Re: Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro

[Guest guest]

Mujisoto. I use to be the kind of person that would talk things out and I was very kind. After stopping the meds which were lexapro I changed into a cold quiet person. I had panic attacks about what was wrong with me being pssd and I didn't know how to explain it to anyone. How long has this been going on? The best thing you can do is be supportive stay by him and wait till he's ready to talk. If you pry it will make him mad. I feel these meds changed my personality and me a cold quiet person. If you have any questions don't hesitate to askSent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: "mujisoto" Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:26:59 -0000To: <SSRIsex >Subject: Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication to flow in spite of the obvious lack. What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the same way. I can;t win. I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny, this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over - after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss him or the us I know. We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is wrong. My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us. I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check. What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain. He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing. Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking news to me. So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

[Guest guest]

Thanks camel... It was made obvious the day before or on New Years

Eve, so, not long. And that is what was so devastating, the level of

extremes in such a short time. Saturday the 3rd, HUGE blowout...

hurtful words which looped in my mind for days- and his refusal to

come over and discuss in person to repair the gaping wound. Naturally

I was hurt... but he'll have none of it.

Last night, the 8th, again, big storming out blowout in under two

minutes (after I'd cooked him dinner! To have face time!) followed by

an apology this morning. Unfortunately I had to be somewhere and had

no time... then all on his own today, he worked himself up into

" single " which I discovered quite to my shock.

I sent an email, asking him what he would like me to do. I'm exhausted

from the attacks/abandonments, of walking on landmines, this is

crazymaking behavior I cannot afford. At this point, since it's so

shocking, I'm willing to stick by him, but getting him to calm down is

hard with the stonewalling. Again, I'm convinced this is an effect of

the meds, NOT his true intentions.

SO Frightening. Lexapro is the most evil drug...

>

> Mujisoto. I use to be the kind of person that would talk things out

and I was very kind. After stopping the meds which were lexapro I

changed into a cold quiet person. I had panic attacks about what was

wrong with me being pssd and I didn't know how to explain it to

anyone. How long has this been going on? The best thing you can do is

be supportive stay by him and wait till he's ready to talk. If you pry

it will make him mad. I feel these meds changed my personality and me

a cold quiet person. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask

> Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T

>

> Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro

>

>

> New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido

> and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening

> up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to

> just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits

> and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies

> the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication

> to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

>

> What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss

> him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He

> panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up

> via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care

> or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space

> and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the

> same way. I can;t win.

>

> I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,

> this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido

> was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several

> irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally

> storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -

> after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss

> him or the us I know.

>

> We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with

> normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro

> for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction

> in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he

> said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the

> dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we

> need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational

> invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to

> move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to

> articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is

> wrong.

>

> My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us.

>

> I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences

> to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few

> years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of

> meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee

> jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

>

> What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any

> similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable

> at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses

> her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

>

> He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.

> Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking

> news to me.

>

> So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes it is it killed the real me. If your afraid he's gonna hit you, you gotta be smart and look out for your safety. That being said if you feel safe then you just got to stay by him and be understanding. Don't offer up any advice just listen to him. Pssd has overwhelmed my mind for years. I have had it for 3.5 years and docs tell me its all in my head. Its a trip. Did he recently stop taking the drug cold turkey? I have read if you don't quit the drug slowly decreasing the dose over a few months pssd is much more likelySent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: "mujisoto" Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 06:07:45 -0000To: <SSRIsex >Subject: Re: Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro Thanks camel... It was made obvious the day before or on New Years Eve, so, not long. And that is what was so devastating, the level of extremes in such a short time. Saturday the 3rd, HUGE blowout... hurtful words which looped in my mind for days- and his refusal to come over and discuss in person to repair the gaping wound. Naturally I was hurt... but he'll have none of it. Last night, the 8th, again, big storming out blowout in under two minutes (after I'd cooked him dinner! To have face time!) followed by an apology this morning. Unfortunately I had to be somewhere and had no time... then all on his own today, he worked himself up into " single " which I discovered quite to my shock. I sent an email, asking him what he would like me to do. I'm exhausted from the attacks/abandonments, of walking on landmines, this is crazymaking behavior I cannot afford. At this point, since it's so shocking, I'm willing to stick by him, but getting him to calm down is hard with the stonewalling. Again, I'm convinced this is an effect of the meds, NOT his true intentions. SO Frightening. Lexapro is the most evil drug... > > Mujisoto. I use to be the kind of person that would talk things out and I was very kind. After stopping the meds which were lexapro I changed into a cold quiet person. I had panic attacks about what was wrong with me being pssd and I didn't know how to explain it to anyone. How long has this been going on? The best thing you can do is be supportive stay by him and wait till he's ready to talk. If you pry it will make him mad. I feel these meds changed my personality and me a cold quiet person. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask > Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T > > Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro > > > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication > to flow in spite of the obvious lack. > > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the > same way. I can;t win. > > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny, > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over - > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss > him or the us I know. > > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is > wrong. > > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us. > > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check. > > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain. > > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing. > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking > news to me. > > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind. >

