Re: Please help!

[Guest guest]

Fiona,

God bless you and your dad. I wish I had some magic words for you.

Unfortunately, I don't know much about your dads injury, but I've just

been inquiring with another member about the morphine pump. Evidently it

is a device that is surgically implanted, and allows the morphine to

take a much more efficient route to the pain.Obviously, I'm still very

much in the learning process. I was just told to type in " Medtronic " ,

to get more info. on this device....A few things I do know more

about...the constipation. I already had IBS before my injury. When I was

put on so many narcotics, my colon gave out completely. Three quarters

of it was removed last year. Prior to having the colon resectioning, the

Only way for me to have a BM was Sennacot, plus 1 to 4 oranges, each

night. If it doesn't work the next morning, it WILL work on the

following morning......Also, the depression thing. It is difficult

enough to have to live in debilitating pain, but the immense losses that

come with it, (work, social, home, car..etc.) it is a relentless cycle.

I hope your Dad is already talking to some one about his depression. If

so maybe an anti-depressant would help. You and he probably are already

up on that. Any type of hobby or skills where he can use his mind and

creativity when he feels okay will help him tremendously as well. I

found that if there's any way I can create something to look forward

too, that helps a great deal too. This group helps! Cheesy as it sounds,

to know " your not alone " is a comfort. Any little thing you can do to

let him know that he is still a worth wild person, and not just a body

taking up space. It is very hard to keep up any type of self esteem, and

it all leads to being very depressed......Well I don't want to sound

like a know-it-all. Your letter sent me back to a familiar place. I

hope he will feels better soon. You too!!!! Good luck to you both. You

are a good daughter.

Lynnzee

[Guest guest]

Has he been to a pain specialist or pain clinic? I have an implanted

Medtronic (the brand) Morphine pump. It's a constant flow of medicine into

the spine. It is not systemic meaning, it doesn't go to my head only to the

pain in my legs. 18 months ago I couldn't walk, after 4 months of rehab after

the pump was put in, I can walk again. It's a simple procedure and a 1 night

stay. They can do a trial as well to see if it works for him. Has he had any

spinal blocks? that helps to in a more immediate way.

Kathy Goldenkranz

2260 Redwood Dr.

Aptos, CA 95003

[Guest guest]

Hi Fiona,

I can sympathize with your dad. I had a lumbar fusion in 1973, was doing

pretty good for close to 10 years and have since gone downhill and am now

on disability.

First thing: Does your dad go to a pain clinic or a pain doctor along with

GP? If not, ask for a referral. There are a lot of options that can be

looked at, and I've found that a GP just is not equipped to deal with all

of it. A pain doc or clinic specializes in just this type of thing. I see a

GP, rheumatologist, a pain clinic and occasionally a neurologist. They all

have their place in overall treatment. I had a spinal column stimulator

implanted in 1995. I had used a TENS before that, with poor to fair

results. The SCS helps a lot more. A morphine pump might be another

alternative. Go to http://www.medtronic.com for info on both.

Best of luck to both you and your dad.

Hower

Central Pennsylvania

http://users.supernet.com/hower

[Guest guest]

Bev,

You have probably punished yourself plenty for something that " was "

Think about what is.

That is all you need to think about.

Not what if,

Just what is.

If your husband has issue with you that is his business to tell, why

would you give him an issue, let him have his own!

I will say that as a partner of a marriage that did not work, I knew

something was not right between us when my husband had affairs. I

thought it was " too much work. " (Since he had affairs for most of our

marriage). If our marriage was on track.I would not have wanted

something to take that from me. I would not have wanted to know about

his past, why?

Still, I do not want to know about his past.

If you are asking for advice?

I say stay in your business.

Your marriage NOW is your business.

Married couples should never keep things from each other..is that true?

NO! of course not!

Perhaps when you had this fling your husband could tell things were

different, perhaps this fling gave you back your marriage.oh I can have

a ton of stories but those are MINE to have about you.

Naw.I say, allow your husband to have his stories about the marriage.

If he brings it up and asks, then you can decide what you want to do

THEN.

" Yes, sweetie, I thought I was missing something, I found that I had it

all along with you. Thank you for listening to me. "

I am certain that he has at some time in your marriage thought he was

" missing something " it if happens in your head what is the

difference..just a different " evidence " for guilt.STORY! Let it go.

Allow him his stories and you keep yours. He doesn't need yours to

complicate his!

Now, is now.

You have love in your marriage!

Rejoice! How marvelous.

