Moved out finally!!!

[Guest guest]

Hello Fellow KO's!

I have finally moved out of my Nada's house!!!

Financially I couldn't do it before but things seemed

to happen all at once. I came home last Tuesday night

and she was all upset that my sports drinks were in

the way of her stuff in the fridge. (She has no food

in her fridge as she considers it slave work to cook

dinner for her family and that we are all fat and need

to lose weight).

Anyway, I didn't reply to her and she just escalated

into a tirade saying how much she hated me and never

wanted to see me again and wished she never had

me...etc...

Wednesday morning I went to work very upset. After

talking with my supervisor who knew all about BPD I

left work and moved out. A friend of mine has an

apartment and is charging me only what I can afford.

He is a lifesaver!

I have not left a forwarding address or home phone

number. She does have my cell though. I am an only

child and usually my father is on my side. This time

though he is not. He told me I didn't have courage to

stay and face my problems. I have been trying with my

Nada for 38 years now and it just keeps getting worse.

My self-esteem is very low and I have no sense of

self. I am also coming up on 6 years sobriety in AA

on April 30th and need to get moving with my life. I

finally have a great job and I wish to develop and

mature into a well adjusted adult. I know that I

can't do that living with her.

I am so afraid of what I have read here regarding the

" hoover " effect. I see that now with her. She likes

to bribe me with trips to Aruba and stuff. I left a

beautiful house and now live in an unfinished

apartment in a commercial building. I have never been

more happy or at such peace in my whole life. Since I

have been reading the shares from this group along

with several BPD books I have lost some of the guilt I

feel about leaving. I know that I tried my best and

now I need to take care of myself. I now see the

seriousness of the situation and the damage that was

done to me by being raised by a Nada.

I am not angry however, just grateful to finally have

an understanding and an explanation for all the

bizarre behavior I grew up with. I used to think I

was the one that was crazy and now I see that it

really wasn't me. I am now free to grow!!!

I will not allow anyone to put a guilt trip on me

regarding my decision. I have missed out on a lot of

living and refuse to play into her hands any longer.

I just want to thank everyone for participating in

this group. You all have changed my life :-)

Thank you so much!!!

Love,

Kim

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Woo hoo!!! Way to go Kim!

You sound wonderfully calm and strong. Once you find

your resolve and that little something clicks, there

is no going back... Divine intervention, gotta love

it... I just love it when all those pieces just fall

into place and viola! Poof! A new door opens just as

the old one closes...

You wrote:

I am an only

> child and usually my father is on my side. This

> time

> though he is not. He told me I didn't have courage

> to

> stay and face my problems. I have been trying with

> my

> Nada for 38 years now and it just keeps getting

> worse.

Stay and face your problems? Hah! Maybe you can tell

him he has enough *courage* for both of you. You were

his buffer my dear. Now it's up to him to find the

courage to face his biggest demon - his wife! He

bought into nada's projected low self-image of herself

onto you and thinks YOU don't have courage? Hah!

KO's have the most courage out of any people I know...

> My self-esteem is very low and I have no sense of

> self. I am also coming up on 6 years sobriety in AA

> on April 30th and need to get moving with my life.

> I

> finally have a great job and I wish to develop and

> mature into a well adjusted adult. I know that I

> can't do that living with her.

No you can't - and from the sounds of it, not from

fada either... Congrats on your sobriety!!! Give

yourself some credit. Do you even realize the courage

and strength it takes to accomplish this?

A friend and I were chatting earlier this week. She'd

broke up with a long term bf a few months back. She's

seeing therapist for it. We were casually speaking. I

asked her if she were ready to date as I've been

pondering it myself. We both agreed that we're

comfortable being alone right now... that we don't

NEED to be in a relationship. A lightbulb went off and

I said, " Gee, L, we really are independent and strong!

It seems we can get so caught up in the grieving and

the what was'es that we don't see exactly how many

qualities and strengths we have! "

So give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for your major

achievement. It certainly says a LOT about you!

I'm standing next to Ilene and Billie with mini

pom-poms...