[Guest guest]

I have a ton of questions but nowhere to start.

did you ever just (suddenly!) break up a loving relationship over your

med/personality change?

when did you know it was time to wean?

how can i express support... when i've been shut out, without seeming

desperate? (I'm not) though I'm very much in shock and want a

resolution more fitting to our relationship than this. It feels like

3rd grade, dumped before lunch on the playground. So immature and

irresponsible.

Grateful for your insight-

> >

> > Mujisoto. I use to be the kind of person that would talk things out

> and I was very kind. After stopping the meds which were lexapro I

> changed into a cold quiet person. I had panic attacks about what was

> wrong with me being pssd and I didn't know how to explain it to

> anyone. How long has this been going on? The best thing you can do is

> be supportive stay by him and wait till he's ready to talk. If you pry

> it will make him mad. I feel these meds changed my personality and me

> a cold quiet person. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask

> > Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T

> >

> > Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro

> >

> >

> > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido

> > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening

> > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to

> > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits

> > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies

> > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication

> > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> >

> > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss

> > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He

> > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up

> > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care

> > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space

> > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the

> > same way. I can;t win.

> >

> > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,

> > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido

> > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several

> > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally

> > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -

> > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss

> > him or the us I know.

> >

> > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with

> > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro

> > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction

> > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he

> > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the

> > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we

> > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational

> > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to

> > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to

> > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is

> > wrong.

> >

> > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us.

> >

> > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences

> > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few

> > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of

> > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee

> > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> >

> > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any

> > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable

> > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses

> > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> >

> > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.

> > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking

> > news to me.

> >

> > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I blog about how I coped with weaning off meds and how I am coping now.A really good blog about getting of meds is http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/ another one is Discover and Recover http://discoverandrecover.wordpress.com/

Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro

> >

> >

> > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido

> > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening

> > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to

> > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits

> > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies

> > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication

> > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> >

> > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss

> > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He

> > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up

> > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care

> > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space

> > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the

> > same way. I can;t win.

> >

> > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,

> > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido

> > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several

> > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally

> > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -

> > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss

> > him or the us I know.

> >

> > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with

> > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro

> > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction

> > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he

> > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the

> > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we

> > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational

> > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to

> > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to

> > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is

> > wrong.

> >

> > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us.

> >

> > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences

> > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few

> > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of

> > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee

> > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> >

> > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any

> > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable

> > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses

> > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> >

> > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.

> > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking

> > news to me.

> >

> > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> >

>

http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

-- Be Yourself @ mail.com!

Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

Get a Free Account at www.mail.com!

[Guest guest]

I acted bipolar on lexapro and very passionate about my decisions. I knew it was time to get off the drug when me and my older brother got in a fist fight outside our house and everyone telling me I was acting like a different person. I wish I could tell him what it did to meSent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: "mujisoto" Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 06:33:01 -0000To: <SSRIsex >Subject: Re: Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro I have a ton of questions but nowhere to start. did you ever just (suddenly!) break up a loving relationship over your med/personality change? when did you know it was time to wean? how can i express support... when i've been shut out, without seeming desperate? (I'm not) though I'm very much in shock and want a resolution more fitting to our relationship than this. It feels like 3rd grade, dumped before lunch on the playground. So immature and irresponsible. Grateful for your insight- > > > > Mujisoto. I use to be the kind of person that would talk things out > and I was very kind. After stopping the meds which were lexapro I > changed into a cold quiet person. I had panic attacks about what was > wrong with me being pssd and I didn't know how to explain it to > anyone. How long has this been going on? The best thing you can do is > be supportive stay by him and wait till he's ready to talk. If you pry > it will make him mad. I feel these meds changed my personality and me > a cold quiet person. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask > > Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T > > > > Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro > > > > > > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido > > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening > > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to > > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits > > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies > > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication > > to flow in spite of the obvious lack. > > > > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about > > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss > > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He > > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up > > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I > > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care > > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space > > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the > > same way. I can;t win. > > > > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny, > > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido > > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the > > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several > > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally > > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over - > > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss > > him or the us I know. > > > > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with > > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro > > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction > > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he > > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the > > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we > > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational > > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to > > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to > > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is > > wrong. > > > > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us. > > > > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences > > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few > > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of > > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee > > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check. > > > > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any > > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable > > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses > > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain. > > > > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing. > > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking > > news to me. > > > > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind. > > >