Were you bad? LOL no, you were just fine.

Let it go!!!! Oh please let it go and love your husband!

April

[Guest guest]

" The truth is only hard if you are afraid of losing something. " Byron

Please Help!

I'm dying inside. My glimmer of hope was seeing Loving What Is in a

bookshop last week, but I've read and reread it and now I'm just

confused. What if you are not angry at anyone but yourself? Can

anyone explain how to deal with this, or does The Work only " work " on

your feelings towards others?

I can't forgive myself for sleeping with my husband's friend 4 years

ago. I love my husband more than life itself and feel I can't hide

this from him anymore, but if I tell him I feel I will have to kill

myself rather than see him hurt. Can anyone out there help me?

[Guest guest]

I know where you are. I had an encounter with a woman while I was

engaged to the woman I loved deeply. It has taken me a long time to

forgive myself.

In answer to your question - yes, the Work is really all about you

and your thoughts about your experiences. You can start by verifying

the truth of all your statements in the posting. Starting with the

first:

" You are dying inside " - is that true?

Then follow what says in her book " Loving What Is " .

Blessings to you - you are seeking the perfection you already are.

> " The truth is only hard if you are afraid of losing something. "

Byron

>

>

> Please Help!

>

>

> I'm dying inside. My glimmer of hope was seeing Loving What Is

in a

> bookshop last week, but I've read and reread it and now I'm just

> confused. What if you are not angry at anyone but yourself?

Can

> anyone explain how to deal with this, or does The Work

only " work " on

> your feelings towards others?

>

> I can't forgive myself for sleeping with my husband's friend 4

years

> ago. I love my husband more than life itself and feel I can't

hide

> this from him anymore, but if I tell him I feel I will have to

kill

> myself rather than see him hurt. Can anyone out there help me?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Bev,

This is pretty long. You may want to print it out and take your time

with it.

I understand you're difficulty in utilizing the worksheet for this

issue. I'd like to suggest a way to write this out because of

something you wrote that is coming " through " to me. Perhaps looking

at the physical/sexual attraction between you and the other man could

be a place.

> I can't forgive myself for sleeping with my husband's friend 4

years ago.

You should not have been sexually involved with a man other than your

husband?

Is it true? (This is where you write a few good reasons that come to

you - like " yes, I'm a married woman " )

Can you absolutely know that you should never have had sex with

another man?

Now, go inside and find it. To help you - ask yourself " what is the

reality, did I sleep with another man? "

This is for you to find truth, however the words come to you.

Again, if you had to answer yes or no for all time, can you

absolutely know that you should not have had sex with the other man?

Note to remember: This is an inquiry, not a test. The process will

bring you to see beliefs you carry. There are no right or wrong

answers.

Now, how do you react when you think the thought " I should have never

slept with the other man? " What are the feelings, how do you treat

yourself (in your mind), how do you act around your husband? Also,

how many times did you sleep with him? Once I gather from your

statement, but even if it was 10 times, how many times in your mind

have you gone back to that? Once a day maybe for 4 years? That's 4

times 365 days - you've slept with him in your head? Which is

causing you more suffering, the actual act you did or the times

you've thought about it in your head?

Can you see one good reason to drop the thought? And, no one is

asking you to drop the thought, it is just part internal questionning

here. Just one good reason - one of the answers to the above may be a

painful experience for you and I would see that as a good reason.

Now, who or what are you when you let go of the thought " I should

never have slept with that man? " Go inside and feel it, just for a

few moments if possible find the place inside that never knew about

that thought. Sometimes this part of the questionning takes practice -

but it's like pretending for a moment. And, look at your husband in

your mind when you can drop the thought, how are you with him, how do

you feel with him looking at you when you let go of that thought?

Maybe you are now beginning to see that The Work is about

understanding what beliefs do to our thinking.

Turn-arounds: Usually TA's are like: What is the opposite of " I

should never have slept with that man? " or " My thinking should never

be in bed with that man again? " or (your own words now). Turn-

arounds can be so freeing. I think calls them your

prescription for healing, or something like that. I know I love to

play with the turn-arounds, it sort of pokes holes in the original

thought and all that pressure just drains out easily and gently.

Light bulb moments for the heart.

You wrote: I love my husband more than life itself and feel I can't

hide this from him anymore, but if I tell him I feel I will have to

kill myself rather than see him hurt.

