Re: Hoarding....Shocked...

August 30, 2010

Hi . Your message brings tears to my eyes for so many reasons. You have

been through so many traumatic things in a short amount of time, like we have.

You just wonder how much more you'll have to take! I'm so sorry. I don't have

an answer for you. Perhaps getting her a Rubbermaid tote and telling her she

can take what will fit in it? Let her decide? I don't know if that's the right

answer or not. I know that leading up to my surgery, Liam had to take many

things in the car with him everywhere he went. At that point, the counselor

told us not to worry about it. She said it was how he felt okay with things in

anticipating my surgery. When we went to CA, she suggested he take pictures of

his stuff he thought he needed so he could look at the stuff. It really worked.

We uploaded them on his ipod. I guess my point for this ramble is that maybe

now is not the time to make her get rid of the stuff. I'm sure you hate to pack

and take it with you, but maybe it's the answer temporarily. Maybe once she

starts getting the treatment she needs and gets better, then she can get rid of

it. My son did hoard at one time--garbage and only garbage. It frustrated us

so much, and when he didn't know, we'd throw it away. It has gotten better, but

then the OCD symptoms started. I guess I can see a progression of the anxiety

over the last few years. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this crud!

Steffanie

To:

From: samigab@...

Date: Mon, 30 Aug 2010 17:18:53 +0000

Subject: Hoarding....Shocked...

my daughter, (8 years old), was diagnosed with OCD about a month or so ago. She

has obsessive thoughts, and her compulsions come out by way of cleaning, and

organizing.

She recently, stopped eating, for the most part, because she is afraid she will

get sick. She also doesnt like to go anywhere, because she might get sick there,

or we might get in a car accident.

Well, This weekend, we had to rehome our pets. We are losing our home to

forclosure, and we cannot find a rental that will allow our pets. One of our

cats was hiding under my daughters bed. We lifted the mattress and box spring,

to gain easier access to the cat, and my husband and i stared in disbelief. We

knew that someone was taking stuff in the house, but she is so particular about

being clean, we didnt think we would see what we saw. under her bed was PACKED

with stuff. all in boxes, all organized to her i am sure, but WOW. SO MUCH

STUFF! cleaning supplies, papers, little odds and ends.

While i have been resarching OCD, i was reading about hoarding and i thought, "

well, i am glad she doesnt have that aspect " but now I am just dumbfounded. My

grandmother was a hoarder. It took me 2 weeks to clean her office, after she

passed away. And that was working every day for about 6 hours a day, and the

room was only 8X8.

I dont even know what to think. I know for a fact that under her bed had NOTHING

about 2 months ago, because i was shampooing the carpets.

I feel like her OCD has taken off, and there is so much going on around here,

with me losing our son, at 4 months pregnnat, then my husbands surgery, then our

car accident, then me being in the hospital for 5 days, and having surgery,

having to rehome our pets, and getting ready to move. It never seems to end. I

dont know how to help her. I cannot get her in to her psychologist for about 5

weeks, ( made the appt 3 weeks ago) and her first psychiatrist appt is not for 8

more weeks ( made the appt 4 weeks ago).

So, does anyone have any tips for hoarding. I know i am not not supposed to

force her to get rid of this stuff, but I do have to do something. I need to

pack her room. I intend on having her help me, and maybe she will willingly get

rid of stuff, and if not, it will get moved.

I am just shocked. I had no idea how BIG OCD could get. I am sad that my

daughter has to fight this every day of her life, and i am no help to her. i

really wish i knew how to help.

August 30, 2010

What I have done that helps is to ask my daughter who she would like

to donate these items to. Going to the thrift shop is too vague. She

likes to give to the little girls down the street. How about having her

help you take the stuff to a children's shelter? Someone in need that

she can visualize that needs it?

August 30, 2010

,

I don't have any advice, but wanted to offer my sympathy and best wishes given

everything you are going through. I don't think it is at all surprising that

your dd's symptoms have intensified with so many difficult changes and

anxiety-provoking events. Hang in there. I wish I had some words of wisdom to

offer.