[Guest guest]

I blog about how I coped with weaning off meds and how I am coping now.A really good blog about getting of meds is another one is Discover and Recover

Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro

> >

> >

> > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido

> > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening

> > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to

> > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits

> > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies

> > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication

> > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> >

> > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss

> > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He

> > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up

> > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care

> > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space

> > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the

> > same way. I can;t win.

> >

> > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,

> > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido

> > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several

> > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally

> > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -

> > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss

> > him or the us I know.

> >

> > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with

> > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro

> > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction

> > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he

> > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the

> > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we

> > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational

> > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to

> > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to

> > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is

> > wrong.

> >

> > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us.

> >

> > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences

> > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few

> > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of

> > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee

> > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> >

> > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any

> > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable

> > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses

> > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> >

> > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.

> > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking

> > news to me.

> >

> > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> >

>

http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

-- Be Yourself @ mail.com!

Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

Get a Free Account at www.mail.com!

http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

-- Be Yourself @ mail.com!

Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

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[Guest guest]

he is on a mind altering drug. He is not the same person you knew

before. Either he stops taking the drugs and recovers to being the

person you once knew, or you just have to let him go and move on.

Sorry this isn't the best news you want to hear, but it's the truth.

Big Hugs, survivor

>

> New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido

> and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening

> up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to

> just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits

> and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies

> the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication

> to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

>

> What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss

> him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He

> panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up

> via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care

> or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space

> and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the

> same way. I can;t win.

>

> I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,

> this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido

> was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several

> irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally

> storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -

> after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss

> him or the us I know.

>

> We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with

> normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro

> for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction

> in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he

> said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the

> dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we

> need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational

> invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to

> move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to

> articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is

> wrong.

>

> My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us.

>

> I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences

> to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few

> years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of

> meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee

> jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

>

> What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any

> similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable

> at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses

> her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

>

> He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.

> Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking

> news to me.

>

> So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

>

[Guest guest]

Survivor, to be fair, I met him while he was on Lexapro, he'd been

taking it two months and this is the first I've seen of such monstrous

behavior. Maybe he's comfortable and has no coping skills to deal with

relationships.. i don;t know. But this is new for us.

When this first came up, his response at one point was to scream at

me: IF I WEREN'T ON THE LEXAPRO I'D HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO LEAVE MY

HOUSE TO MEET YOU!! And then he teared up a wee bit.

I know... I wonder if this isn't the best really... life's way of

protecting me from uneccesary (worse) hurt later on. But it's hard to

say when we've been building such a nice partnership until now.

> >

> > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libido

> > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of opening

> > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to

> > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exits

> > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies

> > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication

> > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> >

> > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss

> > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He

> > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break up

> > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't care

> > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space

> > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in the

> > same way. I can;t win.

> >

> > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,

> > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido

> > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and several

> > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literally

> > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -

> > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I miss

> > him or the us I know.

> >

> > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with

> > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexapro

> > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction

> > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he

> > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the

> > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but we

> > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational

> > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to

> > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to

> > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does is

> > wrong.

> >

> > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us.

> >

> > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequences

> > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few

> > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger of

> > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes knee

> > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> >

> > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any

> > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable

> > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who misses

> > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> >

> > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.

> > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking

> > news to me.

> >

> > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great blog and resources, I have bookmarked them...

Funny thing is... I'm not the one on SSRIs anymore and basically live

my life as it comes. Trouble? Take a bath. Maybe take a mild sed if

panic is out of control... but mostly I exercise gratitude and try ot

keep an even keel. His crazymaking threatens my own calm, drains me of

resources and causes panic I try hard to stave off completely. Now the

heartbreak.

He could really use your info here but how to broach the topic is very

daunting at this point. He's fightin' mad and super defensive about

his miracle drug. Oy.

Thankyou Natural Gal- i will be visiting your blog regularly. Keep up

the good work.

