Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 Hilarious, Kishore sir.. Shweta Verma'96 > > Woh Kaan thi! > > My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we had > nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now waiting > > for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.) This can lead to > > some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General > Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of > hers > for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax > > for removal of the wax to my wife. > > I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was > expected (and expecting!) As lays down the laws of our hospital, it > > was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, > landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient. > > " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big smile. I always have a big > smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile > > and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. " Relax. " > > " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " > > " Not at all. " > > The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, Doctor, we tried > removing > it at home, but failed. " > > I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious > complications. " > > " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't > budge. " > > I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would need doctors? " > > She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it > with > his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin. " > > " Oh my God! " > > " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " > > My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering > a > word. > > " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me? " > > I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too > much. > I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which can prevent this > happening. Or you could use protection at night. " > > Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You mean to say that it > happens only at night? " > > I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in > the mood, you should use protection. " > > She was even more confused, " It depends on my moods? " > > Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. > It > just happens. " > > " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the > roadside. " > > " You mean that pin man? " > > " Yeah! " > > This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using > pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among > > the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " > > " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. > > However, that also did not work. " > > This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be > locked > up either in a padded cell or a barred one. > > " But have you taken your husband's permission? " > > Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take my husband's > permission? > Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to > meet for the last one year. " > > It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' > cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I > reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed. " > > " However, I did inform him on phone. " > > Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether > > to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to > other > aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " > > " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other > work. " > > " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this > removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a > heartbeat. " > > The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. > Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the > grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, " You will bleed > a > bit, but only for a few days. " > > By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How much bleeding? " > > " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue > only for a week or so. " > > By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me > > wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you lie down on the > examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax. " > > This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a > blur > of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. > > Kishore Shah 1974 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 Ha ha ha! Superb, Kishore. Now, if that was true, I sympathize with you (that rhymes) :-D Anyway, had a hearty laugh! Ravin '82 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 ...................and that was another gem from Kishore sir...!!! Loved it, loved it and loved it...!!! Kishore sir.... as the moderator of this group, maybe you should collect your funny short stories... and maybe someday, you can publish that in a book.... Keep 'em coming...!!! cheers Ameet 1993 > > > > > > > Woh Kaan thi! > > My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we had > nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now waiting > for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.) This can lead to > some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General > Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of hers > for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax > for removal of the wax to my wife. > > I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was > expected (and expecting!) As lays down the laws of our hospital, it > was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, > landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient. > > " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big smile. I always have a big > smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile > and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. " Relax. " > > " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " > > " Not at all. " > > The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, Doctor, we tried removing > it at home, but failed. " > > I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious > complications. " > > " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't > budge. " > > I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would need doctors? " > > She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with > his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin. " > > " Oh my God! " > > " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " > > My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering > a > word. > > " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me? " > > I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. > I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which can prevent this > happening. Or you could use protection at night. " > > Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You mean to say that it > happens only at night? " > > I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in > the mood, you should use protection. " > > She was even more confused, " It depends on my moods? " > > Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It > just happens. " > > " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the > roadside. " > > " You mean that pin man? " > > " Yeah! " > > This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using > pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among > the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " > > " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. > However, that also did not work. " > > This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked > up either in a padded cell or a barred one. > > " But have you taken your husband's permission? " > > Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take my husband's > permission? > Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to > meet for the last one year. " > > It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' > cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I > reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed. " > > " However, I did inform him on phone. " > > Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether > to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to > other > aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " > > " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other > work. " > > " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this > removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a > heartbeat. " > > The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. > Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the > grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, " You will bleed > a > bit, but only for a few days. " > > By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How much bleeding? " > > " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue > only for a week or so. " > > By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me > wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you lie down on the > examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax. " > > This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a > blur > of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. > > Kishore Shah 1974 > > -- Ameet Chimote BMS PhD program, Year 3 Cell Biophysics Group ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 048 Biological Sciences State University 3640 Colonel Glenn Hwy. Dayton, OH 45435-0001 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phone: Fax : chimote.2@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 That was a hilarious one,Kishoreda. I and my parivar r now in Mumbai for our annual one month vacation.So,thankfully,u will all see me less out here. Shyam(84) > >Reply-To: mgims >To: mgims >Subject: Re: Woh kaan thi >Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2006 18:30:57 -0400 > >Hilarious, Kishore sir.. > >Shweta Verma'96 > > > > > > Woh Kaan thi! > > > > My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we >had > > nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now >waiting > > > > for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.) This can lead >to > > > > some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General > > Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of > > hers > > for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with >earwax > > > > for removal of the wax to my wife. > > > > I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was > > expected (and expecting!) As lays down the laws of our hospital, >it > > > > was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her >ear, > > landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient. > > > > " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big smile. I always have a >big > > smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble >smile > > > > and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. " Relax. " > > > > " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " > > > > " Not at all. " > > > > The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, Doctor, we tried > > removing > > it at home, but failed. " > > > > I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious > > complications. " > > > > " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't > > budge. " > > > > I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would need doctors? " > > > > She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it > > with > > his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin. " > > > > " Oh my God! " > > > > " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " > > > > My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without >uttering > > a > > word. > > > > " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me? " > > > > I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too > > much. > > I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which can prevent this > > happening. Or you could use protection at night. " > > > > Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You mean to say that it > > happens only at night? " > > > > I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are >in > > the mood, you should use protection. " > > > > She was even more confused, " It depends on my moods? " > > > > Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. > > It > > just happens. " > > > > " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the > > roadside. " > > > > " You mean that pin man? " > > > > " Yeah! " > > > > This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using > > pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was >among > > > > the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " > > > > " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and >wait. > > > > However, that also did not work. " > > > > This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be > > locked > > up either in a padded cell or a barred one. > > > > " But have you taken your husband's permission? " > > > > Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take my husband's > > permission? > > Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able >to > > meet for the last one year. " > > > > It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' > > cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I > > reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed. " > > > > " However, I did inform him on phone. " > > > > Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know >whether > > > > to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to > > other > > aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " > > > > " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other > > work. " > > > > " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this > > removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a > > heartbeat. " > > > > The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. > > Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the > > grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, " You will >bleed > > a > > bit, but only for a few days. " > > > > By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How much bleeding? " > > > > " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue > > only for a week or so. " > > > > By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at >me > > > > wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you lie down on the > > examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax. " > > > > This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a > > blur > > of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. > > > > Kishore Shah 1974 > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 That was fantastic.....I was watching a movie somedays back and there was a Gujju family with Satish Sharma explaining that he has a big " hole " (HALL), and before the wedding he will call a person from Italy to decorate it !! Actually we ENT, have thus stopped cleaning the wax, and prefer it to come out naturally, like a baby. Murtaza '84 > > Woh Kaan thi! > > My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we had > nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now waiting > for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.) This can lead to > some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General > Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of hers > for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax > for removal of the wax to my wife. > > I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was > expected (and expecting!) As lays down the laws of our hospital, it > was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, > landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient. > > " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big smile. I always have a big > smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile > and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. " Relax. " > > " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " > > " Not at all. " > > The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, Doctor, we tried removing > it at home, but failed. " > > I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious > complications. " > > " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't > budge. " > > I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would need doctors? " > > She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with > his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin. " > > " Oh my God! " > > " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " > > My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a > word. > > " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me? " > > I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. > I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which can prevent this > happening. Or you could use protection at night. " > > Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You mean to say that it > happens only at night? " > > I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in > the mood, you should use protection. " > > She was even more confused, " It depends on my moods? " > > Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It > just happens. " > > " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the > roadside. " > > " You mean that pin man? " > > " Yeah! " > > This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using > pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among > the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " > > " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. > However, that also did not work. " > > This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked > up either in a padded cell or a barred one. > > " But have you taken your husband's permission? " > > Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take my husband's permission? > Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to > meet for the last one year. " > > It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' > cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I > reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed. " > > " However, I did inform him on phone. " > > Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether > to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other > aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " > > " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work. " > > " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this > removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a > heartbeat. " > > The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. > Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the > grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, " You will bleed a > bit, but only for a few days. " > > By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How much bleeding? " > > " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue > only for a week or so. " > > By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me > wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you lie down on the > examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax. " > > This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur > of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. > > Kishore Shah 1974 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 dear friends, let us celebrate the fact that Shyam has survived the KRRRISH which he was supposed to see on his aarival in mumbai welcome to India,kamath pariwar Tarvinder Singh That was a hilarious one,Kishoreda. I and my parivar r now in Mumbai for our annual one month vacation.So,thankfully,u will all see me less out here. Shyam(84) > >Reply-To: mgims >To: mgims >Subject: Re: Woh kaan thi >Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2006 18:30:57 -0400 > >Hilarious, Kishore sir.. > >Shweta Verma'96 > > > > > > Woh Kaan thi! > > > > My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we >had > > nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now >waiting > > > > for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.) This can lead >to > > > > some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General > > Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of > > hers > > for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with >earwax > > > > for removal of the wax to my wife. > > > > I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was > > expected (and expecting!) As lays down the laws of our hospital, >it > > > > was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her >ear, > > landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient. > > > > " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big smile. I always have a >big > > smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble >smile > > > > and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. " Relax. " > > > > " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " > > > > " Not at all. " > > > > The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, Doctor, we tried > > removing > > it at home, but failed. " > > > > I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious > > complications. " > > > > " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't > > budge. " > > > > I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would need doctors? " > > > > She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it > > with > > his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin. " > > > > " Oh my God! " > > > > " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " > > > > My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without >uttering > > a > > word. > > > > " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me? " > > > > I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too > > much. > > I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which can prevent this > > happening. Or you could use protection at night. " > > > > Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You mean to say that it > > happens only at night? " > > > > I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are >in > > the mood, you should use protection. " > > > > She was even more confused, " It depends on my moods? " > > > > Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. > > It > > just happens. " > > > > " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the > > roadside. " > > > > " You mean that pin man? " > > > > " Yeah! " > > > > This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using > > pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was >among > > > > the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " > > > > " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and >wait. > > > > However, that also did not work. " > > > > This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be > > locked > > up either in a padded cell or a barred one. > > > > " But have you taken your husband's permission? " > > > > Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take my husband's > > permission? > > Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able >to > > meet for the last one year. " > > > > It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' > > cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I > > reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed. " > > > > " However, I did inform him on phone. " > > > > Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know >whether > > > > to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to > > other > > aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " > > > > " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other > > work. " > > > > " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this > > removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a > > heartbeat. " > > > > The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. > > Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the > > grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, " You will >bleed > > a > > bit, but only for a few days. " > > > > By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How much bleeding? " > > > > " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue > > only for a week or so. " > > > > By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at >me > > > > wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you lie down on the > > examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax. " > > > > This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a > > blur > > of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. > > > > Kishore Shah 1974 > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 What are your contact numbers in India, Shyam ? I would be great to catch up with Seema after absolutely ages ! Prabha'84 SHYAMKAMATH kamath wrote: That was a hilarious one,Kishoreda. I and my parivar r now in Mumbai for our annual one month vacation.So,thankfully,u will all see me less out here. Shyam(84) >From: " Shweta Verma " >Reply-To: mgims >To: mgims >Subject: Re: Woh kaan thi >Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2006 18:30:57 -0400 > >Hilarious, Kishore sir.. > >Shweta Verma'96 > > > > > > Woh Kaan thi! > > > > My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we >had > > nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now >waiting > > > > for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.) This can lead >to > > > > some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General > > Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of > > hers > > for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with >earwax > > > > for