Re: Re: Lost

[Guest guest]

I wish there were a community for grieving the loss of our initial dreams and

ideas about our children.  I don't mean that they can't do therapy and become

what they were meant to be, but that our focus as parents needs an adjustment. 

And it truly is grief.  I can't look at an old photo of my carefree,

free-spirit, " unsinkable Molly Brown " daughter without choking back tears; the

pain is so great.

I hate having to deal with grief alone!

-Angi

Subject: Re: Lost

To:

Date: Wednesday, May 26, 2010, 1:01 PM

 

Welcome, Abby.

There is a good book called Talking Back to OCD, by March, that walks you

through CBT/ERP therapy. You might want to look at it so you know exactly what

the therapy looks like. Your son might also find it helpful to read the book,

since he is 17 and could understand it.

I've wished it were me instead of our son too. I used to think I could bear it

better, and just wanted him to have a happy, carefree life I saw other kids

living. You want to fix it, and can't. But, they can improve. Like Chris

said, there is room to move up on the meds, and with him being a teenage boy, he

might need a larger dose. Plus, if the therapist isn't doing the right therapy,

it won't help. We went to many therapists, over the years, which didn't help

because they were trying to use talk therapy. It wasn't until we found someone

who used the right therapy, that we saw improvement.

BJ

>

> I just had a med-check appointment for my son today and his dosage was upped

to 100mg of Luvox. So far I have seen no difference nor has he felt anything

different. I guess I should introduce myself. I am a single mother trying to

raise her teenage son. He will be 17 next month. My name is Abby. I struggle so

much with seeing him go through this. I wish it were me and not him. I am also

frustrated with his counselor. I don't get the response that I feel is necessary

when working with OCD patients. I am not even sure if he has ever dealt with any

OCD patients. I had emailed him on Monday asking him in a very nice way, but

have yet to hear anything back. I am thinking I need to switch to a

psychiatrist. We have been with this counselor for 3 months and still I see no

change. Not even the slightest bit. Also at the pediatrician today, I got a

little frustrated b/c sometimes when the doctors are asking questions, I feel a

little like I don't always

understand. I know that he is busy with other patients, but I need to work with

people that are going to be patient with my son and me. When he was asking my

son questions, he was getting very impatient with him. My son tends to do things

very slowly...everything in fact. It is like he is over-analyzing even the

easiest questions. Overall I sometimes think I may be wanting things to happen

more quickly. I definitely know that I should see just a little bit of progress

coming from his sessions with his counselor. Does anyone have any thoughts or

advice for me. This is all new to me and very overwhelming at times.

>

[Guest guest]

tamaialden wrote:

>

>

> I wish there were a community for grieving the loss of our initial

> dreams and ideas about our children. I don't mean that they can't do

> therapy and become what they were meant to be, but that our focus as

> parents needs an adjustment. And it truly is grief. I can't look at

> an old photo of my carefree, free-spirit, " unsinkable Molly Brown "

> daughter without choking back tears; the pain is so great.

>

> I hate having to deal with grief alone!

>

> -Angi

>

Angi,

I know just how you feel. I still have a hard time on occasions when my

DD is having difficulty. I so wish this never happened to her. And

she's 15--severe OCD began at age 7 1/2. I know other parents on this

board say that they have moved on and have embraced their " new " child,

but I can't for some reason. I hate that she's different than she used

to be. I hate that she struggles. She's a dancer and has had some

difficulty this year having " vomit thoughts " while competing. It's

nearly caused her to have to quit the team. She's danced with such

severe anxiety that she's pale and trembling, trying to simply put a

smile on her face so no one will see. We've upped her meds, she's

pushed bravely through it and is able to still compete, but it's been a

hard year. At a competition this weekend, another mom said, " Mikayla

should really do a solo next year! " I just smiled and said, " I don't

think she wants to. " I know that she wants to, but we both decided it

would be too much for her right now. She talks about solos. She

enviously watches each of her friends perform. She wishes it was her.

And I grieve all over again. Most of the time it's okay, but sometimes

it's like you said, I hate having to deal with it alone.

Dina