Re: abuse/to Cammi and Rachaelffromiken

[Guest guest]

Greetings to the both of you....<May I please interrupt, and invite myself into

your conversation? I, TOO, grew up in a VERY abusive family. My Mother and

Father were BOTH alcoholics, and as a kid, I was terrified of him! Some of the

things he did to me, if he did today, would land him in jail! My Mother passed

away a time ago, and she must have been all of 90 pounds, because of alcohal!.

One of the things that I,vividly remember was Dear ol Dad was late getting

home, mom was drunk, it was snowing very heavy outside and it was night. Well, I

am the oldest of three boys, and at that time I was seven. I guess the noise

" got to her " , so she put me on the porch, outside, to await my father. ...in my

pajamas!. Well, he finally got home, and when I tried to follow him into the

house, he pushed me back outside by the face, and said I must be there for a

reason, so I was to wait there 'till he found out! I went ballistic, pounding on

the door, yelling, man, I thought I was going to freexe to death! Finally he

called me into the kitchen, poured cold water over my head to " cool my temper

off " . and put me BACK outside! Becausae of that, later, I had to have an

operation on my kidneys, thus depriving me of EVER having children! Oh, did I

mention it was a Cornimg pot he used, one of those that were white, with blue

flower trim? Corning wear is NOT supposed to break...HA! HE

DID break it....over my head!

My Pointe to you two lovely Ladies is this.....you cannot " change

people, no matter who they are, or what they are! I found out in later years

that the reason my " father " singled my mother and I out for his terrible

alcoholic rages and abusive horrible treatment was my Mom " cheated " on

him.....and I was the result!.

It took me many many yeaRS TO COME TO TERMS WITH MY DISFUNCTIONAL

FAMILY! tHE LATE GREAT POET AND WRIGHTER, rOBERT fROST PUT IT BEST: hE SAID

" fAMILY IS not A MATTER OF BLOOD " . "

I love you all, and it hurts me tosee how many of you are treated!

If I only couldI would take your troubles to the sea, and place it on the sand

at low tide, so that the water might wash it away.....but , of course, I can't

to that. What I CAN do, is offer my friendship, my heart, my love, and tell you

that the best thing you can do is pointe your face to the future, be who YOU

are, and be thankful you are NOT them!

I'm 53, been there, bought the tee shirt, and if you ever want to

talk.....................I am here for you.........as is the REST of your

family: THIS GROUP!.

May the sun of understanding shine on your face, and the warmth

of love warm your backs!

All my love......ken

Cami DeFries <gsplovers@...> wrote:

,

See?! I find that SO interesting that these doctors for auto-immune

diseases are asking these questions!

My mom & I still have a 'rocky' relationship. She was diagnosed with

manic depression (medically termed bi-polar now) after I was out of

the house. She won't stay on her med's though...she reads up on them

& belongs to a depression group here on ...I think some of the

people are legitimate, but some of them are quacks & give her all

kinds of bad advice. As soon as one group of med's really start to

help her, she 'freaks' & quits taking them, saying they are habit-

forming, cause her to shake, etc. The woman has always been shaky &

VERY high-strung...she can't sit without shaking at least one leg up

& down constantly. She also has a really bad eating disorder...she

will eat nothing but a piece of bread for days on end, then

literally stuff herself...all-you-can-eat fish or something (SEVERAL

plate fulls), then turn around & go home & eat an entire chocolate

cake by herself! She weighs just under 100 pounds & is 5' tall. She

also chain smokes...at least 3 packs a day! And I wonder why I'm so

messed up! LOL!

Anyway, my mom honestly does not like me. I have no idea why. She

has apologized over & over again about my childhood, yet when I talk

to her, she acts as if it's strictly out of obligation most days.

Sometimes we can really talk & have a great time, then

others...well...I don't call very often anymore. Maybe once every 2

or 3 months. She only lives 20 minutes away. I've had my house for 9

years...she's been here twice...last time was over 5 years ago. That

says a lot, huh?

My brother is 6 years younger than I am...he'll be 28 December 3rd.

He's been in prison for the last 5 years for theft (drug related -

self medicating). He'll be in there until he's at least 32. My mom

adores him. She sends him money orders every week for at least $50

and talks to him on the phone every day. I love my brother too...he

really is a great guy. He's mentally ill like my mom, only he also

has anti-social disorder, which is maddening! But, wouldn't you

think a parent would at least equally love the child that has done

something with their life? Oh well...I'll never figure it out.

Cami

>

> Dear Cami,

> I absolutely believe that we control our own lives.It took

> therapy and a lot of years and a wonderful husband but I now

> have a relationship with my mother.She is also on medication now

> for what I would call an anxiety disorder and depression.She was

> abused by 2 alcoholic parents as a child.IT's NO EXCUSE though.I

> have never touched my boys and worked very very hard not to be

> like my Mom.