If after doing the above inquiry this statement still has alot of

charge for you - I suggest this to write about: I should tell my

husband about it? and/or - I have to hurt my husband to relieve my

suffering? That sounds like something that may be coming from an

original reason why you chose to sleep with his friend. Are you

angry at your husband about something? If so you may feel that is

clearer to you and it would be good to write on him next.

Welcome to The Work, you could be opening the door to your own

freedom. If you need more help, feel free to email me directly, if

that is better for you.

I do hope this is helpful and you are soooo not alone in the belief

about fidelity. It's universal and it's my Work too. I encourage

you to bring back your work to the LWI board. We love to give

feedback!

Love and peace,

L.

[Guest guest]

Dear bev

Doing the work on it, is the best you can do.

Free yourself and then you know what to do,

and then your story is coming from a loving place.

Rather than from pain. And that is also good,

Can telling your story, make your husband

quitting with or spoiling his relation to his friend?

Is that something you can predict? than perhaps you

could ask him first:

" I have made love, once, to a man, four years ago,

....................................................

space for your feelings and his feelings

...................................................

and do you want to know more in detail " ?

With love, Michiel

> I'm dying inside. My glimmer of hope was seeing Loving What Is in

a

> bookshop last week, but I've read and reread it and now I'm just

> confused. What if you are not angry at anyone but yourself? Can

> anyone explain how to deal with this, or does The Work only " work "

on

> your feelings towards others?

>

> I can't forgive myself for sleeping with my husband's friend 4

years

> ago. I love my husband more than life itself and feel I can't

hide

> this from him anymore, but if I tell him I feel I will have to

kill

> myself rather than see him hurt. Can anyone out there help me?

[Guest guest]

Dear Bev,

> " feel I can't hide

this from him anymore " .

Maybe you're right. Maybe that's what you're being called to do. And

I understand that it's terrifying.

I don't know if it's possible to have a true, loving, intimate

relationship if there is something you feel you have to hide from

that person.

I have experienced both sides of this dilemma and I can only say that

great good came out of a 'baring of souls'. I never regret that

husbands told me about affairs. It was a great release from feelings

of guilt for them which ultimately kept them separate from me and it

was a wonderful gift for me despite the pain - I did a lot of growing

up, lots of insights and understanding came around the nature of

sexuality, how sex is not love, how I'm not special, how it's my job

to love me, not their job and responsibility.

I think being honest with someone is the most loving thing you can

do for them and for yourself. Holding on to this is killing you as

you say - can it be worse if you tell him?

You're afraid it'll be devastating for him. You might be right but

you can't know what it'll mean to him and to your relationship in the

long term.

Take care and good healing with this.

Love, Margaret

I'm dying inside. My glimmer of hope was seeing Loving What Is in a

> bookshop last week, but I've read and reread it and now I'm just

> confused. What if you are not angry at anyone but yourself? Can

> anyone explain how to deal with this, or does The Work only " work "

on

> your feelings towards others?

>

> I can't forgive myself for sleeping with my husband's friend 4

years

> ago. I love my husband more than life itself and feel I can't hide

> this from him anymore, but if I tell him I feel I will have to kill

> myself rather than see him hurt. Can anyone out there help me?

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My 5 year old severely autistic son just underwent dental surgery yesterday

morning. This is his second time. He has 4 stainless caps. He loves to eat

rocks, which tear his teeth up. We try to stop him, but even with a full-time

aide at school, he is too quick.

He has undergone anesthesia 3 times. 2 for dental surgery and 1 for a broken

arm. He came out unscathed all 3 times. You would never have known anything

happened to him. He is non-verbal and was just as happy as before.

When the teeth hurt, it makes them miserable. He is much happier with

healthier teeth.

They did all of Kiernan's fillings, his caps, and his flouride treatment. It

took about an hour and 1/2 total time.

I hope this helps with any worries you have.

Jeanette

Please help!

Rushed our son to the dentist last Thursday with a toothache, and

due to his autism, they say he will have to be put under anesthesia

in order to do what needs to be done to his teeth. These are baby

teeth, and the cost of this is going to be expensive.

I'm scared about putting him under. I fear he could regress or

worse. I am also wondering about the safety of a stainless steel

cap. I need input from parents who have had similar dental issues

with their child who has autism.

I would also like to get a second opinion. I would like to hear

from parents in the Dallas area. What dentist do you use for your

child who has autism.

I like the dentist we went to very well. They were very caring and

patient with Ethan. The dentist is a mercury free, pediatric

dentist.

