to simply lack

> the ability to reflect a strong internal awareness of being female.

>

> They also have of a strong language code that they seem born with and

> have an internal manual within them and this is where for me cant

> ever compete or keep up with because I was to be born without that

> manual. the sad is hte manual is not somethings you cna order if you

> got cheated in life without one. it is not something other womans

> will share to be willing to disclose to you either.

>

> So it is not just appearance we are left behind in but the whole

> realm of being feminine. Even while being born one dicated by body

> structures I to simply was not given the intenral gender of having a

> clue hwo to match up to a gender given to me. Yet in all true can

> honsestly say do not feel male either. Although socially can feel

> more connected to the way they communicate and behave.

>

> So when I to like to wear of mens soft long sleeved t shirts like

> things it is ot with an intenral intent to connect to a male role but

> is due to sensory issues only that makes me feel more able to cope

> life if have of clothings that do not interfer and distract me from

> conecting to people around me. it is of adapting one parts of my life

> to reduce some of the issues that cause me an inability to connect.

>

> Now off topic I to be of haoving a bad day. the pains in me are of

> much flared up this day. I to also feel flu like even though not

> having a flu. I to yesterday placed of a spoon full of steaming hot

> rice into my mouth unaware of the hot to it until too late and

> because problem solving is not normal I to swollowed it as my way to

> get rid of the hot burning but the problem solving had scolded the

> whole inside of my throat and esophogus as it is of hard to swollow

> of foods this day. I to not feel fevered but just feeling a little

> with mild vertigo and weak and muscles aching. I to took of two

> tylenols and one of my neurontin and so now feeling sedated on top of

> all this. when my body is of ill so much it does not allow me to feel

> as if connected in complete but in breif like dream states. I to come

> here because want some sense of reality of connecting but it exhausts

> of me when in this state.

>

> Sondra

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am NT to or thought i was and I cant wear high heels, I dont wear make up

as feels odd ... hardly ever wear purfume etc...

sharon

New Zealand

Sondra --

Don't feel bad -- I'm fairly NT and I don't like doing all those things

either. I can't stand the feel of foundation makeup on my skin -- it

makes me want to wash it off. But you don't need all that stuff to be

feminine. There's a lot more to being a woman than our appearance!

-- Cassie

sondra wrote:

> as for me never had of any coordinations to wear of heels as my body

> cant balance and walk in them if I to tried of it always twist of an

> ankle and such. so cant wear of them.

>

> Never to be of able to wear much if any jewelry at all either becuase

> the metals on them are often colder than my skin and thus is feels

> like fever and touching cold sinks with teh inner arm, it is of

> painful for me. but did practice to wear of some bracelets but can

> only wear of them for a short time if the season is of hot outside.

>

> Cant wear of make up as it smells horrid and causes of my face to

> react in negative ways.

>

> Cant have good enough EF to carry a purse so I to need of a back pack

> that is maked for girls and i sof ligt weight ans use of that as my

> purse things.

>

> Finger nail polish causes me great anxiety and strong need to get it

> back off because it feels so sensory overloading to me.

>

> Most if not all purfumes will cause of the asthma to cause of weezing

> for me so avoid of them too.

>

> I to be just cant do much of the female roles because it is of

> painful and overloading for me. Many have been to try to make me be

> more female and it just is not somethings I to have internally a

> sense of and not able to really do those things in ways they do. I to

> have one strong female things though, that isof being one who is of a

> nurturer. I to love babies and little kids. I to be of good to care

> for them and can understand their play, emotions, actions and such

> more than anything else in my world around me.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am NT to or thought i was and I cant wear high heels, I dont wear make up

as feels odd ... hardly ever wear purfume etc...

sharon

New Zealand

Sondra --

Don't feel bad -- I'm fairly NT and I don't like doing all those things

either. I can't stand the feel of foundation makeup on my skin -- it

makes me want to wash it off. But you don't need all that stuff to be

feminine. There's a lot more to being a woman than our appearance!

-- Cassie

sondra wrote:

> as for me never had of any coordinations to wear of heels as my body

> cant balance and walk in them if I to tried of it always twist of an

> ankle and such. so cant wear of them.

>

> Never to be of able to wear much if any jewelry at all either becuase

> the metals on them are often colder than my skin and thus is feels

> like fever and touching cold sinks with teh inner arm, it is of

> painful for me. but did practice to wear of some bracelets but can

> only wear of them for a short time if the season is of hot outside.

