Re: Our Struggles with Our False Self

[Guest guest]

I remember reading this along time ago..I swear the man wrote it about me. Its

the truest thing I ever read. Although I have changed a bit from learning and

try to overcome some things which I have come a far way in overcoming...it is

just so true.

But I have to add I am proud of what I have overcome, in becoming more

independent, in not really always caring of others comments. I have to confirm

here..I have my opinion and they have theirs.

But right now, I dont care about anything, Im so tired of always trying to

improve, improve, overcome, be this, be that...

Im tired of fighting with this world..

Lin

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING

Written by C. Finn

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear.

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

masks that I'm afraid to take off,

and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,

but don't be fooled.

For God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well

as without,

that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

that the water's calm and I'm in command,

and that I need no one.

But don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,

ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear

being exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

to help me pretend,

to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation.

My only hope and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,

if it's followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

from my own self-built prison walls,

from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't

assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,

will not be followed by love.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh,

and your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just

no good.

and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,

with a facade of assurance without

and a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,

and my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk,

I tell you everything that's really nothing,

and nothing of what's everything,

of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine,

do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,

what I'd like to be able to say,

what for survival I need to say,

but what I can't say.

I don't like to hide.

I don't like to play superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,

but you've got to help me.

You've got to hold out your hand

even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the

breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,

each time you try to understand because you really care,

my heart begins to grow wings,

very small wings,

very feeble wings,

but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

how you can be a creator -- a honest-to-God creator -----

of the person that is me

if you choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

you alone can remove my mask,

you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic

and uncertainty, from my lonely prison,

if you choose to.

Please choose to. Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach to me

the blinder I may strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man,

often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls,

and in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls

with firm hands

but with gentle hands

for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet

and I am every woman you meet.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AffirmationstoDe-Stress

A new positive thinking, positive affirmations support group, discussing ways to

cope with the stresses of daily life. Come aboard!   PJ and Gang

[Guest guest]

Lin,

It sounds like you just need to do something to feed your soul. Make a list &

choose to do these things till it becomes stronger for you.

Just being aware is exhausting sometimes. But you can do it, you are growing

beautifully...I think that everyone may be experiencing some Spring Fever blahs.

So look inside, past the dark shadows & pull your soul sun light out! It's

there, never doubt that!

~Jolene~

[Guest guest]

Jolene..Thanks again..I know Im definately experiencing the Spring fever

blahhhhhhhhs. It has to be. I so like the way you word things. I will have to

look past the dark shadows which I feel are so heavy and try to find my soul

sunlight. Its just got to be there. I will try and feed my soul.

Thanks so much

God Bless

Lin

Lin,

It sounds like you just need to do something to feed your soul. Make a list &

choose to do these things till it becomes stronger for you.

Just being aware is exhausting sometimes. But you can do it, you are growing

beautifully...I think that everyone may be experiencing some Spring Fever blahs.

So look inside, past the dark shadows & pull your soul sun light out! It's

there, never doubt that!

              ~Jolene~ 

      

[Guest guest]

Dear Lin,

I had to laugh when I read your email here, because you sound very much

like me at times. There are so many times that I'm saying or thinking, " why

me? " " Why do I have to keep overcoming, and keep learning, and keep going on?! "

Sometimes, I just feel tired and exhausted, and not " up " to dealing with stuff

anymore. But, that is okay. All of us feel like that at times. The important

thing is to feel those feelings, try to figure out where they are coming from,

such as are you extra tired this week, are you not eating properly or drinking

that water to purify your body, etc. etc. Usually we can figure out a reason,

or several reasons why we are feeling like this. Then, go ahead and accept

those feelings for awhile, for a few hours, for a day, or a couple of days, or

even for a week if necessary. Then, after a reasonable period of " feeling those

feelings " and " accepting them " -- just let them go. Say, 'okay, I've had

enough of feeling this, or I've had enough of my

pity potty for awhile, or whatever'. Say, 'now it is time to get going again!'

And try to break out of that rut, and begin a new! As long as we don't stay

stuck indefinitely, and we keep progressing somewhat, we will be okay!!

Progression was never meant to be a straight steady line upwards. Instead, it

is up down, up down, up, up, up, and down, down, and then up, and down, up, up,

up, and down. It is a gradually upward moving line, but not steady, not without

some pitfalls or regression occasionally.

Lin, I think you are doing just fine! I applaud you for your progress,

and for being able to acknowledge those times when you just plain don't want to

keep on doing the stuff!! Getting in touch with that, will only help you, not

deter you. So, keep hanging in there. And, whenever you need to talk with us,

we will be around to visit with ya. Love & Hugs, PJ

JustaLady wrote:

I remember reading this along time ago..I swear the man wrote it about me. Its

the truest thing I ever read. Although I have changed a bit from learning and

try to overcome some things which I have come a far way in overcoming...it is

just so true.

But I have to add I am proud of what I have overcome, in becoming more

independent, in not really always caring of others comments. I have to confirm

here..I have my opinion and they have theirs.

But right now, I dont care about anything, Im so tired of always trying to

improve, improve, overcome, be this, be that...

Im tired of fighting with this world..

Lin

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING

Written by C. Finn

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear.

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

masks that I'm afraid to take off,

and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,

but don't be fooled.

For God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well

as without,

that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

that the water's calm and I'm in command,

and that I need no one.

But don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,

ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear

being exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

to help me pretend,

to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation.

My only hope and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,

if it's followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

from my own self-built prison walls,

from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't

assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,

will not be followed by love.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh,

and your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just

no good.

and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,

with a facade of assurance without

and a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,

and my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk,

I tell you everything that's really nothing,

and nothing of what's everything,

of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine,

do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,

what I'd like to be able to say,

what for survival I need to say,

but what I can't say.

I don't like to hide.

I don't like to play superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,

but you've got to help me.

You've got to hold out your hand

even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the

breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,

each time you try to understand because you really care,

my heart begins to grow wings,

very small wings,

very feeble wings,

but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

how you can be a creator -- a honest-to-God creator -----

of the person that is me

if you choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

you alone can remove my mask,

you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic

and uncertainty, from my lonely prison,

if you choose to.

Please choose to. Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach to me

the blinder I may strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man,

often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls,

and in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls

with firm hands

but with gentle hands

for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet

and I am every woman you meet.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AffirmationstoDe-Stress

A new positive thinking, positive affirmations support group, discussing ways to

cope with the stresses of daily life. Come aboard! PJ and Gang