Re: denial - personal growth

[Guest guest]

Way to go ...:0)

I felt similar healthy feelings when I received thank

you notes from my nephews a couple weeks ago. I

actually felt only pleasure and joy from hearing from

my nephews (even though FOGgy SIL wrote the one from

the baby,) without feeling unhealthy feelings about my

brother & SIL. It was a liberating feeling and one

step closer to where I want to be... totally

unemotional no matter what or where the FOO is

concerned.

I think it boils down to integrating the knowledge

with the emotions. Eventually it will no longer matter

about seeing them or not seeing them... It just won't

matter anymore... and it won't matter where they are

or whether they've grown... it will only matter where

I am and that I've grown.

Cyndie

--- wendy keetch wrote:

> Hi gang!

> A couple days ago I picked up my future

> son-in-law and went to the

> lumber yard to get a new pole for my one broken

> rake. They were closed.

> But, youngest bro lives next door to them and

> seeings as how he works there,

> I thought I'd pull in and ask him what it was going

> to cost me.

> First thing I notice is that there is a cousin

> there that I have kicked

> out of my house for making sexual comments about my

> children. ( I HAD told

> my family what had happened!) So I ignore him and

> ask bro about cost of rake

> Now during this time, my youngest daughter is out

> in the car with future,

> waiting,

> Bro tells me the cost and then asks about my leg. I

> tell him about falling

> and needing therapy now and for the rest of my life.

> Then he says " oh, moms

> here "

> I said " Oh, great. Well I'd better go. Is she parked

> behind me? " Is she

> coming in?''

> She was parked beside me and had half her body

> inside my car talking to

> my youngest. I commented that nada makes her

> uncomfortable. My bro's

> response was, " Awww Wen, don't do this Ok? Come on. "

> with this long drawn

> out long suffering condescension.

> I looked at him and said, " Hey I'm not talking about

> me, I'm talking about

> Bree, nada makes her uncomfortable! "

> And I walked out of there. Outside, nada takes her

> head out of my car and

> walks past me and says " Hi Wen " in a real shaky

> quiet voice. I muttered

> yeah, right, hi " ( this is the nada that tells my

> girls that I am dead to

> her.)

> As we pulled out of there my future-son-in-law

> told me that Bree was

> really uncomfortable about nada pulling in. Then

> Bree tells me that she

> doesn't like it when gramnada lies to her.

> This whole thing bothered me. The cousin, bro's

> take on my comment,

> nada talking to me. It was two days later when the

> clearer picture came

> through. These people are sooo into denial! I mean,

> I know this, but having

> been away from them for over two years, I was still

> taken aback by how " much

> denial they really live under. (and to realize that

> I used to live there

> too!)

> I'm also amazed by how far I've come in these

> last two years. Sooo many

> layers! The last denial for me to rid myself of was

> the one concerning

> letting go.

> You see, we all live on hope, as one friend said, we

> depend on it. I had to

> let that one go too, because it was intermixed with

> denial. I didn't want

> to see that it was really possible that things with

> nada, nbd/bpd bro, bpd

> sis and youngest bro, would NEVER change. I wanted

> to hope that somehow,

> someway, the foo, would wizen up. But so much of my

> energy was being sapped

> from me. When the foo divorced me, the

> denial was right there in

> front of me and I had to really look at it for what

> it was.

> Now, it's just hope that remains. But my energy

> isn't being expended on it.

> I hope the foo will get better, but I'm not waiting

> on pins and needles for

> it now.

> So, something that would of had me spinning around

> for days, had me

> thoughtful for two! I'd say a big thumbs up for me!

> yeah!!

> Warm thoughts to all, :0)

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Eventually it will no longer matter

> about seeing them or not seeing them... It just won't

> matter anymore... and it won't matter where they are

> or whether they've grown... it will only matter where

> I am and that I've grown.

>

> Cyndie

I want to remember that.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

Thank you Cyndie!