>

> Cant wear of make up as it smells horrid and causes of my face to

> react in negative ways.

>

> Cant have good enough EF to carry a purse so I to need of a back pack

> that is maked for girls and i sof ligt weight ans use of that as my

> purse things.

>

> Finger nail polish causes me great anxiety and strong need to get it

> back off because it feels so sensory overloading to me.

>

> Most if not all purfumes will cause of the asthma to cause of weezing

> for me so avoid of them too.

>

> I to be just cant do much of the female roles because it is of

> painful and overloading for me. Many have been to try to make me be

> more female and it just is not somethings I to have internally a

> sense of and not able to really do those things in ways they do. I to

> have one strong female things though, that isof being one who is of a

> nurturer. I to love babies and little kids. I to be of good to care

> for them and can understand their play, emotions, actions and such

> more than anything else in my world around me.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

I do not believe that God intended us to wear high heels, make up or perfume.

I have never met you in person so I have no visual image of you but I can tell

from your postings here and your other writings that you are a beautiful person.

God created you female and gave you a caring, nurturing spirit. I think that

society's standards are way out of wack. I believe that very few women, NT or

otherwise, truely fit those standards.

All through out my life I've felt awkward with my femine appearance. People

have always tried to " fix " that area of my life. I think I do it a little

better now than I used to with hair and certain clothing changes. I don't do

heels though and make up is minimal if at all (eyeliner and perhaps a little

blush usually just for special occasions not everyday). My hair has to be cut

pretty much in a wash and go style I don't have the coordination to style it in

any particular way.

When people try to change that part of me, I try to explain to them that's

just not who I am. Much of my social time is spent either at church (where you

are excepted for who you are " mostly " lol.) or at the horse farm where no one is

expected to look especially feminine.

sondra wrote:

cassie I to agree but in the real of society they place of so much

power to the views and ideas of what woman are to be. media portrays

of htem being thin, tall and much maked up. there is of this hidden

code of expectations for wamans to be of a certain standard of

feminine and so called sexy and for this woman have a mixed role of

expectations and are penalized as a neagtive if htey do not fit any

or parts of those expected roles.

Womans in general not only have of that but they also have this

hidden code of inclusion and exclusions of others in thier little

social groups and so many are excluded if they do to fit their ideas

of a female social pecking order role. Not sure if sayed that right

but it is of the words I to hear much so. and in some ways can

comprehend of it because can see how much in the life of me have been

excluded since childhood from other females because I to simply lack

the ability to reflect a strong internal awareness of being female.

They also have of a strong language code that they seem born with and

have an internal manual within them and this is where for me cant

ever compete or keep up with because I was to be born without that

manual. the sad is hte manual is not somethings you cna order if you

got cheated in life without one. it is not something other womans

will share to be willing to disclose to you either.

So it is not just appearance we are left behind in but the whole

realm of being feminine. Even while being born one dicated by body

structures I to simply was not given the intenral gender of having a

clue hwo to match up to a gender given to me. Yet in all true can

honsestly say do not feel male either. Although socially can feel

more connected to the way they communicate and behave.

So when I to like to wear of mens soft long sleeved t shirts like

things it is ot with an intenral intent to connect to a male role but

is due to sensory issues only that makes me feel more able to cope

life if have of clothings that do not interfer and distract me from

conecting to people around me. it is of adapting one parts of my life

to reduce some of the issues that cause me an inability to connect.

Now off topic I to be of haoving a bad day. the pains in me are of

much flared up this day. I to also feel flu like even though not

having a flu. I to yesterday placed of a spoon full of steaming hot

rice into my mouth unaware of the hot to it until too late and

because problem solving is not normal I to swollowed it as my way to

get rid of the hot burning but the problem solving had scolded the

whole inside of my throat and esophogus as it is of hard to swollow

of foods this day. I to not feel fevered but just feeling a little

with mild vertigo and weak and muscles aching. I to took of two

tylenols and one of my neurontin and so now feeling sedated on top of

all this. when my body is of ill so much it does not allow me to feel

as if connected in complete but in breif like dream states. I to come

here because want some sense of reality of connecting but it exhausts

of me when in this state.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

I do not believe that God intended us to wear high heels, make up or perfume.

