The Psychology of Anger - February 27, 2006

[Guest guest]

Dear IMVA,

After my last mailings that confronted pediatricians, psychiatrists and

psychologists I received a range of responses. The most interesting of those

dialogues is below and beneath that I am publishing " The Psychology of Anger " , a

chapter from my HeartHealth book, then finishing off with yet another personal

dialogue.

We in the medical field do not normally give emotions, mental attitudes, and

spiritual dynamics their full due in the formation of disease. " Through the

millennia, humanity has more or less consciously known that all diseases

ultimately have a psychic origin and it became a " scientific " asset firmly

anchored

in the inheritance of universal knowledge; it is only modern medicine that has

turned our animated beings into a bag full of chemical formulas, " wrote Dr.

Ryke Greed Hammer. Dr Hammer has recently been released from a European jail

after being persecuted by the medical mafia for his revolutionary work with

cancer patients. Through extensive research of thousands of patients, Dr. Hamer

was

able to conclude that cancer is most often triggered by a shock for which a

person is totally unprepared.

These past three years I myself have concentrated on the physical aspects of

disease, on vaccines, mercury in medicine and dentistry, environmental

pollution, toxic accumulation in the body and most recently on magnesium and

other

nutritional deficiencies that are creating huge health problems. And I am very

excited to be building a strong arsenal of natural agents to help in the

healing process. But when working with a client, I never lose focus of their

situation on all levels of being, including emotional and spiritual.

So what follows reveals something about my own process on a subject that is

important to all of us. Anger, or our lack of it, is important to understand

and appreciate as it does hold an important key to our health and happiness in

this world.

Mark Sircus Ac., OMD

Director International Medical Veritas Association

http://www.imva.info

www.magnesiumforlife.com

Email: director@...

_________________________________________________________________

Feedback from an IMVA Reader:

Sometimes I can 'feel' your anger. When you wrote the artricle about

pediatricians, I was surprised by how strong your anger was. I had never been so

conscious of it before.

Mark Sircus:

Its not an emotional type of anger or ego type of anger. It is what I think

my mentor would have called righteous anger. Anger directed not at any

partiular person but at a series of wrongs. Personally I have never been more

relaxed

in life. It is from a deep peaceful and happy place I am writing this work.

Also I never separate from the whole meaning I do not lose contact with the

millions of children and adults who are being hurt.

IMVA Reader:

I do not doubt that you are happy and peaceful; that comes across too, at

least to me. I can tell you truly are pleased with what you are doing; not

completely satisfied yet but close. But whether it is righteous anger or not

(and I

do have no reason to doubt that it is righteous anger) -- it is still there

and very powerful, strong, and steady. I am not sure if steady is the correct

word but it is always there to some degree, sort of in the background, so much

so that I can 'feel' it. Maybe it is as you say; you do not ever separate from

the issue of the children and others who have been and still are being hurt.

Maybe that is what is there in the background all the time; but you certainly

feel passionate/deeply about it. Not that that is bad or uncalled for; these

were just observations. You have a very strong presence. And you have strong

emotions. Not everyone does. In some ways you are very different - sometimes you

seem to have two contradictory emotions. By contradictory I mean not usually

found at the same time, together. Somebody told me that you are a

perfectionist; I can believe it.

Mark Sircus:

Well it would be the first time that I know of that someone would have called

me that.

_________________________________________________________________

The Psychology of Anger

International Medical Veritas Association

Truth Speaks in Thunder as in Silence

Sometimes it is in tune to speak out forcibly,

confronting what we see and feel.

And sometimes it is better to remain silent,

and in our center of peace surrendering

to what the cosmic will is willing.

The heart of true wisdom is to know the difference.

Discussions on power and on the world of emotions and feelings, lead us

directly to the subject of anger. Anger has a lot to do with either the

expression

of power or the helplessness we experience when confronted with other people's

power. Definitions of anger vary from being a body tension with a cognitive

view of the world as being frustrating, irritating, insulting, or unfair. We

may even feel assaulted by a literal demand from our internal being to pay

attention to our essential needs and then to act accordingly.

The biological or evolutionary view of anger is one of preparing the entire

organism for rapid response to threatening situations. With anger, the blood

flows more quickly as heart rate increases and the rush of adrenaline generates

the pulse necessary for vigorous action. The word anger really covers a lot of

ground, from indignation, distress, annoyance, keyed-up, intense, frustrated,

ardent, zealous, and even excited. When we talk about anger we are talking

about a family of strong 'hot' feelings.

Anger cannot be dishonest.

