Re: new to group, questions re: peer relationships

March 8, 2010

Hi, and welcome! We have the exact same problem with our daughter, too. She is

also 12 and has a severe vomit phobia / contamination issues. My daughter has

also told only two friends about her OCD and I agree, at this age the other kids

don't really understand it. My daughter, too, will be rude to and avoid other

kids, especially kids who've recently been sick--she's afraid she will catch

something from them.

I have talked to two other mothers about her OCD and both were very sympathetic

and understanding. In one instance, the opportunity arose when my daughter

wouldn't sit with the friend and her Mom at a church breakfast. I talked to them

both in general terms about my daughter's anxiety. I tried to make it clear to

the friend that my daughter really likes her...she just couldn't sit with us

because she was too " anxious. "

It is heartbreaking to see your child struggle socially due to OCD. My daughter

won't go to any junior high dances anymore, anywhere, since she once heard

someone get sick at a dance.

You could ask your daughter if she would like you to talk to any of her friends

or their parents? You could also ask your daughter if she'd like to take a

friend out somewhere fun? and then if an OCD situation arises, use the

opportunity to educate the friend?

>

> Hello, everyone. I have been " lurking " on this list for several weeks, and am

so happy to have found such a wonderful, supportive community.

>

> My DD is 12, and was diagnosed w/ major depresive d/o and panic d/o this fall.

Within the past 6 weeks, her p-doc got the depression symptoms under control

with Zoloft (currently increasing dosage, Lexapro did nothing to help), and

referred us to a therapist who practices CBT/ERP. Doing the Y-BOCS scale was

heartbreaking. The only symptoms she does not experience are contamination

issues and scrupulosity.

>

> I am most concerned (at the moment) with how OCD is affecting her

relationships with friends. She suffers with intrusive thoughts and violent

images around her friends not liking, her not really liking her friends, her

friends screaming at or harming her... As a result, she will sometimes be unable

to talk to or even look at her friends. They are 12 years old! Of course, they

think she is mad at them, mean, b****y, has found new friends, whatever. And

honestly, of course that's what they think. How long would you keep a friend

who sometimes flat-out ignores you? She has told her two closest friends that

she has OCD, which was a huge step. However, they have no idea what that means

and what it means to them.

>

> I would like to talk to their mothers, and am not sure how to go about it. I

would be so grateful for any advice you might have. I don't want my child, who

suffers so mightily with what she has been dealt, to lose her friends. Thanks

for reading my " book " , and for your help.

>

> Kate

>

March 8, 2010

Hi Kate,

I am pretty new here myself, but wanted to say hi. Your post caught me tonight

feeling so sad for all these children who, like you said, suffer so much

already. So I am just offering a cyber hug.

I will like to see responses to your question. My son is only 8 yrs old, and the

social life at this age is a little more resilient to his issues (so far). But

only recently calling his OCD what it is, I am just starting to talk about it

more with friend's parents myself. I hope you get some good feedback. Take

care.

Cheryl

March 9, 2010

Hi,

Our dd is 9 yo and has primarily contamination issues, but has had some social

issues with her friends. She has been much more open to talking with them this

year than she was last year. I have suggested that she tell them it is a " brain

problem that makes her worry " rather than use the term OCD, which is unlikely to

mean anything to them. If you talk with the friends, you might ask if they or

any family members have phobias, which are also illogical fears and how they

react if they do. Phobias generally are much less restrictive than OCD, but at

least it might give them a glimpse into the nature of her problem. 12 yr olds

are also likely to have heard of anorexia, where a girl's brain keeps telling

her she is fat, even though the scale, parents, friends, and doctors know she is

not. Again, not the same as OCD, but might be something they can relate to.

Sorry you are going through this, but things will get better.

(mom w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/OCD)

>

> Subject: new to group, questions re: peer relationships

> To:

> Date: Monday, March 8, 2010, 10:21 PM

> Hello, everyone. I have been

> " lurking " on this list for several weeks, and am so happy to

> have found such a wonderful, supportive community.

>

> My DD is 12, and was diagnosed w/ major depresive d/o and

> panic d/o this fall. Within the past 6 weeks, her

> p-doc got the depression symptoms under control with Zoloft

> (currently increasing dosage, Lexapro did nothing to help),

> and referred us to a therapist who practices CBT/ERP.

> Doing the Y-BOCS scale was heartbreaking. The only

> symptoms she does not experience are contamination issues

> and scrupulosity.

>

> I am most concerned (at the moment) with how OCD is

> affecting her relationships with friends. She suffers

> with intrusive thoughts and violent images around her

> friends not liking, her not really liking her friends, her

> friends screaming at or harming her... As a result, she will

> sometimes be unable to talk to or even look at her

> friends. They are 12 years old! Of course, they

> think she is mad at them, mean, b****y, has found new

> friends, whatever. And honestly, of course

> that's what they think. How long would you keep a

> friend who sometimes flat-out ignores you? She has

> told her two closest friends that she has OCD, which was a

> huge step. However, they have no idea what that means

> and what it means to them.

>

> I would like to talk to their mothers, and am not sure how

> to go about it. I would be so grateful for any advice

> you might have. I don't want my child, who suffers so

> mightily with what she has been dealt, to lose her

> friends. Thanks for reading my " book " , and for your

> help.

>

> Kate

>

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March 9, 2010

Hi,

I found with my daughter, that she tells her friends what she wants to tell

them.She is 13, and usually won't tell anyone until she has been friends with

them for awhile. She used to be afraid to tell them, but when she shares ,

usually the friend will tell them something about themselves that nobody knew.

She has told me about some of her friends that sleep over, and have alot of

" issues " and I would never have known.

Â Sometimes she will tell other kids that she is weird, rather than explaining

her problems. I just let her lead the way with what she wants to say and to who.

I have found for her, that is what works best

Hugs

judy

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 6:50:17 AM

Subject: Re: new to group, questions re: peer relationships

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