Re: In reply to Kerri

[Guest guest]

Dear Kerri,

Don't feel strange about your feelings about your mother dying. Sometimes a

complicated grief is way more difficult than a clean grief, where the person

who died and you had a good relationship with no baggage. My best friend's

husband lost his abusive mom four years ago and it was a tough road, mostly

because he refused to seek counseling or even allow himself to be comforted by

his loved ones. He was understandably angry at her when she was alive but

somehow he doesn't think he should be angry with her now that she's dead. I

don't understand why your GP wouldn't give you a referral for a counselor.

Everybody needs help sorting through things now and then--even people who are

as obviously reasonable and intelligent as you.

I'll be thinking about you. laura

stillbreathing29 <stillbreathing29@...> wrote:

>

> Ebony,

> thank you for you throughts and prayers. I have been considering

counseling and did ask my GP for a referral and he said he'd rather

not give me one. go figure. I have actually started to write a book,

so its funny you should say that. See, right now, my mother is dying

which is a very strange thing for me because I suppose I should be

sad, but instead its just very unpersonal. I'm not sure how to

explain it. I promised myself, I would never be her and my children

would never turn out like me. So far, so good, but instead of

exploding such as she did, I implode and my tendency is to hurt and

hate myself. I'm trying to figure life out right now, I know there

must be a lesson in all this somewhere, I just need to find it. Thank

you for your kind words.

>

> kerri sue

>

Hi Kerri,

Oh you're welcome. It is odd your GP would not give a referral. I

wonder why not. Good to hear about the book. I will be waiting to

come to the book signing. Just keep us informed. I can see you as a

writer. You will help many. A lot of people who feel alone who go

through what you and a lot of us here are going through with pain

conditions. Kind of hard to socialize if you are always in pain and

stuck in the house. So your book will help many. Also a lot of

people come from painful upbringings and I sometimes wonder if it

isn't the reason we get sick in the first place. I read somewhere

happy people have healthier immune systems. Sounds like mom might

have had a violent temper. She probably was acting out some pain

from her childhood as well. Not to excuse her because but there is

always a reason why people are the way they are. My mom wasn't very

nurturing either but then neither was her mom so it just gets passed

down. However, my mom did have a wonderful sense of humor and that's

what I miss. When they are gone, we only remember the good things.

I lost my mom this year August 2005. She was only 59 years old. So

I understand about having a sick parent. I hope you guys get to say

the needed things to heal before she goes. I got to tell my mom I

loved her one night and the next morning she was gone. I was so

happy to have told her I love her -- very much. Because even though

she was not nurturing, she had her moments when I was very little.

They seem to do better with small children than blossoming little

ladies. Also, in trying to not be like our negative parents, we

sometimes swing the pendulum way to the other extreme. Neither is

healthy, unfortunately. I guess it is better to be somewhere in the

middle or another approach altogether which is where good counseling

come in because the counselor can teach or a book can teach too how

to replace the negative with a positive approach, a less destructive

approach.

God bless you and good luck to you with the book. Take care.

Ebony