Re: Insensitive comments

[Guest guest]

You could answer, " No. "

Sierra

--- In , Simply Chai <mariapremont@y...>

wrote:

>

> OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

> insensitive comments........

> My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

> saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She asked

> what they were for, and I told her that they were for

> the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

> yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

> Any thoughts on this?

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________

> for Good - Make a difference this year.

> http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

>

[Guest guest]

I can only empathize as my MIL behaves likes this too, which trickles

into my relationship with my hubby. He rolls his eyes when I have to

take the meds, etc. She has been a pain in the rear, Cassy

--- In , Simply Chai <mariapremont@y...>

wrote:

>

> OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

> insensitive comments........

> My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

> saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She asked

> what they were for, and I told her that they were for

> the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

> yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

> I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

> come out of my mouth to answer her! She thinks that

> there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal with

> RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my meds.

> Any thoughts on this?

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________

> for Good - Make a difference this year.

> http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

>

[Guest guest]

well what goes around comes around is the way I feel about it.

Some people are just rude and its better left alone. Plus why waist what

energy you do have on a MIL,,hahahhahah

Best to ya

Loucretia

Simply Chai <mariapremont@...> wrote:

OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

insensitive comments........

My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She asked

what they were for, and I told her that they were for

the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

come out of my mouth to answer her! She thinks that

there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal with

RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my meds.

Any thoughts on this?

Thanks,

__________________________________

for Good - Make a difference this year.

http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

[Guest guest]

Wow!!! All I can say is Wow!!! I think I would have probably told

her that was a very rude comment...and common sense should have told

her not to say such a rude thing. Since she came to your home...I

would probably remind her its in poor taste to treat your host this

way and if she continued to be so negative one thing about holistic

treatment is reduction in stress...and you could exclude her from any

more functions at your home if she continued to be so rude.

People like this really piss me off. My flippent self probably would

have asked her " Did you leave your manners at home along with your

pretty face? " and walk off! LOL

Toni

--- In , Simply Chai <mariapremont@y...>

wrote:

>

> OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

> insensitive comments........

> My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

> saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She asked

> what they were for, and I told her that they were for

> the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

> yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

> I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

> come out of my mouth to answer her! She thinks that

> there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal with

> RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my meds.

> Any thoughts on this?

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________

> for Good - Make a difference this year.

> http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

>

[Guest guest]

,

That really was rude and insensitive of her, but being your MIL, I

guess in order to keep peace in the family, there isn't much you could

say to her. She is probably so deeply convinced that the natural

remedies are the ONLY ones that work, that nothing on earth could

convince her otherwise. You could just say what I did to a lady we

bowl with, when she said maybe I wouldn't be so sick if I didn't take

all the medications. I just said " Thank you, I'll pass that along to

my doctor. "

Judi

[Guest guest]

Hi Judi..

Wow! YOU BOWL??!! How on earth are you able to pick up--much less

chuck a heavy ball down that alley without doing a serious whammy on

your hand/finger/wrist joints???..DO TELL!!! What meds rae you on, if

I may ask...

Prolly about tiem I bit the bullet and started on the heavy duty

stuffs...

RA sufferer for 8rs...mtx not cutting it anymore...

>

> ,

>

> That really was rude and insensitive of her, but being your MIL, I

> guess in order to keep peace in the family, there isn't much you

could

> say to her. She is probably so deeply convinced that the natural

> remedies are the ONLY ones that work, that nothing on earth could

> convince her otherwise. You could just say what I did to a lady we

> bowl with, when she said maybe I wouldn't be so sick if I didn't

take

> all the medications. I just said " Thank you, I'll pass that along

to

> my doctor. "

>

> Judi

>

[Guest guest]

I think I would simply say, very firmly, " no I can't " and change the subject. It

is hard to believe the rudeness of people, but unfortunately it happens to all

of us, more often than most people would believe.

Hugs

June

OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

insensitive comments........

My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She asked

what they were for, and I told her that they were for

the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

come out of my mouth to answer her! She thinks that

there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal with

RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my meds.

Any thoughts on this?

Thanks,

__________________________________

for Good - Make a difference this year.

http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

[Guest guest]

Oh, . I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. That's just

ridiculous. . .and, of course, stupidly insensitive. It shows that she

doesn't have any idea what RA is and what it's like to live with it.

