Re: Re: PJ_Our Struggles with Our False Self

[Guest guest]

Lin,

Believe me, I know how you feel!! All I wanted as a child was to be

hugged, to be told I was loved, and to be praised some of the time. Instead, I

was not hugged, not told anything about being loved, and was always criticized.

When I stop and think about it, it truly hurts -- even after all of

these many years. But, even though those feelings surface some of the time, and

when they do surface, ...they do tend to get me really down. Down on myself,

also. But, then eventually I have to let things go, and to accept things as

they are, and to go on today, and for the future. I can't change the way my

parents or my family was to me. That's in the past, and unfortunately, nothing

I say or do will change them now either. I've tried! So, all I can do is to

let them go, make the best me I can, and keep on keeping on!!

For many, many years I would hear the expression " let go and let God " .

I didn't or couldn't understand what those words meant. To me, they were quite

foreign and something that I couldn't even comprehend, much less understand and

know how to do what those words said. I admit that I still find it hard to do

sometimes. But, I'm a million miles farther than I used to be.

Another thing I've learned through struggling many years -- we

absolutely have to love ourself!! Noone will love us like we want to be loved!

Only we can love ourselves completely! I'm not saying to be vain, or selfish,

or anything like that; but to truly esteem or think well of ourselves, and to

love us inside and out -- even with all the blemishes and the warts!! Next, we

can broaden our life activity by loving and reaching out to others. I cannot

have the family background I may have wanted. But, I can today as an adult,

reach out to others -- including my immediate family, and friends, and even on

the internet, or in the check-out line at the store, wherever -- and reach out

to others and love and accept them!! Some people will not accept a smile, a

hug, or that someone cares for them. That is sad. And I cannot change that.

But, I can still offer it to people, and those that accept it, will be better

for it. Everyone seems to be struggling so much of the

time these days -- with the economy, the finances, the health problems, etc.

etc. But, if even smiling to one person, or helping one other person, can help

break the pain and the viscious cycle even for a second, ...then, I feel that it

is worth it. No, I'm certainly not perfect. Far from it!! I need to manage my

time better, and get more organized, and accomplish more in less time! (That is

why I'm sometimes scarce around here). It isn't because I don't care, but

because I get overloaded sometimes.

But, if each of us, every day reaches out to one other person, or smiles

at a stranger, etc. this could be a better world. Whether my actions are

received by another or not, is not up to me. All I can do is to love others,

and then I will feel good about me. Maybe this is the only person that someone

has had smile at them in a long time. Or the only person who has spoken to them

personally, and asked how they are doing? Remember, we are each open books, and

what we do and say and feel and our actions speak volumes to others!

Lin, I think you are doing just fine. Feel free to talk anytime. As

so often the things you bring up, are also areas where I need improvement too,

or where I've been in the past! It's great that we can all help each other, and

learn from each other!! Love & Hugs, PJ

JustaLady wrote:

Hi...I guess I have achieved something because today I feel more back on track

than what I was. Im working on letting things go right now as I feel that is

whats keeping me behind. It isnt easy either..for some it is but for me it isnt.

In class today we were talking about feeling the feelings, then let them go,

just as you were talking about at the end of your letter.

I just have to learn to let things go. Why cant I just let things go.

I was saying in class today as we were speaking of anger, that I would need a

partial labodamey (SP) to be able to let go of what my family and children have

done to me. My family , not so bad I have pretty well let them go, after the

last stunt they did to me.

I dont need or want that in my life.

I guess all I ever wanted from them was to know I was loved and that isnt the

case. I just cant let them drag me down again.

But you know its funny, sfter each one of these ( what I call chalanges) I feel

Ive gained wisdom. Cant exactly tell you in what form though.

Thankyou PJ for your encouraging letter. I have to keep realizing Im going to go

up and down and down and down and up, but not to let it deter me. I have to keep

on keeping on.

I know God gives me strength and my faith is strong. I have to believe all this

is helping me to grow and grow and become stonger especially in areas that I

have a hard time in dealing with.

Love and hugs to all

Bless you PJ..we'll just keep on keeping on, wont we?