The anesthesiologist along with the work is going to cost around

$2400! If we're lucky insurance may cover half, but we don't even

have half, so I don't know what we're going to do. Both my parents

and my husbands's parents never did anything about our baby teeth

when we were kids. However, Ethan was in pain, and the dentist says

this is a tooth he should keep for a while. If we pull it, we run

the risk of his other teeth spreading out. He fixed it temporarily,

but that won't last and it will start hurting again.

I can't believe an anesthesiologist costs 600 an hour! I cna't

believe how expensive dentalwork has become. As with all of you,

I'm sure, we want to do right by our kids, but that seems an awaful

lot of money to spend on teeth that will fall out within three years.

I was hoping to scrape up enough money o get Ethan in to see Dr.

Krigsman some time this year.

I'm terrified of the anesthesia part of it. Please, any advice

would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Haven

Texas Autism Advocacy

www.TexasAutismAdvocacy.org

Texas Disability Network

Calendar of Events

www.TexasAutismAdvocacy.org

[Guest guest]

We go to the dental clinic at Children's Medical Center in Dallas.

They are absolute pros at working with Adam. If you will take

documentation (testing evaluation, etc) you can get services through

the Grottoes grant, which is a form of the Masonic Lodge. They pay

for dental services for developmentaly delayed kids. We have been

going for every six months for the last two years and never paid a

dime.

. They have a financial person you can talk to that

should be able to get you hooked up.

They had been prescribing Adam a valium to take one hour before his

appointment to help with anxiety but his last appointment he went

with no medication and they were wonderful working with him and he

did super!

Holly

Don't tell God how big your storm is.

Tell the storm how big your God is.

>

> Rushed our son to the dentist last Thursday with a toothache, and

> due to his autism, they say he will have to be put under

anesthesia

> in order to do what needs to be done to his teeth. These are baby

> teeth, and the cost of this is going to be expensive.

>

> I'm scared about putting him under. I fear he could regress or

> worse. I am also wondering about the safety of a stainless steel

> cap. I need input from parents who have had similar dental issues

> with their child who has autism.

>

> I would also like to get a second opinion. I would like to hear

> from parents in the Dallas area. What dentist do you use for your

> child who has autism.

>

> I like the dentist we went to very well. They were very caring

and

> patient with Ethan. The dentist is a mercury free, pediatric

> dentist.

>

> The anesthesiologist along with the work is going to cost around

> $2400! If we're lucky insurance may cover half, but we don't even

> have half, so I don't know what we're going to do. Both my

parents

> and my husbands's parents never did anything about our baby teeth

> when we were kids. However, Ethan was in pain, and the dentist

says

> this is a tooth he should keep for a while. If we pull it, we run

> the risk of his other teeth spreading out. He fixed it

temporarily,

> but that won't last and it will start hurting again.

>

> I can't believe an anesthesiologist costs 600 an hour! I cna't

> believe how expensive dentalwork has become. As with all of you,

> I'm sure, we want to do right by our kids, but that seems an

awaful

> lot of money to spend on teeth that will fall out within three

years.

>

> I was hoping to scrape up enough money o get Ethan in to see Dr.

> Krigsman some time this year.

>

> I'm terrified of the anesthesia part of it. Please, any advice

> would be appreciated.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Haven

>

[Guest guest]

My jason has been under twice for fillings the second time the denist argude

with me about putting him under but he did it anyway then he said he was glad

we did it that a way cause he found more and was about to fix it with out a

squirmy kid he saw stuff he didn't in the examine. Leigh

Mom26children@... wrote:

Hi,

My 5 year old severely autistic son just underwent dental surgery yesterday

morning. This is his second time. He has 4 stainless caps. He loves to eat

rocks, which tear his teeth up. We try to stop him, but even with a full-time

aide at school, he is too quick.

He has undergone anesthesia 3 times. 2 for dental surgery and 1 for a broken

arm. He came out unscathed all 3 times. You would never have known anything

happened to him. He is non-verbal and was just as happy as before.

When the teeth hurt, it makes them miserable. He is much happier with

healthier teeth.

They did all of Kiernan's fillings, his caps, and his flouride treatment. It

took about an hour and 1/2 total time.

I hope this helps with any worries you have.

Jeanette

Please help!

Rushed our son to the dentist last Thursday with a toothache, and

due to his autism, they say he will have to be put under anesthesia

in order to do what needs to be done to his teeth. These are baby

teeth, and the cost of this is going to be expensive.

I'm scared about putting him under. I fear he could regress or

worse. I am also wondering about the safety of a stainless steel

cap. I need input from parents who have had similar dental issues

with their child who has autism.

