Guest guest Posted May 29, 2002 Report Share Posted May 29, 2002 Hello - I discovered the site today. My brother and I are nearly at the end of our rope with a possibly BPD mother. I don't even know the terminology - what is a nada? I have gathered that it is the BPD family member, but am curious what it stands for. I ordered the Stop Walking on Eggshells book today as well as the Mothers with BPD one. From a cursory look at the DMSR criteria I'm about 99% sure she has it. Anyway, a brief primer would be appreciated. I'll keep poring over the previous posts; they're quite enlightening. Thanks, Seymour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2002 Report Share Posted May 30, 2002 Seymour, Welcome to our little haven! I think Edith (list moderator and recently crowned guardian angel---good idea Suzy and Co.) will answer your questions about terminology etc. So many of us end up here after a web-search for answers to explain away our nada's (what we call our moms...for " not a " mother) behavior. Good luck to you and your brother. I am glad you found us. Hugs, Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2002 Report Share Posted May 30, 2002 Welcome to the group Seymour:-) I am new here to, but just going through my first day of reading the emails, I saw the light at the end of tunnel and for the first time it was not a train heading for me:-) In this short time, I feel as if a 2ton black cloud has been lifted off my shoulders, and the black hole in my soul with an icy wind blowing through it, seems to be closing up and warming up a bit. It was something I felt I would have to bear the rest of my life, no matter how much work I have done and will be doing on my healing. It was a discouraging and overwhelming task in front of me. Now, just being in the group and reading every single email, its like I am floating. Susie & Co. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2002 Report Share Posted May 30, 2002 Hi Again Seymour, Its funny I have known a few seymours in my life, and the name is not unique to me, however, after reading your email, the vision of 'see more' is before me. I guess, from my personal experience with the group, is that I see you seeing more:-) Susie & Co. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2002 Report Share Posted May 31, 2002 In a message dated 5/31/02 2:01:10 PM Eastern Daylight Time, camckay@... writes: > . I couldn't stomach mother any more, and I was very ready to > face whatever " worse after her death " was, because I'd had it. Why > couldn't anyone understand that? > Hey Carol, I can understand it!! My therapist suggested to me the other day that I may never have any relief from Megatron and my father until one of them is dead! I've had it and somedays I couldn't care less which one of them goes...as long as this infernal, destructive tug-of-war ends! I am begining to think my dad is just as bad as Megatron, since he keeps " hoping " things will magically get better. That is the source of my stress these days. I do not speak to Megatron and am on the verge of not speaking with my father if he keeps breaking the rules...ie.. " Couldn't you just say good night or have a nice day? " NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I can't and I won't and I will never want to. ickickick! Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2002 Report Share Posted May 31, 2002 I felt the exact same way, Susie. Things with mother kept getting worse and worse over the years. I was sinking in the quicksand of despair. The only way out was her death. And yes, I wanted her to die. And then I'd feel even guiltier for thinking such a horrid thing, especially when everyone kept telling me to keep the channels of communication open at all costs, that I'd live to regret it if I didn't blah blah blah. How could things possibly be worse than mother being alive? Sure, maybe I'd feel guilty about some stuff after she died, but at least I wouldn't have a brick hanging over my head all the time, never knowing when it would drop. I couldn't stomach mother any more, and I was very ready to face whatever " worse after her death " was, because I'd had it. Why couldn't anyone understand that? Smiles! Carol Susieqoooo@... wrote: > It was something I felt I would have to bear the rest of my life, no matter > how much work I have done and will be doing on my healing. It was a > discouraging and overwhelming task in front of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 People who have never lived with a BP don't understand. Like you I've wished so many times that my nada would die. When she would get upset and threaten suicide, I'd wish she'd go ahead and do it. My nada brings so much chaos to my life that it would feel so peaceful not waiting for the next shoe to drop Jules I felt the exact same way, Susie. Things with mother kept getting worse and worse over the years. I was sinking in the quicksand of despair. The only way out was her death. And yes, I wanted her to die. And then I'd feel even guiltier for thinking such a horrid thing, especially when everyone kept telling me to keep the channels of communication open at all costs, that I'd live to regret it if I didn't blah blah blah. How could things possibly be worse than mother being alive? Sure, maybe I'd feel guilty about some stuff after she died, but at least I wouldn't have a brick hanging over my head all the time, never knowing when it would drop. I couldn't stomach mother any more, and I was very ready to face whatever " worse after her death " was, because I'd had it. Why couldn't anyone understand that? Smiles! Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 My therapist told me that it is Okay not to like your mother. Does your father and nada live close to you? In UBM it has a section about the different type of men who marry a BP. From what I've read so many of them hide their heads in the sand. And by asking you to be nice to your nada, it gets him off the hook. But it is so unfair to you. When my mom and dad got divorced us kids were left with my mom. I'm still very angry at my dad for leaving us with this woman. I asked my therapist one day how he could say he loved us, but not protect us. I still carry a lot of anger against him for that. Jules I can understand it!! My therapist suggested to me the other day that I may never have any relief from Megatron and my father until one of them is dead! I've had it and somedays I couldn't care less which one of them goes...as long as this infernal, destructive tug-of-war ends! I am begining to think my dad is just as bad as Megatron, since he keeps " hoping " things will magically get better. That is the source of my stress these days. I do not speak to Megatron and am on the verge of not speaking with my father if he keeps breaking the rules...ie.. " Couldn't you just say good night or have a nice day? " NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I can't and I won't and I will never want to. ickickick! Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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