Worry..worry..worry

[Guest guest]

Worrying often seems so much a part of us that it's easy to think it's as

natural and as necessary as breathing or digesting. Although we don't

think too much about whether we like to breathe or digest, most of us

believe that we don't like to worry at all. In fact, we hate to worry; if

we were allowed to choose one emotion or thought process to eliminate

from our repertoire, most of us know which one it would be. It seems that

only a magic wish could make that happen because worrying is something

beyond our control. Many have tried time after time to stop worrying, and

the harder we try, the more persistent our worrying becomes.

The Habit of Worrying

As a major contender for trophies in the Worry Olympics, I realized a

while back that worrying is an addiction and a baffling one. Habitual

worriers never hear a seductive voice telling them that indulging in one

little worry won't hurt; that they've had a hard day at work and are

entitled to a relaxing worry; or that a little bit of worrying will help

them forget their problems, get to sleep, or be more comfortable in a

social situation. Far from helping us to escape, worrying seems to hurl

us into the midst of the anxiety which people use other addictions to

avoid. It's difficult to imagine what possible or desirable purpose

worrying might serve.

Recently I realized that I hadn't worried for a while. This worried me. I

decided to find out why. First, I listened to what I said to myself when

I worried, and what kinds of feelings accompanied this thought process.

To take an example, I worried about my cat, n, whenever he seemed

to be less than his healthy, serene self. My thoughts and feelings went

something like the following.

A Blueprint for Worry

He doesn't look good, and his nose is dry. (fear) Should I take him to

the vet? He hates going to the vet, and he could pick up some disease

there, (more fear) but what if it's something really serious? I'll never

forgive myself if I ignore this and it turns out to be something

terrible. (guilt) But what if the vet misdiagnoses it? (suspicion) What

if she says it's something terrible, and it isn't? What if she says it

isn't something terrible, and it is? (fear, guilt, and confusion) I wish

I knew what to do; I'll never forgive myself if . . .

When I took my explorations a step deeper to see what was beneath the

surface, I discovered a more generic thought pattern (suitable for the

insertion of any of your worries):

Oh, I'm so worried. What if _____ doesn't (does) happen? If I don't get

enough (too much) ___? Please, please, I really need ___; my life is

going to be ruined if I don't get it. Don't you see how important this is

to me? I'm not like these people who slack off and just mindlessly trust

in the universe, those people who act as if everything will turn out all

right without doing anything. I'm doing something about this; I'm taking

this problem seriously; I'm worrying. I'm working hard. Don't you think I

deserve to have this problem solved? Don't you think I'm entitled to a

little help?

When I paid attention to this level of worry, I discovered a belief which

contradicted my consciously held belief that my thoughts and feelings

attract to me a matching reality. On a deeper level I believed the

opposite: that by worrying I was doing something to solve the problem. I

believed that if I clearly and persistently communicated my misery to

whatever out there makes the decisions about who's going to get the

rewards and who's going to get punished, it might take pity on me and

give me a break.

Go Ahead and Worry

Worry's addictive pattern is circular, very much like the exercise wheels

in which unfortunate rodents often find themselves. They use up a lot of

energy and get you nowhere. It doesn't work, however, to pretend that

you're not worried, or to actively resist worry. This just pushes the

worries deeper below consciousness. If you manage to avoid knowledge of

their existence all day, they'll usually pop up at night when your

defenses are lower, or haunt your dreams. In my experience the best way

to break the pattern is to take that worry and run with it.

For example, let's say that I'm worried about a bounced check written to

my real-life store, Crystal Gardens. On one level I'm worried because I'm

going to have to call that person, and if (s)he doesn't make the check

good, I'm going to have to call the check-protection agency. They've

always covered checks, but this is going to be the one time when

something goes wrong. This might be called the petty-annoyance level, and

very often people fixate on relatively minor problems in order to avoid

facing more profound anxieties. If I get deeper into the feeling level, I

might come to any one of a number of revelations, such as:

You can't trust anyone. People betray you.

The world is a dangerous place.

Financial ruin is just around the corner. I'm going to be a bag person

and go hungry and probably starve to death.