Luv Lin

Dear Lin,

I had to laugh when I read your email here, because you sound very much

like me at times. There are so many times that I'm saying or thinking, " why

me? " " Why do I have to keep overcoming, and keep learning, and keep going on?! "

Sometimes, I just feel tired and exhausted, and not " up " to dealing with stuff

anymore. But, that is okay. All of us feel like that at times. The important

thing is to feel those feelings, try to figure out where they are coming from,

such as are you extra tired this week, are you not eating properly or drinking

that water to purify your body, etc. etc. Usually we can figure out a reason,

or several reasons why we are feeling like this. Then, go ahead and accept

those feelings for awhile, for a few hours, for a day, or a couple of days, or

even for a week if necessary. Then, after a reasonable period of " feeling those

feelings " and " accepting them " -- just let them go. Say, 'okay, I've had

enough of feeling this, or I've had enough of my

pity potty for awhile, or whatever'. Say, 'now it is time to get going again!'

And try to break out of that rut, and begin a new! As long as we don't stay

stuck indefinitely, and we keep progressing somewhat, we will be okay!!

Progression was never meant to be a straight steady line upwards. Instead, it

is up down, up down, up, up, up, and down, down, and then up, and down, up, up,

up, and down. It is a gradually upward moving line, but not steady, not without

some pitfalls or regression occasionally.

Lin, I think you are doing just fine! I applaud you for your progress,

and for being able to acknowledge those times when you just plain don't want to

keep on doing the stuff!! Getting in touch with that, will only help you, not

deter you. So, keep hanging in there. And, whenever you need to talk with us,

we will be around to visit with ya. Love & Hugs, PJ

JustaLady wrote:

I remember reading this along time ago..I swear the man wrote it about me. Its

the truest thing I ever read. Although I have changed a bit from learning and

try to overcome some things which I have come a far way in overcoming...it is

just so true.

But I have to add I am proud of what I have overcome, in becoming more

independent, in not really always caring of others comments. I have to confirm

here..I have my opinion and they have theirs.

But right now, I dont care about anything, Im so tired of always trying to

improve, improve, overcome, be this, be that...

Im tired of fighting with this world..

Lin

Service.

[Guest guest]

Lin,

WOW, to come so far, even in anger & clarity as to what it is that you

wanted in life. And to know that it has brought you a gift, even in the

dark pain, wisdom. That just touches me so much. You are a wonderful

person & soooooooooooo LOVED here ((((((((Lin))))))))

*¸..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:- ~ @love, Jolene....

¸.·´ .·´¨¨)) ~a seeker... a finder...an encourager~

((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:-

-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´ * If it doesn't bring peace, make another

choice

On Tue, 24 Feb 2004 00:25:22 -0400 JustaLady

writes:

> Hi...I guess I have achieved something because today I feel more back

> on track than what I was. Im working on letting things go right now

> as I feel that is whats keeping me behind. It isnt easy either..for

> some it is but for me it isnt.

> In class today we were talking about feeling the feelings, then let

> them go, just as you were talking about at the end of your letter.

> I just have to learn to let things go. Why cant I just let things

> go.

> I was saying in class today as we were speaking of anger, that I

> would need a partial labodamey (SP) to be able to let go of what my

> family and children have done to me. My family , not so bad I have

> pretty well let them go, after the last stunt they did to me.

> I dont need or want that in my life.

> I guess all I ever wanted from them was to know I was loved and that

> isnt the case. I just cant let them drag me down again.

> But you know its funny, sfter each one of these ( what I call

> chalanges) I feel Ive gained wisdom. Cant exactly tell you in what

> form though.

> Thankyou PJ for your encouraging letter. I have to keep realizing Im

> going to go up and down and down and down and up, but not to let it

> deter me. I have to keep on keeping on.

> I know God gives me strength and my faith is strong. I have to

> believe all this is helping me to grow and grow and become stonger

> especially in areas that I have a hard time in dealing with.

> Love and hugs to all

> Bless you PJ..we'll just keep on keeping on, wont we?

> Luv Lin

>

>

>

>

>

> Dear Lin,

>

> I had to laugh when I read your email here, because you

> sound very much like me at times. There are so many times that I'm

> saying or thinking, " why me? " " Why do I have to keep overcoming,

> and keep learning, and keep going on?! " Sometimes, I just feel

> tired and exhausted, and not " up " to dealing with stuff anymore.

> But, that is okay. All of us feel like that at times. The important

> thing is to feel those feelings, try to figure out where they are

> coming from, such as are you extra tired this week, are you not

> eating properly or drinking that water to purify your body, etc.