I have spent most of my life trying to deal with things in a natural

and holistic way whenever possible. And these things often help and,

sometimes, even cure (depending on the ailment). HOWEVER - Using

holistic methods and/or combining them with modern medicine is a very

personal decision. Certainly, someone with chronic illness will have

carefully considered her/his options; and everyone else needs to honor

and support those personal decisions.

One can *never* judge another person in this way. I'm so grateful that

when I was in great health, without a thought of illness in myself, I

still *never* judged the way other people treated their challenges.

(And, of course, I certainly don't now!) We each do what we can to get

through life.

If your mother-in-law truly wanted to be helpful, she could do some

research--keeping it to herself!!!--then perhaps offer you a book with

a note that says something like: " There are some interesting thoughts

in here. If you have time, take a look. If there's anything useful,

great. If it's not useful, just pass it along to someone else. " I

always appreciate it when friends do that no-strings-attached kind of

thing for me or send me a website, saying " Maybe some of this

information will be helpful to you. " When someone approaches us in this

way, there's no pressure, no judgment, just kind thoughts. And, I find,

that even if the information they shared was useless to me, the kind

thoughts and care were so very soothing.

Forgive me for ranting. But I've just seen and heard too much of this

holistic proselytizing. Even though I believe in alternative medicine

for many things, when people use it to judge others it becomes harmful.

Above all: Trust yourself and take good care of yourself.

Special good wishes -

Prakasha

On Dec 25, 2005, at 8:48 PM, Simply Chai wrote:

>    OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

> insensitive comments........

>   My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

> saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills.  She asked

> what they were for, and I told her that they were for

> the RA.  She then asked, " Can't you just  help

> yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

>   I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

> come out of my mouth to answer her!  She thinks that

> there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal with

> RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my meds.

> Any thoughts on this?

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>      

>            

> __________________________________

> for Good - Make a difference this year.

> http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi :

I am sorry that you have to put up with such a mother

in law. She should have used her own common sense and

kept her mouth shut lol. Common sense? I use my

common sense to take the medications I do (despite the

sometimes very nasty side-effects) to fight my RA.

Common sense tells me that if I don't take the

medications, I will become worse, have joint

destruction, and more disability and pain. That is

common sense.

Perhaps you should buy a book about RA, and then gift

her with it as a late Christmas present. Add a

special personal note inside of the book, telling her

how much it would mean to you if she were to read it.

There is no guarantee that she will read it, but it's

worth a try. How does your husband, her son, react

when she says such things? I sure hope he stands up

for you.

Anyway, there is a saying about suffering fools (can't

remember exactly how that goes), and I guess she is

the fool you have to suffer with. Hang in there -

Kathe in CA

--- Simply Chai <mariapremont@...> wrote:

> OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal

> with

> insensitive comments........

> My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and

> she

> saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She

> asked

> what they were for, and I told her that they were

> for

> the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

> yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

> I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

> come out of my mouth to answer her! She thinks that

> there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal

> with

> RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my

> meds.

> Any thoughts on this?

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________

> for Good - Make a difference this year.

> http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

>

>

>

>

Kathe in CA

__________________________________________

DSL – Something to write home about.

Just $16.99/mo. or less.

dsl.

[Guest guest]

I had to put up with " stupidly insensitive " from the beginning. First from my

employer that laid me off instead of a Disability Retirement because 'everybody

has Arthritis'. Then from my friends since I had no more money or couldn't help

them any more. Then from my own family even though our mother was severely

crippled by RA. I think it's a normal reaction that can only be controlled by

special people, and they are hard to find. Our foremost problem, I think, is

that we don't really look any different, and that in itself leads to insensitive

remarks. It's just something we have to deal with. It took me a while to build

my 'shell' so the bad comments and thoughts will bounce off and I can get on

with my life.

Dennis

Re: [ ] Insensitive comments

Oh, . I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. That's just

ridiculous. . .and, of course, stupidly insensitive. It shows that she

doesn't have any idea what RA is and what it's like to live with it.

I have spent most of my life trying to deal with things in a natural

and holistic way whenever possible. And these things often help and,

sometimes, even cure (depending on the ailment). HOWEVER - Using

holistic methods and/or combining them with modern medicine is a very

personal decision. Certainly, someone with chronic illness will have

carefully considered her/his options; and everyone else needs to honor

and support those personal decisions.

