Re: How do you handle being replaced?

[Guest guest]

Yes! I've even had situations in which they end up calling me again--after working with someone else--asking for my opinion/advice/whatever. I usually gently say that they need to decide who they want to work with and that they now have a different baby/different situation so it's hard for me to help over the phone....sorta glad to hear that it happens to others Beebe, M.Ed., IBCLC Lactation Consultant/Postpartum Doula www.second9months.comBreastfeeding Between the Lines: http://second9months.wordpress.com/--- Subject: How do you handle being replaced?To: Date: Monday, August 29, 2011, 3:43 PM

Have you ever been in a position where you worked very hard to figure out a complicated case only for them to go on to someone else? It's a little awkward.

[Guest guest]

Well hopefully the "someone else" will be professional and respect you in front of the client. I think its so important to remain neutral in front of a client and never put down a fellow professional. You never know how the other relationship started, what was discussed or what presented at the time, its hard sometimes to listen to the horror stories that some clients come up with, I know from experience some are right on and others are total fabrications of the actual events.... Keep your head held up high, smile and make sure you document document document ... To: From: cradlehold@...Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2011 22:43:23 +0000Subject: How do you handle being replaced?

Have you ever been in a position where you worked very hard to figure out a complicated case only for them to go on to someone else? It's a little awkward.

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear that Dana, that’s hard. Unfortunately, I think that sometimes mothers will go to see another lactation consultant in that kind of situation because they don’t like what they’ve been told. Especially with complicated cases, if the mother isn’t ready to face whatever the cause of the situation is, and/or the required care plan, they may seek out another opinion hoping that someone else will tell them something different. In terms of how to handle it, sometimes you have to just let it go. It is our job to provide information and support, and sometimes despite our best efforts, moms don’t like the info or don’t agree with our approach. Sometimes I find that moms seem to be looking for permission to stop trying. They’ll come to a consult, we’ll make improvements, discuss the care plan etc, and then I find out a few days later that they’ve stopped breastfeeding. It seems like they want to be able to say “I tried everything, I even saw a lactation consultant, and nothing helped”. Warmly,Fleurwww.nurturedchild.ca From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of DanaSent: August-29-11 6:43 PMTo: Subject: How do you handle being replaced? Have you ever been in a position where you worked very hard to figure out a complicated case only for them to go on to someone else? It's a little awkward.

[Guest guest]

Once gave a mom a consult for slightly low milk supply (baby very young, just 2

or 3 weeks old...gaining some weight...

I gave her a whole bunch of things to do and a pump... less than a week later

she had secured a prescription and a months supply of Domperidone (which I

didn't mention at all since it was way to early imo to decide that it was

needed).

Her Postpartum doula had told her to get some.

So I think sometimes that's right, sometimes women need permission to do certain

things. I hadn't even thought of Domperidone yet, since she wasn't really at the

stage of needing it imo, but she found someone else to tell her it was okay.

For her, perhaps it truly was what she needed, for her own reasons.

I think we are all like that sometimes, we need to hear certain things that

gives us permission to do the things we want to do. And someone somewhere will

be happy to give us that permission, (be it helpful or harmful). Human nature I

say.

>

> Sorry to hear that Dana, that's hard. Unfortunately, I think that sometimes

> mothers will go to see another lactation consultant in that kind of

> situation because they don't like what they've been told. Especially with

> complicated cases, if the mother isn't ready to face whatever the cause of

> the situation is, and/or the required care plan, they may seek out another

> opinion hoping that someone else will tell them something different. In

> terms of how to handle it, sometimes you have to just let it go. It is our

> job to provide information and support, and sometimes despite our best

> efforts, moms don't like the info or don't agree with our approach.

> Sometimes I find that moms seem to be looking for permission to stop trying.

> They'll come to a consult, we'll make improvements, discuss the care plan

> etc, and then I find out a few days later that they've stopped

> breastfeeding. It seems like they want to be able to say " I tried

> everything, I even saw a lactation consultant, and nothing helped " .

>

> Warmly,

>

> Fleur

>

> www.nurturedchild.ca

>

>

>

>

>

> From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

> Of Dana

> Sent: August-29-11 6:43 PM

> To:

> Subject: How do you handle being replaced?

>

>

>

>

>

> Have you ever been in a position where you worked very hard to figure out a

> complicated case only for them to go on to someone else? It's a little

> awkward.

>

[Guest guest]

One way to re-frame such situations is that it's not uncommon in medical situations to get a second opinion. Of course, it still stings that the mother has gone shopping, possibly for information that she likes better. One part of the problem is that there are lots of ways to attack these multi-variable breastfeeding situations, and there aren't standard protocols on so many of these issues. Another poster had brought up the example of "How soon does one suggest domperidone? " I tend to bring it up early on, presenting it as a real next-order option -- "it's good for morale to feel that there's lots of things we can try, but I think we have to really explore what we can do with lower-tech options." But I do know consultants who go there pretty quickly, perhaps because

they worry that mothers will get discouraged and quit if they don't feel that dramatic steps are being taken. Maybe I've lost some mothers because I didn't go high-tech soon enough; maybe they lost some mothers who didn't want to take a medication, and weren't convinced that the lower-tech methods could have paid off in the long run. We don't know.Would a cardiologist get upset if someone sought a second opinion? Do they take their work so personally? (I don't know -- just pondering....) Maybe our passion is a valuable thing, since so much healthcare is so impersonal and rote. But there has to be a balance. West once said something wise -- that we're called "consultants." That means we're offering the information and ideas and encouragement, but because we can't control all the other factors in that woman's life, we can't dictate what she might do with those resources. Notice

that in the previous paragraph, I said things to the effect that the consultant could "lose" the mother -- that's a bit condescending, isn't it? -- not giving the mother credit for her own decisions.Was it on this list that someone was discussing a "Gold" conference session on empowering mothers -- that mothers continue to breastfeed when they feel that it's their accomplishment, rather than that they followed good advice from on-high. (It's confusing being on several lactation-related forums, which merge in one's mind into one big discussion.)Margaret Wills, land