Guest guest Posted April 18, 2010 Report Share Posted April 18, 2010 Sorry to bother you all with such a silly post. You don't need to respond to it. I felt better after I wrote it. But I know my real problem is figuring out how to disengage and not try to fix things when they are sad for my daughter. Because she worries about so many things, little and big. I find myself trying to fix the things I can. The chronic stress of the situation has me wound up so tight that a little thing can knock me over. I'm hoping after this Nationals trip that things will settle down and I can work on learning to relax and put some distance between me and her anxiety. Thanks, Kelli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2010 Report Share Posted April 18, 2010 Kelli, It is not silly to feel stressed out and overwhelmed by dealing with our children's anxiety. Neither is it silly to need to vent; this is the place to do that! We have all been there. You're right than we cannot fix everything and that is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. Try to take some time for yourself when you can. (mom w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/OCD) > > Subject: Re:I want to resign > To: > Date: Sunday, April 18, 2010, 9:50 PM > Sorry to bother you all with such a > silly post. You don't need to respond to it. > > I felt better after I wrote it. But I know my real > problem is figuring out how to disengage and not try to fix > things when they are sad for my daughter. Because she > worries about so many things, little and big. I find > myself trying to fix the things I can. The chronic > stress of the situation has me wound up so tight that a > little thing can knock me over. I'm hoping after this > Nationals trip that things will settle down and I can work > on learning to relax and put some distance between me and > her anxiety. > > Thanks, > > Kelli > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2010 Report Share Posted April 18, 2010 Not silly at all, Kelli! I've wanted to resign a lot, and part of that is because our son is a teen, not because of his OCD. lol Seriously though, we've all hit our breaking point with OCD. It is called the Doubting Disease for a reason. Our poor kids are plagued with doubts, and their feelings are all tied up in it. Our son did an exposure exercise about decision making. But, your daughter would have to be agreeable about trying it, or she could possibly meltdown. He agreed to make decisions in 30 seconds or less. . No mulling it over, no making a pros and cons list, because that was just feeding into what the OCD wanted, which is to ponder somehow to be sure you are making the absolute, 100% guaranteed, perfect decision. He would sometimes groan out loud at first, but it got easier and he eventually stopped agonizing over it so much. Those doubts will still flare up now and then, when he has a decision to make, but he applies the tools he learned to get it back under control. Just to clarify, this wasn't important decisions, like which college to go to, but decisions that were simple, that people without OCD would not struggle over. .. .Like which glass to drink out of. Or which soda to choose. The exposure of deciding quickly and learning to live with it, helped to calm the anxious feelings that come with that obsession, to the point that it went from being a constant problem to mostly going away. As far as trying to fix it. . .We all have tried that, I bet. As a parent, you want to fix it and make it better. That is a natural instinct. I hate to see my kid suffer like that too. But, I've found the best help I can be is to remind him and encourage him to fight his OCD, using ERP, so he can feel better. Hope your trip goes well. We've found that sometimes a distraction like that can cause OCD to calm down. I hope that is the case for you. BJ > > Sorry to bother you all with such a silly post. You don't need to respond to it. > > I felt better after I wrote it. But I know my real problem is figuring out how to disengage and not try to fix things when they are sad for my daughter. Because she worries about so many things, little and big. I find myself trying to fix the things I can. The chronic stress of the situation has me wound up so tight that a little thing can knock me over. I'm hoping after this Nationals trip that things will settle down and I can work on learning to relax and put some distance between me and her anxiety. > > Thanks, > > Kelli > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 BJ, Thank you for the 30 second decision idea. I am going to try it. Our daughter agonizes over and doubts everything she does. I see now that the doubt is awful for almost all of our kids. I don't know how she is managing in school. Maybe on the smaller decisions the 3o second rule will help. I feel so blessed to have found all of you. Beth In Houston From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of bjc Sent: Sunday, April 18, 2010 10:03 PM To: Subject: Re:I want to resign Not silly at all, Kelli! I've wanted to resign a lot, and part of that is because our son is a teen, not because of his OCD. lol Seriously though, we've all hit our breaking point with OCD. It is called the Doubting Disease for a reason. Our poor kids are plagued with doubts, and their feelings are all tied up in it. Our son did an exposure exercise about decision making. But, your daughter would have to be agreeable about trying it, or she could possibly meltdown. He agreed to make decisions in 30 seconds or less. . No mulling it over, no making a pros and cons list, because that was just feeding into what the OCD wanted, which is to ponder somehow to be sure you are making the absolute, 100% guaranteed, perfect decision. He would sometimes groan out loud at first, but it got easier and he eventually stopped agonizing over it so much. Those doubts will still flare up now and then, when he has a decision to make, but he applies the tools he learned to get it back under control. Just to clarify, this wasn't important decisions, like which college to go to, but decisions that were simple, that people without OCD would not struggle over. . .Like which glass to drink out of. Or which soda to choose. The exposure of deciding quickly and learning to live with it, helped to calm the anxious feelings that come with that obsession, to the point that it went from being a constant problem to mostly going away. As far as trying to fix it. . .We all have tried that, I bet. As a parent, you want to fix it and make it better. That is a natural instinct. I hate to see my kid suffer like that too. But, I've found the best help I can be is to remind him and encourage him to fight his OCD, using ERP, so he can feel better. Hope your trip goes well. We've found that sometimes a distraction like that can cause OCD to calm down. I hope that is the case for you. BJ > > Sorry to bother you all with such a silly post. You don't need to respond to it. > > I felt better after I wrote it. But I know my real problem is figuring out how to disengage and not try to fix things when they are sad for my daughter. Because she worries about so many things, little and big. I find myself trying to fix the things I can. The chronic stress of the situation has me wound up so tight that a little thing can knock me over. I'm hoping after this Nationals trip that things will settle down and I can work on learning to relax and put some distance between me and her anxiety. > > Thanks, > > Kelli > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 You are very welcome, Beth. I always found that I was so tangled up in our son's OCD, and so exhausted from coping, that it was hard for me to figure out things to try for exposure. Our son's therapist would pull out these simple little gems, for his OCs, and I would look at him like he was brilliant. lol He has this calm way of talking our son into trying them too. He's definitely worth the money we pay him. ) I hope it works for you too. ) BJ > > > > Sorry to bother you all with such a silly post. You don't need to respond > to it. > > > > I felt better after I wrote it. But I know my real problem is figuring out > how to disengage and not try to fix things when they are sad for my > daughter. Because she worries about so many things, little and big. I find > myself trying to fix the things I can. The chronic stress of the situation > has me wound up so tight that a little thing can knock me over. I'm hoping > after this Nationals trip that things will settle down and I can work on > learning to relax and put some distance between me and her anxiety. > > > > Thanks, > > > > Kelli > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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