R. Bach

Anger describes an inner space, and anger makes a person's space easily

visible. In anger, our inner world lights up brightly for others to see. In this

way, anger is an honest emotion. Anger comes out when a person can no longer

hide their inner world from others. Anger has the habit of breaking though all

games people play.

Self-aware people tend to be autonomous and thus clear about their own

boundaries. Such people are sensitive to when a natural limit is reached, or

crossed

by others. These kinds of people do not like to play games around important

issues, and will let you know clearly, what they are feeling. When someone

commits an offense against us, or acts in a harmful manner, it is natural to

show

some 'feelings' of displeasure.

We can forgive a person, but that does not mean that we are saying it was ok

for an offense to have occurred. Whether we react or not or whether we get

angry and loose control of that anger is independent of the objectivity of a

given situation. Inappropriate anger can delay the resolution of situations but

also, the repression of anger can be an acid that can do great harm to us.

We escape the trap of judging anger when we can see it as more or less a

friend who reminds us when it is time to protect ourselves, and or communicate

in

a strong manner. Anger is a cautionary instrument that serves us in crucial

moments of interaction with others.

People have a very strong tendency to judge anger.

We assume that the angry person is out of control of their ego, while not

understanding what the word ego means and what the purpose of anger is, or what

it expresses. The minute we judge another's anger we actually collapse into our

own ego sense of separation, for often when a person shows their anger they

are really exposing their vulnerability. We think of vulnerability as something

softer than anger, as when a person shows us their tears. However, the angry

person can also be exposing themselves to hurt and rejection, because people

quickly tend to judge their anger.

Anger shows a 'strong' displeasure about something.

Do not judge or reject anger, for it is expressing more than we imagine.

What that displeasure is about is very important. If we get angry because we

are not getting our way, it is one thing. If we are unhappy with another

because they are not doing what we like, or things are not going exactly

according

to our personal plan, we may have a small self-letting off of steam.

However, if we have the kind of anger that is aroused by something unjust,

mean, or unworthy, we call this indignation, but it is still a form of anger.

Modern Psychology understands that the universal trigger for anger is the sense

of being in danger. This sense of endangerment is not limited to mere physical

threats. It can include threats to self-esteem and dignity. When we feel we

are being treated unjustly or rudely, or being insulted or demeaned, there is a

natural and often deep response within us.

In almost all household and community situations, we find many common

situations that provoke intense feelings. What do we feel and what do we do with

a

person who will not assume their share of responsibilities, after we have

communicated our feeling to them, many times, about not doing the dishes, for

example? We sometimes have to face the reality that our communications and

feelings

are going to be ignored, and this is never pleasant. This naturally arouses

us to greater and more powerful communications, or in the end, to take decisive

action.

Be angry, and yet do not sin;

do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Ephesians 4:26

In spiritual circles, we hold in high esteem those who can sit endlessly at

peace with a Buddha smile, and we tend to judge those who seem more forceful.

Beings have feeling responses and those responses can vary widely depending on

the full scope of the circumstances. We tend to judge the angry person before

we analyze the situation deeply. Moreover, often the angry person who is

totally out of control, is doing the same in reverse. Both parties are getting

angry before they have all the information.

On the low end we see that anger is triggered by irrational thoughts,

especially thoughts related to unconscious demands, desires, and expectations.

The

more intense and out of perspective our demands and expectations are, the easier

and more likely it is that our anger will be triggered frequently and

intensely. Intense egocentric anger often runs parallel with fits of rage,

violence,

intense jealousy, possessiveness and poor communication behaviors. People with

strong imbalances in these areas usually demonstrate low frustration

tolerances, judgmental and demanding behaviors.

However:

There is another kind of anger, which deserves our respect.

A legitimate anger, that is worthy of recognition.

Anger can be intelligently conscious, and may be used

for creating meaningful and lasting change in our lives.

Anger can show us where respect is being disrespected.

Anger can show us something is wrong and needs correction.

There is an anger that transcends the selfish undisciplined ego, an anger

that we can see in nature that delivers consequences and is ruthless and

impartial. Pure righteous anger is not directed so much at individuals; it is

not

ego-to-ego. It is a feeling response directed impartially toward a whole system

of

wrongs. In general, when we love cosmically it is the divisions in human life

that cause intense feelings, anguish and sometimes even anger. This concept,

flies in the face of many spiritual teachings that would deny any kind of

anger or intense feeling.

In the real world, the opportunity for peaceful dialogue is not always

present, and the use of some kind of force may be necessary to protect others

and us

from harm. There is a kind of strong feeling that runs with certain kinds of

situations, that drives us quickly into action. But some people think that

emotional intelligence demands that we control our emotions and regulate our

moods and impulses.

