Re: help

[Guest guest]

I thought Yahoo was done all yesterday and last nite

They are a real pain in the you know what. It was so much better when it was one

list and then egroups.

Marsha

[Guest guest]

Thank you Denisa. I thought we had a virus or something because up until I

read your post, no one else seemed to have this problem. That makes me feel

better.

Peggy

Denisa wrote: I had that problem last week when yahoo

went down. Yahoo hasn't been the same since. They are scheduled to go down

again the entire weekend next week. I'll FW that info.

Help

Is anyone else having this problem with Yahoo that I'm experiencing? I can't

get into any of my groups nor sign up for a new one nor even check out any

groups. I'd really like to know that I'm not crazy.

Peggy

Peggy (mhksmom)

Today is the first day of the rest of my life........

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Edith,

I liked your thoughtful response to 's post. My reaction was

panic attack, I couldn't possibly have replied. I can see that there

could be things you might do to protect yourself from legal attack,

but it will be a long time before I could imagine myself safe in the

USA. I think never.

When I fell under legal attack, support from somebody, anybody, could

have been a lifesaver. All the things that you have to do to protect

yourself cannot be done when you are completely distraught and there

is nobody there to help.

, if these attacks turn out to be more than bluff, I hope you can

use this group for support at each step.

- Dan

[Guest guest]

Edith,

I liked your thoughtful response to 's post. My reaction was

panic attack, I couldn't possibly have replied. I can see that there

could be things you might do to protect yourself from legal attack,

but it will be a long time before I could imagine myself safe in the

USA. I think never.

When I fell under legal attack, support from somebody, anybody, could

have been a lifesaver. All the things that you have to do to protect

yourself cannot be done when you are completely distraught and there

is nobody there to help.

, if these attacks turn out to be more than bluff, I hope you can

use this group for support at each step.

- Dan

[Guest guest]

" Dan " wrote:

>

> Edith,

>

> I liked your thoughtful response to 's post. My reaction was

> panic attack, I couldn't possibly have replied.

Hi Dan, thank you. And I can appreciate your reaction (ie, panic

attack). Its been a long lonely trip for me on the recovery path,

accumulating and saving tid-bits of information that seemed to be part

of the huge nada puzzle. Seven years ago I would never have been able to

respond as I can and do today. I would sit then, frozen at the keyboard

in a cold sweat with my hands shaking and feeling other's pain with

adrenalin coursing through my body in a fight-flight reaction (ie,

PTSD). The first Oasis list back in 1996 had both BP and NonBP KOs on it

and I withdrew early after being verbally attacked twice by BPs (and/or

BP/NPs). I had no resiliency whatsoever. But, after being off the list

for a few days, I went into withdrawal and knew I needed the validation

and support of others with a similar background. So, with much fear and

trepidation, I re-joined the list, weathered the storms, and continued

forward -- one tiny step at a time. You saw the posts here recently from

in Ireland who asked for a copy of my PIES. As I learned over

the years, I wrote down the stuff I was learning and it evolved into the

PIES that requested. As I learned I shared and made that stuff

available to other KOs. Having been a college professor all those years,

teaching psychobiology and statistics, helped me to keep my thoughts

organized and to eventually crawl out of the rabbit hole into the light

of day. There were momentuous breakthroughs along the way. You guys will

see. Having been raised by and married to BP/NPs, I had no idea what

abuse was and I thought I deserved all the shxtty treatment I'd received

all my life. As I've said before, traveling on the recovery path without

a guide and not knowing where the path was leading was very painful and

fraught with hazards. Maybe someday I'll write my biography. <sigh>

> I can see that there

> could be things you might do to protect yourself from legal attack,

> but it will be a long time before I could imagine myself safe in the

> USA. I think never.

And that's fine, Dan. I can certainly understand. KOs have to do what

they can to protect their selves. Probably the best thing that one can

do in most of the instances we see here on the list is to go into the NO

CONTACT mode. At 20 yo I went as far west as I could go, from Michigan

to California, but I still ended up marrying a BP/NP like my nada. But

I/we know now that KOs can survive and have a life. And, when we make

mistakes or poor choices, we have to pick ourself up, dust ourself off,

and keep going. Maybe someday we could establish havens for KOs -- like

they have today for abused women. I lost everything I ever owned,

including money and possessions, in 1995 in pursuit of that dream. The

problem was that I trusted someone (a former student, who had studied to

be a Catholic priest but couldn't take the vow of chastity after he

completed his expensive church-sponsored college education at UC

Berkeley in philosophy) as my financial advisor. It turned out that he

had APD (antisocial PD). That was a very expensive lesson for me but I

did learn from it -- ie, to trust mySelf rather than to trust others. I

learned later that I was one of six who he'd put into bankruptcy. My

nada and hubby couldn't teach me the stuff they didn't know. And I

didn't know their thinking was based on cognitive distortions or that

the words that came out of their mouths were based on their mentally ill

projections, denials of reality, splitting, and rationalization

(re-writing of history). I've learned a lot while on the path and its

only been this past year that I finally got my 'voice'.