> > >

> > > Mujisoto. I use to be the kind of person that would talk

> things out

> > and I was very kind. After stopping the meds which were lexapro

> I

> > changed into a cold quiet person. I had panic attacks about

> what was

> > wrong with me being pssd and I didn't know how to explain it to

> > anyone. How long has this been going on? The best thing you can

> do is

> > be supportive stay by him and wait till he's ready to talk. If

> you pry

> > it will make him mad. I feel these meds changed my personality

> and me

> > a cold quiet person. If you have any questions don't hesitate

> to ask

> > > Sent via BlackBerry by AT & T

> > >

> > > Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido,

> lexapro

> > >

> > >

> > > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss

> of libido

> > > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead

> of opening

> > > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now

> responds to

> > > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude,

> violent exits

> > > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep

> apologies

> > > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing

> communication

> > > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> > >

> > > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt

> or miss

> > > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my

> part. He

> > > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to

> break up

> > > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control.

> I

> > > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I

> don't care

> > > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time

> and space

> > > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations

> fly in the

> > > same way. I can;t win.

> > >

> > > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and

> funny,

> > > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of

> libido

> > > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in

> the

> > > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and

> several

> > > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will

> literally

> > > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's

> over -

> > > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express

> that I miss

> > > him or the us I know.

> > >

> > > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months

> with

> > > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking

> Lexapro

> > > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe)))

> reaction

> > > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no

> libido he

> > > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left

> in the

> > > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed

> off... but we

> > > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated

> irrational

> > > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i

> try to

> > > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and

> unable to

> > > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything

> he does is

> > > wrong.

> > >

> > > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal

> us.

> > >

> > > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire

> consequences

> > > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it

> myself a few

> > > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the

> danger of

> > > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything

> becomes knee

> > > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> > >

> > > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have

> any

> > > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly

> unreachable

> > > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend

> who misses

> > > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> > >

> > > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically,

> nothing.

> > > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world,

> shocking

> > > news to me.

> > >

> > > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> > >

> >

>

>

>

> http://naturalgal. wordpress. com/

> A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

>

>

> -- Be Yourself @ mail.com!

> Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

> Get a Free Account at www.mail.com!

>

>

>

>

>

> http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

> A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

>

> --

> Be Yourself @ mail.com!

> Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

> Get a Free Account at www.mail.com

>

[Guest guest]

To: Gratfulone

I am a male and have a libido problem I think it could be due to stress but I am not leaving other reasons out. I am suffering from the exact same thing with regards to my wife. Except that through 5years of marriage and 4 years of pain I am always the one to make peace. I think that was my problem in the beginning. Not everyone understand logic and compassion. She is currently seeking therapy which was my condition to stay together. If it wasn't for my two beautiful kids I would have divorced her in a heart beat. I have pulled myself from helping her for two reasons: I dont have that much energy anymore and I need all the energy for myself to stay healthy also for her to feel the pressure.

Adil

Subject: Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexaproTo: SSRIsex Date: Saturday, January 10, 2009, 12:26 AM

New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of libidoand defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of openingup, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds tojust about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent exitsand harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologiesthe next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communicationto flow in spite of the obvious lack. What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just abouteverything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or misshim, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. Hepanics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to break upvia text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. Isuggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't careor am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and

spaceand don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly in thesame way. I can;t win. I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libidowas to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in themeantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and severalirrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will literallystorm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I misshim or the us I know. We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months withnormal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking Lexaprofor 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reactionin him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido hesaid... than feel the way he used to feel.

Fine. But I'm left in thedark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off... but weneed to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrationalinvention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try tomove forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable toarticulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he does iswrong. My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us. I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire consequencesto the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a fewyears ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the danger ofmeds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes kneejerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check. What should my response be at this point and does anyone have anysimilar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly

unreachableat this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who missesher mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain. He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shockingnews to me. So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

[Guest guest]

I see. Also I want to say that there is a psychological component in

effect. That is, he was told that he is defective and has an abnormal

brain function. He believed it and went on the drug.

In effect, this took away his hope. The awareness of this may be a

starting point to real recovery. It was for me and many others. Not

that it's easy to change one's beliefs. But it is the first step in

the road to freedom from biological psychiatry.

I can't say exactly how each individual gets from point A to point B.

It's an individual process. Telling him that there is nothing wrong

with him will not go over easy. I hope things get better. I wish the

best for you.

Big hugs, Survivor

> > >

> > > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of

libido

> > > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of

opening

> > > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to

> > > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent

exits

> > > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies

> > > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication

> > > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> > >

> > > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss

> > > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He

> > > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to

break up

> > > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> > > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't

care

> > > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space

> > > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly

in the

> > > same way. I can;t win.