One can *never* judge another person in this way. I'm so grateful that

when I was in great health, without a thought of illness in myself, I

still *never* judged the way other people treated their challenges.

(And, of course, I certainly don't now!) We each do what we can to get

through life.

If your mother-in-law truly wanted to be helpful, she could do some

research--keeping it to herself!!!--then perhaps offer you a book with

a note that says something like: " There are some interesting thoughts

in here. If you have time, take a look. If there's anything useful,

great. If it's not useful, just pass it along to someone else. " I

always appreciate it when friends do that no-strings-attached kind of

thing for me or send me a website, saying " Maybe some of this

information will be helpful to you. " When someone approaches us in this

way, there's no pressure, no judgment, just kind thoughts. And, I find,

that even if the information they shared was useless to me, the kind

thoughts and care were so very soothing.

Forgive me for ranting. But I've just seen and heard too much of this

holistic proselytizing. Even though I believe in alternative medicine

for many things, when people use it to judge others it becomes harmful.

Above all: Trust yourself and take good care of yourself.

Special good wishes -

Prakasha

On Dec 25, 2005, at 8:48 PM, Simply Chai wrote:

> OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

> insensitive comments........

> My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

> saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She asked

> what they were for, and I told her that they were for

> the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

> yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

> I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

> come out of my mouth to answer her! She thinks that

> there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal with

> RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my meds.

> Any thoughts on this?

> Thanks,

>

[Guest guest]

Ah people at both ends of the spectrum in life. I had a lady much older than

me, when I was using my scooter tell me she had at one time been dx'ed with RA

but..she refused to accept the dx and pushed forward and has been fine ever

since. Gee, I wish.

My one child was born with serious brain damage and since birth we have been

under care of docs at SHriners AND a major university teaching medical

center.....how often people tell us - you know they have medications to help

that? or they say.you know more love would fix that- or - a better home routine

would fix that.or..how could you give THAT med to your child, it is dangerous?

Seems lots of times the people with all the answers have not walked an inch in

the shoes to have the first idea what somenone else might go thru.

Maybe...(it depends on the person) you might be able to educate them? Guide

them to articles about the illness?

I know one of my pet peeves is I say RA and everyone is so quick to dismiss me

and tell me all about their arthritis in their knee or whatever.....many people

do not have the first clue just what RA is..or what CFS is or Fibromyalgia

gosh there are docs who do not " get it " so it is hard sometimes for lay people

to understand.

and there are so many who think the world is overmedicated and then so many who

think there is a magic med to fix anything.(with no strings attached, no

negative side effects and it will fix everything 100%)

Sometimes we can educate people, sometimes we can't and sometimes people have to

learn by their own life experience.

I know I get frustrated with people who get nasty with me when I park using my

handicapped placard- they look at me and well, I guess since I have all 4

extremities they assume I am " fine " and they say ugly things to me...if these

people have never known someone with a cardiac condition or a breathing problem

or something like MS, lupus or RA they just are not understanding that not all

" disabilities " and " handicaps " are obvious upon casual observation. I think

many people think " handicapped " means you are missing your lower extremities. -

and that nothing else " counts "

- In , Simply Chai <mariapremont@y...> wrote:

>

> OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

> insensitive comments........

> My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

> saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She asked

> what they were for, and I told her that they were for

> the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

> yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

> I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

> come out of my mouth to answer her! She thinks that

> there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal with

> RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my meds.

> Any thoughts on this?

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________

> for Good - Make a difference this year.

> http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

>

[Guest guest]

:

I am so sorry you had to be treated like that by your MIL. I would like to

say I am surprised, but the longer I have RA, the more people I run into

that don't have any idea what the disease is all about.

I have been in your situation where you are totally shocked at caught

off guard by someone's insensitive comments. Sometimes it

doesn't " click " in until later when that person is gone. There are also

times that it's not appropriate to reply in full detail of how you really feel,

depending on the social situation.

Because of the rotten year I've had with my health, I decided to spend

Christmas with my boys alone at my home this year. My family is

insensitive at the best of times, and I swear if I hear " Aren't you feeling

better yet? " one more time, I'm gonna scream!

