OT/ Plaquenil? New doc? Or both?

December 3, 2005

I don't know about anybody else but shouldn't I at least be on

plaquenil? Rheumatrex or something? I know I get the blow off but

damnit man! I am seriously thinking about requesting to see one of

the more senior doctors at the clinic. I don't know if that is

possible but I'm getting back to desperate again! I have the plaques

and that is nothing, of course in the last 2 1/2 years my doc has

never been available to see them, all the other symptoms are in my

head - of course don't think that I don't let them know that if it

was/is in my head and I had that kind of power, don't ya think that I

would simply heal thyself? DAH! I'm venting, it is more out of fear

than frustration though. 7 years ago I was diagnoised with BPD.

Borderline Personality disorder. Yippee! I am definitely a border

and it interferes with my care. I have all my various things under

control these days but cannot and I repeat cannot see the gray area

for example: Things for me are either/or, black and white kind of

thing. So the unknown drives me literally out of my mind! So like

when the doc doesn't give me the time of day he is all bad, if he

listens for some reason - he is good so on and so forth. Same in

counseling, etc... Nothing like being a mental case and told that

you are when your not! It is crappy! Convienient for them maybe when

it comes to blowing me off? Who knows, it is all so tiring. And I'm

way tired to start with! I do ask on several occasions why my blood

work is changing and always simply told it is simply because I'm

getting older. Ya think? I didn't realize I guess that you go from

37 or 38 to 100 overnight and settle in for the ride if ya get out of

bed! The ssb worries me and seems to correlate with symptoms. I

want a referral to a dermy and to a rheumy and can't get either?

Like I said b4 my doc doesn't even know what Sjogren's is and it

should of been one of the first things to look for other than I don't

seem to have the sicca complex and/or symptoms. Back to the

plaquenil, my eyes are fine so what is the hold up? Am I making any

sense? Thanks for listening yet again! Love you guys! Thanks for

keeping it real!!!!! Kim

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