Emotional control is an appropriate skill but there is real and present

danger of us controlling too much. Our strong feelings are not just emotions to

be

controlled; they are internal calls to action, to attention, to the turning on

of the full powers of our consciousness. The real value of anger is found in

the moment it arises and the reason for its occurrence. Anger can shout to be

careful. It can propel us to evaluate a situation more carefully, to pay

attention with the full force of our being. Anger is a powerful call to pay

attention to what is going on in our internal and external environments and to

understand the relationship between the two.

If a man meets with injustice, it is not required

that he shall not be roused to meet it?

Henry Ward Beecher

Anger is that emotion that shows us our displeasure about something.

Sometimes anger is caused by very real problems and as such not all anger is

misplaced. Anger is often a healthy and natural response to difficulties that we

must

face with our total awareness on alert. It must be remembered that anger has

its roots in the " fight or flight " response, and that it summons up great

reserves of energy to deal with and confront situations that are in need of

confrontation. Chogyam Trungpa warns caution when he says, " Don't suppress

anger, but

don't act on it. " Looking directly at and then through our anger to the roots

of its causes is the challenge.

Anger is a cry for change.

Change in situation, change in the self.

One does not usually equate anger with positive action. Most people associate

anger with blame, " You make me angry. " In this case the cause of the anger is

in our thinking, in some judgment about who the person is and what they are

doing. Blame is not the same thing as an intelligent call for change. Yet when

anger is properly channeled, it can change a person's life. Feelings of

disgust or revulsion can also propel us toward great surges of energy that will

lead

to change. Properly channeled, all of these kinds of more intense feelings

can change our life.

The person who feels disgusted is ready to " throw down the gauntlet " at life

and say, " I've had it and I am not going to take it anymore. " When enough is

enough we finally decide deep inside that we don't want to live with that

something or someone who is disgusting us. Nor with that part of our self that

is

constantly getting us into trouble. Sooner or later we are confronted in life

with thoughts like " I don't want to live like this anymore " and then we finally

make a change.

Our strongest feelings and emotions

call us to the alter of change.

The three main choices seen in modern psychological circles for the

processing of angry feelings is expression, suppressing, and calming. The

expression of

angry feelings in assertive ways has always been seen favorably as the

healthiest way to express anger. When we ignore our anger, suppress it, or judge

it,

we are turning a nasty sword inward. Anger often is a message to get clear on

what our needs are and to establish how in fact we are going to get those

needs met. The expression of our anger shows a respect for our own feelings and

respect for others who need to hear what we are feeling.

He that would be angry and sin not,

must not be angry with anything but sin.

Secker

Anger is so easily repressed, especially when everyone is so ready to judge

it. Repression of anger is actually the worst method of anger management

causing serious medical problems like hypertension, depression, and cardiac

dysfunction. Anger can provide the motive force and the energy that allows us

to

stand up and fight for ourselves. The highest form of anger comes from the self

that just wants to stand up for what is right. The hero inside of us wants to

vanquish those dark forces. In this anger (strong feelings) can be both our

shield and our sword.

We boil at different degrees.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anger is an emotional disturbance, a reaction to both external and internal

stimuli. Anger needs to be distinguished from aggression as anger is the

internal emotion, and aggression is the external behavior. As it is possible to

be

angry without being aggressive, and to be aggressive without being angry, the

two concepts cannot totally define each other. What is not clear to most people

is that it is our personal involvement in the fight against indecency,

against laziness and corruptness, against contempt and uncaring neglect, and the

deliberate hurt of our own and other people's beings which marks our evolution

and growth as beings. It is in this fight or struggle that our strongest

feelings are naturally aroused.

Anger is a great force. If you control it, it can be

transmuted into a power that can move the whole world.

Sri Swami Sivananda

Some people get angry too easily, while others just cannot seem to get angry

when they should. Who wants to get upset in life and who on this earth is so

perfect that they never get upset? For many people strong feelings of any kind

are upsetting. When we define anger simply as a strong feeling we can move

past our judgments and begin to listen more deeply to our anger.

" Anger is a signal and one worth listening to " writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in

her renowned classic The Dance with Anger. Anger is known to be a completely

normal, usually healthy expression of human emotion based on human caring.

