Guest guest Posted February 10, 2004 Report Share Posted February 10, 2004 Thankyou so much PJ for such a wonderful letter and reply to what I have talked about. Our stories are indeed very similar, and our feelings seem to be very similar also. How I so relate to what you have said. They affect my health, my progress and definately my happiness. I dont want that to happen anymore, they are all negative, and know nothing of my progress to getting better. They Never ask how I am or how I feel. I also was told by my doc and councilers to have nothing to do with them but I didnt feel that was right, so I tried, if I ever saw them to just be nice. I wouldnt let them push my buttons, I became stronger in dealing with them so it was going okay for awhile. Then things started happening which just wasnt nice. Then the final incident was last weekend. I guess I had it piled up and I let it out. But I never said anything but the truth. I loved your quote..I have released them and their gone.. I know they will never change..but I can and have. My mother pushed my button this time with hurt but what she doesnt know is that she broke it and it wont work anymore. I wont allow it in...Ive let it go. That religious councilor was right. Take his advice. I am. I refuse to go back..now that Ive seen that I let myself off track and drifted back, Ive corrected it quickly. Ive come to far, learnt to much, worked to hard to let it go. I have enough problems with my depression and anxiety that I dont need to go back. Im am going ahead. I want to learn soooooo much more, and the more I learn the happier I am feeling. Thanks so much for your feelings to me Your a sweetheart! Warm hugs Lin Dear Lin, In many ways, your story and mine are so similar. I have been estranged from my parents and extended family since December 1999. Many times since then, something will come up and I'll be dealing with them by phone or letter, ..... and no matter what is going on, ...no matter what was said, ...no matter what happened, ...etc. -- they end up pushing my buttons, ...or to put it another way -- I do just fine when it's me, my hubby, and my kids in our little town and our lives. But, let me have anything to do with my other family and it turns just awful. I always end up getting very upset, and it lasts for days to weeks to months depending on what has gone on or what was said. I love my parents and my relatives, ...but I don't like them too much. They tend to sabotage my progress, my health, and my happiness. And, I'm not sure that they even do it on purpose, as they may not -- but, it still happens. I personally avoid them as much as possible, and then I'm much healthier and more independent and " myself " . But, no matter what -- occasionally things come up or birthdays come around, or something. I am just like you -- I get hurt so very deeply. And, it does matter to me. And, I'm very much a person with a fairness ruler or " meter " and wanting life to be fair, etc. (even though I know it isn't!). It does take me awhile of processing what happened to get over it. But, after I start feeling better, one thing that helps me is what Louise Hay says -- I'm not quoting here -- something about 'this is my stuff', and 'this is their stuff' and 'I'm not gonna change them, so release them and let them go' -- why do I hold onto them when they are so toxic and hurtful to me? Very good Question?! But, I do. I try to do the right things -- like " honor and obey your parents " out of the Bible. But, what I was told by a religious counselor one time, is that I can only honor and obey them as long as they are treating me right. Once they step over that line, and mistreat me, as they have, then my obligation to honor and obey them is over -- void and null. That is what I was told, and by a very religious, very spiritual man. A person does have to work through all of this stuff, that is true. But then, eventually, we have to let it go. (And, I have trouble letting it go, also). It just takes a lot of time! I get everything settled down for awhile, and then here they come again! My husband says " like a bad penny " or " like a bad whatever " !! Feel free to vent here as much as you need to. Another thing that used to help me was to write about my feelings on paper. You can mail it if you want to, like a letter to your family, but you don't have to. Just write down what you are feeling, what they did, and how you feel, etc. The more you write and get it down on paper, usually the better you will feel! I would sometimes sit and write for hours (literally). But, you would be amazed how much better I would feel afterwards. I always did it in a letter format, and to a good friend, or counselor -- but never mailed it, just used it therapeutically for me. You might try it! And always, let me remind you guys that we are not counselors or doctors, or therapists around here. If you need professional help, or to call a doctor, please do so! Keep hanging in there -- Lin, I very much understand what you are going through, and I hurt to read your email. It felt very familiar to me! Love & Hugs, PJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2004 Report Share Posted February 10, 2004 Lin, you are