Re: i'm back with news!

[Guest guest]

WOW NEW BABY.....ooooh nada being nada....

that is how it goes. Love that newborn time! Boundary

time....nadas never get better in my humble opinion.

sometimes the shift from witch to waif fools people.

Anyway...just wanted to say ....great news about the baby!

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

WOW NEW BABY.....ooooh nada being nada....

that is how it goes. Love that newborn time! Boundary

time....nadas never get better in my humble opinion.

sometimes the shift from witch to waif fools people.

Anyway...just wanted to say ....great news about the baby!

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

HI, NEV,

CONGRATULATIONS! How wonderful for you! Hugs to all of you. And as

much as it hurts, get out that umbrella and stop nada from raining on

your parade. That's what happens when the " little ones " aren't the

center of attention, they have a tantrum. I'm sure nada had a

picture in her head of " Little Nev " coming to " Mommy " for advice so

she would know what to do, and " taking care " of all of you, when in

reality she wouldn't have a clue about how to pitch in and do that.

So, she'll get over it. Or you'll be lucky and she won't (lol). But

now is the time for you to celebrate the birth of your son, and we

all want to join in. These days are precious, so enjoy them with

your family. And keep us updated on that new little one. By the

way, is this the first time you are breast-feeding? I didn't nurse

my first, but I did my second and third. If it's your first time,

YOW! And he doesn't even have teeth yet! But it does get easier

after a while. Hang in there.

More hugs,

Joy

[Guest guest]

> soooooo...the big picture is. i gave birth and thought maybe, just

> maybe i could let my mother share this with me- just a little bit-

> since we haven't spoken since christmas. i reach out to her and

> give her a bit of kindness...she hangs up on my husband, she hangs

> up on me...she bad mouths me to my family.

> i am still learning and this is only helping me grow stronger.

> i am actually VERY HAPPY right now. this has not affected the

> joyous event that has occurred in my life in the least. my little

> boy is such a blessing to me- nothing could spoil that!!!

First of all CoNgRaTuLaTiOnS on the birth of your son!!! Enjoy him,

enjoy him, enjoy him!

Second of all, I am sorry that your nada had to try (emphasis on try)

to ruin your blessed event. I am going to think of what happened to

you whenever I get the feeling that I am turning " soft " . It's a real

reminder of the scope of BPD and that it never goes away, even under

the best circumstances!

Like you, I am still learning - I am happy for you that you are

strong enough now not to let her misery spoil this for you and your

family.

Trish (using my real name now :-)

[Guest guest]

Congrats!!!!!!!!

I am so glad to hear that you and your family are

doing well. When you have a pic scanned, please add

me to the list of " I wanna see the baby! " .

--- nevele wrote:

> hey everyone! i can't wait to catch up on all the

> posts. (just

> don't know when i will get a minute free! bieng a

> mommy of two is

> much different than being a mommy of one!!

>

> samuel aidan was born last wednesday. 7 lbs, 1 oz.

> we are all doing

> well. i have been on a cloud!

>

> of course, nada had to rain on my parade. i found

> the energy to

> email her a few days before we induce to tell her

> that i would let

> her know when the baby was born. i did this out of

> guilt and

> obligation...and because i was starting to " soften " -

> since she was

> playing the " poor me waif " to the hilt. aidan was

> born at 8:00 on

> wednesday night. after the room cleared out and i

> was " cleaned up " ,

> i picked up the phone to call my absent family and

> friends. (this

> was probably around 9:30pm) my mother's line was

> busy. i called my

> aunt who told me that she ALREADY KNEW the baby was

> born. i asked

> her how she knew this and apparently nada had called

> the hospital

> repeatedly to check in on me. my husband comes back

> in the room

> after i got off the phone with my aunt to inform me

> that HE had just

> spoken with my mother. he said that she was (at

> first) all sweet and

> apologetic...wondering why laura had been " so

> distant " . he nicely

> told her that she would have to discuss that with me

> and that we were

> planning to call her later tonight when got a

> moment. she SLAMMED

> THE PHONE down and hung up on him. my inlaws

> witnessed the

> conversation and said that my hubby was being SOOO

> sweet to her and

> they had no idea why she exploded.

