Re: Homeschooling question

[Guest guest]

Mona, I really feel for you.  We've been homeschooling since dd was 4 – she's

10 now.  My oldest had gone through kindergarten and 1st grade at school, so we

do have that experience under our belts, as well).  When we began

homeschooling, OCD wasn't a factor.  We recently tried putting the kids in a

private school, just before we received the OCD diagnosis, and it made my

daughter's anxiety go through the roof.  It was horrible.  Everything set off

the OCD.  She was either a zombie or a crazy woman– and so was I. 

We only kept our kids in school for two weeks because it was just too terribly

hard on us all.  It made everyone's anxiety much worse, trying to deal with all

the extra stimulation.

I think that change of any kind if tough for OCD kids.  Many well-meaning

therapists don't understand that homeschooling does not mean home isolation…

unless you purposefully isolate your child.  We do/have done lots of other

stuff: a one-morning-a-week co-op, swimming lessons, community theater, play

time with other homeschoolers and schooled kids, summer camp, field trips,

etc.  The first therapist dd saw recommended school in hopes of relieving her

anxiety at seeing my process my own counseling issues.  He's a great guy, I

love him, but with OCD it just was the WRONG thing for our daughter.

The reason we're sticking with homeschooling is because for us, I know and can

advocate for my kids much more effectively than if they're involved in a

bureaucracy.  They'll get there soon enough – when they're older, more

mature, brains more developed and able to handle it all.  In the meantime, we

do what we can as we can here, and they do just fine on the standardized tests.

You can email me privately if you have more questions about how homeschooling

can look different for different families.  (Hint: there is absolutely NOT one

way to do it " right. " )  It's also not the right choice for every family.  But

I can help you sort that out too, if you want.  Or just be a sounding board.

-Angi

Subject: Homeschooling question

To:

Date: Monday, April 12, 2010, 10:12 AM

 

I have a question for those who are home schooling. Was OCD a factor in

deciding to remove your child from school and did you find that the OCD got any

worse after this decision? My daughter was pretty impossible to get to school

due to very moody rages in the morning, her OCD wasn't horrible when she was in

school but it was there. I've noticed that it's gotten MUCH worse since making

the decision to home school, about 100%. Now she rages and says she will never

go back to school though one of her therapists says it is 100% important in

helping her as she is very social and now lonely due to the fact she has very

few friends. She is super defiant and oppositional which is something I now hear

is connected to OCD as it is the same part of the brain which just gives an

automatic NO rather than thinking about a situation. I am so at my wit's end. I

adore this child ( she is ten) yet she has become my whole life, which may be

the problem ; we have no

space from each other. she is rude, obnoxious, talks back and I just am soo

tired.

thanks for listening.

lisa

[Guest guest]

Hi, . We opted to homeschool due to the unfortunate situation with a nasty

teacher. We thought we would homeschool just for that year, but it worked so

well for us that we continued. Our son is in his 11th and final year, this

year.

Angi is right, it does not have to be isolating. We participated in two

homeschool groups where we had 2-3 field trips a week. I think the adults liked

them as much as the kids. lol We participated in local sports, took homeschool

PE at the YMCA, did volunteer work, and participated in science fairs, state

fairs, international fairs, etc. You can be as busy as you want, and it doesn't

have to be socially isolating.

It made it so much easier to deal with his OCD, when it flared. We heard from

many therapists that he NEEDED to be in school, but they were wrong. He was

terrified, not just scared, of school after what that teacher put him through.

But, as he aged, he dealt with it. We've found that sometimes maturity can be a

really big part of improvement.

He started taking a couple of classes outside the home, last year, and loves it.

This from the kid that swore he would never go back to school. His teachers

love him too. He loves to learn and they appreciate that. He's won two awards

for Most Employable Student, has been chosen two years in a row to present to

State Legislators at the school, and also attended a Legislative dinner as a

representative for his class, as a presenter. His teacher employed him last

summer as a Teacher's Assistant, to help teach summer workshops, and asked him

to do it again this year. He recently was chosen to represent his school for a

state programming competition and leaves for 3 days, on Thursday. So, this boy,

who just 3 1/2 years ago, couldn't get off of the sofa and had to take a half a

year off of school, has been able to pick himself up, catch up with his

schoolwork, and excel in and outside of the home, maintaining a 4.0.

I realize that homeschooling isn't for everybody, but for us, it saved our

sanity. We got the basics in and let him follow his interests.

Can I ask, what has worsened since you started homeschooling? The rages? Has

the defiant, oppositional behavior started since the OCD flared?