I gave myself the greatest Christmas gift ever this year, and it was

SANITY. For the first time in my 34 years, I didn't have to put up with

my insensitive and dysfunctional family at Christmas. I have decided

to slowly cut them out, only having contact when necessary. Because

I was diagnosed with RA, Sjogren's and MS all within a year, and

knowing that ALL of those diseases become MUCH WORSE with

stress, I have had to limit contact with my family.

I was so tempted to give the " gift of knowledge " to my family this year.

I was going to print up info on RA, including color photos of joints that

had become disfigured because of it. I decided not to, because no

matter how much I want them to get it, they aren't going to until they are

ready to.

I know that Christmas should be about family, but the best thing I ever

did was stick to myself this year. There was no yearly fight or

arguement around the Christmas dinner table, I didn't have to hear the

same story of how I broke my sister's Barbie when I was 3, and I sure

as heck didn't have to hear " Aren't you feeling better yet? "

I feel for you....

>

> OK.....I would like suggestions on how to deal with

> insensitive comments........

> My mother-in-law came for Christmas dinner, and she

> saw me taking my Sulfasalazine horse-pills. She asked

> what they were for, and I told her that they were for

> the RA. She then asked, " Can't you just help

> yourself with common sense instead of taking pills? "

> I was so shocked that I couldn't get any words to

> come out of my mouth to answer her! She thinks that

> there is a naturalistic and holistic way to deal with

> RA, and that I am poisoning myself by taking my meds.

> Any thoughts on this?

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________

> for Good - Make a difference this year.

> http://brand./cybergivingweek2005/

>

[Guest guest]

i can fully appreciate what you are going through.

My side of the family are great, they do not push me,

ridicule me or loose patience with me. At times they

ask 'are you ok', 'is there anyhting i can do' etc a

little too often, which in itself can be a little

annoying but i know they mean well. My husbands family

and especially my father in law are terrible. we

visited last week when my sister in law and her

husband were out celebrating their wedding

anniversary. the baby was being given her bottle and

the toddler was in bed. she woke up crying and i went

up to settle her, i was told i wasn't to do it and he

would. i explained i wasn't going to get her up and

bring her down stairs (which i knew would be a bad

move)just settle her, but he still wouldn't let me and

then handed the feeding baby to my husband (who is

worried by tiny babies!!). he for once stood up to his

dad and pointed out that i was capable and maybe i

would like to hold the baby, to which he replied 'oh'.

did i mention that i am a fully qualified nursery

nurse and have been working with children (including

babies) for the last 9 years!!! some people really suck!

___________________________________________________________

To help you stay safe and secure online, we've developed the all new

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[Guest guest]

...

I would have to agree with you. It isn't a race, we aren't comparing

one another here... at 180 I *did* feel like a whale. I feel worse

now.

I'm not sure numbers make a great deal of difference for the time

being. Progress is the key. As long as we are all on our way to a

goal weight that really is the only valid issue. Who cares if one

has more or less to lose than another? It just doesn't matter. It

matters that we lose weight and our clothes feel loose to the point

of falling off!!!! ;o))))))

>

> Well, I think some people shouldn't be so sensitive. This is an

open forum

> and we support everybody here, not matter what they weigh.

Everyone's body

> issues and weight issues are all relative. I have a friend who

weights 125.

> Sounds perfect, right? Well, not to her. She is used to weighting

98. She

> is miserable and upset and I completely understand how she feels.

She feels

> just the same way I do. We are not judging each other here, we are

judging

> ourselves. Stop judging yourself and maybe then you will stop

feeling

> inferior. Do not blame your own issues on others comments.

Support them,

> learn from them and use them in your own journey. I only weight

214.5

> pounds and proud of it. Good luck to you. .

>

>

>

>

>

> _____

>

> From:

> [mailto: ] On Behalf Of

miamiangel888

> Sent: Friday, December 29, 2006 8:02 AM

>

> Subject: Insensitive Comments

>

>

>

> I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst

many

> of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.

> For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60 lbs

to

> lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your

> weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say

> things like, " I'm such a whale at 200lbs! " or " At 180lbs, my life

was

> a mess. " It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more

serious

> weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as great

> to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or more

> lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people

would

> actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!

> The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are

STILL

> inferior.

>

> Just a thought.

>

[Guest guest]

Can I hear a hallelujah please.

Thank you,

M. Elam

Customer Service/Dispatch Supervisor

Hobaica Services, Inc.