very welcome. It sounds to me like you handled things very well, and if you are already " bouncing back " so quickly, ...that is excellent! Just remember, as hard as it is to admit. " Noone in this world is gonna take as good of care of you, but yourself! " Period. And that is why it is so important to protect ourselves, nurture ourselves, love our inner child, etc. I really believe that is why the scripture is written, to " love our neighbor AS OURSELF " . Not that we should love our neighbor more than ourselves. Not less than ourselves. But, as we love ourselves. And, I'm sure the reference point in writing those words, was to say -- " hey ya'll, love yourself! It is just expected that " YOU WILL LOVE YOURSELF " said God. I don't think God had to elaborate anymore than that! He just expects us to love ourselves, and to take good care of ourselves, just as HE would. Anyway, that is all my opinion, and I could certainly be wrong. But, to me, that is what I've found out to be true through the years! Feel free to vent or talk anytime around here about family, jobs, whatever, because we can all support each other and help each other better, than by ourselves. Love & Hugs, PJ JustaLady wrote: Thankyou so much PJ for such a wonderful letter and reply to what I have talked about. Our stories are indeed very similar, and our feelings seem to be very similar also. How I so relate to what you have said. They affect my health, my progress and definately my happiness. I dont want that to happen anymore, they are all negative, and know nothing of my progress to getting better. They Never ask how I am or how I feel. I also was told by my doc and councilers to have nothing to do with them but I didnt feel that was right, so I tried, if I ever saw them to just be nice. I wouldnt let them push my buttons, I became stronger in dealing with them so it was going okay for awhile. Then things started happening which just wasnt nice. Then the final incident was last weekend. I guess I had it piled up and I let it out. But I never said anything but the truth. I loved your quote..I have released them and their gone.. I know they will never change..but I can and have. My mother pushed my button this time with hurt but what she doesnt know is that she broke it and it wont work anymore. I wont allow it in...Ive let it go. That religious councilor was right. Take his advice. I am. I refuse to go back..now that Ive seen that I let myself off track and drifted back, Ive corrected it quickly. Ive come to far, learnt to much, worked to hard to let it go. I have enough problems with my depression and anxiety that I dont need to go back. Im am going ahead. I want to learn soooooo much more, and the more I learn the happier I am feeling. Thanks so much for your feelings to me Your a sweetheart! Warm hugs Lin Dear Lin, In many ways, your story and mine are so similar. I have been estranged from my parents and extended family since December 1999. Many times since then, something will come up and I'll be dealing with them by phone or letter, ..... and no matter what is going on, ...no matter what was said, ...no matter what happened, ...etc. -- they end up pushing my buttons, ...or to put it another way -- I do just fine when it's me, my hubby, and my kids in our little town and our lives. But, let me have anything to do with my other family and it turns just awful. I always end up getting very upset, and it lasts for days to weeks to months depending on what has gone on or what was said. I love my parents and my relatives, ...but I don't like them too much. They tend to sabotage my progress, my health, and my happiness. And, I'm not sure that they even do it on purpose, as they may not -- but, it still happens. I personally avoid them as much as possible, and then I'm much healthier and more independent and " myself " . But, no matter what -- occasionally things come up or birthdays come around, or something. I am just like you -- I get hurt so very deeply. And, it does matter to me. And, I'm very much a person with a fairness ruler or " meter " and wanting life to be fair, etc. (even though I know it isn't!). It does take me awhile of processing what happened to get over it. But, after I start feeling better, one thing that helps me is what Louise Hay says -- I'm not quoting here -- something about 'this is my stuff', and 'this is their stuff' and 'I'm not gonna change them, so release them and let them go' -- why do I hold onto them when they are so toxic and hurtful to me? Very good Question?! But, I do. I try to do the right things -- like " honor and obey your parents " out of the Bible. But, what I was told by a religious counselor one time, is that I can only honor and obey them as long as they are treating me right. Once they step over that line, and mistreat me, as they have, then my obligation to honor and obey them is over -- void and null. That is what I was told, and by a very religious, very spiritual man. A person does have to work through all of this stuff, that is true. But then, eventually, we have to let it go. (And, I have trouble letting it go, also). It just takes a lot of time! I get everything settled down for awhile, and then here they come again! My