Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 Georgia Usually, in the meetings dept. staff heads from dietary, activities, nursing, and possibly a care plan coordinator attend. I had meetings called unexpectadly, with no advance mail warning, where they even had the director and some corporate people in them. Talk about intimidating...however, I was there for my dad, and I held my own. You can take along anyone you want to go. If you have a minister or priest, a family member or 2, neighbor, who ever you want to go. I always had questions before hand and wrote them down to take with me. Then, during the meetings I took notes...right in front of the other meeting members. Also, I took along more LBD information I had. The NH was so very unaware of LBD, so I constantly educated them. Usually these meetings are scheduled every 3 months, unless there is a need to have them more often, for instance, behaviors, weight loss, progression of disease... Hope some of this helps. Thanks for trusting and asking! Sandie Des Moines, IA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 thanks Sandie...the way the other caregivers at the VA have described it, it sounds more like a battle zone than a helpful meeting. Everyone is so defensive which leads me to believe they are either gun shy from irate caregivers, or not doing their job in the first place...let's see..which one would I pick? Bet you know... by the way, is LaCrosse, Wisconsin above the Mason/Dixie line? Just joshing... Regards, Georgia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 Georgia You are welcome...for information on the care plan meeting. Do be prepared as some staff members may come cocked and ready to blow. Just make sure you are too! Keep your cool, unless provoked, stand your ground and stay stern. I just always went with the flow. I knew my dad and his needs far more than any one of the members in those meetings, and was proud to pass along that fact, as well as many others I had up my sleeves. I do believe LaCrosse is across the Mason/Dixie line...hehehe... Take Care- Sandie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 Hi Georgia, It's Martha in NC here, thought I'd add my 2 cents worth on your meeting. I would try to locate the exact meeting place beforehand, maybe a day or so ahead. Step inside the room, look it over, just get used to the place. Then the day of the meeting, I would try to get there well before time, go to the meeting room & choose my seat, then review my notes (more on this in a minute). I will have with me a set of copies of LBD info for each attendee. Put them out, along with a small note pad & a pencil at each place (sort of a 'place setting' type of thing). You get the idea. When the powers-that-be enter the room, I'd stand up and greet them as tho it were MY meeting & I were the host. I'd shake their hands, smile at them, look them in the eye & thank them for meeting with me. O.K., now (I hope) I've surprised them a little bit & they're slightly off balance. My actions have just told them that I expect my concerns to be treated seriously & with respect. Now I would tell them that there have been a number of occasions when I've been present that I've noticed things that " I think may be less than your reputation warrants, & I thought you'd want to know about them. " At this point I would pass out to each person a photocopy of my list of gripes, & tell the head honcho (whoever is present) that I would like to discuss each item in turn & for H.H. to tell me their response ( & plan for correction) to each item. At this point, the meeting belongs to our illustrious Head Honcho, but if she/he doesn't pick up the ball, I would continue. (Might continue, anyway! <G>) What I want to do is to state the problem & get a promise of positive change. Now, group, I said this is what I would do. It is not what I did !!! I was caught off guard & unprepared & ended in a shouting match & told them I would remove my mother within 24 hours, which I did. [she had cancer, so it was not like dealing with a dementia victim.] Mom had only been in the nh for 3 weeks, I was there most of every day, took care of her & her roommate & there was STILL neglect. I don't think there is anyone anywhere who hates nh's more than I do, & I know you all do too. If only there were alternatives! I think the best thing in the meantime are cameras. I would mount one in every upper corner if I could. The ideas I've offered for the planning meetings are only what I would like to think I would do, the idea being to be prepared & to keep the " professionals " (yeah, right!) guessing. I would hope that if I dress as tho for church & present myself in a professional manner, they would respond accordingly. I have learned that if I really, really want to make my point...I speak VERY softly, almost whisper. Best way I've ever seen to make people strain to listen. Pretend that the cost of care is coming out of your pocket, even if it isn't. Amazing how the thought of money can be energizing! I have made that pretense even whe my Mom was on Medicaid & I felt much stronger & more in control. Sorry to be so long-winded, hope my thoughts will help, or give you ideas of your own. Good luck!!!!!!! Let us know how it goes. Martha / NC / USA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 WOW Martha! You have really given me wonderful ideas for the meeting and this sage wisdom you have presented will save alot of us from the turmoil and possibly future shouting matches! I have had a few of those myself. I have learned to listen and repeat what they say to me whenever they approach me...like " Let me make sure I understand you correctly...you are saying that you are hiring extra help? " " Are you telling me that within (and I am always specific) say 2 weeks I can expect to see more help on the floor(s)? " When I do this, the director usually stops, weighs his words, and really thinks it thru before he begins again. I have found that every single person in the VA home here, with the exception of possibly a couple of people, speak with forked tongue. So when I repeat what they say, add my OWN time table to it, or my OWN specifics, they are very careful about how they answer and I usually end up with MORE pieces of the truth. I really don't think they are capble of the full truth. The director even made this statement in a Care-Plan meeting with a friend of mine and her daughter: The friend said " You lied to us. " He said..