> When I fell under legal attack, support from somebody, anybody, could

> have been a lifesaver. All the things that you have to do to protect

> yourself cannot be done when you are completely distraught and there

> is nobody there to help.

Absolutely, Dan. I've BTDT and I, too, wear the T-shirt. But KOs no

longer have to cut the trail alone. And there are now lawyers out there

who've had experiences with BPs in their lives that we can refer KOs to.

Plus Randi is working with a lawyer putting together yet another booklet

for NonBPs -- on legal issues.

Hugs All,

- Edith

..

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'll send you some info offlist, along with the names of some lawyers

who deal with BPD stuff (ie, custody), that you can contact to get some

good answers.

- Edith

Moderator

laura wrote:

> i have not heard anything from my mother in three months i was

> beginning to think that i was in the clear. what a blast i got today

> she phoned and told me that if i did not make arrangements for her to

> see my children by monday she was taking me to court!!---so after a

> huge crying fit and picking myself up off the floor i contakted my

> thereapist for a emergency meeting. at which she advised me to try

> and meet my mother on a middle ground because she could get legal

> right to see them that it has become quite frequent in t he courts.

> so then i come home and this is friday and going on 3pm now and my

> mother inlaw and i tackle the phone book to see if we can get some

> legal advice from a lawyer--so we find out from a lawyer friend i

> went to school with that my mother hasn't a leg to stand on because

> she has not been active in my childrens life... now who do i believe?

> my husband and i cannot afford a lawyer even though my mother inlaw

> said she would help us but i do not feel at all comfortable with

> meeting her on a middle ground i have been down that road with her

> befor and she just keeps taking more and i haven't got it in me to

> give. I do not want my children subjuected to her slandering me and

> my husband or drinking and carring on the way she does i feel i have

> every right to stop her from being part of their life i know what

> kind of upbringing ive had and i do not want my children around

> mental abuse and the rest of the crap she shovels out

> if there is anyone who can give me their opinion or even experience

> it would really be appreciated i am at my wits end and would love

> some perspective

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'll send you some info offlist, along with the names of some lawyers

who deal with BPD stuff (ie, custody), that you can contact to get some

good answers.

- Edith

Moderator

laura wrote:

> i have not heard anything from my mother in three months i was

> beginning to think that i was in the clear. what a blast i got today

> she phoned and told me that if i did not make arrangements for her to

> see my children by monday she was taking me to court!!---so after a

> huge crying fit and picking myself up off the floor i contakted my

> thereapist for a emergency meeting. at which she advised me to try

> and meet my mother on a middle ground because she could get legal

> right to see them that it has become quite frequent in t he courts.

> so then i come home and this is friday and going on 3pm now and my

> mother inlaw and i tackle the phone book to see if we can get some

> legal advice from a lawyer--so we find out from a lawyer friend i

> went to school with that my mother hasn't a leg to stand on because

> she has not been active in my childrens life... now who do i believe?

> my husband and i cannot afford a lawyer even though my mother inlaw

> said she would help us but i do not feel at all comfortable with

> meeting her on a middle ground i have been down that road with her

> befor and she just keeps taking more and i haven't got it in me to

> give. I do not want my children subjuected to her slandering me and

> my husband or drinking and carring on the way she does i feel i have

> every right to stop her from being part of their life i know what

> kind of upbringing ive had and i do not want my children around

> mental abuse and the rest of the crap she shovels out

> if there is anyone who can give me their opinion or even experience

> it would really be appreciated i am at my wits end and would love

> some perspective

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Lee,

Been there thank you. We have 2 phone lines nada has the listed number and

everyone else has the private number. that way we can screen her calls. We

have been doing this for 20 years just for sanity sake. when my nada

threatened a lawsuit I cantacted Foo who would stand by me and testify that

nada is mentally ill and unfit. Also we have kept all of the attack letters

in a file for just in case and althouth we haven't done it you could get a

tape recording device for the phone and save the conversations. My nada's

letters are crazy as can be. she's inconsistant, lies like crazy and after

awhile she sounds really scary to just about anybody. There's also a good

chance that she won't want to spend the money on an attorney either. also I

would listen to the lawyer. Grandparent visitation laws are very specific to

certain situations. In some states it's for grandparents of the noncustodial

parent from a divorce. that kind of thing. call legal aid society. should

be something like that in the phone book. nada is yanking your wire. the

sooner you cut off contact the better you will feel or at least limit

contact. ps my nada never did attempt visitation even though she treatened.

knowing her, a lawyer told her she had no case. we lived in California at

the time.