> > >

> > > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,

> > > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido

> > > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> > > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and

several

> > > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will

literally

> > > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -

> > > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I

miss

> > > him or the us I know.

> > >

> > > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with

> > > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking

Lexapro

> > > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction

> > > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he

> > > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the

> > > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off...

but we

> > > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational

> > > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to

> > > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to

> > > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he

does is

> > > wrong.

> > >

> > > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us.

> > >

> > > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire

consequences

> > > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few

> > > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the

danger of

> > > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes

knee

> > > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> > >

> > > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any

> > > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable

> > > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who

misses

> > > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> > >

> > > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.

> > > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking

> > > news to me.

> > >

> > > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, believing you have a defective brain wrecks havoc on you psyche.I started to get better when I realized that there is no such thing. That I did NOT have a defective brain and that the psych drugs did more harm than good. In fact research has never proven that they do long term good. Naturalgal

Re: Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro

Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 17:18:20 -0000

I see. Also I want to say that there is a psychological component in

effect. That is, he was told that he is defective and has an abnormal

brain function. He believed it and went on the drug.

In effect, this took away his hope. The awareness of this may be a

starting point to real recovery. It was for me and many others. Not

that it's easy to change one's beliefs. But it is the first step in

the road to freedom from biological psychiatry.

I can't say exactly how each individual gets from point A to point B.

It's an individual process. Telling him that there is nothing wrong

with him will not go over easy. I hope things get better. I wish the

best for you.

Big hugs, Survivor

> > >

> > > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of

libido

> > > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of

opening

> > > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds to

> > > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent

exits

> > > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep apologies

> > > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing communication

> > > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> > >

> > > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or miss

> > > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my part. He

> > > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to

break up

> > > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> > > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I don't

care

> > > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and space

> > > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly

in the

> > > same way. I can;t win.

> > >

> > > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and funny,

> > > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of libido

> > > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> > > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and

several

> > > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will

literally

> > > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over -

> > > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that I

miss

> > > him or the us I know.

> > >

> > > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months with

> > > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking

Lexapro

> > > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe))) reaction

> > > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no libido he

> > > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left in the

> > > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off...

but we

> > > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated irrational

> > > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i try to

> > > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and unable to

> > > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he

does is

> > > wrong.

> > >

> > > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal us.

> > >

> > > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire

consequences

> > > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself a few

> > > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the

danger of

> > > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything becomes

knee

> > > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> > >

> > > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have any

> > > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly unreachable

> > > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who

misses

> > > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> > >

> > > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically, nothing.

> > > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world, shocking

> > > news to me.

> > >

> > > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> > >

> >

>

http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

-- Be Yourself @ mail.com!

Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

Get a Free Account at www.mail.com!

[Guest guest]

Yes, I agree he believes the diagnosis of defective brain function-

and now he's sold on it due to whatever comparisons he has from how he

felt before the meds. I also agree this would not go over well with

him as we have touched on it (early in our relationship, I gave a

brief run down of my feelings on meds, having gotten off them myself

and we agreed to leave the topic alone.)

Your feedback is very insightful and validating, and, I can't help the

feeling that this a bit of preaching to the choir. We all know or

hypothesize that they offer more trouble in the long run, but the very

people who need this information are sadly deaf to it.

When I was on lex and then added Wellbutrin, I felt drugged, daily,

more at the mercy of rollercoastering emotions from the drugs than I

was the actual depression/social anxiety. I couldn't justify feeling

drugged on the chance that I (might) become depressed or have a panic

attack, and came to realize that maybe I'd be better off facing my

symptoms and treating on an as-needed basis. I knew somewhere in me

that if depression struck, I could take a hot bath, or walk, or just

cry and embrace the darkness or otherwise wait it out. I'm aware that

one day I may not come back from the dark side but it certainly

doesn't hurt to learn new skills to cope and -this is living after

all. A panic attack responds well to Xanax. But Living in a drugged

state 24/7 is not worth the trouble and often causes more trouble than

a case of depression or anxious fit would, in fact, with meds, the

trouble seems to be a regular occurrence with no bearing in reality or

based on any sort of fact. I think this is due to the false sense of

security meds offer, they're MEDS, they are making you BETTER... so a

certain self righteous quality arises from the medicated person in

this sense.