I have never met you in person so I have no visual image of you but I can tell

from your postings here and your other writings that you are a beautiful person.

God created you female and gave you a caring, nurturing spirit. I think that

society's standards are way out of wack. I believe that very few women, NT or

otherwise, truely fit those standards.

All through out my life I've felt awkward with my femine appearance. People

have always tried to " fix " that area of my life. I think I do it a little

better now than I used to with hair and certain clothing changes. I don't do

heels though and make up is minimal if at all (eyeliner and perhaps a little

blush usually just for special occasions not everyday). My hair has to be cut

pretty much in a wash and go style I don't have the coordination to style it in

any particular way.

When people try to change that part of me, I try to explain to them that's

just not who I am. Much of my social time is spent either at church (where you

are excepted for who you are " mostly " lol.) or at the horse farm where no one is

expected to look especially feminine.

sondra wrote:

cassie I to agree but in the real of society they place of so much

power to the views and ideas of what woman are to be. media portrays

of htem being thin, tall and much maked up. there is of this hidden

code of expectations for wamans to be of a certain standard of

feminine and so called sexy and for this woman have a mixed role of

expectations and are penalized as a neagtive if htey do not fit any

or parts of those expected roles.

Womans in general not only have of that but they also have this

hidden code of inclusion and exclusions of others in thier little

social groups and so many are excluded if they do to fit their ideas

of a female social pecking order role. Not sure if sayed that right

but it is of the words I to hear much so. and in some ways can

comprehend of it because can see how much in the life of me have been

excluded since childhood from other females because I to simply lack

the ability to reflect a strong internal awareness of being female.

They also have of a strong language code that they seem born with and

have an internal manual within them and this is where for me cant

ever compete or keep up with because I was to be born without that

manual. the sad is hte manual is not somethings you cna order if you

got cheated in life without one. it is not something other womans

will share to be willing to disclose to you either.

So it is not just appearance we are left behind in but the whole

realm of being feminine. Even while being born one dicated by body

structures I to simply was not given the intenral gender of having a

clue hwo to match up to a gender given to me. Yet in all true can

honsestly say do not feel male either. Although socially can feel

more connected to the way they communicate and behave.

So when I to like to wear of mens soft long sleeved t shirts like

things it is ot with an intenral intent to connect to a male role but

is due to sensory issues only that makes me feel more able to cope

life if have of clothings that do not interfer and distract me from

conecting to people around me. it is of adapting one parts of my life

to reduce some of the issues that cause me an inability to connect.

Now off topic I to be of haoving a bad day. the pains in me are of

much flared up this day. I to also feel flu like even though not

having a flu. I to yesterday placed of a spoon full of steaming hot

rice into my mouth unaware of the hot to it until too late and

because problem solving is not normal I to swollowed it as my way to

get rid of the hot burning but the problem solving had scolded the

whole inside of my throat and esophogus as it is of hard to swollow

of foods this day. I to not feel fevered but just feeling a little

with mild vertigo and weak and muscles aching. I to took of two

tylenols and one of my neurontin and so now feeling sedated on top of

all this. when my body is of ill so much it does not allow me to feel

as if connected in complete but in breif like dream states. I to come

here because want some sense of reality of connecting but it exhausts

of me when in this state.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

I do not believe that God intended us to wear high heels, make up or perfume.

I have never met you in person so I have no visual image of you but I can tell

from your postings here and your other writings that you are a beautiful person.

God created you female and gave you a caring, nurturing spirit. I think that

society's standards are way out of wack. I believe that very few women, NT or

otherwise, truely fit those standards.

All through out my life I've felt awkward with my femine appearance. People

have always tried to " fix " that area of my life. I think I do it a little

better now than I used to with hair and certain clothing changes. I don't do

heels though and make up is minimal if at all (eyeliner and perhaps a little

blush usually just for special occasions not everyday). My hair has to be cut

pretty much in a wash and go style I don't have the coordination to style it in

any particular way.

When people try to change that part of me, I try to explain to them that's

just not who I am. Much of my social time is spent either at church (where you

are excepted for who you are " mostly " lol.) or at the horse farm where no one is

expected to look especially feminine.

sondra wrote:

cassie I to agree but in the real of society they place of so much

power to the views and ideas of what woman are to be. media portrays

of htem being thin, tall and much maked up. there is of this hidden

code of expectations for wamans to be of a certain standard of

feminine and so called sexy and for this woman have a mixed role of

expectations and are penalized as a neagtive if htey do not fit any

or parts of those expected roles.

