Re: having an off and or bad day

June 28, 2007

Dear Sondra,

Please do not ever apologize for venting here. We are all here to support

each other. I bet you'd never tell Esther or anyone else not to share. We are

sisters and brothers in a sense, yes? You are going through so much with

health issues and other stuff and it is very healthy for you to " vent " ....to

reach

out and communicate.

Try to rest. When we are overwhelmed it is so so hard to see that things

will ever get better. But they do, they will. That's how life is. Meantime

keep talking with the doctors, keep sharing here and elsewhere, try to get some

rest. The conference will be great I bet....wish I could be there. Do you have

a support person lined up for those days?

I love your words about hoping heaven is like Myrtle Beach. You are such

a poet.

Sending love to you and to Esther too,

Melinda

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

June 28, 2007

Dear Sondra,

Please do not ever apologize for venting here. We are all here to support

each other. I bet you'd never tell Esther or anyone else not to share. We are

sisters and brothers in a sense, yes? You are going through so much with

health issues and other stuff and it is very healthy for you to " vent " ....to

reach

out and communicate.

Try to rest. When we are overwhelmed it is so so hard to see that things

will ever get better. But they do, they will. That's how life is. Meantime

keep talking with the doctors, keep sharing here and elsewhere, try to get some

rest. The conference will be great I bet....wish I could be there. Do you have

a support person lined up for those days?

I love your words about hoping heaven is like Myrtle Beach. You are such

a poet.

Sending love to you and to Esther too,

Melinda

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

June 28, 2007

Melinda I to not have of a support person as did in the past and this

is of hard for me. she was of a good support person very effective in

many ways but as a firend was hurt so badly in that relationship

fearful to ever build into a freindship again, It wa of the first one

I to worked ever so hard to be in, I to tried so hard to not stand

out for her sake in public to prevent of stares to her too. I to

tried hard to be of polite and giving and it all was of not

understood of my intent and was then maked to feel badly for my being

in regards to not understanding her words to me in regards to me in

the end. so I to no tbe of one who can do as good as did in the past

in my workings, I to have more panic, I to have more stress, I to not

have of a safety of unity in one who knew of me and the needs of me

in all this.

This year the husband is of traveling with me but he and the brother

of me willb e to do sight seeing most of the week while i to be to do

work there at conference. I to be to also have of some friends from

the ASO there that will be of reachable to me if need be too. Many

from ASO are very supportive and good to me there and so this is of a

strong safety net.

Once in the confernece I to enjoy just walking the parimeters of the

confernece halls and sometimes will sit for a short time to a room to

listen to the speaker but not always long unless I to like of their

words to autism then I to stay. I to met many new nice people from

ASA last year and so have of connections that way too. when had of

too much I to go to my room to watch of TV and or to travel to the

other parts of the hotel and to just study people.

Yes I to disocvered when an emotion is of consuming my langauge comes

out in metaphors or poetic as some to say, never to know why as cant

force the words to come if a calm is within me....as far as

expressing deep inner thinking that is of dancing within me always

but rarily finds it ways to my lips or paper. But I to often think of

heaven and not see it as a scary place but a strong peaceful playful

place for me.

Sondra

June 28, 2007

Melinda I to not have of a support person as did in the past and this

is of hard for me. she was of a good support person very effective in

many ways but as a firend was hurt so badly in that relationship

fearful to ever build into a freindship again, It wa of the first one

I to worked ever so hard to be in, I to tried so hard to not stand

out for her sake in public to prevent of stares to her too. I to

tried hard to be of polite and giving and it all was of not

understood of my intent and was then maked to feel badly for my being

in regards to not understanding her words to me in regards to me in

the end. so I to no tbe of one who can do as good as did in the past

in my workings, I to have more panic, I to have more stress, I to not

have of a safety of unity in one who knew of me and the needs of me

in all this.

This year the husband is of traveling with me but he and the brother

of me willb e to do sight seeing most of the week while i to be to do

work there at conference. I to be to also have of some friends from

the ASO there that will be of reachable to me if need be too. Many

from ASO are very supportive and good to me there and so this is of a

strong safety net.

Once in the confernece I to enjoy just walking the parimeters of the

confernece halls and sometimes will sit for a short time to a room to

listen to the speaker but not always long unless I to like of their

words to autism then I to stay. I to met many new nice people from

ASA last year and so have of connections that way too. when had of

too much I to go to my room to watch of TV and or to travel to the

other parts of the hotel and to just study people.