(mom w/OCD, 10 yo dd w/OCD)

>

> Subject: Hoarding....Shocked...

> To:

> Date: Monday, August 30, 2010, 1:18 PM

> my daughter, (8 years old), was

> diagnosed with OCD about a month or so ago. She has

> obsessive thoughts, and her compulsions come out by way of

> cleaning, and organizing.

> She recently, stopped eating, for the most part, because

> she is afraid she will get sick. She also doesnt like to go

> anywhere, because she might get sick there, or we might get

> in a car accident.

> Well, This weekend, we had to rehome our pets. We are

> losing our home to forclosure, and we cannot find a rental

> that will allow our pets. One of our cats was hiding under

> my daughters bed. We lifted the mattress and box spring, to

> gain easier access to the cat, and my husband and i stared

> in disbelief. We knew that someone was taking stuff in the

> house, but she is so particular about being clean, we didnt

> think we would see what we saw. under her bed was PACKED

> with stuff. all in boxes, all organized to her i am sure,

> but WOW. SO MUCH STUFF! cleaning supplies, papers, little

> odds and ends.

> While i have been resarching OCD, i was reading about

> hoarding and i thought, " well, i am glad she doesnt have

> that aspect " but now I am just dumbfounded. My

> grandmother was a hoarder. It took me 2 weeks to clean her

> office, after she passed away. And that was working every

> day for about 6 hours a day, and the room was only

> 8X8.

> I dont even know what to think. I know for a fact that

> under her bed had NOTHING about 2 months ago, because i was

> shampooing the carpets.

> I feel like her OCD has taken off, and there is so much

> going on around here, with me losing our son, at 4 months

> pregnnat, then my husbands surgery, then our car accident,

> then me being in the hospital for 5 days, and having

> surgery, having to rehome our pets, and getting ready to

> move. It never seems to end. I dont know how to help her. I

> cannot get her in to her psychologist for about 5 weeks, (

> made the appt 3 weeks ago) and her first psychiatrist appt

> is not for 8 more weeks ( made the appt 4 weeks ago).

>

> So, does anyone have any tips for hoarding. I know i am not

> not supposed to force her to get rid of this stuff, but I do

> have to do something. I need to pack her room. I intend on

> having her help me, and maybe she will willingly get rid of

> stuff, and if not, it will get moved.

>

> I am just shocked. I had no idea how BIG OCD could get. I

> am sad that my daughter has to fight this every day of her

> life, and i am no help to her. i really wish i knew how to

> help.

>

> ------------------------------------

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August 30, 2010

I really feel for you! My daughter has hoarding (she is 5), and when we

first noticed her anxiety escalating to the point where she needed

treatment, her room was almost unusable as she had filled it with rock

" collections " , garbage, dirty clothes, dirty bed linens, food, etc. We

felt terrible, because we just kept getting into fights with her about

having " a messy room " and inevitably I would spend every other weekend or

so cleaning it out. Eventually it got so that she physically fought us

from cleaning anything out, hitting, biting, kicking, and we had to throw

away any garbage, even from the bathroom or kitchen by cover of night,

after she was asleep.

What has worked for us is medication, and strict rules about " society "

rules of conduct. Instead of making it about her, or even about our

family, we say, " Everyone washes their sheets after they pee on them " . " We

all throw away food that is moldy, that is what society does " . Although

she is young, she understands and will cooperate much better knowing that

it isn't just us " being mean " , but rather something that is a universal

concept. But even though it has gotten better since she was diagnosed in

April, we still find that she struggles with hoarding, and hoards things

behind the couch, in her closet, under her bed, etc when she is tired or

stressed out about something.

Good luck, and please keep me posted if you find something that is helpful

that might work for our dd as well. It is such a hard road, and I really

feel for you and your family!

Warm thoughts,

August 30, 2010

Hi ,

I add my empathy to the others for all that you have gone through. As

says it is no wonder that your daughter's anxiety is so high due to all these

stresses, and this may well be adding to the hoarding too. Such a difficult

time for everyone.