I think that the most incredible thing of all was realizing that I can go on

without them. I no longer worried about where they were or what they were up

to and if they were coming to any healthy decisions. And what a change of

pace!!! That used to be my purpose in my foo!! :0)

(the " good " little witch)

-- Re: denial - personal growth

Way to go ...:0)

I felt similar healthy feelings when I received thank

you notes from my nephews a couple weeks ago. I

actually felt only pleasure and joy from hearing from

my nephews (even though FOGgy SIL wrote the one from

the baby,) without feeling unhealthy feelings about my

brother & SIL. It was a liberating feeling and one

step closer to where I want to be... totally

unemotional no matter what or where the FOO is

concerned.

I think it boils down to integrating the knowledge

with the emotions. Eventually it will no longer matter

about seeing them or not seeing them... It just won't

matter anymore... and it won't matter where they are

or whether they've grown... it will only matter where

I am and that I've grown.

Cyndie

--- wendy keetch wrote:

> Hi gang!

> A couple days ago I picked up my future

> son-in-law and went to the

> lumber yard to get a new pole for my one broken

> rake. They were closed.

> But, youngest bro lives next door to them and

> seeings as how he works there,

> I thought I'd pull in and ask him what it was going

> to cost me.

> First thing I notice is that there is a cousin

> there that I have kicked

> out of my house for making sexual comments about my

> children. ( I HAD told

> my family what had happened!) So I ignore him and

> ask bro about cost of rake

> Now during this time, my youngest daughter is out

> in the car with future,

> waiting,

> Bro tells me the cost and then asks about my leg. I

> tell him about falling

> and needing therapy now and for the rest of my life.

> Then he says " oh, moms

> here "

> I said " Oh, great. Well I'd better go. Is she parked

> behind me? " Is she

> coming in?''

> She was parked beside me and had half her body

> inside my car talking to

> my youngest. I commented that nada makes her

> uncomfortable. My bro's

> response was, " Awww Wen, don't do this Ok? Come on. "

> with this long drawn

> out long suffering condescension.

> I looked at him and said, " Hey I'm not talking about

> me, I'm talking about

> Bree, nada makes her uncomfortable! "

> And I walked out of there. Outside, nada takes her

> head out of my car and

> walks past me and says " Hi Wen " in a real shaky

> quiet voice. I muttered

> yeah, right, hi " ( this is the nada that tells my

> girls that I am dead to

> her.)

> As we pulled out of there my future-son-in-law

> told me that Bree was

> really uncomfortable about nada pulling in. Then

> Bree tells me that she

> doesn't like it when gramnada lies to her.

> This whole thing bothered me. The cousin, bro's

> take on my comment,

> nada talking to me. It was two days later when the

> clearer picture came

> through. These people are sooo into denial! I mean,

> I know this, but having

> been away from them for over two years, I was still

> taken aback by how " much

> denial they really live under. (and to realize that

> I used to live there

> too!)

> I'm also amazed by how far I've come in these

> last two years. Sooo many

> layers! The last denial for me to rid myself of was

> the one concerning

> letting go.

> You see, we all live on hope, as one friend said, we

> depend on it. I had to

> let that one go too, because it was intermixed with

> denial. I didn't want

> to see that it was really possible that things with

> nada, nbd/bpd bro, bpd

> sis and youngest bro, would NEVER change. I wanted

> to hope that somehow,

> someway, the foo, would wizen up. But so much of my

> energy was being sapped

> from me. When the foo divorced me, the

> denial was right there in

> front of me and I had to really look at it for what

> it was.

> Now, it's just hope that remains. But my energy

> isn't being expended on it.

> I hope the foo will get better, but I'm not waiting

> on pins and needles for

> it now.

> So, something that would of had me spinning around

> for days, had me

> thoughtful for two! I'd say a big thumbs up for me!

> yeah!!

> Warm thoughts to all, :0)

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Very well said!! I need to remember this one also.

Thank you Cyndie!!

Kim P.

--- thanksforthisday

wrote:

> Eventually it will no longer matter

> > about seeing them or not seeing them... It just

> won't

> > matter anymore... and it won't matter where they

> are

> > or whether they've grown... it will only matter

> where

> > I am and that I've grown.

> >

> > Cyndie

>

> I want to remember that.

>

> Kathleen

>

>

__________________________________________________