Re: Re: Take the Knife Out of My Heart

[Guest guest]

thanksforthisday wrote:

>

> My mother's favorite line is: You are just

> like your father! and....

Me too! She didn't do it often, but when she did, it hurt deeply.

Mother divorced dad when I was 9. Mother was miserable because of dad,

and she detested his family, so to my mind he was a " bad guy " . I didn't

want to be anything like him or his family, period. So, when mother

would say, " you do that just like your dad " , or " you have a big butt

just like Aunt Faith (dad's sister) " , I reeled inside.

> And....the biggest thing she did for me was

> give birth to me.

Yes, I feel the same way.

> First is was the abandonment to maids, bec. she couldn't stand

> up to her mother. I remember going from a simple life in CA to a

> simple life in the Philippines, but being very lonely. My mother

> was never around!

>

> Then it moved to physical abuse, then emotional abuse by using

> and degrading, then she started in on my sisters, and then and

> then and then.

Yes, it's a slippery slope. My brother was a hellion, and when she

finally gave up and shipped him back to his dad permanently, her

problems were solved. But not for long. Within months, she started in

on me, and didn't let up until I got married at 20. It goes from one

problem to the next, ad nauseum...........

> I can honestly say that since I was 4, I have never trusted her.

I've trusted mother all my life. But, after all the things she's done

to me this past decade, especially behind my back, I'll never trust her

again.

> Anyway....she's been telling my sibs in CA that my sister and I

> are hateful mean horrible crazy women. I guess that out of OZ

> that means we are doing just fine.

Distortion campaign. What they do best!

Best wishes,

Carol

[Guest guest]

Mom used to tell me that too. When she was mad at him she would

dump on me. But I believed her that I was no good. My parents

inherited some useful, and some not so useful, interaction

patterns. Coulda been worse; coulda been better.

Cyndy

--- thanksforthisday wrote:

> My mother's favorite line is: You are just like your father!

> and....

>

> After all I've done for you. Fact is, I am just like my

> father, except

> that I've a better handle on things emotionally. And....the

> biggest

> thing she did for me was give birth to me. It was downhill

> after

> that. For the first years of my life I was OK bec. the family

> was

> small and she was away from HER FOO. But that didn't last long

>

> and we soon began the living with her FOO and then it went

> downhill.

>

> First is was the abandonment to maids, bec. she couldn't stand

>

> up to her mother. I remember going from a simple life in CA to

> a

> simple life in the Philippines, but being very lonely. My

> mother

> was never around!

>

> Then it moved to physical abuse, then emotional abuse by using

>

> and degrading, then she started in on my sisters, and then and

>

> then and then.

>

> I can honestly say that since I was 4, I have never trusted

> her.

>

> At the age of 4 I had my first experience of her being mean. I

> had

> a horrible earache, and I was crying and she USUALLY took care

>

> of me. But this time, she marched out in filmy baby doll

> pajamas

> (EEEWWW) and scolded me and sort of roughly stuffed baby

> aspirin in my mouth and sent me off to bed.

>

> This evening was sitting holding MY baby who is 3.5 because

> she has a fever. I sat in a chair and held her and watched my

> 6

> year old sleep bec. he is sick too. I don't find that hard to

> do.

>

> When I was 10 I had the WORST ear infection but it went

> unattended until one day in the car she was shouting at me and

> I

> was looking out the window and I couldn't hear her. My hearing

>

> was 90% gone in one ear and all gone in the other. I couldn't

> tell,

> or I was so used to not making waves. It got worse over

> months...I remember when we were living in New Mexico the

> previous year she and my aunt would be shouting at me and

> making fun of my LOUD voice. I was compensating for slipping

> hearing. I can't imagine making fun of one of my kids.

> Something

> like that is a neon light flashing that something is

> physically

> wrong.

>

> Anyway....she's been telling my sibs in CA that my sister and

> I

> are hateful mean horrible crazy women. I guess that out of OZ

> that means we are doing just fine.

>

> Knife in the heart indeed. Dontcha hate it?

>

> Kathleen

>

>

=====

I've been wrong before.

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