I would be concerned about her not eating and am thinking you might want to see

if you can work with this. Some will eat frozen food, thinking it is " safe " .

Others need to prepare the food themselves, no one else in the room. See if you

can help brain storm some answers on this with her.

Re hoarding, the ocfoundation website has quite a lot on this. I was just

reading some of it the other day. It looked pretty up to date too. Hoarding,

from what I understand is the hardest type of OCD to treat, and from what I was

reading they seemed to be indicating it as an emotional thing that needed to be

addressed first, before any decluttering can happen.

Since you have to move, and have to clear out this stuff, it might be simplest

to remove it without her there. You might try asking her what she thinks would

be best to gage her reaction to this. I'm no expert on this, so don't want to

advise you incorrectly. Oh, I just read that you are willing to just move it,

if need be. I would go with whatever is simplest for you at this point!

Really sorry you are going through such a tough time right now. It is a while

until those appointments, but I'm glad you have them lined up. Hold onto the

thought that help is coming, they will help you sort all this out.

Many hugs to you !!!

Barb

Canada

Son, 19, OCD, LD plus - doing well 2 years.

>

> my daughter, (8 years old), was diagnosed with OCD about a month or so ago.

She has obsessive thoughts, and her compulsions come out by way of cleaning, and

organizing.

> She recently, stopped eating, for the most part, because she is afraid she

will get sick. She also doesnt like to go anywhere, because she might get sick

there, or we might get in a car accident.

> Well, This weekend, we had to rehome our pets. We are losing our home to

forclosure, and we cannot find a rental that will allow our pets. One of our

cats was hiding under my daughters bed. We lifted the mattress and box spring,

to gain easier access to the cat, and my husband and i stared in disbelief. We

knew that someone was taking stuff in the house, but she is so particular about

being clean, we didnt think we would see what we saw. under her bed was PACKED

with stuff. all in boxes, all organized to her i am sure, but WOW. SO MUCH

STUFF! cleaning supplies, papers, little odds and ends.

> While i have been resarching OCD, i was reading about hoarding and i thought,

" well, i am glad she doesnt have that aspect " but now I am just dumbfounded.

My grandmother was a hoarder. It took me 2 weeks to clean her office, after she

passed away. And that was working every day for about 6 hours a day, and the

room was only 8X8.

> I dont even know what to think. I know for a fact that under her bed had

NOTHING about 2 months ago, because i was shampooing the carpets.

> I feel like her OCD has taken off, and there is so much going on around here,

with me losing our son, at 4 months pregnnat, then my husbands surgery, then our

car accident, then me being in the hospital for 5 days, and having surgery,

having to rehome our pets, and getting ready to move. It never seems to end. I

dont know how to help her. I cannot get her in to her psychologist for about 5

weeks, ( made the appt 3 weeks ago) and her first psychiatrist appt is not for 8

more weeks ( made the appt 4 weeks ago).

>

> So, does anyone have any tips for hoarding. I know i am not not supposed to

force her to get rid of this stuff, but I do have to do something. I need to

pack her room. I intend on having her help me, and maybe she will willingly get

rid of stuff, and if not, it will get moved.

>

> I am just shocked. I had no idea how BIG OCD could get. I am sad that my

daughter has to fight this every day of her life, and i am no help to her. i

really wish i knew how to help.

>

August 30, 2010

Oh, HUGS! I know what it is like to have a new OCD trait show up

overnight. My dd10 is also a hoarder. Then one day, I looked and she

had no eyelashes. Her long, thick, beautiful lashes were (and are)

gone. She also started on her eyebrow, but has managed to stop that.

Our therapist has dd classify stuff as 1 to 10 on easy to hard scale,

and has her throw out some of the easy stuff on her own and hard with

help. But it's not a lot of stuff, usually. Just a few things a day.

Unfortunately, there's always new treasures, too. It's really helped.