husband says " like a bad penny " or " like a bad whatever " !! Feel free to vent here as much as you need to. Another thing that used to help me was to write about my feelings on paper. You can mail it if you want to, like a letter to your family, but you don't have to. Just write down what you are feeling, what they did, and how you feel, etc. The more you write and get it down on paper, usually the better you will feel! I would sometimes sit and write for hours (literally). But, you would be amazed how much better I would feel afterwards. I always did it in a letter format, and to a good friend, or counselor -- but never mailed it, just used it therapeutically for me. You might try it! And always, let me remind you guys that we are not counselors or doctors, or therapists around here. If you need professional help, or to call a doctor, please do so! Keep hanging in there -- Lin, I very much understand what you are going through, and I hurt to read your email. It felt very familiar to me! Love & Hugs, PJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2004 Report Share Posted February 11, 2004 Hi PJ..Thanks again for your thoughts. I think I did bounced back faster than what I even expected. I think it is because Im growing inside, learning, understanding more reality..I dont know what it is exactly. I feel it and know it more than I can explain it. Ive read so many things on here which has helped me to keep on track with my own life. You are so right we have to take care of ourselves and to love ourselves. Thats one thing I have never done. But I have learned to do it know and it feels good. Its been a long journey but has been worth the ride. Not that I would want to go though it again but I see how so many bad experiences were to teach me something. Big hugs Girl! Wishing all a very peaceful evening Lin Lin, you are very welcome. It sounds to me like you handled things very well, and if you are already " bouncing back " so quickly, ...that is excellent! Just remember, as hard as it is to admit. " Noone in this world is gonna take as good of care of you, but yourself! " Period. And that is why it is so important to protect ourselves, nurture ourselves, love our inner child, etc. I really believe that is why the scripture is written, to " love our neighbor AS OURSELF " . Not that we should love our neighbor more than ourselves. Not less than ourselves. But, as we love ourselves. And, I'm sure the reference point in writing those words, was to say -- " hey ya'll, love yourself! It is just expected that " YOU WILL LOVE YOURSELF " said God. I don't think God had to elaborate anymore than that! He just expects us to love ourselves, and to take good care of ourselves, just as HE would. Anyway, that is all my opinion, and I could certainly be wrong. But, to me, that is what I've found out to be true through the years! Feel free to vent or talk anytime around here about family, jobs, whatever, because we can all support each other and help each other better, than by ourselves. Love & Hugs, PJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 Lin, thanks for sharing with us around here. When one grows, all can grow! Hugs, PJ JustaLady wrote:Hi PJ..Thanks again for your thoughts. I think I did bounced back faster than what I even expected. I think it is because Im growing inside, learning, understanding more reality..I dont know what it is exactly. I feel it and know it more than I can explain it. Ive read so many things on here which has helped me to keep on track with my own life. You are so right we have to take care of ourselves and to love ourselves. Thats one thing I have never done. But I have learned to do it know and it feels good. Its been a long journey but has been worth the ride. Not that I would want to go though it again but I see how so many bad experiences were to teach me something. Big hugs Girl! Wishing all a very peaceful evening Lin Lin, you are very welcome. It sounds to me like you handled things very well, and if you are already " bouncing back " so quickly, ...that is excellent! Just remember, as hard as it is to admit. " Noone in this world is gonna take as good of care of you, but yourself! " Period. And that is why it is so important to protect ourselves, nurture ourselves, love our inner child, etc. I really believe that is why the scripture is written, to " love our neighbor AS OURSELF " . Not that we should love our neighbor more than ourselves. Not less than ourselves. But, as we love ourselves. And, I'm sure the reference point in writing those words, was to say -- " hey ya'll, love yourself! It is just expected that " YOU WILL LOVE YOURSELF " said God. I don't think God had to elaborate anymore than that! He just expects us to love ourselves, and to take good care of ourselves, just as HE would. Anyway, that is all my opinion, and I could certainly be wrong. But, to me, that is what I've found out to be true through the years! Feel free to vent or talk anytime around here about family, jobs, whatever, because we can all support each other and help each other better, than by ourselves. Love & Hugs, PJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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