>

> anyway, i tried to call her 2 more times that

> night(still determined

> to give her kindness and love in spite of her

> bitchiness), but her

> phone was off the hook all evening. (she was trying

> to " punish me " ,

> i suppose...for god knows what...)

>

> the ONLY reason i even made the effort at this point

> was because i

> was on the after birth " baby high " . i had SO MUCH

> ENERGY and felt

> like i could deal with her. i figured i would

> eventually have to

> face her anyway...so i might as well do it when i

> could handle it. i

> called her first thing the next morning before i

> lost my nerve. she

> answered and acted as if nothing was wrong. i told

> her about the

> baby and we had a somewhat normal and nice

> conversation. at the very

> end of the call she said in her weakest voice, " i am

> SO GLAD you

> called me...i have just been so hurt that you didn't

> call me. " i

> told her that i DID call her but her phone was off

> the hook. (SHE

> took her phone off the hook after she made an ass of

> herself with my

> hubby) of course, she lies and says that she was

> talking to a

> student all night. NO SHE WASN'T... she was totally

> obsessing on ME

> and trying to get hold of me!!! she didn't have the

> patience to WAIT

> for me to CALL HER and she screwed up- got mad- and

> disconnected her

> phone. what a child. but i didn't say that. i

> accepted her lie to

> make her feel better and we hung up civily.

>

> a few minutes goes by and she calls me back. only

> i didn't know it

> was her...hospital phone. (can you see the writing

> on the wall

> here??? she can't LET things just be nice) she

> asked to speak with

> my daughter. i let her-but aislan does not want to

> talk to her and

> hands the phone back to me. meanwhile, i am trying

> to breast feed my

> baby for the first time...my boob is whipped out

> (and this is no

> small matter-LOL) i am juggling baby and

> telephone...the nurse is

> waiting to assist me. but, i already know that i

> cannot tell my

> mother this as she will instantly be offended and

> assume that i am

> abandoning her and start raging. so i politely chit

> chat with her.

> she asked about my daughter's b-day party. i told

> her that my friend

> tonga was coming to stay with me next week to help

> me get aislan's

> party together....then, in her NASTIEST NADA VOICE

> she says, " will

> your friend have to stay in hotel when she visits

> like i do?? " i

> told her " no " ...and then, sensing what was to

> come...i told nicely

> her that the nurse was waiting to help me breastfeed

> the baby...she

> SLAMS the phone down in my ear.

>

> meanwhile, she has called the FOO and told them how

> " thoughtless "

> and " selfish " i am. my family is at arms. half of

> them know the

> truth and defend me to the sightless others who have

> no idea how my

> mother REALLY is.

>

> soooooo...the big picture is. i gave birth and

> thought maybe, just

> maybe i could let my mother share this with me- just

> a little bit-

> since we haven't spoken since christmas. i reach

> out to her and give

> her a bit of kindness...she hangs up on my husband,

> she hangs up on

> me...she bad mouths me to my family.

>

>

> thanks for letting me vent. i am still learning and

> this is only

> helping me grow stronger.

>

> i am actually VERY HAPPY right now. this has not

> affected the joyous

> event that has occurred in my life in the least. my

> little boy is

> such a blessing to me- nothing could spoil that!!!

> love to all

> nevele

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Nev,

I'm so happy for you! Please put me on the " must see " list too! I begin

taking care of premie twins tomorrow, I can't wait! I love babies.

Nada's can't be happy for someone else. It must always be about them. I'm

glad you were able to rise above her attempts to ruin your wonderful day.

You see how much stronger you are???? Enjoy your little man!

Warm thoughts and well wishes,

-- Re: i'm back with news!