She's no longer kept awake in tears and panic at night wondering if

something had been thrown away. However, her room is still a disaster.

And, we do little in the way of art projects because she must keep all

of them. It's a *long* road for my dd. I hope that stability will also

help your dd, since it's not her primary OCD form.

My dd also prefers to give things to some ONE, not a faceless charity.

But, she can do charity for things that are low on her anxiety list,

like clothes.

For the short term, it may be better to move the boxes. She may be able

to hndle getting rid of the stuff more easily after things settle down.

Of course, see if there is anything she can part with - but don't be

surprised at what she 'needs'. Right now, old crummy sponges are in my

dd's therapist box because she says they are very hard to get rid of.

There really isn't much of a rhyme or reason to it.

>

> my daughter, (8 years old), was diagnosed with OCD about a month or so

ago. She has obsessive thoughts, and her compulsions come out by way of

cleaning, and organizing.

> She recently, stopped eating, for the most part, because she is afraid

she will get sick. She also doesnt like to go anywhere, because she

might get sick there, or we might get in a car accident.

> Well, This weekend, we had to rehome our pets. We are losing our home

to forclosure, and we cannot find a rental that will allow our pets. One

of our cats was hiding under my daughters bed. We lifted the mattress

and box spring, to gain easier access to the cat, and my husband and i

stared in disbelief. We knew that someone was taking stuff in the house,

but she is so particular about being clean, we didnt think we would see

what we saw. under her bed was PACKED with stuff. all in boxes, all

organized to her i am sure, but WOW. SO MUCH STUFF! cleaning supplies,

papers, little odds and ends.

> While i have been resarching OCD, i was reading about hoarding and i

thought, " well, i am glad she doesnt have that aspect " but now I am

just dumbfounded. My grandmother was a hoarder. It took me 2 weeks to

clean her office, after she passed away. And that was working every day

for about 6 hours a day, and the room was only 8X8.

> I dont even know what to think. I know for a fact that under her bed

had NOTHING about 2 months ago, because i was shampooing the carpets.

> I feel like her OCD has taken off, and there is so much going on

around here, with me losing our son, at 4 months pregnnat, then my

husbands surgery, then our car accident, then me being in the hospital

for 5 days, and having surgery, having to rehome our pets, and getting

ready to move. It never seems to end. I dont know how to help her. I

cannot get her in to her psychologist for about 5 weeks, ( made the appt

3 weeks ago) and her first psychiatrist appt is not for 8 more weeks (

made the appt 4 weeks ago).

>

> So, does anyone have any tips for hoarding. I know i am not not

supposed to force her to get rid of this stuff, but I do have to do

something. I need to pack her room. I intend on having her help me, and

maybe she will willingly get rid of stuff, and if not, it will get

moved.

>

> I am just shocked. I had no idea how BIG OCD could get. I am sad that

my daughter has to fight this every day of her life, and i am no help to

her. i really wish i knew how to help.

>

August 30, 2010

,

I had to wait for awhile before my child saw a doctor too. In the meanwhile I

started her on Inositol. It is over the counter. It helped her OCD. God Bless

you!!! I hope others can help too.

Sincerily,

Wilma.

> Hi ,

>

> I add my empathy to the others for all that you have gone through. As

says it is no wonder that your daughter's anxiety is so high due to

all these stresses, and this may well be adding to the hoarding too. Such a

difficult time for everyone.

>

> I would be concerned about her not eating and am thinking you might want to

see if you can work with this. Some will eat frozen food, thinking it is " safe " .

Others need to prepare the food themselves, no one else in the room. See if you

can help brain storm some answers on this with her.

>

> Re hoarding, the ocfoundation website has quite a lot on this. I was just

reading some of it the other day. It looked pretty up to date too. Hoarding,

from what I understand is the hardest type of OCD to treat, and from what I was

reading they seemed to be indicating it as an emotional thing that needed to be

addressed first, before any decluttering can happen.