> etc. Usually we can figure out a reason, or several reasons why we

> are feeling like this. Then, go ahead and accept those feelings for

> awhile, for a few hours, for a day, or a couple of days, or even for

> a week if necessary. Then, after a reasonable period of " feeling

> those feelings " and " accepting them " -- just let them go. Say,

> 'okay, I've had enough of feeling this, or I've had enough of my

> pity potty for awhile, or whatever'. Say, 'now it is time to get

> going again!' And try to break out of that rut, and begin a

> new! As long as we don't stay stuck indefinitely, and we keep

> progressing somewhat, we will be okay!! Progression was never meant

> to be a straight steady line upwards. Instead, it is up down, up

> down, up, up, up, and down, down, and then up, and down, up, up, up,

> and down. It is a gradually upward moving line, but not steady, not

> without some pitfalls or regression occasionally.

>

> Lin, I think you are doing just fine! I applaud you for your

> progress, and for being able to acknowledge those times when you

> just plain don't want to keep on doing the stuff!! Getting in touch

> with that, will only help you, not deter you. So, keep hanging in

> there. And, whenever you need to talk with us, we will be around to

> visit with ya. Love & Hugs, PJ

>

> JustaLady wrote:

> I remember reading this along time ago..I swear the man wrote it

> about me. Its the truest thing I ever read. Although I have changed

> a bit from learning and try to overcome some things which I have

> come a far way in overcoming...it is just so true.

> But I have to add I am proud of what I have overcome, in becoming

> more independent, in not really always caring of others comments. I

> have to confirm here..I have my opinion and they have theirs.

> But right now, I dont care about anything, Im so tired of always

> trying to improve, improve, overcome, be this, be that...

> Im tired of fighting with this world..

> Lin

>

>

> Service.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi PJ..YOU are so right about this the group where we can all help each other

and learn from each other. I have learned alot just in the time Ive been here.

To hear other peoples opinions of how they have handles things or how they

would.

We are so much alike in our feelings. You know exactly what Ive been though and

feel about my family as you have also been there and have dealt with the same

issues. Its so nice to have the understanding of someone who has went through

the same thing. I thankyou so much for all your advice..you are so right in what

you have said.

I have often..let go and let God...and it always has turned out good. It feels

like when I do it with the trust I have I feel a load lifted off me. I never

know how things will turn out but I know I will handle it when its done.

I so understand the concept about having to love yourself first and that Ive

been working on for awhile. Its better than what it was, thats for sure.

I believe you have reached out here to many with the love you have an abudance

of inside.

God Bless and many Hugs!

Lin

       Lin,

        Believe me, I know how you feel!!  All I wanted as a child was to be

hugged, to be told I was loved, and to be praised some of the time.  Instead, I

was not hugged, not told anything about being loved, and was always criticized.

         When I stop and think about it, it truly hurts -- even after all of

these many years. But, even though those feelings surface some of the time, and

when they do surface, ...they do tend to get me really down.  Down on myself,

also.  But, then eventually I have to let things go, and to accept things as

they are, and to go on today, and for the future. I can't change the way my

parents or my family was to me.  That's in the past, and unfortunately, nothing

I say or do will change them now either.  I've tried!  So, all I can do is to

let them go, make the best me I can, and keep on keeping on!! 

          For many, many years I would hear the expression " let go and let

God " .  I didn't or couldn't understand what those words meant.  To me, they were

quite foreign and something that I couldn't even comprehend, much less

understand and know how to do what those words said.  I admit that I still find

it hard to do sometimes.  But, I'm a million miles farther than I used to be. 

          Another thing I've learned through struggling many years -- we

absolutely have to love ourself!!  Noone will love us like we want to be loved! 

Only we can love ourselves completely!  I'm not saying to be vain, or selfish,

or anything like that; but to truly esteem or think well of ourselves, and to

love us inside and out -- even with all the blemishes and the warts!!   Next, we

can broaden our life activity by loving and reaching out to others.  I cannot

have the family background I may have wanted.  But, I can today as an adult,

reach out to others -- including my immediate family, and friends, and even on

the internet, or in the check-out line at the store, wherever -- and reach out

to others and love and accept them!!  Some people will not accept a smile, a

hug, or that someone cares for them.  That is sad.  And I cannot change that. 

But, I can still offer it to people, and those that accept it, will be better

for it.  Everyone seems to be struggling so much of the

time these days -- with the economy, the finances, the health problems, etc.

etc.  But, if even smiling to one person, or helping one other person, can help

break the pain and the viscious cycle even for a second, ...then, I feel that it

is worth it.  No, I'm certainly not perfect.  Far from it!!  I need to manage my

time better, and get more organized, and accomplish more in less time!  (That is

why I'm sometimes scarce around here).  It isn't because I don't care, but

because I get overloaded sometimes. 