Reid, author of the Tao of Detox says, " In Chinese, the term for " get

angry "

is " sheng-chi, " which literally means " generate energy, " or " give rise to

energy. " So it seems that the basic component in anger is energy, which can of

course be utilized for anything. The negative aspect of anger is something we

attach to it emotionally and mentally, but that can be transformed through

consciousness. Which brings us to the Tibetan tantric view, which is this: the

negative emotion of anger may be transformed through mental presence into the

positive virtue of clarity. Hence, when something really makes you angry

( " generates energy " in Chinese), if you catch the negative aspect of your

emotional response quickly enough through mindfulness, before acting on it in a

stupid manner, that energy transforms into clarity. "

Other people reveal our deepest pattern

of separation in moments of their

frustration, anger and even disgust with us.

There are certain things that we just cannot say to another without bringing

up a lot of conflict and anger. No matter how calmly and skillfully we

communicate, if we show another person that some action of theirs is hurting our

inner world (creating or provoking strong feelings) they might react with anger.

Whenever a communication drives us into those parts of our consciousness that

we would rather stay out of, we react. Often our reactions are designed to take

the 'heat' off us by delivering a counter blow. We hate to see ourselves as

we really are so we automatically hate anyone who mirrors our blindness, and

this hate is expressed in an angry manner.

But often there is a need to deliver a message, to make a communication. How

do we get someone to listen? The softest and most peaceful means is to open

our hearts and make a vulnerable communication that expresses exactly how we

feel, and what we are seeing and needing. But what does the being do when this

type of communication is ignored? Certainly new and stronger feelings arise in

the moment we feel ignored, or when our communications are completely rejected.

The more we try to communicate and the more we are frustrated, the deeper our

feelings of frustration and anger become. Violence is actually the

communication of last resort. When all else fails and communication breaks down

completely, many people resort to some form of violence. However, the more we

evolve

and work on our ego (sense of self) the clearer and more forceful our

communications become, and the less we need anger as a motive and drive of

communication.

We cannot always avoid a confrontation with

the forces of uncaring and negligence.

When the being feels something wrong, or

senses a disturbance in the universe of being, it must

communicate or risk separating itself from its true self.

The further we go into our true loving being, the more we become concerned

with what is happening around us. However, there is one over riding law that

governs the nature of all beings. Beings care. To be aware is to care. The true

nature of being is love that is expressed as caring. To care is to nurture, to

raise and to cherish. To care is to protect, to supervise and to consider.

Carefulness and attention are essential qualities of caring. When we care, we

pay attention; we notice and observe what is going on around us. The mind cares

about itself because it pays attention principally to itself, to its own

thoughts, rationalizations, concepts, judgments, emotions, and other thing of

self-interest.

There is an anger (strong feeling) whose source is love,

and this type of anger is a force to be approached

with care, for it has the power like no force on earth.

The origin of spiritual fire expressed as anger

is not hate but love, not separation but oneness.

To be aware is to care, and if we are aware of how we are feeling, we will

care to communicate, which is a form of action. When we speak out what we are

feeling and seeing, when we dare to express our caring, what happens? We run

into walls. We run into the hopelessness of communicating anything meaningful

because often people seem unable to listen. People have a profound lack of

ability to care for the inner world of others and they express this poverty with

their inability to listen. This inability naturally provokes displeasure. When

provoked far enough and fast enough even the most balanced or evolved person

could flash red with anger. (The color of anger is red meaning it is a first

chakra phenomenon - fight or flight.)

It hurts when others cannot feel, see, or hear our being.

Anger is a social emotion. Our beings were never meant to live with uncaring

and separation. We are meant to live with love and caring. Thus, it is quite

natural for us to have strong feelings when love and caring are lacking in our

social existence. Healthy spiritual and psychological maturation demands that

we walk a delicate and narrow path between remaining centered when confronted

with non-caring, and the use and application of power whose purpose is the

creation and protection of loving environments in our intimate spaces. When a

person needs to express anger, it can be an opportunity to bridge the world of

our mind and being. There are skillful ways of expressing anger that maximize

the chance of being heard.

" I feel angry when you doubt me or don't believe in me, because I am afraid I

am going to lose you, " is very different from, " You make me angry. " The word

" you " is an attack and the other will rally to defend themselves against any

perceived hostility. We are being blamed and we don't like that. This makes us

angry and we don't like that either.

When we blame others for our anger, we diminish the opportunity for real

being to being communication. However, when we express the anger with the finger

pointed to ourselves saying, " I feel " , we are simply expressing what is going

on in our inner world. The second part of the communication, " when you doubt

me, or don't believe in me, " communicates what triggered the internal emotional

response, and the, " because I am afraid I am going to lose you, " expresses the

heart level, the hurt that is somehow being transformed into anger. It is

always quite different when our motive is to share inner worlds for the sake of

creating healing and union. Blame usually backfires completely and leads to

even greater experiences of separation.