[Guest guest]

Dear Lee,

Been there thank you. We have 2 phone lines nada has the listed number and

everyone else has the private number. that way we can screen her calls. We

have been doing this for 20 years just for sanity sake. when my nada

threatened a lawsuit I cantacted Foo who would stand by me and testify that

nada is mentally ill and unfit. Also we have kept all of the attack letters

in a file for just in case and althouth we haven't done it you could get a

tape recording device for the phone and save the conversations. My nada's

letters are crazy as can be. she's inconsistant, lies like crazy and after

awhile she sounds really scary to just about anybody. There's also a good

chance that she won't want to spend the money on an attorney either. also I

would listen to the lawyer. Grandparent visitation laws are very specific to

certain situations. In some states it's for grandparents of the noncustodial

parent from a divorce. that kind of thing. call legal aid society. should

be something like that in the phone book. nada is yanking your wire. the

sooner you cut off contact the better you will feel or at least limit

contact. ps my nada never did attempt visitation even though she treatened.

knowing her, a lawyer told her she had no case. we lived in California at

the time.

[Guest guest]

Hi Roana, I'm Tabrina.

female, 44, bbw, non-smoker, straight, sincere, at lake powell

lol...

The relationship thing is something that I deliberately choose to

wrassle with because I am a masochist and I have not wanted to let it

go. This is changing though. More and more as I live by myself I am

starting to see how much I create my own suffering by believing in

the lie that there is something that I lack.

I too, find myself having issues with my illusion of 44-ness, feeling

alone and wanting to change it.

In fact, I am in a transition period where I am attepting to go

from " i want it, I need it " to just being with me. I even moved to

an isolated area to force myself to stop trying to make something

that wasn't working work. Only to find my resistence to just being

with me is so strong I'm even trying to manipulate the isolated

area. Bring people to me. Bring MEN to me. lol...

So, I have no advice to offer, only empathy. But this is what I have

discovered for myself and this is what I believe even if I don't

always live it to the letter.

This man that you label, father, astrologically suited, too young,

doesn't exist. He is a story that you make up as you go along and

you ascribe various characteristics to him and what you think he can

do for you - but you can't know it is true.

And there isn't anything he can give you that you don't already have

because there isn't anything on the outside of you.

So trying to assess whether this man would be good for you or not

isn't the question. You can't know what this relationship is meant

to be and it isn't your business. It is Gods business. Your

business is to step back, not try to force it, (the area I almost

always goof up), and just let it be what it is.

A bigger issue is the recognition that you are complete without him,

and that you may not be looking at him for who and what he is. The

Course of Miracles calls this quest " the special relationship " . And

what it comes down to is that in relationship we already have an idea

of what we think we need. So we project this idea upon another

person, and then of course when they don't mesure up to our idea of

what we think we need - well then the relationship troubles start.

The Course calls this the picture frame. We already have an idea of

who will fit into our frame. The frame is more important to us than

the picture. So you may already have a list in mind of what you

think this man can do for you. And you are already accessing whether

he will measure up.

But...you are already perfect and whole as you are. So the trick

would be letting God, or the Force, the Universe, whatever term works

for you, certainly doesn't have to be a religious term, have the

relationship. Let it unfold as it was meant to be without your

meddling. And feel no loss if it doesn't work out the way you think

it should. You can't know whats true. God business...

So...what does this mean in a practical sense? Keep the dialogue

open if you enjoy this person. But avoid making changes that don't

occur naturally in your life.

I'm so glad you have found the work. The work is an adventure into

an unknown landscape that is far more compelling than any illusion

outside yourself could be.

Welcome - you will find the wisest and the kindest people here - a

home for the heart.

When you do get the book, and you don't have to wait till you have

the book, just go to the website thework.com and print out a

worksheet you might want to look at that story I was abandoned...

This is just a made-up example:

I was abandoned

Is it true?