Cyndie...:0)

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hey Kim,

Congratulations! Sometimes we can almost see God's hand placing the

pieces of our lives in perfect order for changes we need to make, and

this is one of those times for you. I totally agree with the others

about your father, he's afraid of having to deal with your nada

alone. Funny how he's so supportive when you opt to live in the

misery and madness, but pulls the rug out from under you when you

make a move towards independence and sanity. I'm an only child, too,

and I know how suffocatingly tight those family " ties " can be. My

father never stood up for me, either, but he sure could stand up for

himself. What a shame they couldn't, or wouldn't, see how damaging

our nada's were. After all, they CHOSE to be with her, we were

helpless children. But now you are choosing to be sober, healthy,

and happy! ANYONE who tries to give you guilt about this is NOT

looking out for your best interest. You deserve this happiness, so

enjoy. Isn't it wonderful coming home to someplace peaceful? I

remember so well wondering, when I opened the door of my family home,

would I find the " lady " or the " tiger. " What a blessing when I come

home now to my dh and I'm never nervous or fearful about what is

awaiting me. Nadas can keep their money and trips and other bribes,

they cost us KO's way too much. I'd like to join the others with

their pom poms!

Stay strong,

Joy

[Guest guest]

Hi Cyndie

Thank you for the great pom pom wave! It was really

difficult to realize that my father also abandoned me

as I love him so much. Now I also see that he can't

be looking out for my best interest if he is upset

with me for saving myself years of misery.

I am a healthy and intelligent woman who would like a

family and career some day. I go to the gym every day

for body building and people tell me it is sure

working. I have hobbies and care about others. I

know I can have a beautiful life and I truly like who

I am. I can't believe my own mother can't stand me

and criticizes all that I am and all that I do. She

hates my clothes, my hair, what I eat, who my friends

are, what I say, what music I listen to, how I dance

and the list just goes on and on ...

I have friends that love me and apparantly even my

co-workers like me also. That tells me something. I

have to change my thinking as part of me still likes

to think I am worthless from hearing all that junk for

so many years. I can't wait to erase all that garbage

that intellectually I know is untrue.

Thanks again!!

Kim

--- Cyndie McCoy wrote:

> Woo hoo!!! Way to go Kim!

>

> You sound wonderfully calm and strong. Once you find

> your resolve and that little something clicks, there

> is no going back... Divine intervention, gotta love

> it... I just love it when all those pieces just fall

> into place and viola! Poof! A new door opens just as

> the old one closes...

>

> You wrote:

> I am an only

> > child and usually my father is on my side. This

> > time

> > though he is not. He told me I didn't have

> courage

> > to

> > stay and face my problems. I have been trying

> with

> > my

> > Nada for 38 years now and it just keeps getting

> > worse.

>

> Stay and face your problems? Hah! Maybe you can tell

> him he has enough *courage* for both of you. You

> were

> his buffer my dear. Now it's up to him to find the

> courage to face his biggest demon - his wife! He

> bought into nada's projected low self-image of

> herself

> onto you and thinks YOU don't have courage? Hah!

>

> KO's have the most courage out of any people I

> know...

>

> > My self-esteem is very low and I have no sense of

> > self. I am also coming up on 6 years sobriety in

> AA

> > on April 30th and need to get moving with my life.

>

> > I

> > finally have a great job and I wish to develop and

> > mature into a well adjusted adult. I know that I

> > can't do that living with her.

>

> No you can't - and from the sounds of it, not from

> fada either... Congrats on your sobriety!!! Give

> yourself some credit. Do you even realize the

> courage

> and strength it takes to accomplish this?

>

> A friend and I were chatting earlier this week.

> She'd

> broke up with a long term bf a few months back.

> She's

> seeing therapist for it. We were casually speaking.

> I

> asked her if she were ready to date as I've been

> pondering it myself. We both agreed that we're

> comfortable being alone right now... that we don't

> NEED to be in a relationship. A lightbulb went off

> and

> I said, " Gee, L, we really are independent and

> strong!

> It seems we can get so caught up in the grieving and

> the what was'es that we don't see exactly how many

> qualities and strengths we have! "

>

> So give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for your

> major

> achievement. It certainly says a LOT about you!

>

> I'm standing next to Ilene and Billie with mini

> pom-poms...

>

> Cyndie...:0)

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Joy

I know exactly what you mean about walking in the

door. I used to peak my head in to feel it out before

I walked all the way in the house. I would shake all

the time going home. The way I was living before

moving out was crazy. I would go to work, then the

gym, then to an AA or CoDA meeting and then home. On

the weekends I left in the morning and didn't get home

until 1am. I made sure I got up after she left and

got home after she went to bed. I was getting so

tired and burnt out. I just needed one day to rest or

take a nap. The night she flipped out I had come home

to early after a doctor's appointment as it was too

late to catch a meeting and she was still awake. I

knew in an instant to expect trouble. She just

couldn't stand the sight of me. She was trying to be

nice to me the previous week to get information out of

me regarding my father. I wouldn't give her any so

she started getting really angry. My whole life she

was never just plain nice to me. She always had

hidden motives beneath her niceness. It was more

scary when she was nice than when she was mean because

you never knew what was coming and the nicer she was

the worse it would get.