        But, if each of us, every day reaches out to one other person, or smiles

at a stranger, etc. this could be a better world.  Whether my actions are

received by another or not, is not up to me.  All I can do is to love others,

and then I will feel good about me. Maybe this is the only person that someone

has had smile at them in a long time. Or the only person who has spoken to them

personally, and asked how they are doing?  Remember, we are each open books, and

what we do and say and feel and our actions speak volumes to others! 

         Lin, I think you are doing just fine.  Feel free to talk anytime.  As

so often the things you bring up, are also areas where I need improvement too,

or where I've been in the past!  It's great that we can all help each other, and

learn from each other!!  Love & Hugs, PJ 

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much Lin!! I greatly appreciate you also!! Love, PJ

JustaLady wrote:Hi PJ..YOU are so right about this the

group where we can all help each other and learn from each other. I have learned

alot just in the time Ive been here. To hear other peoples opinions of how they

have handles things or how they would.

We are so much alike in our feelings. You know exactly what Ive been though and

feel about my family as you have also been there and have dealt with the same

issues. Its so nice to have the understanding of someone who has went through

the same thing. I thankyou so much for all your advice..you are so right in what

you have said.

I have often..let go and let God...and it always has turned out good. It feels

like when I do it with the trust I have I feel a load lifted off me. I never

know how things will turn out but I know I will handle it when its done.

I so understand the concept about having to love yourself first and that Ive

been working on for awhile. Its better than what it was, thats for sure.

I believe you have reached out here to many with the love you have an abudance

of inside.

God Bless and many Hugs!

Lin

Lin,

Believe me, I know how you feel!! All I wanted as a child was to be

hugged, to be told I was loved, and to be praised some of the time. Instead, I

was not hugged, not told anything about being loved, and was always criticized.

When I stop and think about it, it truly hurts -- even after all of

these many years. But, even though those feelings surface some of the time, and

when they do surface, ...they do tend to get me really down. Down on myself,

also. But, then eventually I have to let things go, and to accept things as

they are, and to go on today, and for the future. I can't change the way my

parents or my family was to me. That's in the past, and unfortunately, nothing

I say or do will change them now either. I've tried! So, all I can do is to

let them go, make the best me I can, and keep on keeping on!!

For many, many years I would hear the expression " let go and let God " .

I didn't or couldn't understand what those words meant. To me, they were quite

foreign and something that I couldn't even comprehend, much less understand and

know how to do what those words said. I admit that I still find it hard to do

sometimes. But, I'm a million miles farther than I used to be.

Another thing I've learned through struggling many years -- we

absolutely have to love ourself!! Noone will love us like we want to be loved!

Only we can love ourselves completely! I'm not saying to be vain, or selfish,

or anything like that; but to truly esteem or think well of ourselves, and to

love us inside and out -- even with all the blemishes and the warts!! Next, we

can broaden our life activity by loving and reaching out to others. I cannot

have the family background I may have wanted. But, I can today as an adult,

reach out to others -- including my immediate family, and friends, and even on

the internet, or in the check-out line at the store, wherever -- and reach out

to others and love and accept them!! Some people will not accept a smile, a

hug, or that someone cares for them. That is sad. And I cannot change that.

But, I can still offer it to people, and those that accept it, will be better

for it. Everyone seems to be struggling so much of the

time these days -- with the economy, the finances, the health problems, etc.

etc. But, if even smiling to one person, or helping one other person, can help

break the pain and the viscious cycle even for a second, ...then, I feel that it

is worth it. No, I'm certainly not perfect. Far from it!! I need to manage my

time better, and get more organized, and accomplish more in less time! (That is

why I'm sometimes scarce around here). It isn't because I don't care, but

because I get overloaded sometimes.

But, if each of us, every day reaches out to one other person, or smiles

at a stranger, etc. this could be a better world. Whether my actions are

received by another or not, is not up to me. All I can do is to love others,

and then I will feel good about me. Maybe this is the only person that someone

has had smile at them in a long time. Or the only person who has spoken to them

personally, and asked how they are doing? Remember, we are each open books, and

what we do and say and feel and our actions speak volumes to others!

Lin, I think you are doing just fine. Feel free to talk anytime. As

so often the things you bring up, are also areas where I need improvement too,

or where I've been in the past! It's great that we can all help each other, and

learn from each other!! Love & Hugs, PJ