- Know that feeling!

[Guest guest]

Dear

I feel exactly as you do. I too have lost both my parents to a 'brain' problem.

In fact I believe that it was the increasing evidence of LBD symptoms in my

dad's everyday behaviour that contributed in no small measure to my mum's

decision to end her own life. I have NEVER really started to deal with all that.

No sooner had my mum left us behind than I was thrust into the role of

'caretaker' of my dad. He was in such turmoil and trauma I had to get a grip of

myself and deal with his many difficulties. Mercifully I am blessed with the

most wonderful husband and teenage boys (age 16 & 14) who support me 100%. Without

them I would have gone under myself.

My family and I know only too well the emotional upheavals and storms you face

with your circumstances. I always nosedive with pmt. It is a very 'touchy' time

in our household - eggshells underfoot everywhere!

I am still so savagely angry with my mum, about my mum's treatment at the

incompetent hands of a useless mental health service, and my own 'blindness' and

ignorance. Despite whatever anyone says I still can't reconcile the fact that I

didn't stop her. My dad suffered the same recurring damnation every single day -

he felt responsible because he believed he should have saved her.

It was all planned. My mum took an overdose of my dad's powerful pain killing

medication. My dad woke in the night, realised my mum wasn't in bed so went

downstairs see what was wrong. He found her 'asleep' crouched down by the sofa.

He assumed she'd fallen asleep downstairs and roused her. At this stage she was

very drowsy and dopey. My dad just assumed she was half asleep. He managed to

bundle her upstairs and put her in bed - he didn't attempt to undress her. He

snuggled up beside her. He woke at 6.00am and she was stone cold. He made

frantic attempts to revive her - the paramedics arrived quickly but to no avail.

He went into the kitchen to get a drink and found the note and the tablets

strewn across the kitchen sink. He lived every minute of every day blaming

himself for not calling the emergency services when he first found her 'half

asleep'. But he could never have known at that point why she was so slurred and

half conscious.

She had been depressed. Life with my dad had become very stressful. He had LBD

..... but we didn't know! She was prescribed Prozac and I believe that seriously

worsened her mental state.

I'm angry, betrayed, abandoned, sad, overwhelmed..... all at the same time. I

know when I realised my dad was dying I felt cheated. Maybe I should seek out

counselling? I'm not sure what I'd say or where I start.

I have been so blessed. I have had my faith to grip hold of, my incredible

family and lately .... my soul mates here. Contributing to this group has been

life-changing therapy for me. Being able to offer support and understanding to

others has been an unfathomable mercy and blessing.

My dad loved music. He cried at so many! He was SUCH an old romantic!

He was quite a rocker too!

Love and be loved while you have this time!

You can always call me

Keep smiling

Sally xx