> soooooo...the big picture is. i gave birth and thought maybe, just

> maybe i could let my mother share this with me- just a little bit-

> since we haven't spoken since christmas. i reach out to her and

> give her a bit of kindness...she hangs up on my husband, she hangs

> up on me...she bad mouths me to my family.

> i am still learning and this is only helping me grow stronger.

> i am actually VERY HAPPY right now. this has not affected the

> joyous event that has occurred in my life in the least. my little

> boy is such a blessing to me- nothing could spoil that!!!

First of all CoNgRaTuLaTiOnS on the birth of your son!!! Enjoy him,

enjoy him, enjoy him!

Second of all, I am sorry that your nada had to try (emphasis on try)

to ruin your blessed event. I am going to think of what happened to

you whenever I get the feeling that I am turning " soft " . It's a real

reminder of the scope of BPD and that it never goes away, even under

the best circumstances!

Like you, I am still learning - I am happy for you that you are

strong enough now not to let her misery spoil this for you and your

family.

Trish (using my real name now :-)

[Guest guest]

I wanna see him too! add me to the list!

Ilene

[Guest guest]

Hi Nev!

Congratulations...:0)

Reading your post was like reading about my own nada.

I think we have the same one. My nada would be majorly

obsessed about me too. She'd make her round of calls,

investigating what was happening in my life. She'd

know what was going on in my life more than I would.

Then she'd use that information to feed her rage. " Why

didn't I call her? Why didn't I tell her what was

going on?... " She was always suspicious, like I was

trying to hide things from her on purpose. It all

revolved around her. It didn't matter how busy I was,

or that I was breastfeeding a baby, trying to take a

nap... it didn't matter that I was a mother with a new

baby who's time was very stretched. It was all about

her. And boy oh boy, if my ex answered the phone and

told her I was unavailable, she'd go ballistic! How

dare HE tell her she couldn't speak to me!

You hang in there & enjoy your new bundle of joy...

it's not about her! (And she can't stand it.)

Cyndie

--- nevele wrote:

> hey everyone! i can't wait to catch up on all the

> posts. (just

> don't know when i will get a minute free! bieng a

> mommy of two is

> much different than being a mommy of one!!

>

> samuel aidan was born last wednesday. 7 lbs, 1 oz.

> we are all doing

> well. i have been on a cloud!

>

> of course, nada had to rain on my parade. i found

> the energy to

> email her a few days before we induce to tell her

> that i would let

> her know when the baby was born. i did this out of

> guilt and

> obligation...and because i was starting to " soften " -

> since she was

> playing the " poor me waif " to the hilt. aidan was

> born at 8:00 on

> wednesday night. after the room cleared out and i

> was " cleaned up " ,

> i picked up the phone to call my absent family and

> friends. (this

> was probably around 9:30pm) my mother's line was

> busy. i called my

> aunt who told me that she ALREADY KNEW the baby was

> born. i asked

> her how she knew this and apparently nada had called

> the hospital

> repeatedly to check in on me. my husband comes back

> in the room

> after i got off the phone with my aunt to inform me

> that HE had just

> spoken with my mother. he said that she was (at

> first) all sweet and

> apologetic...wondering why laura had been " so

> distant " . he nicely

> told her that she would have to discuss that with me

> and that we were

> planning to call her later tonight when got a

> moment. she SLAMMED

> THE PHONE down and hung up on him. my inlaws

> witnessed the

> conversation and said that my hubby was being SOOO

> sweet to her and

> they had no idea why she exploded.

>

> anyway, i tried to call her 2 more times that

> night(still determined

> to give her kindness and love in spite of her

> bitchiness), but her

> phone was off the hook all evening. (she was trying

> to " punish me " ,

> i suppose...for god knows what...)