(you are gonna love this one) " A lie is only a lie if it is told with intent. " Good grief...I said wait a minte! When one is pregnant, they are pregnant, there is no inbetween. Maybe a bad choice for comparison, but it makes the point. Now I am rambling. Thanks for all of your suggestions. They are excellent. Good thing I am ish/Irish, have red hair, AND a temper...As far as I am concerned, may they be in heaven 1/2 hour before the devil knows they are dead, because he WILL take each and every one of um! HA! I will prepare myself with your guidance! Thanks! Georgia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 Hey again, Georgia, It's Martha again (the NC one). Please don't give me credit on those suggestions. I think they are just good sense & when dealing with VA or nh or such, we need all the input we can get, then we can pick & choose what to use. And let's not forget to pass on to our group what works & what doesn't! Might even be worth inviting a couple or three or so neighbors or relatives for coffee & doing some role playing. Remember the thoughts in my previous email were what I said I WISHED I had done. I have thought long & hard in the years since my one experience at a nh, and I would just love to re-do it, knowing what I know now. No doubt in my mind who would win! <G> I think the worst thing about my impromptu meeting was that I WAS CAUGHT BY SURPRISE & NOT PREPARED. I would dearly love to have had the chance to do some practice run-throughs. when is your meeting? I want to be sure & have my fingers crossed & a prayer on its way for you at that time. Be sure to let us know. My best to you! Martha in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 Georgia, Please take someone with you. Can't one of your sisters go with you. You should not have to go alone. Are things happening there that are not suspose to be happening " If so call your local Ombusman and report them. Take someone from there with you. In mom's case there were many violations taking place. They didn't want to change her, didnt want to get her up, tried to force her into the shower, didn't want to keep adjusting her pillow etc. I have a long list of stuff I took with me. Sorry, I don't remember if you asked me for them or not. Say the word and I will send what I brought. Be prepared. Sorry I don't know much about your situation right now because I have been very busy. I have been skimming most of the posts. I will try to look back to see what your situation is if I get time. They told me the meetings usually last 15-30 min. Mine lasted 1 1/2 hours. Good luck, Shirley > >Reply-To: LBDcaregivers >To: LBDcaregivers >Subject: Care Plan Meetings >Date: Fri, 07 Mar 2003 16:46:12 -0000 > >Another question! > >I am scheduled for my first Care Plan meeting at the VA home. >Someone has told me that is usually last 1 to 1/5 hours and that they >have 10 people there. I will be one person. The staff for the most >part are ok but a few of them are very difficult to deal with. The >woman holding the meeting for instance is mad at me because I had to >schedule it at 4:00 in the afternoon instead of 2:15 like she >wanted. She even hung up on me after we confirmed the time. Good >grief! She knows she is suppose to call me when something happens >because I am a few minutes away from the place, where my other >sisters are 60 miles away yet she never does. Other people at the VA >home have told me that they kinda sorta " gang up on you " when you are >alone in these meetings. While I am not a shrinking violet by no >means, it was unnerving to hear this. Can anyone tell me what to >expect in these meetings? Whew! Took me forever to ask the >question, didn't it? sorry. > >Georgia > _________________________________________________________________ MSN 8 helps eliminate e-mail viruses. Get 2 months FREE*. http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 <Georgia wrote: Can anyone tell me what to expect in these meetings?> Georgia, If you have time, type in " care meeting " in the search feature on this site. It's on the right side a bit down from the top. That will give you the posts about what others have gone through in care meetings. It may provide some insight. My Dad (84) lives with us so I've never had to do one. I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs...Jan Sacramento CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 Once again Martha, thank you. The meeting is March 25th at 4:00 p.m. Central time (I'm in Alabama). I do appreciate the words of advice and well wishes. The prayers are most appreciated! Regards, Georgia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 Georgia, Do not go alone!! Take a neighbor or anyone with you. Minister was suggested, friend, husband, cousin, but don't go alone. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 yes, take a " disinterested " friend that can stay apart from the emotional issues and just temper the converations and better mentally record the by play. mido101@... wrote: > Georgia, > > Do not go alone!! Take a neighbor or anyone with you. Minister was > suggested, friend, husband, cousin, but don't go alone. > > Donna > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2003 Report Share Posted March 7, 2003 Martha, good advice. At mom's meeting I was totally in charge. I was there to educate them and I did. I told them what I expected and had a list of violations that I knew had been commmitted thus far. The first thing I said was, " There is one thing I would like to say before we start, Isn't it a state law that a care plan meeting be held within 7 days of admittance? Well, my mom has been here over 2 months so far " . The director of nursing said, " ah, well, ummm, we never did that before but we are now " . It really wasn't her fault though she had been there for only 3 weeks. Started the meeting off in my favor though. I then read to them what Lewy Body Diseae is in a patients perspective. Good luck again Georgia. Shirley _________________________________________________________________ STOP MORE SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE* http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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