I remember the numb response I would have (on meds) whenever someone

raised exception to me or was having their own life trouble- I

couldn't relate to the common human conditions anymore, but rather

would stare blankly back as if to say, " get over it " or some other

cold reply. If they pushed, the meds seemed to drive me to (freak out,

yell scream, defend my position.... from my medicated pedestal)

But what I remember most was the realization that I resented being

labeled damaged- of having my power taken away- how that undermined so

many years of good therapy and the accumulation of life skills (my

emotional toolbox I called it) and I knew I had to get off immediately.

In the beginning of us, he said to me (in awe) " I have literally never

met anyone like you... You amaze me in your approach to life and

outlook... " And all I could say beside thank you was that I have a

commitment to working through things and finding the upside to the

negative- and somehow find gratitude- but that meds were not the

answer for me, in fact they made it crazier and robbed me of essential

power.

He pretty much hates me right now, such a turn around from last week,

and all over (his side effects) and this very nice girl, with a good

outlook and somewhat decent life skills, is reeling from rejection and

name calling and being dumped by a legally manufactured evil

substance. I'd almost feel better if he were a heroin addict, for some

reason i could wrap my head around it easier, as could most of my

friends and family. This latest development and rapid, nonsensical

downward spiral has us all completely baffled.

Sorry for the long post.

> > > >

> > > > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of

> libido

> > > > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of

> opening

> > > > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds

> to

> > > > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent

> exits

> > > > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep

> apologies

> > > > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing

> communication

> > > > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> > > >

> > > > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > > > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or

> miss

> > > > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my

> part. He

> > > > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to

> break up

> > > > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> > > > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I

> don't

> care

> > > > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and

> space

> > > > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly

> in the

> > > > same way. I can;t win.

> > > >

> > > > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and

> funny,

> > > > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of

> libido

> > > > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> > > > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and

> several

> > > > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will

> literally

> > > > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over

> -

> > > > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that

> I

> miss

> > > > him or the us I know.

> > > >

> > > > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months

> with

> > > > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking

> Lexapro

> > > > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe)))

> reaction

> > > > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no

> libido he

> > > > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left

> in the

> > > > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off...

> but we

> > > > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated

> irrational

> > > > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i

> try to

> > > > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and

> unable to

> > > > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he

> does is

> > > > wrong.

> > > >

> > > > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal

> us.

> > > >

> > > > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire

> consequences

> > > > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself

> a few

> > > > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the

> danger of

> > > > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything

> becomes

> knee

> > > > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> > > >

> > > > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have

> any

> > > > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly

> unreachable

> > > > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who

> misses

> > > > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> > > >

> > > > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically,

> nothing.

> > > > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world,

> shocking

> > > > news to me.

> > > >

> > > > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

> A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

>

> --

> Be Yourself @ mail.com!

> Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

> Get a Free Account at www.mail.com

>

[Guest guest]

Mujisoto,Some people were raised to believe that a pill will solve everything. Sounds like he was.You know you say you could accept it if it were heroin. Well, he had a better drug pusher (s) than any heroin addict ever had. I can't tell you what to do. But if the two of you can't respect each others' views...and it sounds like he can't respect yours and be civil...then it sounds like a life of hell. He is new to this concept. Maybe years from now he will see differently maybe not.I don't know how good it was or how attached you were/are to him. But men actually respect a women who doesn't put up being treated badly. I know I gained much more respect from hubby when he realized that I had moved out and that I could take care of myself. I told him I had self-respect and he was not treating me with respect.I just got off the phone with him. We will be getting together tonight to go to movie together. Last night, I could tell he was irritated with me and I think if we had not been living separate he would have been mean. I don't know if my hubby will ever go for help or even join a ssri support group like this....and I don't know that I will wait forever for him. I will cross that bridge later.I could put up with the lack of sex and intimacy if he were nice to me. Or maybe the grouchiness/meanness if the sex were great...but grouchy and no sex or intimacy together...no...I am not putting with that.So guys who are reading....if you are really nice and patient...chances are she will be too.Naturalgal

Re: Boyfriend showing abrupt loss of libido, lexapro

Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 18:30:58 -0000

Yes, I agree he believes the diagnosis of defective brain function-

and now he's sold on it due to whatever comparisons he has from how he

felt before the meds. I also agree this would not go over well with

him as we have touched on it (early in our relationship, I gave a

brief run down of my feelings on meds, having gotten off them myself

and we agreed to leave the topic alone.)

Your feedback is very insightful and validating, and, I can't help the

feeling that this a bit of preaching to the choir. We all know or

hypothesize that they offer more trouble in the long run, but the very

people who need this information are sadly deaf to it.