Yes

Can you really know that is true?

Yes

Whats your proof?

He left me.

He left because he wanted to abandon you?

Yes

Can you really know that is true? You know what he thinks? You can

read his mind?

No, I can't know what was in his mind

He might have thought he was saving you. You could feel spared by

this. He might have been struggling with issues of his own. You

can't know what he thought. He might still be with you. Are you

talking about him - his essence - his body? How do you know he left?

I can't know...

So how do you feel when you believe the story " he abandoned me "

Bereft - Longly - Wondering whats wrong with me

Is his leaving doing this to you? Or is it your story that you are

attached to about his leaving that is doing it to you?

The story

Who would you be without this story he abandoned me?

Happy to be with me.

Happy he has his freedom.

Happy I have my freedom.

Not clinging to a story from the past.

Is there a peaceful reason to keep the story " he abandoned me " ?

no, it is stressful

turn it around

he did not abandon me - could be just as true

i abandon me when I believe he abandoned me

right, because then you are in his business and not being there

for you

I am willing to be abandoned

(it is an illusion)

I look forward to being abandoned

(puts me back into my business - the work)

> Hi List!

>

> I have only been on this list for a few weeks, but I find the posts

to be very encouraging and enlightening..

>

> Now I haven't read any of 's book but I intend to buy one next

week and work out how to do the work..

>

> But in the mean time I have a problem I really need to work out..

>

> Ok I will try to condense it to a short version..

>

> I have meet a guy on the internet a few weeks ago and he is in

Adelaide..I live in Brisbane/Australia and it at least a 3 hour

flight away..well we both want to meet.

>

> Now he is a poor student 38 yrs, he has a daughter 4 yrs and is

divorced..I am in my early 50's twice divorced and a grandmother..

> I am financially independent..

>

> We get on very well on the phone and have exchanged photos..we also

have the same interests it would seem..I am also an astrologer and

our charts are compatible..

>

> He either wants me to go to meet him or he to come up to me..in

fact he is trying to arrange a flight up here next week and wants to

stay with me for the week. He thinks we will have a reasonably good

idea in a week if it has the possibility to work..

>

> Me: I'm worried..he is so young..mind you I had a younger guy last

year in my life, but it didn't work out and he left me..I am scared

of abandonment..

>

> I had a partner in 96 who died..and my last husband cheated on me

with a lady on the internet..

>

> So any suggestions will be most welcome..

>

> Blessings,

> Roana

>

> " We are born at a given moment, in a given place,

> and like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities

> of the year and of the season in which we are born. "

> Carl Jung

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hi roana-

i think i have seen this post before, so if people have already responded, just

delete!

here are my thoughts of beliefs which might be causing you stress

this new person might leave me

(and if he did what would happen?) what's the worst thing that could happen?

you would be alone...are you alone now? are you ok now?

if i am abandoned.......

someone CAN abandon me-

people shouldn't abandon me (love the turn around on that one!)

he is too young

age matters

he is younger than me and that means......

relationships are scary

and doing the work on your upsetting thoughts does not mean that you don't take

the necessary precautions re meeting someone you met on the internet, in person.

keep us posted! lovingly laurie

[Guest guest]

Hi Susie... See my comments below!

We put my father in a memory care facility about 12 weeks ago. He has his

good days and bad, but the one thing that doesn't seem to vary is his

treatment

of my mother.

" He says extremely cruel things to her. "

This is part of the disinhibition that goes with the illness. Is your

mother aware that it's the illness that's causing this? If you explain that

to her, she may take his comments less personally. Nevertheless, cruel

comments can be difficult to hear. So, if your mother is not

steeled/prepared for them before she visits, it might be a good idea for her

to limit her visits with him. The last thing you want is for your mother to

develop a depression.

" He doesn't comprehend

his situation and thinks she has left him. He blames her for his

detrioration, his incontinence, you name it. "

Delusions of abandonment and persecution are also common, and are again

caused by the dementia.

" He threatens suicide and keeps asking her to come home. "

Are these idle threats, or has he stipulated a specific plan for suicide?

It's likely the former. Even if it's the later, if his memory impairment is

severe enough, he likely won't be able to remember a suicide plan if he's

formulated one. Nevertheless, suicide threats (idle or not) should not be

automatically dismissed. It is likely that this is an attention-seeking

behavior, but one can never know for sure.