I'm just so grateful right now.

Love,

Kim

--- crazydoggroomer wrote:

> Hey Kim,

> Congratulations! Sometimes we can almost see God's

> hand placing the

> pieces of our lives in perfect order for changes we

> need to make, and

> this is one of those times for you. I totally agree

> with the others

> about your father, he's afraid of having to deal

> with your nada

> alone. Funny how he's so supportive when you opt to

> live in the

> misery and madness, but pulls the rug out from under

> you when you

> make a move towards independence and sanity. I'm an

> only child, too,

> and I know how suffocatingly tight those family

> " ties " can be. My

> father never stood up for me, either, but he sure

> could stand up for

> himself. What a shame they couldn't, or wouldn't,

> see how damaging

> our nada's were. After all, they CHOSE to be with

> her, we were

> helpless children. But now you are choosing to be

> sober, healthy,

> and happy! ANYONE who tries to give you guilt

> about this is NOT

> looking out for your best interest. You deserve

> this happiness, so

> enjoy. Isn't it wonderful coming home to someplace

> peaceful? I

> remember so well wondering, when I opened the door

> of my family home,

> would I find the " lady " or the " tiger. " What a

> blessing when I come

> home now to my dh and I'm never nervous or fearful

> about what is

> awaiting me. Nadas can keep their money and trips

> and other bribes,

> they cost us KO's way too much. I'd like to join

> the others with

> their pom poms!

>

> Stay strong,

> Joy

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Kim, two thumbs up!!! You've got LOTS of courage, and don't

ever forget that, no matter what ANYBODY else tells you!

Best of luck in your new home

Hope

--- Pollock wrote:

> Hello Fellow KO's!

>

> I have finally moved out of my Nada's house!!!

>

> Financially I couldn't do it before but things seemed

> to happen all at once. I came home last Tuesday night

> and she was all upset that my sports drinks were in

> the way of her stuff in the fridge. (She has no food

> in her fridge as she considers it slave work to cook

> dinner for her family and that we are all fat and need

> to lose weight).

>

> Anyway, I didn't reply to her and she just escalated

> into a tirade saying how much she hated me and never

> wanted to see me again and wished she never had

> me...etc...

>

> Wednesday morning I went to work very upset. After

> talking with my supervisor who knew all about BPD I

> left work and moved out. A friend of mine has an

> apartment and is charging me only what I can afford.

> He is a lifesaver!

>

> I have not left a forwarding address or home phone

> number. She does have my cell though. I am an only

> child and usually my father is on my side. This time

> though he is not. He told me I didn't have courage to

> stay and face my problems. I have been trying with my

> Nada for 38 years now and it just keeps getting worse.

> My self-esteem is very low and I have no sense of

> self. I am also coming up on 6 years sobriety in AA

> on April 30th and need to get moving with my life. I

> finally have a great job and I wish to develop and

> mature into a well adjusted adult. I know that I

> can't do that living with her.

>

> I am so afraid of what I have read here regarding the

> " hoover " effect. I see that now with her. She likes

> to bribe me with trips to Aruba and stuff. I left a

> beautiful house and now live in an unfinished

> apartment in a commercial building. I have never been

> more happy or at such peace in my whole life. Since I

> have been reading the shares from this group along

> with several BPD books I have lost some of the guilt I

> feel about leaving. I know that I tried my best and

> now I need to take care of myself. I now see the

> seriousness of the situation and the damage that was

> done to me by being raised by a Nada.

>

> I am not angry however, just grateful to finally have

> an understanding and an explanation for all the

> bizarre behavior I grew up with. I used to think I

> was the one that was crazy and now I see that it

> really wasn't me. I am now free to grow!!!

>

> I will not allow anyone to put a guilt trip on me

> regarding my decision. I have missed out on a lot of

> living and refuse to play into her hands any longer.

>

> I just want to thank everyone for participating in

> this group. You all have changed my life :-)

>

> Thank you so much!!!

>

> Love,

> Kim

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Hope

Thank you so much for the encouraging words!!

Please stay safe in Jerusalem!!

Has anyone had any success in getting their Nada's

voice out of their heads? I'm trying unsuccessfully

so far. Is it just a matter of time? I hear her

critical voice as I'm getting ready for work... " you

look fat(I weigh 98 pounds...lol...), those clothes

don't match, you have a pimple on your face etc....