>

> the ONLY reason i even made the effort at this point

> was because i

> was on the after birth " baby high " . i had SO MUCH

> ENERGY and felt

> like i could deal with her. i figured i would

> eventually have to

> face her anyway...so i might as well do it when i

> could handle it. i

> called her first thing the next morning before i

> lost my nerve. she

> answered and acted as if nothing was wrong. i told

> her about the

> baby and we had a somewhat normal and nice

> conversation. at the very

> end of the call she said in her weakest voice, " i am

> SO GLAD you

> called me...i have just been so hurt that you didn't

> call me. " i

> told her that i DID call her but her phone was off

> the hook. (SHE

> took her phone off the hook after she made an ass of

> herself with my

> hubby) of course, she lies and says that she was

> talking to a

> student all night. NO SHE WASN'T... she was totally

> obsessing on ME

> and trying to get hold of me!!! she didn't have the

> patience to WAIT

> for me to CALL HER and she screwed up- got mad- and

> disconnected her

> phone. what a child. but i didn't say that. i

> accepted her lie to

> make her feel better and we hung up civily.

>

> a few minutes goes by and she calls me back. only

> i didn't know it

> was her...hospital phone. (can you see the writing

> on the wall

> here??? she can't LET things just be nice) she

> asked to speak with

> my daughter. i let her-but aislan does not want to

> talk to her and

> hands the phone back to me. meanwhile, i am trying

> to breast feed my

> baby for the first time...my boob is whipped out

> (and this is no

> small matter-LOL) i am juggling baby and

> telephone...the nurse is

> waiting to assist me. but, i already know that i

> cannot tell my

> mother this as she will instantly be offended and

> assume that i am

> abandoning her and start raging. so i politely chit

> chat with her.

> she asked about my daughter's b-day party. i told

> her that my friend

> tonga was coming to stay with me next week to help

> me get aislan's

> party together....then, in her NASTIEST NADA VOICE

> she says, " will

> your friend have to stay in hotel when she visits

> like i do?? " i

> told her " no " ...and then, sensing what was to

> come...i told nicely

> her that the nurse was waiting to help me breastfeed

> the baby...she

> SLAMS the phone down in my ear.

>

> meanwhile, she has called the FOO and told them how

> " thoughtless "

> and " selfish " i am. my family is at arms. half of

> them know the

> truth and defend me to the sightless others who have

> no idea how my

> mother REALLY is.

>

> soooooo...the big picture is. i gave birth and

> thought maybe, just

> maybe i could let my mother share this with me- just

> a little bit-

> since we haven't spoken since christmas. i reach

> out to her and give

> her a bit of kindness...she hangs up on my husband,

> she hangs up on

> me...she bad mouths me to my family.

>

>

> thanks for letting me vent. i am still learning and

> this is only

> helping me grow stronger.

>

> i am actually VERY HAPPY right now. this has not

> affected the joyous

> event that has occurred in my life in the least. my

> little boy is

> such a blessing to me- nothing could spoil that!!!

> love to all

> nevele

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> My nada would be majorly obsessed about me too. She'd make her

> round of calls, investigating what was happening in my life. She'd

> know what was going on in my life more than I would. Then she'd

> use that information to feed her rage. " Why didn't I call her? Why

> didn't I tell her what was going on?... " She was always suspicious,

> like I was trying to hide things from her on purpose. >

Wow, that is so true! I find that the more nada snoops, the more I

hide. The more questions she asks, the more evasive I get. It's

like a dog chasing it's tail. I have become so private compared to

what I was with those around that I know will see her/talk to her

because I do not want her to know what is going on in my life. I

have really distanced myself from my younger brother whom I love

dearly because she really pumps him for info. It's really tragic how

they create the very same situations that they are trying to prevent.

Trish

[Guest guest]

Hi Nev -

Congratulations on Baby ! Glad to know you are all healthy and

happy - the most important thing! Hope that your daughter is

enjoying being the big sis!

I am sorry to hear about the nada antics. Every event seems to

center around them, even if totally inappropriate. Just want to

throw my two cents in to say enjoy the new baby, and try to ignore

the rest. You can't control the nada " it's all about me " mentality,

or those who fall for it. But you can enjoy your life, your

children, and your accomplishments.

All the best, hugs

Hebrides