" It is heart wrenching and whilst she knows it's the beast, she

leaves in tears. She dreads going there on a daily basis and I fear for her

state of mind. She is seeking no help and has not joined the spouses group

online. I am moving shortly and cannot bare the thought of it. Any

suggestions? "

Yeah, it's time to consider encouraging her to limit her contact with him.

Keep in mind that I'm not a medical doctor and can provide no treatment

advice. However, it just makes sense that she'll run the risk of becoming

depressed herself, if she's unable to separate his comments from the reality

of the situation.

Wishing you and your family the best.

-Russ

(410)955-1647 / rjenkins@...

[Guest guest]

At 08:41 AM 8/13/2003 -0400, you wrote:

>We put my father in a memory care facility about 12 weeks ago. He has his

>good days and bad, but the one thing that doesn't seem to vary is his

>treatment

>of my mother. He says extremely cruel things to her. He doesn't comprehend

>his situation and thinks she has left him. He blames her for his

>detrioration, his incontinence, you name it. He threatens suicide and

>keeps asking her to

>come home. It is heart wrenching and whilst she knows it's the beast, she

>leaves in tears. She dreads going there on a daily basis and I fear for her

>state of mind. She is seeking no help and has not joined the spouses group

>online. I am moving shortly and cannot bare the thought of it. Any

>suggestions?

>-Susie

Susie

There are, in my opinion, a few things that need to be done here:

1. Your mom needs a coach who can help her understand that your dad is

still angry. I will send you a pamphlet on communication skills with angry

people offline. For others who might like the booklet go to the following

e-address: http://www.uiowa.edu/~centrage/res7_pubs_frm.htm

Select the booklet " Coping with Violence: when your loved one changes "

and download it. The other booklets are pretty helpful too. The booklet

explains how to deal with angry people:

a) apologize " I am so sorry you are so upset. I would never knowingly do

anything to hurt you. Can you forgive me? "

Agree " I think it stinks (I sue this a lot in my practice) you r

illness has caused you to need care. "

c) Play dumb - " I don't know how this happened. I will look into getting

you out of here and home with me as soon as possible "

d) " Tell me more "

e) you don't try to reason because their " reasoner " is broken.

2. Understand that your dad is grieving and needs time and space to

express himself. Force yourselves to listen, really really listen and hear

him out. Remember that the biggest fear of any person with dementia is

abandonment and like a small child he can't understand why this is

happening to him.

3. He is exhibiting classic symptoms of depression. Strongly suggest the

physician prescribe an antidepressant. (remiron is my current favorite for

several reasons)

4. Insist the staff get him involved with activities and other

residents. Your dad may be the kinda guy who needs a female companion just

to be near him.

Hope this helps

Geri

Geri

Geri R. Hall, Ph.D, ARNP, CS, FAAN

Associate Professor (Clinical)

University of Iowa College of Nursing

Iowa City, Iowa 52240

and

Advanced Practice Nurse

Behavioral Neurology

University of Iowa College of Medicine

Phone:

Fax:

E-mail: geri-hall@...

[Guest guest]

Susie,

Can you copy some of the material from here for your mom to read so she

knows she is not the only one. It also can explain to her what might be

helpful. If you get into some last messages you might find all the help

you need for her. My mom has passed away but I always knew she was so

scared, as her world was so out of control. She used anger to cover her

scare a lot. It is difficult to work with by yourself {your Mom} and

the Alzheimers Association can help a lot if someone can help your Mom

call them and see what they have that would be helpful for her. I never

got a diagnosis of LBD and so was with the Alzhimers and they never

turned anyone away who was caregiver with dementia. And a lot of it

overlaps in caregiving. Some of the support groups are enough or

pamplets or just a Social Worker to talk to. And is there anyone who can

go with your mom to help her get there?

Hope this helps.

Donna

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Why only Manali? There is a strong presence of MGIMS Alumni in Chandigarh and

there are many other still more beautiful places around.Just give the exact

dates at the earliest and we can make an effort to make your trip a memoreable

one.

Jassie(1979) - Chandigarh

Sinha wrote:

Dear friends

Am thinking of taking a holiday to Manali this summer.Fly in to Delhi from

the UK and back.Duration 2 weeks

Am looking for some inspiration and help-particularly from people having

travelled there previously or living up north:

When do the school holidays in the North finish-is end June early July a

good time to go there or will I be overrun by hoards of tourists-like myself

Any good reco on accomodation locally/also itinery-is travelling by road

from Delhi a good idea-any contacts for car hire etc-will need a driver

too-or is it better to go to Chandigarh and book from there

what is good to see and do there-and shopping?

