To Everyone

[Guest guest]

A little this and a little that for 2003. Just some thoughts on some

posts I've read based on what I've learned in the past 10 months. My

story: Dad 84, lived alone in Mar, Asst Living 4 months, now lives in

our home since Aug 7, LBD diagnosis in Nov.

SHOULD YOU TELL THEM THEY HAVE LBD? 's post is the best

explanation I've read on why we should tell them they have LBD.

Avoid the word dementia since that's the word that generation used to

describe their LOs who were senile. My Dad feels very comfortable

saying he has LBD, although sometimes it comes out LBJ..LDB...etc.

SHOULD THE KIDS BE EXPOSED? Yes, as long as the kids are safe, it's

good for their own growth. If the LO is not showing interest it may

be because it is difficult for them to follow the conversations,

especially the quick little voices of children. The kids may have to

slow down their speech and repeat but it's good experience for them.

ONE PILLOW OR TWO? What the heck, give her two if she wants it. If

her blood pressure is up because of two, it will probably stay up by

being forced to use one. Why can't they live their lives the way they

want for what time they have left. Let them have some control over

their lives when at all possible.

OVERNIGHTERS/OUTINGS/PARTIES: I can see no benefit to the LO for an

overnighter no matter how well meaning. That should be reserved for

the benefit of caregiver only. The success to outings/parties is

having a contingency plan. One person should be the back-up

designated driver who will take the LO home/NH and stay with them if

needed. That way the event can continue and the LO won't feel like

they are ruining anything and gives them the option of leaving.

BACKLASH: No such thing on this site. Feelings CANNOT be wrong. They

may be based on inaccurate data, but feelings are real and this is

the best place to express them.

GIVING UP YEARS WE CAN'T GET BACK: That's a tough one. The average

life span for the men in my husband's family is 59. My husband

retired in '99 and just turned 59. How will I feel if my husband dies

before we get to do the things we planned to do in our retirement

because we put everything on hold for my Dad? Either way I'm going to

be trading one guilt for another. I've decided we will do what we can

but not everything forever, because when we were born our parents

didn't look into our angelic faces and say, " I expect you to give up

your life for me. " This is not what they wanted for us just as it's

not what we would want for our children. Do what you think your LO

wanted for you when you were born and turn the rest over to God.

CAREGIVER STRESS: Our system treats stress like an attack on our

body releasing chemicals which help us do super human stuff. This is

a good thing except when it continues over long periods of time. For

me, tax season stress allowed me to do super human stuff for 10 weeks

but combined with caregiving...well, two stuffs don't stuff well into

one body so I sold my business December 2. Long periods of stress is

DANGEROUS!! Like I said before...this is not what our parents wanted

for us when they were able to think beyond themselves.

CONSTIPATION: Our eternal battle is over..for now. The combination

that has elimated my father's use of enemas after 50 years: 1 dose of

Metamucil at noon, 1000 I.U. of Vitamin E, and sitting down exactly

10 mintues after breakfast. I read that eating a meal triggers the

colon 10 minutes after eating. They were right. The urge to go

deminishes with age so the timing is important.

May your loved one remain on a good plataeu and the warm embrace of

each person here help you know you are not alone. It helped me

beyond words. Thank you!

Jan in Sunny Sacramento (well, make that sunny Grass Valley. We are

on a break thanks to my angelic brother.)