A great problem with interpersonal life is that no doesn't mean no to many

people. Although when people say no, they most likely mean no. If no is not the

answer we want to hear, we will not hear or really respect the no. Anger can

deliver a no that will be heard. It is a preliminary to action. Neuro

Linguistic Programming says that 'we can measure the effectiveness of our

communication

by the response that we get.' The way we communicate and express anger

determines the response that we get from others. If we are looking for a certain

outcome or response, if we are rightly demanding that a person stop a harmful or

hurtful behavior, we will know that we have successfully communicated only

when they have stopped that behavior. How loud we have to say no depends on the

person's ability to hear the communication.

Our devotion to love forces us to say no to what is not loving and caring. We

just need to say no to some things, it is such a simple thing and yet so

difficult. Adults find it very hard to say no even though saying no is the first

word we learn as children.

This is always a good reality test especially when dealing with anger. In the

end even if someone is hurting us and doing something that everyone can see

is irrational and aimed to purposely hurt and abuse us, we still have to own

the situation completely and choose our final response to that situation. Anger

and rage result from our helplessness if we can do nothing to improve the

situation, but the same anger can also show and mirror our fear of just picking

ourselves up and moving out of the situation completely. A being is under no

obligation to accept the uncaring nature of its own or anyone else's ego.

Nothing does greater harm to a man or a woman than feeling that your life is

in danger, and there is nothing you can do about it. Scientists have

discovered that great changes in brain chemistry occur when there is a danger,

and we

sense there is nothing we can do to escape it. The feeling of helplessness is a

terror from which the brain has a very hard time recovering.

Many beings have confronted combat, torture, repeated child abuse, rape, and

violent assault; each of these provokes a common biological and neurological

effect when the stressful event is perceived as uncontrollable, thus leaving us

helpless. When we feel there is something we can do, we fare much better

through traumatic experiences.

How we confront our greatest trials is crucial and anger is often present

somewhere along the line. Uncontrollable anger will most often get us into

uncontrollable messes. Aristotle talked about appropriate anger as the key.

Being

angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the

right purpose offers a vision of true heart intelligence. Obviously, he was a

great being with a great heart.

_________________________________________________________________

One good friend who works in the area of Non-Violent Communication wrote me,

" Whatever the source of anger, it may be putting off people, perhaps some of

the people you'd most love to get through to. I trust you have no doubt seen

that generally people either move away from anger, or respond to it with either

attack or defensiveness? " My response is that I am not trying to engineer my

communications to slip through into the minds and hearts of the maximum amount

of people possible. What I am doing is concentrating on communicating the

truth of my perceptions as clearly as possible. I am more in love with honesty

of

feeling and expression than winning any popularity contest. Truth is not

somewhere in the middle of two extremely opposing points of view, or beliefs as

many people think. Many people do not like to hear the truth and will run from

it

as fast as they can if they are not of the truth. Truth is difficult to hear

sometimes even for a person who loves the truth. Truth has never really been

very popular with humanity for some reason. Certainly governments and the

medical industrial complex are rooted in something other than the truth. Anger

as a

positive feeling calls us to change something, even if that is only a change

in perception. And in a world of people and egos resistant to change truth

presented strongly will stir up the hornets nest. I am full of a passion fire

inside my heart and I do communicate that forcefully with a lot of energy

(anger).

[Guest guest]

I love the points you make! I'm still working on realizing that I am not

responsible for other people's attitudes or emotions. I don't have to accept

abuse, as you say, but I don't have to say I'm sorry if something's not my

fault, either.

I am learning to accept my anger and not take it out on others...and not

allow others to take their problems out on me.

Sometimes anger with my situation has fueled me to deal with all the

challenges I face. Thanks for your insights!

Theresa in TN

Re: The Psychology of Anger - February 27, 2006

> Personally, I feel that it is my anger that has helped me to heal

> some. When I felt like I shouldn't be angry, or I was angry with

> myself, or I felt guilty all the time- I was much sicker. When I

> finally started saying, " What's wrong with being angry? " and let

> myself feel it, I finally started to dig out of the worst of the

> symptoms. Not to say I'm healed or close to it, but I am certainly

> not as willing to just take whatever someone dishes out and then go

> home and cry because I'm so wounded. I may not always tell off the

> person, or even really express to them how I feel because I'm still

> working on that, but I have become aware that it was my anger and

> guilt towards myself that held me back, and let people abuse me.

> Even now, while I'm trying to switch doctors, I had to let myself be

> angry and then even my husband got on the phone and argued with them,

> because his office was insisting they could not fill a prescription

> for sleep meds because my insurance changed.