Womans in general not only have of that but they also have this

hidden code of inclusion and exclusions of others in thier little

social groups and so many are excluded if they do to fit their ideas

of a female social pecking order role. Not sure if sayed that right

but it is of the words I to hear much so. and in some ways can

comprehend of it because can see how much in the life of me have been

excluded since childhood from other females because I to simply lack

the ability to reflect a strong internal awareness of being female.

They also have of a strong language code that they seem born with and

have an internal manual within them and this is where for me cant

ever compete or keep up with because I was to be born without that

manual. the sad is hte manual is not somethings you cna order if you

got cheated in life without one. it is not something other womans

will share to be willing to disclose to you either.

So it is not just appearance we are left behind in but the whole

realm of being feminine. Even while being born one dicated by body

structures I to simply was not given the intenral gender of having a

clue hwo to match up to a gender given to me. Yet in all true can

honsestly say do not feel male either. Although socially can feel

more connected to the way they communicate and behave.

So when I to like to wear of mens soft long sleeved t shirts like

things it is ot with an intenral intent to connect to a male role but

is due to sensory issues only that makes me feel more able to cope

life if have of clothings that do not interfer and distract me from

conecting to people around me. it is of adapting one parts of my life

to reduce some of the issues that cause me an inability to connect.

Now off topic I to be of haoving a bad day. the pains in me are of

much flared up this day. I to also feel flu like even though not

having a flu. I to yesterday placed of a spoon full of steaming hot

rice into my mouth unaware of the hot to it until too late and

because problem solving is not normal I to swollowed it as my way to

get rid of the hot burning but the problem solving had scolded the

whole inside of my throat and esophogus as it is of hard to swollow

of foods this day. I to not feel fevered but just feeling a little

with mild vertigo and weak and muscles aching. I to took of two

tylenols and one of my neurontin and so now feeling sedated on top of

all this. when my body is of ill so much it does not allow me to feel

as if connected in complete but in breif like dream states. I to come

here because want some sense of reality of connecting but it exhausts

of me when in this state.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

I do not believe that God intended us to wear high heels, make up or perfume.

I have never met you in person so I have no visual image of you but I can tell

from your postings here and your other writings that you are a beautiful person.

God created you female and gave you a caring, nurturing spirit. I think that

society's standards are way out of wack. I believe that very few women, NT or

otherwise, truely fit those standards.

All through out my life I've felt awkward with my femine appearance. People

have always tried to " fix " that area of my life. I think I do it a little

better now than I used to with hair and certain clothing changes. I don't do

heels though and make up is minimal if at all (eyeliner and perhaps a little

blush usually just for special occasions not everyday). My hair has to be cut

pretty much in a wash and go style I don't have the coordination to style it in

any particular way.

When people try to change that part of me, I try to explain to them that's

just not who I am. Much of my social time is spent either at church (where you

are excepted for who you are " mostly " lol.) or at the horse farm where no one is

expected to look especially feminine.

sondra wrote:

cassie I to agree but in the real of society they place of so much

power to the views and ideas of what woman are to be. media portrays

of htem being thin, tall and much maked up. there is of this hidden

code of expectations for wamans to be of a certain standard of

feminine and so called sexy and for this woman have a mixed role of

expectations and are penalized as a neagtive if htey do not fit any

or parts of those expected roles.

Womans in general not only have of that but they also have this

hidden code of inclusion and exclusions of others in thier little

social groups and so many are excluded if they do to fit their ideas

of a female social pecking order role. Not sure if sayed that right

but it is of the words I to hear much so. and in some ways can

comprehend of it because can see how much in the life of me have been

excluded since childhood from other females because I to simply lack

the ability to reflect a strong internal awareness of being female.

They also have of a strong language code that they seem born with and

have an internal manual within them and this is where for me cant

ever compete or keep up with because I was to be born without that

manual. the sad is hte manual is not somethings you cna order if you

got cheated in life without one. it is not something other womans

will share to be willing to disclose to you either.

So it is not just appearance we are left behind in but the whole

realm of being feminine. Even while being born one dicated by body

structures I to simply was not given the intenral gender of having a

clue hwo to match up to a gender given to me. Yet in all true can

honsestly say do not feel male either. Although socially can feel

more connected to the way they communicate and behave.

