Anyrae - thanks - sorry headache!

[Guest guest]

Hi Anyrae:

Sorry about the headache! I know how you feel -- especially when I

want to cry, I get a horrible headache (like right now!)

I think my mother knows I love her -- but I can never make her happy!

I could never do anything that would make her life better! Therefore

I made MY life miserable, because when she was miserable she made me

miserable!

My son does things-- and I tell him how wonderful he is!! And he is!

The only time my mother ever did that was when I CLEANED a room, and

it looked fantastic afterwards!!

Gee wiz! I guess I actually did make her pleased once in a blue moon!

I'm surprised I didn't become a cleaning lady after having

such " happy " results with the cleaning!

Unfortunately the cleaning had to be so thorough, and took me such a

long time that I ended up spacing out and losing my identity! Then,

her un=misery (not " real " happiness) only lasted so long... and then

she was back to verbally abusing me. So.... what's a kid supposed to

do!

Oh... this is bringing back memories.

I think it will sort of " end " someday -- it will be less intense,

less negative. I am praying for that!

Barb

> Barb, that is one of the hardest things for me. I know that there

is nothing

> in the world I can do to show her how much I love her.

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the

> feeling that it just won't ever end. I can't ever really get rid

of her.

> She is always going to be there. I look like her, I sound like

her,