Now I've moved beyond worry to fear, beyond a focus on minor concerns to

addressing deeper issues. When you reach this level, get into the fear,

experience it. Draw a picture of it or write a poem about it. Read the

article on The Inner Critic, and see what your inner critic has to say

about your fear. If you keep a dream journal, read over the entries for

the last week or month and see if the fear has been cropping up in your

dreams.

These processes will help you to release the fear, as will the crystals

and flower essences I recommend below. Once you've exhausted your fear

potential, create affirmations as building blocks for creating the

reality you would prefer. Affirm that the world is a safe place, full of

friendly and supportive people, that you are open to receiving abundance,

that the people and animals you love are in perfect health. Then relax.

You deserve a break. You've done enough worrying for one lifetime.

Worry Stones

In polished form, any crystal can be a worry stone. Pick your favorite or

choose from the stones below, and carry it with you, rubbing it as

necessary. Sometimes our worry is connected to not being grounded.

Instead of being in the here and now, we're in the there and then or the

where and when. Any of the grounding stones--obsidian, tiger eye,

hematite, and smoky quartz--can get us back to earth. In addition,

carnelian is an excellent stone for grounding us in the present. Hematite

is useful if you're worrying about someone else's worries. Rhodochrosite

is helpful if worry flares up into anxiety, and sugilite is valuable for

resolving the guilt which so often flavors fear. Clear quartz helps us to

step beyond the prison walls of worry, and reminds us that there's more

to life than whether or not we can get the stain off that new white

shirt.

Flowers to Soothe

White Chestnut is Dr. Bach's gift to worriers. Use it especially for the

worries which circle endlessly in your head or seem to be chewing away

pieces of your sanity. It's also helpful when you're replaying dialogues

and tormenting yourself with what you should have said. Reach for the

Bach Flower Remedy Red Chestnut if you're worrying about others, like if

you told your daughter to come home at eleven, and you start worrying

that she'll be late the minute she walks out the door, or your cat drinks

a little extra water on a hot day and you find yourself looking up

" Feline Kidney Disease. "

When worries are petty and mundane (not to me they're not!) the FES

flower essence Filaree is the remedy of choice. It helps us to put the

small concerns of everyday life into proper perspective, and frees our

energy for handling larger issues, such as the purpose of our lives,

where our souls have been and where they're going, questions which never

get addressed when we're adding up the grocery bill to see whether we got

overcharged.

More Help for Worriers

Many customers utilize our various suggestions regarding crystals and

flower essences for particular issues. Others prefer to get assistance in

dealing with their particular worries by taking advantage of our

consultation service. In our own experience, it's often very valuable to

get someone else's perspective on what's stopping us from creating the

realities we prefer, and our questionnaire is designed to bring such

issues to the surface. To learn more about our mail consultations go to

rainbowcrystal.com

The Worry Workshop

Although Beyond the Rainbow's co-proprietor Joyce and I were talented

worriers long before we opened our store in New York City, owning a

retail business gave us a wealth of opportunities to sharpen our skills.

Floods, shoplifters and power failures served as exciting accents to

ongoing daily dramas. If being in our own business expanded our capacity

for worry, it also provided an arena in which to face our familiar

adversary. Our main discovery was that as long as our focus and intention

was on loving our work and serving our customers, our worries dropped

away.

The essence of what we learned was trust, and we've continued to learn

with Beyond the Rainbow. Though we may forget that on at least a daily

basis (Why won't the images show up on the screen? What happened to all

the bookmarks?) something will always remind us. It could be a friendly

e-mail, a word of praise about this newsletter, people who come into our

real-time store and tell us that they came in feeling as if they'd been

run over by a sanitation truck, but now feel restored. Such occasions

restore us. During those healing moments worry is just a five-letter word

as we go about the business of conscious creation. The sun comes out and

a rainbow fills our sky.

Connie Barrett is a flower essence counselor, Reiki Master, and co-owner

of Beyond the Rainbow: Resources of Well-being/Gifts with Spirit. Beyond

the Rainbow offers extensive information about flower essences, crystals,

Reiki, and spiritual development, and a wide selection of crystals,

flower essences, jewelry, fountains, and other gifts and tools. Beyond

the Rainbow also offers an e-mail course on the chakras, flower essence

consultations, and two free monthly newsletters. Visit Beyond the Rainbow

or contact Connie at rainbow@....