from ken, to all my family......boy, when it rains it POURS!

[Guest guest]

Greetings, to you all...unfortunately, today was the culmination of an act that

I sadly had to ask my son to perform for me, as I just couldn't bring myself to

do.:

It started the 14th, when the V.A yet AGAIN ,in it's unfathemable " wisdom " .

again cancelled my appointment with the eye clinic, saying they didn't have

enough personnell to cover. They re-scheduled for the following week.Actually, I

realized, just now, it started earlier than that.(I am awfully upset)I have had

a strange growth on the bottom of my right foot. I had an appt. with

" dermatology, to have a biopsy done on my leg, and when I told them about the

very painful growth on my foot, the doctor said he was not sure what it was(I

suggested it might be a " bone spur " , as I had one before)

Well, good ol doc, he numbed myfoot, and " burned off " the offending growth. Ha!

It kept hurting, and hurting, and Tammy took a look at it, and said that it had

grown BIGGER!

Today, this morning, I called them up, to excplain that whatever that doctor

did was the wrong thing,explaining the whole situation to them. They very

promptly(VERY unusual for them!)made an appt for me later in this sad afternoon,

and when I took my shoe off, the doctor(mine) took one look at my foot, and said

my whole foot was infected!He put meon these humongus looking antibiotics,made

an appt for next week , and said if the infection had died down, THEN he would

try to do the proper thing with my foot! I also have to have my hip x-rayed at

that time, because he thinks it is degenerating quite quickly.

But the sad part? Well, over the years, I have had many many birds, all of

which I developed a great deal of love for recieving said love back from them in

immesurable quantity. Over the last few weeks, my little companion, my

cockatiell,who was so loving to me had started to change greatly, for no

apparent reason! She turned into a raging demon! Every time I approached her, or

anybody else, for that matter, she flew towards them and threw herself into a

biting frenzy! Last week, I had my 2 year old grand daughter over to the house,

and for no apparrent reason, flew at her, hung on with her claws, and bit and

bit!

Not only did it terrify her, it terrified ME! Something was obviously very

very wrong with her. Over the last few weeks, I have tried everything I know to

" cure " her of this strange behaviour! Never have I ever had a bird just " turn "

for no reason! My hands and arms are scored with deep bites, and today, as I

approached her cage,which is always open, so she can come and go as she pleased,

she flew at my face, my eyes!

Earlier in the day, after my visit with the V.A., Tammy and I stopped by a

friend of ours, and she strongly reminded me my immune system is NOT like a

" normal " person, and that is probably why some of the bites have become

infected, because her littlt claws pick up...well, you know....

It would have been cruel of me to just turn her loose, as she couldn't feed

herself in the wild. she would slowly starve, or become a " victim " .

I could no longer take the chance that she would hurt one of my little

grandchildren.So I prayed, and prayed........and asked my son to " help " me out.

I just didn't have it in me to " dispose " of her, like so much garbage.

And I certainly would NOT GIVE HER TO SOMEONE ELSE, TO BE BIT, AND BIT......

So, tonite, my friends, silly as it seems(some would say " well,she's

just an animal " ) my heart is hurting, and broken, because upon my direction,

having asked my son to do it for me, as I had loved her too much to do the

Dirty Deed, well...she is now at whatever peace God has awaiting His animal

friends. Brad buried her, I don't know where, and don't WANT to know, and he

took all evidence of her life with me out of the house right then and there.Her

cage. Her stool her cage sat on. Her toys. I know That I sound " off it " , for

being so silly, and sentimental....but she had ceased to be the loving thing she

was, and had become dangerous.

Call me silly. Call me too emotional. That's just the way I am built. I am

broken hearted at her loss, guilty feeling, because it was by MY direction

she was killed. There IS no " nice " way to put it.....it's what I had done.

Now, there is an empty place where once she filled my heart with joy,and I

doubt sleep will come easily for me tonite.The place where once her " home "

stood, is now an empty reminder of what was, once.

Should I be condemmed for this act? I don't know.I killed the only creature

that once gave me companionship, while my Lady was working, helping me to fight

the lonliness. I am not even sure I have the right for any consoling

words....all I can say , in my defense, is she had changed ,for inexplicable

reasons, turning quite dangerous,...not much of an excuse, I guess.I DO know,

that I AM broken hearted , and probably will never have another bird again. I

didn't even have the guts to do it myself...I had to ask my son. Woof!

Will you, in your prayers tonite, please remember me....and a once

beautiful little companion called " eaglebeak?' I thank you all.

And I love you all.

regretfully yours........ken

---------------------------------

for Good

Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.