I would also like to get a second opinion. I would like to hear

from parents in the Dallas area. What dentist do you use for your

child who has autism.

I like the dentist we went to very well. They were very caring and

patient with Ethan. The dentist is a mercury free, pediatric

dentist.

The anesthesiologist along with the work is going to cost around

$2400! If we're lucky insurance may cover half, but we don't even

have half, so I don't know what we're going to do. Both my parents

and my husbands's parents never did anything about our baby teeth

when we were kids. However, Ethan was in pain, and the dentist says

this is a tooth he should keep for a while. If we pull it, we run

the risk of his other teeth spreading out. He fixed it temporarily,

but that won't last and it will start hurting again.

I can't believe an anesthesiologist costs 600 an hour! I cna't

believe how expensive dentalwork has become. As with all of you,

I'm sure, we want to do right by our kids, but that seems an awaful

lot of money to spend on teeth that will fall out within three years.

I was hoping to scrape up enough money o get Ethan in to see Dr.

Krigsman some time this year.

I'm terrified of the anesthesia part of it. Please, any advice

would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Haven

Texas Autism Advocacy

www.TexasAutismAdvocacy.org

Texas Disability Network

Calendar of Events

www.TexasAutismAdvocacy.org

[Guest guest]

We too have been to the dental clinic at Children's. I wish we had

discovered it sooner. My son has been under anesthesia for dental

work three times now (only once at Children's). He also went under

one other time strictly to have two teeth pulled by an oral surgeon

(they were stubborn baby teeth that were not coming out).

Our experience at Children's was great and we too are covered under

the Grottoes grant.

This is great since the other times, we had to fight to get our

insurance to cover it!!!

The anesthesia part has been fine. I was really nervous the first

time, but each time has been easier. For a lot of our kids, that is

the only way to have the work done. My son has not had any problems

and bounces right back pretty quickly.

The only caution I have is this. When we had the two teeth pulled,

they gave him anesthesia and also novacaine for numbing of the

area. Well the anesthesia wore off quicker than the novacaine and

my son scraped all the skin off his top lip trying to

understand/deal with the numbness and then getting feeling back!!!!

It was pretty nasty looking for a few days. This last time, I asked

the dentist not to numb his mouth. Tanner has a pretty high

tolerance for pain and I knew he would be okay with tylenol

afterward. The dentist agreed with me and Tanner did great

afterwards. They pulled 6 baby teeth and he didn't seem to have too

much discomfort.

Also, he had two steel crowns for about 3 years and did fine with

them. Even though he couldn't have starburts and skittles - which

were probably the reason for the crowns in the first place!!!!

Good luck!

Beth

mom to Tanner, age 10

> >

> > Rushed our son to the dentist last Thursday with a toothache,

and

> > due to his autism, they say he will have to be put under

> anesthesia

> > in order to do what needs to be done to his teeth. These are

baby

> > teeth, and the cost of this is going to be expensive.

> >

> > I'm scared about putting him under. I fear he could regress or

> > worse. I am also wondering about the safety of a stainless

steel

> > cap. I need input from parents who have had similar dental

issues

> > with their child who has autism.

> >

> > I would also like to get a second opinion. I would like to hear

> > from parents in the Dallas area. What dentist do you use for

your

> > child who has autism.

> >

> > I like the dentist we went to very well. They were very caring

> and

> > patient with Ethan. The dentist is a mercury free, pediatric

> > dentist.

> >

> > The anesthesiologist along with the work is going to cost around

> > $2400! If we're lucky insurance may cover half, but we don't

even

> > have half, so I don't know what we're going to do. Both my

> parents

> > and my husbands's parents never did anything about our baby

teeth

> > when we were kids. However, Ethan was in pain, and the dentist

> says

> > this is a tooth he should keep for a while. If we pull it, we

run

> > the risk of his other teeth spreading out. He fixed it

> temporarily,

> > but that won't last and it will start hurting again.

> >

> > I can't believe an anesthesiologist costs 600 an hour! I cna't

> > believe how expensive dentalwork has become. As with all of

you,

> > I'm sure, we want to do right by our kids, but that seems an

> awaful

> > lot of money to spend on teeth that will fall out within three

> years.

> >

> > I was hoping to scrape up enough money o get Ethan in to see Dr.

> > Krigsman some time this year.

> >

> > I'm terrified of the anesthesia part of it. Please, any advice

> > would be appreciated.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > Haven

> >

>