Do's and donts?

I look forward to hearing from U all

82

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[Guest guest]

http://www.tonyattwood.com.au has reliable information.

Tonya

help

how can you tell if your child has aspergers i know he is adhd but

after his 8th birthday he has gone downhill the doctors dont know

what is going on they can't answer any questions all i know is

that they are sending him to the bluebird clinic in houston any

answers can help thank you

Delania

[Guest guest]

Hi Delania,

This may be an indication based upon my son being Asperger in the

spectrum and things I've read.

1. Does he look at your face when you talk to him? If he does, is it

difficult for him to look at you for even a short time?

2. Does he perseverate and spend long hours doing the same thing?

Many Asperger children play the same game for hours unless controlled

or instructed to follow rules.

3. Does he like to be touched? In other words, he generally does not

like the feel of your touch or being hugged.

4. Does he interact with you or do you typically/continuously ask him

what is going on? In other words, you go into his world to see what

he is doing (much more so than a normal child).

5. Many Asperger children have sensory issues - clothes must be a

certain way, lights in the room, very specific foods based upon

texture or appearance, phobia about germs.

6. Has very little interest or care about hygiene. May not like to

deal with bathroom issues or be totally opposite and very obsessed

with certain rituals for the bathroom.

7. Does he have a certain passion or obsession? My son would

actually memorize the dictionary ....... thus his nickname in

elementary school was " Dictionary Dave " :>) May like to draw or

collect songs, pictures, Yu-Gi-Oh, Games or various items of

interest.

8. Probably has certain fears ..... things he will absolutely not do

not matter how you talk with him or present facts.

9. Gross motor skills can be low ....... in other words ...... clumsy.

Though, I have known some Asperger kids who are very active and can

participate in school games well.

10. Typically plays by himself ........ this can be a significant

sign. He tends to play by himself even though there are many children

around him.

11. Can answer questions about facts, but very seldom or ever talks

about feelings.

12. Very often, a stiff facial expression or odd facial expressions.

13. Talks in a very specific manner and sometimes monotone with

little or no inflections.

14. Has a difficult time with handwriting ..... actually many

Asperger kids would rather type on a computer :>)

, my son is 19, but I remember ........

Here is a link too if you would like to read more:

Gillberg, a Swedish physician who has studied AS

extensively, has proposed six criteria for the diagnosis, elaborating

upon the criteria set forth in DSM-4. His six criteria capture the

unique style of these children, and include:

Social impairment with extreme egocentricity, which may include:

Inability to interact with peers

Lack of desire to interact with peers

Poor appreciation of social cues

Socially and emotionally inappropriate responses

Limited interests and preoccupations, including:

More rote than meaning

Relatively exclusive of other interests

Repetitive adherence

Repetitive routines or rituals, that may be:

Imposed on self, or

Imposed on others

Speech and language peculiarities, such as:

Delayed early development possible but not consistently seen -

Superficially perfect expressive language

Odd prosody, peculiar voice characteristics

Impaired comprehension including misinterpretation of literal and

implied meanings.

Nonverbal communication problems, such as:

Limited use of gesture

Clumsy body language

Limited or inappropriate facial expression

Peculiar " stiff " gaze

Difficulty adjusting physical proximity

Motor clumsiness

May not be necessary part of the picture in all cases

http://tinyurl.com/zwwdb

And of course, my favorite link for Asperger:

http://www.researchautism.org/

http://www.researchautism.org/resources/OAR_Guide_Asperger.pdf

This is a Research Paper done by Dr. s, University of

Kansas ....... very good ..... please go to page 6.

Mark Colditz

>

> how can you tell if your child has aspergers i know he is adhd

but

> after his 8th birthday he has gone downhill the doctors dont

know

> what is going on they can't answer any questions all i know is

> that they are sending him to the bluebird clinic in houston

any

> answers can help thank you

> Delania

>

[Guest guest]

I suspected the same thing and I had the school run every test and

every evaluation they had. I had to fill out questionnaires as did the

teacher. It was Asperger's and the school is giving him everything he

needs. They want him to succeed. My child is very smart but had no

friends and had high anxiety...bad. He was the 'weird' kid as the

other kids said. They were right to them he was. He is in counseling a

lot, behavior charts and modification and even speech for pragmatic

speech. If you think he does then more than likely you are right. Ask

the school, no tell the school that you wanted him evaluated for

Aspergers and you want everything. I am also taking him to a

psychiatrist but I wanted the school to give me something first. They

are with him all day and see his behavior. After I had that diagnoses

in my hand then we went to the doctor.

