Re: Shelly & Carol

[Guest guest]

This is funny - I'm at work & there's never usually up at this time

of night to talk to.

I know after I read you last post & replied I got this lump in my

chest. Sometimes I don't realize how much something bothers me until

I start writing about it. That's why this board is so great.

I understand why you wouldn't want to be around your brother--I

don't want to encourage that if he's not a healthy person to be

around & if he's not trying to get help. My sister in law that had

the BP father can't be around her brother's because they act out just

as violently as their dad did. She too understands why they are

messed up but can't even think about approaching them because they

are so dangerous and toxic.

I think I have a unique situation with my older brother & sister but

it took us along time to get here. I'm 38 and they are 6 & 7 years

older.My younger sister who's 7 years younger than I am is still very

toxic & won't let us approach the subject of my mom. She's where I

used to be & is being the good protective daughter.

We definetly can only be responsible for our own progress & we can

always hope for the best for the ones that are still being wounded

but don't see it that way yet.

--

> > Is this the same brother that was molested by your uncle " Jack " ?.

> Yes.

>

> > Boy between your mother and your uncle no wonder he was acting up,

> > out or whatever.

> Exactly!

>

> >I've been in both places---the bad child & the good child

> Yikes!

>

> > I also when I was younger joined my mother & looking down on

> > my other sibling (who ever it was that was making my mothers life

> > hell---how dare they!!!) We get caught up because we think that

how

> > they are acting is normal.

> Yes. It was that way with my dad. Dad made mother so miserable, I

> didn't like him. He was the last person I ever wanted to be like.

As

> children, we absorb whatever reality is necessary to survive, right,

> wrong, good or bad.

>

> > That's why I felt so bad about my brothers

> > when I started realizing how ill my mother was & how much damage

it

> > caused between us kids.

> Yes. After I got married and discovered my dad wasn't so bad after

all,

> it woke me up. I felt really bad for my brother because I had been

> highly favored all my life, to his detriment. He assured me he

didn't

> hold it against me. I don't think he has.

>

> > All I can say though is now that I'm coming

> > out of all that mess I can shake off those fleas & take action to

> > repair some of the damage that I've done to others.

> Maybe your siblings understand what happened and don't really blame

> you. My brother is damaged, but there's nothing I can do to repair

it.

> He walks and talks like a duck (BPD), so he's probably a duck. For

that

> reason, I don't care to be around him, and I have no intention of

> allowing him to affect my life in any negative way. I say this,

despite

> the damage that I may have caused him as a child trying to survive

with

> a BPD mother.

>

> > Actually in my

> > older brothers case he was to the point in his progress that he

> > understood that I had been so wrapped around my mothers finger

for so

> > many years and he was just so glad that I got away safe & started

to

> > develope my own personality.

> Getting all the horrors out in the open helps foster positive

feelings

> where none existed before.

>

> > I wish that I was at the place that I'm

> > now in my progress that I could have helped my younger brother but

> > that's been 12 years this June that he's been gone & I was just

such

> > a mess then.

> The important thing is, a lesson was learned, and we can move

forward

> with more strength and wisdom because of it.

>

> > All I can say is that it's amazing that the rest of us are still

here

> > and since we are still here we can still repair some of the damage

> > that was done.

> It's a testament to the strength of will we all have.