Yes I to disocvered when an emotion is of consuming my langauge comes

out in metaphors or poetic as some to say, never to know why as cant

force the words to come if a calm is within me....as far as

expressing deep inner thinking that is of dancing within me always

but rarily finds it ways to my lips or paper. But I to often think of

heaven and not see it as a scary place but a strong peaceful playful

place for me.

Sondra

July 1, 2007

In a message dated 6/28/07 7:32:15 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

hfa2@... writes:

sorry to have vented here but just not feeling like it is of a good

day for me this day.

sondra

this is a place for venting. please your are always welcome to express your

thoughts or feelings. it does sound like you need a good vaction of doing

nothing. hope you get that soon.

eric abbys dad

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

July 1, 2007

In a message dated 6/28/07 7:32:15 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

hfa2@... writes:

sorry to have vented here but just not feeling like it is of a good

day for me this day.

sondra

this is a place for venting. please your are always welcome to express your

thoughts or feelings. it does sound like you need a good vaction of doing

nothing. hope you get that soon.

eric abbys dad

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

July 2, 2007

Sondra,

I was wondering if I could add you to my church's prayer chain? Let me know

if that is something you would like and I will!

You are in my prayers!

sondra wrote:

today I to feel so much sad inside of me and lack why and feeling so

much frustration and agitations and can't seem to be doing anythings

right.

Been having bad dreams of mean creatures and such as lions and snakes

and things chasing me to eat me or attack to bite me. I to wake own

self to scream out for fears.

I to had time with therapist today and we sahred of this and he to

shared with so much medical and fears of this it may be just coming

out in my dreams which makes of sense.

I to also be coping with so much off and on sedated feeling and

severe exhaustions as though have no strengths in me. I to been of

forcing self to stay in routine of nightly or daily walks to keep of

my hip moving and to stay of active. I to try ot walk 2-3 miles

nightly in my areas. today just want to rest and so lay of down

several times to be woked by the kids again to do somethings.

This caused me agitations and so went to mow of the yard and to weed

some, as this works off some of that agitation feeling in me. got so

much things needing done but no energy to do them and this builds in

me and causes me to feel overwhelmed by it all.

Being in all honest not going to die but feel as if going to die

before I to reach of my 50 birthday. I to just have an odd sensing of

the body and it is like a knowing that all is not well and will not

be to escape of this in this life. It brings a releif and yet a

strong sense of sad in me too. Depressions can lead to so much in us

and many with autism get consumed by depressions because of the

inability to connect and yet fully aware we are of different and not

being able to make the way in which others expect of us and it puts

so much pressure on us to do more than we can.... and so for me

depression is a part of the life of me like autism is to be.

Did any here to ever have of these feelings within of you on regards

to you own outcomes in life...

I to just feel on edge of tears all day and nothave of a knowing of

why. I to also feel not well inside of me and not want to go to the

doctors because they often tell me to take this or that or do this

test or that test and that is just adding to that already mounting

issues for me.

Today teh therapist asked of me had I to completed the testing papers

for my son, and I to had not and yet while I to understood the need

for these papers it caused me to almost meltdown to tears of feeling

cant do one more things.

Maybe tomorrow will be of a better day. I to think I to just need my

vacation time away from all of connectingand life. I to just want to

sit of my butt to that beach and not get up for 9 days. I to hope

heaven will be like myrtle beach. I to so much want to just crawl up

into that giant's lap and be held of close and feel safe in hims

arms. then I to want to go shell searching, and walk in the waves, to

a place where the sun nver goes down and the sun is not so hot to

burn of me but warms of me always in a good way. I to want to be to

feel ever so safe to even sleep on that beach when want to without

fear of harm to me.

I to be of leaving in 12 days to go to Phonix arizona for confernece

and will enjoy of the pool there if not too crowed so to not overload

of self with too much movement and words from people.

sorry to have vented here but just not feeling like it is of a good

day for me this day.

I to also be of worried here for my friend esther and her family,

worried to many peoples in the life of me right now.

But I to be of saying to self since a christain person that God is in

control of it all not me...

Sondra

Crystal B

http://www.myspace.com/breger3

http://bethpuzzle.blogspot.com/

http://www.youravon.com/cbreger

July 2, 2007