I just want some peace of mind and sanity. I guess it

will be a slow process just like recovery. Every day

I get new awarenesses. I just completed half of my

fifth step last Sunday. Each time I do the steps they

are different due to growth. I guess recovering from

the wrath of BPD will be similar.

Looking forward to the journey!!

Love,

Kim

--- Hope wrote:

> Kim, two thumbs up!!! You've got LOTS of courage,

> and don't

> ever forget that, no matter what ANYBODY else tells

> you!

>

> Best of luck in your new home

>

> Hope

>

>

> --- Pollock wrote:

> > Hello Fellow KO's!

> >

> > I have finally moved out of my Nada's house!!!

> >

> > Financially I couldn't do it before but things

> seemed

> > to happen all at once. I came home last Tuesday

> night

> > and she was all upset that my sports drinks were

> in

> > the way of her stuff in the fridge. (She has no

> food

> > in her fridge as she considers it slave work to

> cook

> > dinner for her family and that we are all fat and

> need

> > to lose weight).

> >

> > Anyway, I didn't reply to her and she just

> escalated

> > into a tirade saying how much she hated me and

> never

> > wanted to see me again and wished she never had

> > me...etc...

> >

> > Wednesday morning I went to work very upset.

> After

> > talking with my supervisor who knew all about BPD

> I

> > left work and moved out. A friend of mine has an

> > apartment and is charging me only what I can

> afford.

> > He is a lifesaver!

> >

> > I have not left a forwarding address or home phone

> > number. She does have my cell though. I am an

> only

> > child and usually my father is on my side. This

> time

> > though he is not. He told me I didn't have

> courage to

> > stay and face my problems. I have been trying

> with my

> > Nada for 38 years now and it just keeps getting

> worse.

> > My self-esteem is very low and I have no sense of

> > self. I am also coming up on 6 years sobriety in

> AA

> > on April 30th and need to get moving with my life.

> I

> > finally have a great job and I wish to develop and

> > mature into a well adjusted adult. I know that I

> > can't do that living with her.

> >

> > I am so afraid of what I have read here regarding

> the

> > " hoover " effect. I see that now with her. She

> likes

> > to bribe me with trips to Aruba and stuff. I left

> a

> > beautiful house and now live in an unfinished

> > apartment in a commercial building. I have never

> been

> > more happy or at such peace in my whole life.

> Since I

> > have been reading the shares from this group along

> > with several BPD books I have lost some of the

> guilt I

> > feel about leaving. I know that I tried my best

> and

> > now I need to take care of myself. I now see the

> > seriousness of the situation and the damage that

> was

> > done to me by being raised by a Nada.

> >

> > I am not angry however, just grateful to finally

> have

> > an understanding and an explanation for all the

> > bizarre behavior I grew up with. I used to think

> I

> > was the one that was crazy and now I see that it

> > really wasn't me. I am now free to grow!!!

> >

> > I will not allow anyone to put a guilt trip on me

> > regarding my decision. I have missed out on a lot

> of

> > living and refuse to play into her hands any

> longer.

> >

> > I just want to thank everyone for participating in

> > this group. You all have changed my life :-)

> >

> > Thank you so much!!!

> >

> > Love,

> > Kim

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim!

I started to try to get my nada's voice out of my head two years ago, and it

still crops up there sometimes. You have to fight it all the time. I have come

to understand that it will never go away totally but will always be there.

However, it does get better. I don't constantly hear a voice in my head telling

me, " You have to study. You won't do well if you don't study right now, this

instant. " But I do still second guess what I say to people, if I've locked the

door, if I studied that chapter, if I've... What I've done is fought those

tendencies to think that way, and now I don't worry so much about stuff. It

hasn't gone away, but it's at a more comfortable, livable level for me. Keep

trying!

Love,

Ginny

Quoting Pollock :

> Hi Hope

>

> Thank you so much for the encouraging words!!

>

> Please stay safe in Jerusalem!!

>

> Has anyone had any success in getting their Nada's

> voice out of their heads? I'm trying unsuccessfully

> so far. Is it just a matter of time? I hear her

> critical voice as I'm getting ready for work... " you

> look fat(I weigh 98 pounds...lol...), those clothes

> don't match, you have a pimple on your face etc....

>

> I just want some peace of mind and sanity. I guess it

> will be a slow process just like recovery. Every day

> I get new awarenesses. I just completed half of my

> fifth step last Sunday. Each time I do the steps they

> are different due to growth. I guess recovering from

> the wrath of BPD will be similar.

>

> Looking forward to the journey!!