So when I to like to wear of mens soft long sleeved t shirts like

things it is ot with an intenral intent to connect to a male role but

is due to sensory issues only that makes me feel more able to cope

life if have of clothings that do not interfer and distract me from

conecting to people around me. it is of adapting one parts of my life

to reduce some of the issues that cause me an inability to connect.

Now off topic I to be of haoving a bad day. the pains in me are of

much flared up this day. I to also feel flu like even though not

having a flu. I to yesterday placed of a spoon full of steaming hot

rice into my mouth unaware of the hot to it until too late and

because problem solving is not normal I to swollowed it as my way to

get rid of the hot burning but the problem solving had scolded the

whole inside of my throat and esophogus as it is of hard to swollow

of foods this day. I to not feel fevered but just feeling a little

with mild vertigo and weak and muscles aching. I to took of two

tylenols and one of my neurontin and so now feeling sedated on top of

all this. when my body is of ill so much it does not allow me to feel

as if connected in complete but in breif like dream states. I to come

here because want some sense of reality of connecting but it exhausts

of me when in this state.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Carol I to much like farm like places although some do not smell very

good but I to love of animals so love of farms. and yes it is of true

you can be of just a boy like way at farms. I to be ot had two very

bad experiences on horses so fearful of htem now as far as to ride of

them but would like ot learn to over come of that. I to want to get

self back on a horse to learn to ride of them and some day be okay if

they run when I to be on them to me it will feel freeing to just ride

on a fast running horse, but that will be of a long time before can

get to that level. Here in my areas it is of too costly for me to pay

to go to horse back places.

Church yes my church is of called Grace at Polaris and it is of a

larger ministry but it is of very accepting of me and embraces of who

I to be within the ministry and such. this church does embrace people

of speical needs. we even have of a older man who is mobile impaired

and appears tobe one with CP and Intellectual impair, but R.. moves

hims chair all over the sancuary and gives out his hugs to those he

wants to . No one tells him you have to leave that chair sit in one

spot and not distract others as that isot his cognitive level he just

wants to show love to people and embrace who they are . R... has much

freinds there who do care over him as a person. Some of the chruch

members have even began to be a active advocate for him in his care

facility and life. these people arrange for hims transportation every

sunday to church and they have others who travel on the opposite side

of our city to pick up a lady who is complete blind to bring of her

too and they do not see her as the poor blind lady but that they see

her by her personhood. never seen ofa chruch like this in my whole

time of church places.

So for me the two places feel most safest to be me is of church and

my therpay place. My therapy place Monday finally added a female

person to my group and so this maked me happy. she is of possible

aspergers and is of a poet and writer too. so I to felt of a connect

to her much so already.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Carol I to much like farm like places although some do not smell very

good but I to love of animals so love of farms. and yes it is of true

you can be of just a boy like way at farms. I to be ot had two very

bad experiences on horses so fearful of htem now as far as to ride of

them but would like ot learn to over come of that. I to want to get

self back on a horse to learn to ride of them and some day be okay if

they run when I to be on them to me it will feel freeing to just ride

on a fast running horse, but that will be of a long time before can

get to that level. Here in my areas it is of too costly for me to pay

to go to horse back places.

Church yes my church is of called Grace at Polaris and it is of a

larger ministry but it is of very accepting of me and embraces of who

I to be within the ministry and such. this church does embrace people

of speical needs. we even have of a older man who is mobile impaired

and appears tobe one with CP and Intellectual impair, but R.. moves

hims chair all over the sancuary and gives out his hugs to those he

wants to . No one tells him you have to leave that chair sit in one

spot and not distract others as that isot his cognitive level he just

wants to show love to people and embrace who they are . R... has much

freinds there who do care over him as a person. Some of the chruch

members have even began to be a active advocate for him in his care

facility and life. these people arrange for hims transportation every

sunday to church and they have others who travel on the opposite side

of our city to pick up a lady who is complete blind to bring of her

too and they do not see her as the poor blind lady but that they see

her by her personhood. never seen ofa chruch like this in my whole

time of church places.

So for me the two places feel most safest to be me is of church and

my therpay place. My therapy place Monday finally added a female

person to my group and so this maked me happy. she is of possible

aspergers and is of a poet and writer too. so I to felt of a connect

to her much so already.

Sondra