7027 N. 27th Avenue

Phoenix, AZ 85051

602-995-0387 fax 602-995-0271

welam@...

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of mybipley

Sent: Friday, December 29, 2006

9:49 AM

Subject: Re:

Insensitive Comments

...

I would have to agree with you. It isn't a race, we aren't comparing

one another here... at 180 I *did* feel like a whale. I feel worse

now.

I'm not sure numbers make a great deal of difference for the time

being. Progress is the key. As long as we are all on our way to a

goal weight that really is the only valid issue. Who cares if one

has more or less to lose than another? It just doesn't matter. It

matters that we lose weight and our clothes feel loose to the point

of falling off!!!! ;o))))))

>

> Well, I think some people shouldn't be so sensitive. This is an

open forum

> and we support everybody here, not matter what they weigh.

Everyone's body

> issues and weight issues are all relative. I have a friend who

weights 125.

> Sounds perfect, right? Well, not to her. She is used to weighting

98. She

> is miserable and upset and I completely understand how she feels.

She feels

> just the same way I do. We are not judging each other here, we are

judging

> ourselves. Stop judging yourself and maybe then you will stop

feeling

> inferior. Do not blame your own issues on others comments.

Support them,

> learn from them and use them in your own journey. I only weight

214.5

> pounds and proud of it. Good luck to you. .

>

>

>

>

>

> _____

>

> From:

> [mailto: ]

On Behalf Of

miamiangel888

> Sent: Friday, December 29, 2006 8:02 AM

>

> Subject: Insensitive Comments

>

>

>

> I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst

many

> of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.

> For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60 lbs

to

> lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your

> weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say

> things like, " I'm such a whale at 200lbs! " or " At 180lbs,

my life

was

> a mess. " It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more

serious

> weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as great

> to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or more

> lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people

would

> actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!

> The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are

STILL

> inferior.

>

> Just a thought.

>

[Guest guest]

Hello:

I'm not really new to this group because I have been reading the

posts for approximately six months in an effort to assist me in my

decision to have or not have the lapband surgery. I monitored other

groups as well but one of the things that aided in my decision to

have the surgery with Dr. Aceves, was the positive support and

respect that you guys give to one another.

I weigh 210 pounds as of this morning and at five feet tall, it is a

burden. The weight is really a symptom of deeper rooted self-esteem

issues and I think we each have to be willing to look inside

ourselves to find out what those issues are, where they came from and

how to overcome them.

I agree with , that the weight is relative and if it makes you

uncomfortable then that is real for you. Please don't take offense

to what others may feel about themselves because it doesn't

necessarily reflect what you may feel about yourself. But if it does,

then take a minute to find out where those feelings are coming from

and understand that no one is pointing the finger at you.

I will have my surgery on January 5th and my hope is to continue to

be a part of this forum during my journey. This group has been a

great source of information and support.

> >

> > Well, I think some people shouldn't be so sensitive. This is an

> open forum

> > and we support everybody here, not matter what they weigh.

> Everyone's body

> > issues and weight issues are all relative. I have a friend who

> weights 125.

> > Sounds perfect, right? Well, not to her. She is used to

weighting

> 98. She

> > is miserable and upset and I completely understand how she

feels.

> She feels

> > just the same way I do. We are not judging each other here, we

are

> judging

> > ourselves. Stop judging yourself and maybe then you will stop

> feeling

> > inferior. Do not blame your own issues on others comments.

> Support them,

> > learn from them and use them in your own journey. I only weight

> 214.5

> > pounds and proud of it. Good luck to you. .

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > _____

> >

> > From:

> > [mailto: ] On Behalf Of

> miamiangel888

> > Sent: Friday, December 29, 2006 8:02 AM

> >

> > Subject: Insensitive Comments

> >

> >

> >

> > I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst

> many

> > of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.

> > For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60

lbs

> to

> > lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your

> > weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say

> > things like, " I'm such a whale at 200lbs! " or " At 180lbs, my life

> was

> > a mess. " It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more

> serious

> > weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as

great

> > to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or

more

> > lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people

> would

> > actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!

> > The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are

> STILL

> > inferior.

> >

> > Just a thought.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Everything is really relative. IF you are 5' and weigh 179 feels to

that person the same as 230 feels to someone who is 5'8 "

I've got about 80 pounds to lose and I can promise you each one will

be hard for me, mostly because I can't eat that many things because of

bladder condition.