It can be hard to be around each other for hours on end. You might want to look

into a homeschool group to see if you can find some co-op classes. That might

help. Or can your husband take on one subject to help with? I used to have my

husband help our son with the Chemistry and Physics labs and experiments. They

both enjoyed it and it gave me a small break. Just a few thoughts.

BJ

>

> I have a question for those who are home schooling. Was OCD a factor in

deciding to remove your child from school and did you find that the OCD got any

worse after this decision? My daughter was pretty impossible to get to school

due to very moody rages in the morning, her OCD wasn't horrible when she was in

school but it was there. I've noticed that it's gotten MUCH worse since making

the decision to homeschool, about 100%. Now she rages and says she will never go

back to school though one of her therapists says it is 100% important in helping

her as she is very social and now lonely due to the fact she has very few

friends. She is super defiant and opposition which is something I now hear is

connected to OCD as it is the same part of the brain which just gives an

automatic NO rather than thinking about a situation. I am so at my wit's end. I

adore this child ( she is ten) yet she has become my whole life, which may be

the problem ; we have no space from each other. she is rude, obnoxious, talks

back and I just am soo tired.

> thanks for listening.

> lisa

>

[Guest guest]

I faced a very similar situation except that my daughter could not go to school

due to obsessive thoughts and fears.  For 5 years I got calls from the school

nearly every day that she had to be picked up as she could not tolerate her

classes.  In the last 2  months, we changed from a 504 plan to a IEP - and I

worked with the school psychologist to get her placed in a very small

alternative school.  There are two classes with 8 children in each class; each

class has a teacher, teachers aide and a therapist in the class 100% of the

time!  She also has access to one of two school therapists who are on campus

all the time.  It was a long road, and I considered home schooling but was

worried about the same kinds of issues you are dealing with right now.  There

are public alternatives - the school district does not like to try them as they

are expensive for them - but connect with the right people in the school (for me

it was the psychologist and her

504 coordinator), and include the doctor and individual therapist and you can

find a solution.  Be ready to be the  advocate and don't be afarid to be

disliked

________________________________

To:

Sent: Mon, April 12, 2010 10:12:34 AM

Subject: Homeschooling question

 

I have a question for those who are home schooling. Was OCD a factor in deciding

to remove your child from school and did you find that the OCD got any worse

after this decision? My daughter was pretty impossible to get to school due to

very moody rages in the morning, her OCD wasn't horrible when she was in school

but it was there. I've noticed that it's gotten MUCH worse since making the

decision to home school, about 100%. Now she rages and says she will never go

back to school though one of her therapists says it is 100% important in helping

her as she is very social and now lonely due to the fact she has very few

friends. She is super defiant and oppositional which is something I now hear is

connected to OCD as it is the same part of the brain which just gives an

automatic NO rather than thinking about a situation. I am so at my wit's end. I

adore this child ( she is ten) yet she has become my whole life, which may be

the problem ; we have no space

from each other. she is rude, obnoxious, talks back and I just am soo tired.

thanks for listening.

lisa

[Guest guest]

My kids have never been to school, so I can only answer from that perspective.

My 12 year old was recently diagnosed with PANDAS. When this suddenly started

happening, I was actually glad that we were already homeschooling. There is no

way I could get her to school. I couldn't imagine being new to homeschooling and

dealing with the OCD all at the same time. I am tired, but you must be even more

exhausted.

I too feel that I have no space. I can tell you this is not a homeschooling

thing. This is the OCD taking over our lives. My daughter also feels lonely.

Again, this is not a homeschooling thing as it is new. This is OCD partly making

her feel that way and partly because we miss out on things because the OCD takes

up so much time. We are helping out the latter by her calling friends a bit more

often.

Some tips: I prefer the days we stay home, but my daughter says it is easier for

her when we are out. So, I try to create a balance. Don't worry about teaching

your daughter right now. Let it happen when it does. You will have time to catch

up over the summer. Connect with local homeschoolers to find out what is

available in your area. There are park days, homeschool classes both by private

businesses and cities (gymnastics, art, music, ice skating), museums, field

trips, volunteer work, etc. There are also online courses to free up your time

or tutors. Find out if there are schools in your area where the child attends

two days a week and homeschools three days. You might be able to get her to

school two days a week. Try to plan playdates with her old school friends and

make sure she has plenty of phone time with them too. Another way to give you a

break is there are public teachers who go to homes of home bound children. I

don't know the criteria to qualify for that, but it might be something to look

into.

