Re: Teen girl hoarding help!

[Guest guest]

What if you took pictures of the things she didn't want to forget but might be

willing to give up? Then you could make her an album of those things that would

take up a bunch less space. Think that might work? When we went to San

Francisco for my surgery, Liam wanted to take everything INCLUDING the kitchen

sink! Ha! We took pictures of the things he couldn't take and put them on his

iPod. He looked through them a lot, and it seemed to help comfort him.

Steffanie

To:

From: kbpelton@...

Date: Thu, 9 Sep 2010 18:04:39 +0000

Subject: Teen girl hoarding help!

Hi everyone -

I don't know if I've ever posted before, but I read this group daily. My

daughter is almost 15, has had OCD symptoms probably since she was 3. Diagnosed

at 12, and thanks to a great psychologist (ERP!) and some medication, she is

doing really well. She is the most pleasant teenager to be around.

However, she tends to hoard things. She is afraid that if she gives something

away or throws it out, that the memory associated with it will disappear. Boxes,

outgrown clothes, used up make-up, etc.

I am on a mission to declutter her room and am looking for some advice on how

best to do it. I don't necessarily want to " cure " her of hoarding (she has

enough other stuff to work on now), but I would like to be able to throw some

things out or give them away. And I would like to make a small start on getting

her used to giving things up.

I'm sure she would be OK if we stuffed everything in boxes and put them in the

basement. As long as she knows they are there, she would be fine. I'm OK with

doing that with some stuff, but not all of it. And I'm sure I can get rid of

some stuff without her noticing.

But I guess what I'm asking for is advice on gently working with her on this.

Thanks!

in Canada

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Steffanie, that sounds like a great idea ... we will give it a try! I

really like the idea of putting all the photos into an album too.

>

>

> What if you took pictures of the things she didn't want to forget but might be

willing to give up? Then you could make her an album of those things that would

take up a bunch less space. Think that might work? When we went to San

Francisco for my surgery, Liam wanted to take everything INCLUDING the kitchen

sink! Ha! We took pictures of the things he couldn't take and put them on his

iPod. He looked through them a lot, and it seemed to help comfort him.

>

> Steffanie

[Guest guest]

That is EXACTLY what we do at our house! Only, sometimes Sam is in the pictures

holding the item looking " oh so sad and adorable " to be getting rid of an old

broken toy that he has tried to fix but can no longer fix (you may remember our

system of colored-coded items to decide what to keep and what to throw away).

He will look through the pictures once in a while and remember what he liked

about the item, but he also sometimes tells me he has NO IDEA what a certain

item is. Same thing, he then decides it must not be important enough to keep the

picture.

Most recently though,

>

> Our son did that too. . Pictures. He came up with that himself. He took

pictures of old shoes, papers, etc. He stored them all on his computer and it

took the sting out of getting rid of things.

>

> Later, he looked back at them, and realized he didn't even know what some of

the pictures were, so was able to delete them. )

>

> He's mentioned that for him, to throw things away is really hard because it

feels like he is killing them by discarding them. His OCD makes him have an

emotional attachment to them.

>

> Although, he has also mentioned that on some days, it's less difficult for

him. And he's made a point of discarding things on those particular days,

knowing he can do it then, but might not be able to later.

>

> Let us know how it goes.

>

> BJ

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the responses ... sounds like photos are the way to go. I like the

fact too that they sometimes can't remember what the object was or what

attachment they had to it. That sounds like a great OCD lesson to learn. And I

will ask DD if there are times when she's better at tossing things, and try to

work the clean up on those days.

Will update to let you know how it goes!

> >

> > Our son did that too. . Pictures. He came up with that himself. He took

pictures of old shoes, papers, etc. He stored them all on his computer and it

took the sting out of getting rid of things.

> >

> > Later, he looked back at them, and realized he didn't even know what some of

the pictures were, so was able to delete them. )

> >

> > He's mentioned that for him, to throw things away is really hard because it

feels like he is killing them by discarding them. His OCD makes him have an

emotional attachment to them.

> >

> > Although, he has also mentioned that on some days, it's less difficult for

him. And he's made a point of discarding things on those particular days,

knowing he can do it then, but might not be able to later.

> >

> > Let us know how it goes.

> >

> > BJ

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Our dd is also a hoarder. Our therapist has been working with our 10yo on

allowing things to change/go away (eating food, washing dirt away, moving

furniture....) and talked with her a lot over the past year about the realities

of life and using self talk to fight OCD. Food grows to nourish us, toys and

clothes are meant to be worn even if that means they will change, everything

gets older, we do things to stay healthy (throw away trash, wash...), ect.

These ideas have become more ingrained for her to use to fight OCD.

She started throwing away trash fairly early, but was still very resistant to

donating or throwing away her things. About a month ago she wanted to rearrange

her bedroom and it involved sorting through a bunch of her toys to make boxes we

could rotate through at different times. While doing this she pulled out 4 very

PINK My Little Ponies. She hates pink now and held them in her hand for several

minutes before saying, " These are really pink, and I hate pink. I have others I

like better and there are kids that have no toys that would give these lots of

love. They would be happier being played with. I'll put them in a box for one

week and if I don't need them by then we can give them away. " I was so proud of

her! We made a big deal out of her donation and I found a bunch of other stuff

of mine to add to the donation we gave to the battered women's shelter.