Kari

>

> how can you tell if your child has aspergers i know he is adhd

but

> after his 8th birthday he has gone downhill the doctors dont

know

> what is going on they can't answer any questions all i know is

> that they are sending him to the bluebird clinic in houston

any

> answers can help thank you

> Delania

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, from what you wrote, I would definitely say Aspergers. I don't

know where you are, but most doctors don't know a whole lot about

Aspergers. You need to read, read, read. I read about 10 books and

knew that is what my child has. He has now been diagnosed as Aspergers

by the school (I also had an advocate who agreed with me.) Finally!!!

After about 4 years of trying to get others to agree with me. Go to

Amazon.com and type in Aspergers. There are lots of books. Some of my

favorites are: The Oasis Guide to Aspergers by Bashe and Kirby (easy

read), The Complete Guide to Aspergers (somewhat difficult but

definitely on target) by Tony Atwood. Once you start reading, you'll

be saying " hey, that's my child they are talking about. " Good luck and

remember YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S BEST ADVOCATE!

>

> how can you tell if your child has aspergers i know he is adhd but

> after his 8th birthday he has gone downhill the doctors dont

know

> what is going on they can't answer any questions all i know is

> that they are sending him to the bluebird clinic in houston any

> answers can help thank you

> Delania

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, from what you wrote, I would definitely say Aspergers. I don't

know where you are, but most doctors don't know a whole lot about

Aspergers. You need to read, read, read. I read about 10 books and

knew that is what my child has. He has now been diagnosed as Aspergers

by the school (I also had an advocate who agreed with me.) Finally!!!

After about 4 years of trying to get others to agree with me. Go to

Amazon.com and type in Aspergers. There are lots of books. Some of my

favorites are: The Oasis Guide to Aspergers by Bashe and Kirby (easy

read), The Complete Guide to Aspergers (somewhat difficult but

definitely on target) by Tony Atwood. Once you start reading, you'll

be saying " hey, that's my child they are talking about. " Good luck and

remember YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S BEST ADVOCATE!

>

> how can you tell if your child has aspergers i know he is adhd but

> after his 8th birthday he has gone downhill the doctors dont

know

> what is going on they can't answer any questions all i know is

> that they are sending him to the bluebird clinic in houston any

> answers can help thank you

> Delania

>

[Guest guest]

Thats really sweet of you Jassie-would love to meet up with all of you-where

is Kaajal Jain-86 batch I know she is from Chandigarh too.Any idea .And when

do school holidays end in the North?

82

>

>Reply-To: mgims

>To: mgims

>Subject: Re: Help

>Date: Mon, 12 Mar 2007 09:34:18 -0700 (PDT)

>

>Hi ,

> Why only Manali? There is a strong presence of MGIMS Alumni in

>Chandigarh and there are many other still more beautiful places around.Just

>give the exact dates at the earliest and we can make an effort to make your

>trip a memoreable one.

> Jassie(1979) - Chandigarh

>

> Sinha wrote:

> Dear friends

>Am thinking of taking a holiday to Manali this summer.Fly in to Delhi from

>the UK and back.Duration 2 weeks

>Am looking for some inspiration and help-particularly from people having

>travelled there previously or living up north:

>When do the school holidays in the North finish-is end June early July a

>good time to go there or will I be overrun by hoards of tourists-like

>myself

>Any good reco on accomodation locally/also itinery-is travelling by road

>from Delhi a good idea-any contacts for car hire etc-will need a driver

>too-or is it better to go to Chandigarh and book from there

>what is good to see and do there-and shopping?

>Do's and donts?

>I look forward to hearing from U all

>82

>

>__________________________________________________________

>Txt a lot? Get Messenger FREE on your mobile.

>https://livemessenger.mobile.uk.msn.com/

>

>

>

>

>

>

>---------------------------------

>Expecting? Get great news right away with email Auto-Check.

>Try the Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

hi

Kajal Jain is in PGI Chandigarh as a faculty member in Anaesthesiology. I invite

all of u to MGIMS ALUMINI meet to be held on 7 th april 2007 at Ludhiana.

satpal

88batch

Re: Help

>Date: Mon, 12 Mar 2007 09:34:18 -0700 (PDT)

>

>Hi ,

> Why only Manali? There is a strong presence of MGIMS Alumni in

>Chandigarh and there are many other still more beautiful places around.Just

>give the exact dates at the earliest and we can make an effort to make your

>trip a memoreable one.