Good luck and hang in there.

May

>

> I have a question for those who are home schooling. Was OCD a factor in

deciding to remove your child from school and did you find that the OCD got any

worse after this decision? My daughter was pretty impossible to get to school

due to very moody rages in the morning, her OCD wasn't horrible when she was in

school but it was there. I've noticed that it's gotten MUCH worse since making

the decision to homeschool, about 100%. Now she rages and says she will never go

back to school though one of her therapists says it is 100% important in helping

her as she is very social and now lonely due to the fact she has very few

friends. She is super defiant and opposition which is something I now hear is

connected to OCD as it is the same part of the brain which just gives an

automatic NO rather than thinking about a situation. I am so at my wit's end. I

adore this child ( she is ten) yet she has become my whole life, which may be

the problem ; we have no space from each other. she is rude, obnoxious, talks

back and I just am soo tired.

> thanks for listening.

> lisa

>

[Guest guest]

,

I homeschooled my daughter for 3 years (K-2) but then we decided for her to

attend a small private school. I had an older son, a preschooler and a new baby

and just felt overwhelmed completely. She was very defiant and oppositional

with me and did better during school, but certainly would fall apart at home

after a long day. She was not diagnosised with OCD until 13 and we did not

realize so many of her struggles/raging etc. was due to this. She has since

changed to public school in high school. Every year is a challenge and brings

difficulties. There is no " one size fits all " . Each family is unique and each

child is unique. What works one year may not work the next year. So explore

all your options, ask lots of questions, find homeschooling groups etc. in your

area and connect with them, and also ask your public/private schools about

accommodations that are possible. Our daughter does not have a 504 but her

teachers do make accommodations for her in individual classes and with testing.

Is your daughter on any medication? This can positively (or sometimes

negatively) effect mood.

Hope you can get a day off to rejuvenate soon!

Janet

Homeschooling question

I have a question for those who are home schooling. Was OCD a factor in deciding

to remove your child from school and did you find that the OCD got any worse

after this decision? My daughter was pretty impossible to get to school due to

very moody rages in the morning, her OCD wasn't horrible when she was in school

but it was there. I've noticed that it's gotten MUCH worse since making the

decision to home school, about 100%. Now she rages and says she will never go

back to school though one of her therapists says it is 100% important in helping

her as she is very social and now lonely due to the fact she has very few

friends. She is super defiant and oppositional which is something I now hear is

connected to OCD as it is the same part of the brain which just gives an

automatic NO rather than thinking about a situation. I am so at my wit's end. I

adore this child ( she is ten) yet she has become my whole life, which may be

the problem ; we have no space from each ot her. she is rude, obnoxious, talks

back and I just am soo tired.

thanks for listening.

lisa

[Guest guest]

We started homeschooling our son (8) because the school was having a hard time

separating his ADHD behavior from his intelligence. His therapist was a little

concerned that we were 'giving up'. She used to work in the public school system

so I basically disregarded her concerns--but she was right. He has always been

very social and his OCD was very under control until we started homeschooling.

We suddenly saw new OCD symptoms, more anxiety over small things, and more

attachment to me. Our therapist has since located other OCD specialists that

are pro-homeschooling (and homeschool their own kids) and they have helped us

deal with some things. For example, since he and I are so often together I have

to go out without him sometimes even if he wants to go. They also suggested

that we focus on a few activities that require group interaction--fewer piano

lessons, more book club meetings--so he is actually communicating with a lot of

kids rather than just being in the same general area. I still think that

homeschooling is better for us in the long run, I just think I have to focus

more on the types of activities he is in.

Amy

-- In , " MonaY " wrote:

>

> I have a question for those who are home schooling. Was OCD a factor in

deciding to remove your child from school and did you find that the OCD got any

worse after this decision? My daughter was pretty impossible to get to school

due to very moody rages in the morning, her OCD wasn't horrible when she was in

school but it was there. I've noticed that it's gotten MUCH worse since making

the decision to homeschool, about 100%. Now she rages and says she will never go

back to school though one of her therapists says it is 100% important in helping

her as she is very social and now lonely due to the fact she has very few

friends. She is super defiant and opposition which is something I now hear is

connected to OCD as it is the same part of the brain which just gives an

automatic NO rather than thinking about a situation. I am so at my wit's end. I

adore this child ( she is ten) yet she has become my whole life, which may be

the problem ; we have no space from each other. she is rude, obnoxious, talks

back and I just am soo tired.

> thanks for listening.

> lisa

>