When I was on lex and then added Wellbutrin, I felt drugged, daily,

more at the mercy of rollercoastering emotions from the drugs than I

was the actual depression/social anxiety. I couldn't justify feeling

drugged on the chance that I (might) become depressed or have a panic

attack, and came to realize that maybe I'd be better off facing my

symptoms and treating on an as-needed basis. I knew somewhere in me

that if depression struck, I could take a hot bath, or walk, or just

cry and embrace the darkness or otherwise wait it out. I'm aware that

one day I may not come back from the dark side but it certainly

doesn't hurt to learn new skills to cope and -this is living after

all. A panic attack responds well to Xanax. But Living in a drugged

state 24/7 is not worth the trouble and often causes more trouble than

a case of depression or anxious fit would, in fact, with meds, the

trouble seems to be a regular occurrence with no bearing in reality or

based on any sort of fact. I think this is due to the false sense of

security meds offer, they're MEDS, they are making you BETTER... so a

certain self righteous quality arises from the medicated person in

this sense.

I remember the numb response I would have (on meds) whenever someone

raised exception to me or was having their own life trouble- I

couldn't relate to the common human conditions anymore, but rather

would stare blankly back as if to say, "get over it" or some other

cold reply. If they pushed, the meds seemed to drive me to (freak out,

yell scream, defend my position.... from my medicated pedestal)

But what I remember most was the realization that I resented being

labeled damaged- of having my power taken away- how that undermined so

many years of good therapy and the accumulation of life skills (my

emotional toolbox I called it) and I knew I had to get off immediately.

In the beginning of us, he said to me (in awe) "I have literally never

met anyone like you... You amaze me in your approach to life and

outlook..." And all I could say beside thank you was that I have a

commitment to working through things and finding the upside to the

negative- and somehow find gratitude- but that meds were not the

answer for me, in fact they made it crazier and robbed me of essential

power.

He pretty much hates me right now, such a turn around from last week,

and all over (his side effects) and this very nice girl, with a good

outlook and somewhat decent life skills, is reeling from rejection and

name calling and being dumped by a legally manufactured evil

substance. I'd almost feel better if he were a heroin addict, for some

reason i could wrap my head around it easier, as could most of my

friends and family. This latest development and rapid, nonsensical

downward spiral has us all completely baffled.

Sorry for the long post.

> > > >

> > > > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss of

> libido

> > > > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead of

> opening

> > > > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now responds

> to

> > > > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude, violent

> exits

> > > > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep

> apologies

> > > > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing

> communication

> > > > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> > > >

> > > > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > > > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt or

> miss

> > > > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my

> part. He

> > > > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to

> break up

> > > > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control. I

> > > > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I

> don't

> care

> > > > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time and

> space

> > > > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations fly

> in the

> > > > same way. I can;t win.

> > > >

> > > > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and

> funny,

> > > > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of

> libido

> > > > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in the

> > > > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and

> several

> > > > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will

> literally

> > > > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's over

> -

> > > > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express that

> I

> miss

> > > > him or the us I know.

> > > >

> > > > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months

> with

> > > > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking

> Lexapro

> > > > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe)))

> reaction

> > > > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no

> libido he

> > > > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left

> in the

> > > > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed off...

> but we

> > > > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated

> irrational

> > > > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i

> try to

> > > > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and

> unable to

> > > > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything he

> does is

> > > > wrong.

> > > >

> > > > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal

> us.

> > > >

> > > > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire

> consequences

> > > > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it myself

> a few

> > > > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the

> danger of

> > > > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything

> becomes

> knee

> > > > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> > > >

> > > > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have

> any

> > > > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly

> unreachable

> > > > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend who

> misses

> > > > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> > > >

> > > > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically,

> nothing.

> > > > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world,

> shocking

> > > > news to me.

> > > >

> > > > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

> A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

>

> --

> Be Yourself @ mail.com!

> Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

> Get a Free Account at www.mail.com

>

http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

-- Be Yourself @ mail.com!

Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

Get a Free Account at www.mail.com!

[Guest guest]

Natural Gal,

Thank you.

Agree that self respect is the key here, and I am not willing to be a

doormat to this impulsive irrationality. All I have said (in a lengthy

email) was to outline how far we've gotten from the original topic and

try to convey how irrational these fights are, not based in reality at

all and to ask him what he would like me to do or say to help him, so

he does not continue to feel attacked. I have not pleaded or begged or

made myself overly available and will not do so.

