Breaking down

[Guest guest]

There are many reasons why I should be happy excited now, but I am

struggling. Maybe someone has ideas.

College is going to be great, but I find myself with high anxeity. I

caought myself questioning everything in my life. For example, I

keep feeling like everything is going to get turned upside down.

Like Tim leaving, or my parents dying or my house getting broken

into. The closer school gets to me the more clutter my thought

become and I think Tim feels I am lost but can't know how to help.

Do you others with autism feel like this before change? What do you

do? Do any of you parents see this happen " How do you help? What

about dad's or husbands views?

It seems there is not enough help for adults newly diagnosed with

autism. Most literature assumes you were diagnosed in childhood.

Now too as a parent, I am still fighting the school about . The

talk to me like I am a child. The yell at me (well it feels tense

like yelling and words are sharp and hard) and they accuse me of

lying since my perscpetive is skewed by Asperger's (they didn't say

it like that but they said that in more and different words,

altrhough the did use the word lie).

I was told I cannot get support as an adult because " you drove

yourself here so you are obviously not disabeled. " I am not asking

for the world. I am tired of being left to struggle because i am

doing " good enough. " What do I do when I am old? I have never held

a regular job. I have not paid into Social Security. How will I

live when there is not anyone to care for me? My dad owns my house

and makes the payments and Tim takes care of me.

I worry constantly that good enough will not do when all these people

in my life are no longer around. My son is stuck in the same place.

The school says he is doing " good enough " and that they cannot " waste

time worrying about what might happen in the future. " If I have to

take care of him the way my parents have taked care of me, how can I

do that with no money I have earned and saved?

Why can't antbody see that my mind is not designed to operate well in

daily life but designed to think beyond. My contributions are

imprisoned in this body that freezes when lights are too bright and

stumbles when interacting. So get tested? Here is the ironic catch,

it costs $1100. Where do I get that money when I cannot earn that

kind of money?

What do I do to break the cycle?