>

> Love,

> Kim

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

Its been 5 years since I spoke to mine, and I would

say the majority of the days I don't hear her voice

anymore. Every once in awhile I will " trip " across a

new issue or influence that was always there, but I

never recogonized before. I think those issues are

much easier to deal with now with time, space, and

experience. Its more like " a ha! another one, lets

reevaluate my thoughts here " . It does get better, but

I don't deal possible encounters with her. She makes

no attempt to contact me, and I have no reason to

believe that will change. I don't know where I would

be emotionally if I had to deal with that scenario.

--- Pollock wrote:

> Hi Hope

>

> Thank you so much for the encouraging words!!

>

> Please stay safe in Jerusalem!!

>

> Has anyone had any success in getting their Nada's

> voice out of their heads? I'm trying unsuccessfully

> so far. Is it just a matter of time? I hear her

> critical voice as I'm getting ready for work...

> " you

> look fat(I weigh 98 pounds...lol...), those clothes

> don't match, you have a pimple on your face etc....

>

> I just want some peace of mind and sanity. I guess

> it

> will be a slow process just like recovery. Every

> day

> I get new awarenesses. I just completed half of my

> fifth step last Sunday. Each time I do the steps

> they

> are different due to growth. I guess recovering

> from

> the wrath of BPD will be similar.

>

> Looking forward to the journey!!

>

> Love,

> Kim

>

> --- Hope wrote:

> > Kim, two thumbs up!!! You've got LOTS of courage,

> > and don't

> > ever forget that, no matter what ANYBODY else

> tells

> > you!

> >

> > Best of luck in your new home

> >

> > Hope

> >

> >

> > --- Pollock wrote:

> > > Hello Fellow KO's!

> > >

> > > I have finally moved out of my Nada's house!!!

> > >

> > > Financially I couldn't do it before but things

> > seemed

> > > to happen all at once. I came home last Tuesday

> > night

> > > and she was all upset that my sports drinks were

> > in

> > > the way of her stuff in the fridge. (She has no

> > food

> > > in her fridge as she considers it slave work to

> > cook

> > > dinner for her family and that we are all fat

> and

> > need

> > > to lose weight).

> > >

> > > Anyway, I didn't reply to her and she just

> > escalated

> > > into a tirade saying how much she hated me and

> > never

> > > wanted to see me again and wished she never had

> > > me...etc...

> > >

> > > Wednesday morning I went to work very upset.

> > After

> > > talking with my supervisor who knew all about

> BPD

> > I

> > > left work and moved out. A friend of mine has

> an

> > > apartment and is charging me only what I can

> > afford.

> > > He is a lifesaver!

> > >

> > > I have not left a forwarding address or home

> phone

> > > number. She does have my cell though. I am an

> > only

> > > child and usually my father is on my side. This

> > time

> > > though he is not. He told me I didn't have

> > courage to

> > > stay and face my problems. I have been trying

> > with my

> > > Nada for 38 years now and it just keeps getting

> > worse.

> > > My self-esteem is very low and I have no sense

> of

> > > self. I am also coming up on 6 years sobriety

> in

> > AA

> > > on April 30th and need to get moving with my

> life.

> > I

> > > finally have a great job and I wish to develop

> and

> > > mature into a well adjusted adult. I know that

> I

> > > can't do that living with her.

> > >

> > > I am so afraid of what I have read here

> regarding

> > the

> > > " hoover " effect. I see that now with her. She

> > likes

> > > to bribe me with trips to Aruba and stuff. I

> left

> > a

> > > beautiful house and now live in an unfinished

> > > apartment in a commercial building. I have

> never

> > been

> > > more happy or at such peace in my whole life.

> > Since I

> > > have been reading the shares from this group

> along

> > > with several BPD books I have lost some of the

> > guilt I

> > > feel about leaving. I know that I tried my best

> > and

> > > now I need to take care of myself. I now see

> the

> > > seriousness of the situation and the damage that

> > was

> > > done to me by being raised by a Nada.

> > >

> > > I am not angry however, just grateful to finally

> > have

> > > an understanding and an explanation for all the

> > > bizarre behavior I grew up with. I used to

> think

> > I

> > > was the one that was crazy and now I see that it

> > > really wasn't me. I am now free to grow!!!

> > >

> > > I will not allow anyone to put a guilt trip on

> me

> > > regarding my decision. I have missed out on a

> lot

> > of

> > > living and refuse to play into her hands any

> > longer.

> > >

> > > I just want to thank everyone for participating

> in

> > > this group. You all have changed my life :-)

> > >

> > > Thank you so much!!!

> > >

> > > Love,

> > > Kim

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> __________________________________________________

> > >