[Guest guest]

I understand how you feel, but I think everyone is different.

Someone may be 180 and only be 5'1. That would be a large weight

for them as opposed to someone like me at 5'9- my goal is 180.

This is a journey for everyone. I started it at 357 lbs so my

journey will be longer then some here but we are all here for the

same things and for the support.

Good luck to you!

>

> I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst

many

> of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.

> For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60 lbs

to

> lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your

> weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say

> things like, " I'm such a whale at 200lbs! " or " At 180lbs, my life

was

> a mess. " It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more

serious

> weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as

great

> to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or

more

> lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people

would

> actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!

> The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are

STILL

> inferior.

>

> Just a thought.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm just glad we can all support each other whether someone needs to

work on 300 or 30. For each person I can only imagine it is " type " of

war with ourselves. We are not competing with each, we are

cheerleaders for each other in our own personal journey to be in our

own unique place.

[Guest guest]

It's not about the who has more weight to lose to begin with, how tall you are in comparison to your weight or your self-esteem issues that I was referring to. It is the way in which it is worded. To say, "I was a 200lb whale!" is equivalent to a tall person saying, "short people are so ugly." to a midget. I was wondering if the comments can be tailored to the person. You can say, "at 200lbs I felt like a whale." "For me that was too much weight to carry." The number itself is not what makes a person fat or thin, so the reference should be to yourself, not the poundage.

>> I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst many > of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.> For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60 lbs to > lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your > weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say > things like, "I'm such a whale at 200lbs!" or "At 180lbs, my life was > a mess." It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more serious > weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as great > to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or more > lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people would > actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!> The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are STILL > inferior.> > Just a thought.>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I think I can shed some light on this subject matter. Being I

started at 370lbs, and only 5'3 " it was tough to hear people who

were much less weight than me say the same things, when I too wished

I could be there. However, I know alot of people who started at a

lower weight but had a great deal more co-morbidities than I

had...so in perspective, I think I was a bit lucky on that end.

It is still tough to see people only having to lose maybe 60lbs and

I have over 200lbs to lose for my goal weight, but then I think of

it as I am glad that they are enjoying life and are able to reverse

some of the bad effects of obesity. When it all boils down, we are

all in the same top-heavy boat at first but in time we are able to

stablize our weight. I rejoice with everyone here, no matter where

they start out at...we are family.

I do feel weird when I tell how much I've lost, and I know there are

others that haven't lost as much...like i feel guilty for losing

weight. So, perhaps someone reading my posts may feel irritated or

frustrated, but I have yet to hear any negative comments. I have

received kind, supportive remarks throughout my journey. Just

remember, you have to focus on your goals and not anyone elses,

cause if you fall into that trap you'll never be happy with

yourself.

This a time for revelation and acceptance of the old " self " and the

new " self. " Let me tell ya, I'm enjoying the attention now...hehehe

especially at the gym!

Take Care , we are all hear to support you...don't feel that

you cannot voice out your frustrations, this is a messageboard, and

it doesn't always have to be cheery, cause life is not always

cheery...so feel free to express how you feel. For those of us,

perhaps we've forgotten those days since we've lost alot of

weight...let's not be too hasty when someone comments out of

frustration...we've all been down that road too.

Kelli

>

> I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst

many

> of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.

> For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60 lbs

to

> lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your

> weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say

> things like, " I'm such a whale at 200lbs! " or " At 180lbs, my life

was

> a mess. " It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more

serious

> weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as

great

> to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or

more

> lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people

would

> actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!

> The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are

STILL

> inferior.

>

> Just a thought.

>

[Guest guest]

Gloria,

You really hit the nail on the head about we have to deal with alot

of issues from our past of being obese. These feelings are very much

real, and a part of my thesis that I am really focusing in on.

Feelings need to be vented out and expressed...all of us have had

that same opportunity here, so let's allow someone else to express

how they feel, even if we do not always agree with them we should at

least have respect for each other. Excess weight no matter how much

is debilitating to our health, and by any means possible we have

found a way to alleviate some if not all of those problems. Let us

all cheer each other on to the final victory goal of being healthy.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!!! Enjoy the New Year!!!! I'll be

visiting Dr. A sometime in April, so anyone thinking of going for a

fill let's get together...I'd like to make it a weekend trip. TTFN

Kelli

P/S: Thanks Gloria for your kind words...it's been one heck of a

journey and I really appreciate everyone's support here.

