RE: Worthiness issues/ April

[Guest guest]

Worthiness at the Cleanse....

I don't remember anymore if worthiness was dealt with this morning or

yesterday it is all just one blur of allowing it in and out.

Again the 4 questions--really going in--the truth always wins.

I have not read the original letter and question so I don't know how to

respond in specifics.

I do know that when I work on " worthy " ( I can find it by the way! LOL)

Oh my LOL's are meant to be laughing at the absurdity of all my

arrogance, my crazy thinking, my judgments that are obviously just

silly) I do laugh a lot when doing this work. I sometimes get so

tickled with how I have done the most horrible things to myself in the

name of someone else that I have to roll with laughter after shedding a

few tears.

I wanted to bring this up because in the past I would " LOL " all over the

place and others wondered why I thought my yucky thoughts were so funny!

They are funny because I make them up! I make them exist where they do

not need to be! Oh such absurdity!

Ok, I feel unworthy, can I find that...sure thing! Is it true? There

was a time I was so damned sure of it I wanted to " off " myself. I

actually did try to do that. So yeah, I can find that answer.

How did I feel when I thought the thought, that I was unworthy? I was

afraid, I was stiff when people hugged me. I didn't give them me. I

was quick to let go of a hug. I was so tense inside my body. Thoughts

went around and around of why they also knew I was not " good " and worthy

of their love, money, affection, tenderness, (you name it!) When I was

taking medications I thought, everyone would be better off without such

a crazy person like me in the world. I found all the evidence I needed!

I wanted a true drama and story.

So who would I be without that thought that I was unworthy? Well, I

would soften just a bit, or more...LOL I would stay in my business and

not guess what others were thinking of me. I would smile freely when I

felt like it and not think that no one would want to smile back, if they

didn't well then I gave them a " free smile " wow, what a thought! They

didn't have to do anything back! What a gift for me! I also was less

anxious, no meds, no worry------

So can I find a peaceful reason to keep the thought that I am not

worthy? NOPE! LOL

So turn that thought around.... I am worthy....could be just as true.

HEY! It feels truer! LOL

I did go to a space where I didn't want to be " worthy " because it meant

that I would have to prove it over and over! Yeah! I did a work sheet

on that one! LOL.....

I do not always have answers that go:

Is it true: NO

Are you absolutely sure it is true:, no it is not true.

Often I think I NEED to believe truths. Then I inquire about that, find

where I feel it, how I think or have thought, it all becomes so funny!

I swear I laughed so much at the cleanse my cheeks are sore!

I have decided that this fun is not to be missed! I want it! I want

all the yuckies to come play with me! LOL.

April