removal of the wax to my wife. > > > > I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was > > expected (and expecting!) As lays down the laws of our hospital, >it > > > > was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her >ear, > > landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient. > > > > " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big smile. I always have a >big > > smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble >smile > > > > and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. " Relax. " > > > > " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " > > > > " Not at all. " > > > > The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, Doctor, we tried > > removing > > it at home, but failed. " > > > > I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious > > complications. " > > > > " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't > > budge. " > > > > I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would need doctors? " > > > > She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it > > with > > his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin. " > > > > " Oh my God! " > > > > " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " > > > > My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without >uttering > > a > > word. > > > > " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me? " > > > > I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too > > much. > > I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which can prevent this > > happening. Or you could use protection at night. " > > > > Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You mean to say that it > > happens only at night? " > > > > I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are >in > > the mood, you should use protection. " > > > > She was even more confused, " It depends on my moods? " > > > > Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. > > It > > just happens. " > > > > " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the > > roadside. " > > > > " You mean that pin man? " > > > > " Yeah! " > > > > This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using > > pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was >among > > > > the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " > > > > " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and >wait. > > > > However, that also did not work. " > > > > This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be > > locked > > up either in a padded cell or a barred one. > > > > " But have you taken your husband's permission? " > > > > Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take my husband's > > permission? > > Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able >to > > meet for the last one year. " > > > > It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' > > cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I > > reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed. " > > > > " However, I did inform him on phone. " > > > > Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know >whether > > > > to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to > > other > > aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " > > > > " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other > > work. " > > > > " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this > > removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a > > heartbeat. " > > > > The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. > > Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the > > grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, " You will >bleed > > a > > bit, but only for a few days. " > > > > By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How much bleeding? " > > > > " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue > > only for a week or so. " > > > > By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at >me > > > > wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you lie down on the > > examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax. " > > > > This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a > > blur > > of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. > > > > Kishore Shah 1974 > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 I do believe you are in the wrong business, Kishoreda. You are a natural at story telling ! Did the lady who actually wanted the abortion have an easier time ? Or is that part of the forthcoming sequel to this story? Prabha'84 Shah wrote: Woh Kaan thi! My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we had nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.) This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife. I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient. " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. " Relax. " " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " " Not at all. " The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed. " I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications. " " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge. " I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would need doctors? " She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin. " " Oh my God! " " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word. " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me? " I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night. " Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You mean to say that it happens only at night? " I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection. " She was even more confused, " It depends on my moods? " Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens. " " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside. " " You mean that pin man? " " Yeah! " This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work. " This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one. " But have you taken your husband's permission? " Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take my husband's permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to meet for the last one year. " It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed. " " However, I did inform him on phone. " Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work. " " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat. " The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, " You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days. " By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How much bleeding? " " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so. " By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you lie down on the examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax. " This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. Kishore Shah 1974 ------------------------------ Website: www.mgims.org ------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 Superb Kishoreda, I wonder what the conversation would have been between the ENT surgeon and the patient for abortion.I wonder if you heard the one about the lady who was hard of hearing and had an infertility problem.The Gynaecologist informed her that her birth passage was too narrow and insufficient for a baby to pass thru and it would be a miracle if she would deliver normally.On arriving home she told her husband that the doctor said that only a fish could pass thru her passage and that to only a Mackerel! --- Shah wrote: > Woh Kaan thi! > > My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a > Gynaecologist. (In fact, we had > nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family > hospital but are now waiting > for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an > urologist.) This can lead to > some complications, as I recently learned to my > anguish. A General > Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as > sending a patient of hers > for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also > referred a female with earwax > for removal of the wax to my wife. > > I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient > right in as she was > expected (and expecting!) As lays down the > laws of our hospital, it > was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax > removed from her ear, > landed up with me. This is the conversation that I > had with the patient. > > " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big > smile. I always have a big > smile, when I am going to earn some money. The > patient gave a feeble smile > and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. > " Relax. " > > " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " > > " Not at all. " > > The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, > Doctor, we tried removing > it at home, but failed. " > > I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can > cause serious > complications. " > > " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, > but it just wouldn't > budge. " > > I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would > need doctors? " > > She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour > tried to remove it with > his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a > hair pin. " > > " Oh my God! " > > " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " > > My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just > sputtered without uttering a > word. > > " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt > inside me? " > > I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but > calling it dirt was too much. > I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which > can prevent this > happening. Or you could use protection at night. " > > Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You > mean to say that it > happens only at night? " > > I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the > day, whenever you are in > the mood, you should use protection. " > > She was even more confused, " It depends on my > moods? " > > Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be > in any sort of mood. It > just happens. " > > " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps > who sit by the > roadside. " > > " You mean that pin man? " > > " Yeah! " > > This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous > man. Besides using > pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only > safety he knew was among > the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " > > " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put > warm oil inside and wait. > However, that also did not work. " > > This was getting more and more bizarre. Her > neighbour deserved to be locked > up either in a padded cell or a barred one. > > " But have you taken your husband's permission? " > > Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take > my husband's permission? > Because if you need his sign, he is working in > Dubai. We were not able to > meet for the last one year. " > > It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It > was one of 'those' > cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the > usual suspect. I > reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at > all needed. " > > " However, I did inform him on phone. " > > Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. > I didn't know whether > to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I > hastily turned to other > aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " > > " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but > I had some other work. " > > " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you > had delayed this > removal, it would have started moving. Then it would > have developed a > heartbeat. " > > The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if > watching a horror movie. > Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit > to listen to the > grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I > said, " You will bleed a > bit, but only for a few days. " > > By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How > much bleeding? " > > " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, > and it will continue > only for a week or so. " > > By now the patient was clutching her hair in her > fingers and staring at me > wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you > lie down on the > examination table? Remove your underclothes and > relax. " > > This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me > goodbye. I saw just a blur > of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. > > Kishore Shah 1974 > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 as usual... excellent reading Malini With regards L/M Prasad (lp1960@...) <outbind://11/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/GIFS/floers/bouqet1.gif> Wish a very happy and cheerful day keep smiling Woh kaan thi Woh Kaan thi! My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist. (In fact, we had nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family hospital but are now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and marry an urologist.) This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife. I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient. " Please come in. Be seated. " I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. " Relax. " " Doctor, will this hurt a lot? " " Not at all. " The patient relaxed visibly. " You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed. " I was shocked. " Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications. " " I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge. " I smiled and said, " If it were that easy, who would need doctors? " She gave a cute smile and said, " Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin. " " Oh my God! " " Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick. " My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word. " Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me? " I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, " There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night. " Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, " You mean to say that it happens only at night? " I saw her point. " No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection. " She was even more confused, " It depends on my moods? " Again I saw her point. " My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens. " " My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside. " " You mean that pin man? " " Yeah! " This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. " You were wise not to heed his advice. " " But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work. " This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one. " But have you taken your husband's permission? " Now the patient looked confused. " Do I have to take my husband's permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to meet for the last one year. " It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. " No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed. " " However, I did inform him on phone. " Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early. " " Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work. " " Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat. " The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, " You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days. " By now, the poor patient was trembling, " how-H-How much bleeding? " " Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so. " By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, " Why don't you lie down on the examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax. " This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed. Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 This was extremely hilarious sir -----Original Mail----- From: ravindas@... Sent: Tuesday, 18th July 2006 8:26 am To: mgims Subject: Re: Woh kaan thi Ha ha ha! Superb, Kishore. Now, if that was true, I sympathize with you (that rhymes) :-D Anyway, had a hearty laugh! Ravin '82 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 Thank you everybody. I am extremely gratified that all of you enjoyed that one. I am willing to write a sequel about the other lady who went to my wife. I wonder what I will write instead of Kaan in the title. Kishore Shah 1974 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 Whenever I open my mail its usually quite late -after Rahul has gone to bed and Atul and me are having a little time to catch up on our life-and then comes Kishoreda's funny funny stories and writeups and Firoz's jokes and I keep chuckling and giggling and Atul who is at the desk adjacent to me browsing his own computer but not finding anything half as interesting or funny gets curious and says -kya hai-tumhare group mein aaj kyaa hua/-and then its my turn to thoda bhao khao and say- dont be so nosy-sometimes I'll be kind and forward him the mail....and we'll have a laugh together. So thanks guys for keeping those smiles coming!!! 82 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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