Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 In a message dated 6/1/02 1:11:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time, crazydoglady@... writes: > I wouldn't hold my breath. > I won't...I don't want to ...I hope I stop before I turn blue! lol. Thanks for being a sounding board, Joy. Hugs back, Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 In a message dated 6/1/02 2:13:42 PM Eastern Daylight Time, cheetoweeto@... writes: > There is nothing wrong with trying to educate him, and > I am not suggesting that you stop, but I think you > have to accept that each attempt creates an opening > for him to invalidate your ideas and slap them down. > > , I know you are right...but gosh it really STINKS!!!!!!!!! I'll probably stick to educating myself! Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 Hi, Debbie, You're right - your dad completely invalidated you. I know you keep hoping because he was at least " nicer " to you as a child than your nada was, but he just doesn't want to get it. It would force him to make some changes if he recognized what your nada is doing to you, your brother, and to him, and he's just not gonna do that. It's safer to ignore the situation for him. Maybe he gets to be the " all good child " ! That's a very flattering position if you don't face the problem, I guess. Hope he someday sees what his " blinders " are doing to you, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Hugs, Joy > Hey guys, > > I forwarde a copy of the unicorn story to my dad the other day. I wrote at > the top of the email.... " This hits the nail on the head. " I am soooo pissed > at his response...which may be from him, or may be from Megatron (she breaks > into his email frequently). Here is what was written: > > " Deborah, I have read this story and my thoughts are that you and do > not come close to falling into this category, you do not belong in this tale. > God Bless, Dad " > > > > BTW is my brother. > > > I am fuming...I have tried to explain to him how I feel...in fact that list > Edith sent us from UBM is like a list from inside my head! I told my father > last week when I brought these things up that I don't expect him to > necessarily believe that my perceptions of Megatron are gospel, but I DO > expect him to allow me to feel the way I do and to accept that the issues > generated from these feelings and perceptions are REAL! So, dear sisters of > the list....am I just completely over-sensitive or was the email invalidating > my feelings? Is he (if it was actually him) saying I don't belong in that > tale to protect himself? I am going to roll around in flea powder and > re-read the email...but let me know what you guys think! > > > Debbie > > PS > > Why do I keep hoping dad will GET IT!!!!!!!!!?????????? ICKICKICKICK!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 Totally invalidating your feelings and perception. Even if he did not believe, he could express some empathy over your feeling that way. He married your mom, I think that he also has issues that make a match made in heaven..lol..for awhile anyway. Either he needs to protect himself because he was part of the Unicorn in the Garden or because he was an observer in the garden and did not bother to keep his children safe from the nada. Sometimes I have gotten madder over my incest issues at the non protective parent(the nada) because she knew and did not protect. We were the sacraficial lamb. Think it was good that you shared it. I am going to send it to my brother and get a clue about his denial:-) huggies...susienco In a message dated 6/1/02 8:42:09 AM Pacific Daylight Time, sweepea1215@... writes: > > " Deborah, I have read this story and my thoughts are that you and do > not come close to falling into this category, you do not belong in this > tale. > God Bless, Dad " > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 Hugs Deb! (do you mind Deb to Debbie?) The note was insensitive and rude. And you have every right to feel however it made you feel. As far as what he meant by it, to be totally honest I would say that it is a passive aggressive way of telling you that no matter what you send him from this list or wherever, he is going to get it because he doesn't want to get it. There is nothing wrong with trying to educate him, and I am not suggesting that you stop, but I think you have to accept that each attempt creates an opening for him to invalidate your ideas and slap them down. --- sweepea1215@... wrote: > Hey guys, > > I forwarde a copy of the unicorn story to my dad the > other day. I wrote at > the top of the email.... " This hits the nail on the > head. " I am soooo pissed > at his response...which may be from him, or may be > from Megatron (she breaks > into his email frequently). Here is what was > written: > > " Deborah, I have read this story and my thoughts are > that you and do > not come close to falling into this category, you do > not belong in this tale. > God Bless, Dad " > > > > BTW is my brother. > > > I am fuming...I have tried to explain to him how I > feel...in fact that list > Edith sent us from UBM is like a list from inside my > head! I told my father > last week when I brought these things up that I > don't expect him to > necessarily believe that my perceptions of Megatron > are gospel, but I DO > expect him to allow me to feel the way I do and to > accept that the issues > generated from these feelings and perceptions are > REAL! So, dear sisters of > the list....am I just completely over-sensitive or > was the email invalidating > my feelings? Is he (if it was actually him) saying > I don't belong in that > tale to protect himself? I am going to roll around > in flea powder and > re-read the email...but let me know what you guys > think! > > > Debbie > > PS > > Why do I keep hoping dad will GET > IT!!!!!!!!!?????????? ICKICKICKICK!!! > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 > , > > I know you are right...but gosh it really > STINKS!!!!!!!!! I'll probably > stick to educating myself! > > Debbie You are right! It does stink! It is incredibly unfair, and like pouring salt in an open wound. I know I went through it, and I have seen a lot of similar posts, it seems to be a common hurdle we have to get over as deglorify the parent or family memeber that we idolized and " connected " to. The child in us sees them as loving, wonderful and kind (not hard to be in comparision to a nada), but as an adult we start to see them for their very active roles in nada's ability to be nada. It hurts, and seems to uncover some buried feelings that we probably felt as kids. That these people who were suppose to protect us, instead asked us to change our behaviour to make nada's more possible. As children we NEEDED to believe that they were different, and gawd does it suck as an adult to see that maybe they really aren't that different. It doesn't always work but I also try to remember that I want these people to respect, or at least acknowledge, that this is my life and my decisions whether they like them or not. So the converse must be true as well, I don't like their choices, I don't like their behaviour, and I think they are wrong. But that is their right to live their lives in whatever miserable reality they have created for themselves. My newly created reality just won't have a role for them. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2002 Report Share Posted June 2, 2002 In a message dated 6/1/02 4:08:44 PM Eastern Daylight Time, cheetoweeto@... writes: > So the converse must > be true as well, I don't like their choices, I don't > like their behaviour, and I think they are wrong. But > that is their right to live their lives in whatever > miserable reality they have created for themselves. > Yeppers! I feel like I am chasing my tail with that particular hurdle. After all, who am I to tell Megatron and my father that their little system doesn't work? Thanks for the input and support :-) Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2002 Report Share Posted June 2, 2002 Hey there cheetoweeto:-) I love this philosophy. It seems a bit easier to do now that the mother has moced from San Diego to move to Vegas near my brother. Poor guy, its his turn. We drifted apart from our brother, more his choice than ours, however as the nada has gotten quite ill, we have more conversation with our brother, and have heard enough things that give us a sense of her tellling him horrible things while we were helping her out and he was off in vegas. I would hope, and he has indicated a willingness to talk about all the issues and clear the air. There was not a big blow out, etc..just a gradual drifting apart. I am kind of waiting until he sees enough of how the mother is first. Susienco > In a message dated 6/1/02 4:08:44 PM Eastern Daylight Time, > cheetoweeto@... writes: > > > > So the converse must > > be true as well, I don't like their choices, I don't > > like their behaviour, and I think they are wrong. But > > that is their right to live their lives in whatever > > miserable reality they have created for themselves. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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