This past Wednesday she went through her playroom and was hesitant to give up

more of her toys. I pulled out Crocodile Dentist, a game she hated from day

one. She said, " Oh, I love that game. " I offered to play Crocodile Dentist

with her so she could decide if it was as much fun as she remembered. By the 2nd

round she was asking, " Why did I like this so much? " and saying to put it in the

donation pile. She ended up giving up 3 games, 10 books, 4 Halloween costumes,

a Little Tykes table, a sleeping bag and a few other things. She walked into

the closet and was thrilled with how much room there is and how easy it is to

find things.

So there is hope! We found that reward charts worked OK for motivating the self

care items (washing, brushing teeth) but it didn't work for the hoarding. I

think the emotional investment was higher than the reward could go. But the

year of rephrasing her OCD thoughts into realistic thoughts, and seeing the

anxiety levels go down each time she does something on her list has allowed her

to fight the emotional ties.

[Guest guest]

,

My son struggles with hoarding too. I'm an avid scrapbooker so I have convinced

him that we can take pictures of stuff, write a brief description and put them

into an album. It has worked wonders! Then he never has to forget.

Best of luck,

Becky in N.D.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for those ideas. I especially like the one about the toys being

happier if they are played with. That will work for us. And putting things in a

box for a certain length of time and then discarding them if they are not used.

Yes, it gives me hope! Thank you.

>

> Our dd is also a hoarder. Our therapist has been working with our 10yo on

allowing things to change/go away (eating food, washing dirt away, moving

furniture....) and talked with her a lot over the past year about the realities

of life and using self talk to fight OCD. Food grows to nourish us, toys and

clothes are meant to be worn even if that means they will change, everything

gets older, we do things to stay healthy (throw away trash, wash...), ect.

These ideas have become more ingrained for her to use to fight OCD.

>

> She started throwing away trash fairly early, but was still very resistant to

donating or throwing away her things. About a month ago she wanted to rearrange

her bedroom and it involved sorting through a bunch of her toys to make boxes we

could rotate through at different times. While doing this she pulled out 4 very

PINK My Little Ponies. She hates pink now and held them in her hand for several

minutes before saying, " These are really pink, and I hate pink. I have others I

like better and there are kids that have no toys that would give these lots of

love. They would be happier being played with. I'll put them in a box for one

week and if I don't need them by then we can give them away. " I was so proud of

her! We made a big deal out of her donation and I found a bunch of other stuff

of mine to add to the donation we gave to the battered women's shelter.

>

> This past Wednesday she went through her playroom and was hesitant to give up

more of her toys. I pulled out Crocodile Dentist, a game she hated from day

one. She said, " Oh, I love that game. " I offered to play Crocodile Dentist

with her so she could decide if it was as much fun as she remembered. By the 2nd

round she was asking, " Why did I like this so much? " and saying to put it in the

donation pile. She ended up giving up 3 games, 10 books, 4 Halloween costumes,

a Little Tykes table, a sleeping bag and a few other things. She walked into

the closet and was thrilled with how much room there is and how easy it is to

find things.

>

> So there is hope! We found that reward charts worked OK for motivating the

self care items (washing, brushing teeth) but it didn't work for the hoarding.

I think the emotional investment was higher than the reward could go. But the

year of rephrasing her OCD thoughts into realistic thoughts, and seeing the

anxiety levels go down each time she does something on her list has allowed her

to fight the emotional ties.

>

[Guest guest]

My 13yr old daughter used to hoard.. She did it for years.. She had things like

empty toilet paper tubes, a milk cap collection (over a hundred), and tons of

other things.  Once she started on Zoloft, she stopped hoarding.. Now she's

just

plain messy, LOL..

Misty

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thu, September 9, 2010 1:04:39 PM

Subject: Teen girl hoarding help!

 

Hi everyone -

I don't know if I've ever posted before, but I read this group daily. My

daughter is almost 15, has had OCD symptoms probably since she was 3. Diagnosed

at 12, and thanks to a great psychologist (ERP!) and some medication, she is

doing really well. She is the most pleasant teenager to be around.

However, she tends to hoard things. She is afraid that if she gives something

away or throws it out, that the memory associated with it will disappear. Boxes,

outgrown clothes, used up make-up, etc.

I am on a mission to declutter her room and am looking for some advice on how

best to do it. I don't necessarily want to " cure " her of hoarding (she has

enough other stuff to work on now), but I would like to be able to throw some

things out or give them away. And I would like to make a small start on getting

her used to giving things up.

I'm sure she would be OK if we stuffed everything in boxes and put them in the

basement. As long as she knows they are there, she would be fine. I'm OK with

doing that with some stuff, but not all of it. And I'm sure I can get rid of

some stuff without her noticing.

But I guess what I'm asking for is advice on gently working with her on this.

Thanks!

in Canada