> >

> > I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst

many

> > of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.

> > For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60

lbs to

> > lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your

> > weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say

> > things like, " I'm such a whale at 200lbs! " or " At 180lbs, my

life was

> > a mess. " It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more

> serious

> > weight problems.

>

[Guest guest]

Here Here! YOU are the only one who can make YOU feel inferior.

Terri S.

DOB 10/28/2006

260/240/150

> >

> > Well, I think some people shouldn't be so sensitive. This is an

> open forum

> > and we support everybody here, not matter what they weigh.

> Everyone's body

> > issues and weight issues are all relative. I have a friend who

> weights 125.

> > Sounds perfect, right? Well, not to her. She is used to

weighting

> 98. She

> > is miserable and upset and I completely understand how she

feels.

> She feels

> > just the same way I do. We are not judging each other here, we

are

> judging

> > ourselves. Stop judging yourself and maybe then you will stop

> feeling

> > inferior. Do not blame your own issues on others comments.

> Support them,

> > learn from them and use them in your own journey. I only weight

> 214.5

> > pounds and proud of it. Good luck to you. .

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > _____

> >

> > From:

> > [mailto: ] On Behalf Of

> miamiangel888

> > Sent: Friday, December 29, 2006 8:02 AM

> >

> > Subject: Insensitive Comments

> >

> >

> >

> > I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst

> many

> > of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.

> > For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60

lbs

> to

> > lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your

> > weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say

> > things like, " I'm such a whale at 200lbs! " or " At 180lbs, my life

> was

> > a mess. " It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more

> serious

> > weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as

great

> > to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or

more

> > lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people

> would

> > actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!

> > The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are

> STILL

> > inferior.

> >

> > Just a thought.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group!! Congratulations on your upcoming surgery date!! I enjoyed your reply.Hope you have a great experience with Dr.A...I already know you will

Dana

2-1-06

200-140-140

--------- Insensitive Comments> > > > > > > > I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst > many > > of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.> > For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60 lbs > to > > lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your > > weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say > > things like, "I'm such a whale at 200lbs!" or "At 180lbs, my life > was > > a mess." It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more > serious > > weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as great > > to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or more > > lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people > would > > actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!> > The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are > STILL > > inferior.> > > > Just a thought.> >>

[Guest guest]

Miami...I see where your coming from... just imagine though.... a 20,30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80lb (or more) loss would benefit anyone who is obese right? I sure "felt" a difference with just the first 10lbs I lost. I am 5'4" and 200lbs at the time of surgery. (my "ideal weight" is 115-130) I am still "above" what the "ideal" weight is, but who cares! I am very happy at 140lbs. I have lost over 60lbs from my highest and feel sooo much better! I believe you were banded in August, but haven't seen your progress posted anywhere. I'm sure that the first 10-30lbs you lose/lost, you too will notice how much better you feel without them!! Wouldn't you feel better if you lost 50lbs right now? of course, and even better with each additional pound, right? Wouldn't you feel like SH*T if you gained/weighed 50 more pounds right now? It would be devastating to anyone! Noneof us should be carr

ing around an extra 50 ++ pounds

So, really no matter what weight we start at, a loss of any amount 1 lb or 200 lbs to a "obese", "severe obese", or "super obese" person is one pound closer to a healthier life! And that's what we are All after right?

This is also why I love the band!! If only I had it in my 20's aaah........:-)

Dana

2-1-06

200-140-140

-------------- Original message -------------- From: "miamiangel888" <miamiangel888@...>

I realize that this will probably kick up quite a ruckus amongst many of you, but I feel it should be said anyway.For those of you who only went into this journey with 50 or 60 lbs to lose, I think it's great that you stopped yourselves before your weight became a larger hindrance in your lives, but when you say things like, "I'm such a whale at 200lbs!" or "At 180lbs, my life was a mess." It doesn't bode well with those of us with much more serious weight problems. Now I am aware that everyone's issues are as great to them as the next guys, but those who started this at 300 or more lbs might feel somewhat slighted at those remarks. Many people would actually love to weigh ONLY 200lbs or less!The comments may make the larger bunch feel as though they are STILL inferior.Just a thought.