He acknowledged the mail this morning, saying he still cares deeply

for me, can't figure where he is right now, feels numb, and will write

more later.

My question for you is- you obviously write your blog and are involved

in this group, committed to helping and being helped. Does your

husband not know you write the blog or belong to a group? How you both

live such different approaches to the same subject baffles me, and for

so long now? I ask because I'm tempted to show him these posts but

realize what treacherous territory it is. Why is the subject so off

limits (still) for your husband?

My apologies if this question is offensive to you, it is not my

intention. I just can't wrap my head around any of this.

Thank you and good luck tonight,

Mujisoto

> > > > >

> > > > > New here, suffering and confused by boyfriend's sudden loss

> of

> > libido

> > > > > and defensive behavior when we tried discussing it. Instead

> of

> > opening

> > > > > up, and offering other intimate communications, he now

> responds

> > to

> > > > > just about every interaction with a shut down attitude,

> violent

> > exits

> > > > > and harsh words. (Tantrums, essentially, followed by deep

> > apologies

> > > > > the next day.) This is not just about sex but allowing

> > communication

> > > > > to flow in spite of the obvious lack.

> > > > >

> > > > > What I am seeing here is an irrational response to just about

> > > > > everything I suggest or express, I cannot tell him I am hurt

> or

> > miss

> > > > > him, he interprets this as an attack or fault finding on my

> > part. He

> > > > > panics and says horrific things in texts (Going so far as to

> > break up

> > > > > via text two days ago) as his mind just reels out of control.

> I

> > > > > suggest time and space to cool off and this means to him I

> > don't

> > care

> > > > > or am unwilling to work on things. If I just take the time

> and

> > space

> > > > > and don;t respond to texts during our work day, accusations

> fly

> > in the

> > > > > same way. I can;t win.

> > > > >

> > > > > I do not know this person, normally sweet, good natured and

> > funny,

> > > > > this man has become a monster. All he said on the subject of

> > libido

> > > > > was to YELL that he will see his doctor this month- but in

> the

> > > > > meantime- there has been a severe communication breakdown and

> > several

> > > > > irrational misunderstandings escalating into flight, he will

> > literally

> > > > > storm out of (my) house screaming obscenities, saying it's

> over

> > -

> > > > > after quiet, gentle conversations where i perhaps express

> that

> > I

> > miss

> > > > > him or the us I know.

> > > > >

> > > > > We've been together 4 months. A beautiful sweet four months

> > with

> > > > > normal ups/downs but nothing to this degree. he's been taking

> > Lexapro

> > > > > for 6 months. The argument originally caused a (((severe)))

> > reaction

> > > > > in him of defense for Lexapro... he'd rather live with no

> > libido he

> > > > > said... than feel the way he used to feel. Fine. But I'm left

> > in the

> > > > > dark and he's made me feel like a predator. so I backed

> off...

> > but we

> > > > > need to communicate. His response has been a repeated

> > irrational

> > > > > invention of conflict where it otherwise doesn't exist when i

> > try to

> > > > > move forward with non sexual communication. He's angry and

> > unable to

> > > > > articulate why- only to say I make him feel like everything

> he

> > does is

> > > > > wrong.

> > > > >

> > > > > My style is SO not that, I'm simply trying to relate and heal

> > us.

> > > > >

> > > > > I find that Lexapro, combined with alcohol, can have dire

> > consequences

> > > > > to the personality and rational mind. (I experienced it

> myself

> > a few

> > > > > years ago, so I know.) And this experience just confirms the

> > danger of

> > > > > meds, when rational thinking is just gone and everything

> > becomes

> > knee

> > > > > jerk. Loss of libido? Check. Loss of reason? Check.

> > > > >

> > > > > What should my response be at this point and does anyone have

> > any

> > > > > similar experiences with partners on SSRI? He is utterly

> > unreachable

> > > > > at this point and I truly am a loving, concerned girlfriend

> who

> > misses

> > > > > her mate. I don't know this person and am in great pain.

> > > > >

> > > > > He has walked out on me twice this week, over basically,

> > nothing.

> > > > > Today he has indicated his status as single to the world,

> > shocking

> > > > > news to me.

> > > > >

> > > > > So lost. Help? Thank you, and please be kind.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

> > A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

> >

> > --

> > Be Yourself @ mail.com!

> > Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

> > Get a Free Account at www.mail.com

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> http://naturalgal.wordpress.com/

> A journey away from medication through sane eating of healthy food.

>

> --

> Be Yourself @ mail.com!

> Choose From 200+ Email Addresses

> Get a Free Account at www.mail.com

>