>

> Since you have to move, and have to clear out this stuff, it might be simplest

to remove it without her there. You might try asking her what she thinks would

be best to gage her reaction to this. I'm no expert on this, so don't want to

advise you incorrectly. Oh, I just read that you are willing to just move it, if

need be. I would go with whatever is simplest for you at this point!

>

> Really sorry you are going through such a tough time right now. It is a while

until those appointments, but I'm glad you have them lined up. Hold onto the

thought that help is coming, they will help you sort all this out.

>

> Many hugs to you !!!

>

> Barb

> Canada

> Son, 19, OCD, LD plus - doing well 2 years.

>

> >

> > my daughter, (8 years old), was diagnosed with OCD about a month or so ago.

She has obsessive thoughts, and her compulsions come out by way of cleaning, and

organizing.

> > She recently, stopped eating, for the most part, because she is afraid she

will get sick. She also doesnt like to go anywhere, because she might get sick

there, or we might get in a car accident.

> > Well, This weekend, we had to rehome our pets. We are losing our home to

forclosure, and we cannot find a rental that will allow our pets. One of our

cats was hiding under my daughters bed. We lifted the mattress and box spring,

to gain easier access to the cat, and my husband and i stared in disbelief. We

knew that someone was taking stuff in the house, but she is so particular about

being clean, we didnt think we would see what we saw. under her bed was PACKED

with stuff. all in boxes, all organized to her i am sure, but WOW. SO MUCH

STUFF! cleaning supplies, papers, little odds and ends.

> > While i have been resarching OCD, i was reading about hoarding and i

thought, " well, i am glad she doesnt have that aspect " but now I am just

dumbfounded. My grandmother was a hoarder. It took me 2 weeks to clean her

office, after she passed away. And that was working every day for about 6 hours

a day, and the room was only 8X8.

> > I dont even know what to think. I know for a fact that under her bed had

NOTHING about 2 months ago, because i was shampooing the carpets.

> > I feel like her OCD has taken off, and there is so much going on around

here, with me losing our son, at 4 months pregnnat, then my husbands surgery,

then our car accident, then me being in the hospital for 5 days, and having

surgery, having to rehome our pets, and getting ready to move. It never seems to

end. I dont know how to help her. I cannot get her in to her psychologist for

about 5 weeks, ( made the appt 3 weeks ago) and her first psychiatrist appt is

not for 8 more weeks ( made the appt 4 weeks ago).

> >

> > So, does anyone have any tips for hoarding. I know i am not not supposed to

force her to get rid of this stuff, but I do have to do something. I need to

pack her room. I intend on having her help me, and maybe she will willingly get

rid of stuff, and if not, it will get moved.

> >

> > I am just shocked. I had no idea how BIG OCD could get. I am sad that my

daughter has to fight this every day of her life, and i am no help to her. i

really wish i knew how to help.

> >

>

August 30, 2010

Hi ,,

I do see you already have several responses, but I wanted to add some ideas...

In the spring the first sign that my son's behavior was escalating, and in fact

the first OCD symptom we saw, was hoarding.

The plan his therapist at the time helped create, and that he and I still use

effectively at home is as follows:

Items that he " finds " or " collects " are separated into three separate categories

-

Red - These items can absolutely stay because they are useful, are in good shape

and can be found a " home " somewhere in his room that makes sense how it is

already organized, either in with his toys or in his " invention station " (where

he has lots of drawers to put things AWAY in an orderly fashion)

Orange - These items can perhaps be fixed, might find a home or mom and Sam

disagree about whether they they are " useful " ... they go into the " orange bin "

until Saturday morning when they are revisited and either put away for good or

recycled or trashed.

Blue Items - These items absolutely need to be recycled, given away, or trashed

because they are not longer useful to us, don't fit, are broken or are garbage.

It is hard to stick to the plan, and we have had a few meltdowns but it has been

worth it because there has been some progress... at least in that area. The

other day he found his old " favorite " electronic toothbrush from when he was

five and threw it away with only one prompt and a promise of a new one.

Heidi