> Jassie(1979) - Chandigarh

>

> Sinha wrote:

> Dear friends

>Am thinking of taking a holiday to Manali this summer.Fly in to Delhi from

>the UK and back.Duration 2 weeks

>Am looking for some inspiration and help-particularly from people having

>travelled there previously or living up north:

>When do the school holidays in the North finish-is end June early July a

>good time to go there or will I be overrun by hoards of tourists-like

>myself

>Any good reco on accomodation locally/also itinery-is travelling by road

>from Delhi a good idea-any contacts for car hire etc-will need a driver

>too-or is it better to go to Chandigarh and book from there

>what is good to see and do there-and shopping?

>Do's and donts?

>I look forward to hearing from U all

>82

>

>__________________________________________________________

>Txt a lot? Get Messenger FREE on your mobile.

>https://livemessenger.mobile.uk.msn.com/

>

>

>

>

>

>

>---------------------------------

>Expecting? Get great news right away with email Auto-Check.

>Try the Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi-

--- " cnjcox@... " wrote:

> Ok... All you experts out there on supplements. Our 4 yr old has been

> on 2 different types of medications for behavior and cognitive

> skills. His Psychiatrist believes he has ADHD and would like to try

> Ridilin. We are struggling with this idea as we did not want to

> medicate him in the first place but now we have taken him off the

> Keppra but he is still on Risperdal. His behavior for the past 3 days

> has been through the roof! Lashing out, hitting, screaming. Short of

> putting him on the Ridilin, what suggestions do you have. I know

> Magnesium and Vit. B-? is suppose to be good but how much and how

> often? HELP! He's driving us nuts!

I hope you gradually removed the Keppra - the indications call for a

reduction in dose over time. If you just stopped it, this may be a

reaction to that :-(

Mark & Brown

ms_nk_brown@...

[Guest guest]

My 6 yr old was on Resperidol for only a short time - less than a week. He was

horrible! Wired day and night, mean, couldn't stand or walk but stronger than

ever and fought me tooth and nail over nothing and anything. I was so depressed

because I thought I had lost my sweet, sweet boy. We weaned him off of the Resp

and kept him on Ativan for several weeks gradually weaning him off of that, too.

It's been two months and he's fully recovered and I have my sweet, sweet boy

back.

Also, when we were in the hospital, the drugs were given by injection. The

pills at home did not get the same reaction that the injection got in the

hospital. I don't remember the reaction time of the resp but I do remember the

ativan injection calmed him down in less than 5 minutes and was instant but the

pill took anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes and was gradual. I also remember while

we were weaning off of the resp, I had to alter the timing of the pill form of

ativan because they reacted badly. The injectable ativan did not react badly

with the resp so of course I got to learn how to inject ativan. --woo hoo!

If you haven't gone down the road of allergy testing, please do that. It's

amazing how something like a slight allergy to eggs can make a child behave.

Drugs are great when you need them but if you don't have to use them, it's so

much better.

also, if you google the drug names, you will find lots of interesting info

about the side effects of the antipsychotics.

" cnjcox@... " wrote:

Ok... All you experts out there on supplements. Our 4 yr old has been

on 2 different types of medications for behavior and cognitive skills. His

Psychiatrist believes he has ADHD and would like to try Ridilin. We are

struggling with this idea as we did not want to medicate him in the first place

but now we have taken him off the Keppra but he is still on Risperdal. His

behavior for the past 3 days has been through the roof! Lashing out, hitting,

screaming. Short of putting him on the Ridilin, what suggestions do you have. I

know Magnesium and Vit. B-? is suppose to be good but how much and how often?

HELP! He's driving us nuts!

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

hi nancy, I understand you very much. I didnt want to put my son on on

medication but after 9 years. I finally did it. My son is on the ridilin and the

risperdal also. We see so much with it he is focused and less aggresive when is

on them.If you want you could call me sometime, gina

Help

Ok... All you experts out there on supplements. Our 4 yr old has been on 2

different types of medications for behavior and cognitive skills. His

Psychiatrist believes he has ADHD and would like to try Ridilin. We are

struggling with this idea as we did not want to medicate him in the first place

but now we have taken him off the Keppra but he is still on Risperdal. His

behavior for the past 3 days has been through the roof! Lashing out, hitting,

screaming. Short of putting him on the Ridilin, what suggestions do you have. I

know Magnesium and Vit. B-? is suppose to be good but how much and how often?

HELP! He's driving us nuts!

Thanks,