> And I certainly agree that the mental and verbal abuse was the

> worse and does the most damage.

> {{{{((CAMI}}}}))

> At my first appointment with a rheumy last week,she asked me if

> I had been abused as a child so there must be some kind of

> connection.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

There are so many people in this group who have risen above the

circumstances that life dealt them and used that to offer wise

counsel to others. We all have scars from our experiences, and what

that proves to me is that even though we might be terribly injured,

God heals us. Your scars are a badge of survival, and a reminder of

what we have overcome. I too come from a LONG line of alcoholics, the

last of which was my father. It stopped at our generation, because we

all swore that our kids would NEVER go through what we did- beatings

with razor straps, verbal and emotional abuse and degradation, from

our father. If it weren't for our mother we would all be either dead,

on drugs, or in prison. She was disabled from RA, and one of the most

wonderful people I have ever had the privilege to know.

Jane

> >

> > Dear Cami,

> > I absolutely believe that we control our own lives.It took

> > therapy and a lot of years and a wonderful husband but I now

> > have a relationship with my mother.She is also on medication now

> > for what I would call an anxiety disorder and depression.She was

> > abused by 2 alcoholic parents as a child.IT's NO EXCUSE though.I

> > have never touched my boys and worked very very hard not to be

> > like my Mom.

> > And I certainly agree that the mental and verbal abuse was the

> > worse and does the most damage.

> > {{{{((CAMI}}}}))

> > At my first appointment with a rheumy last week,she asked me if

> > I had been abused as a child so there must be some kind of

> > connection.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Without going into details, I was also an abused child. I agree with

some that say I am stronger for it with the exception of the RA and

having been " needy " emotionally in the past. I am getting past

needy and into kinda peeved that my desire for outward affection in

my relationships can be equated to weakness. Getting older, wiser

and maybe a little cynical. I am a work in progress at the very

least.

Cassy -- In , kenneth samuelsen

<squarehead52@y...> wrote:

>

> Greetings to the both of you....<May I please interrupt, and invite

myself into your conversation? I, TOO, grew up in a VERY abusive

family. My Mother and Father were BOTH alcoholics, and as a kid, I

was terrified of him! Some of the things he did to me, if he did

today, would land him in jail! My Mother passed away a time ago, and

she must have been all of 90 pounds, because of alcohal!.

> One of the things that I,vividly remember was Dear ol Dad was

late getting home, mom was drunk, it was snowing very heavy outside

and it was night. Well, I am the oldest of three boys, and at that

time I was seven. I guess the noise " got to her " , so she put me on

the porch, outside, to await my father. ...in my pajamas!. Well, he

finally got home, and when I tried to follow him into the house, he

pushed me back outside by the face, and said I must be there for a

reason, so I was to wait there 'till he found out! I went ballistic,

pounding on the door, yelling, man, I thought I was going to freexe

to death! Finally he called me into the kitchen, poured cold water

over my head to " cool my temper off " . and put me BACK outside!

Becausae of that, later, I had to have an operation on my kidneys,

thus depriving me of EVER having children! Oh, did I mention it was a

Cornimg pot he used, one of those that were white, with blue flower

trim? Corning wear is NOT supposed to break...HA! HE

> DID break it....over my head!

> My Pointe to you two lovely Ladies is this.....you

cannot " change people, no matter who they are, or what they are! I

found out in later years that the reason my " father " singled my

mother and I out for his terrible alcoholic rages and abusive

horrible treatment was my Mom " cheated " on him.....and I was the

result!.

> It took me many many yeaRS TO COME TO TERMS WITH MY

DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY! tHE LATE GREAT POET AND WRIGHTER, rOBERT fROST

PUT IT BEST: hE SAID " fAMILY IS not A MATTER OF BLOOD " . "

> I love you all, and it hurts me tosee how many of you

are treated! If I only couldI would take your troubles to the sea,

and place it on the sand at low tide, so that the water might wash it

away.....but , of course, I can't to that. What I CAN do, is offer my

friendship, my heart, my love, and tell you that the best thing you

can do is pointe your face to the future, be who YOU are, and be

thankful you are NOT them!

> I'm 53, been there, bought the tee shirt, and if you

ever want to talk.....................I am here for you.........as is

the REST of your family: THIS GROUP!.

> May the sun of understanding shine on your face,

and the warmth of love warm your backs!

> All my love......ken

>

> Cami DeFries <gsplovers@e...> wrote:

> ,

>

> See?! I find that SO interesting that these doctors for auto-immune

> diseases are asking these questions!

>

> My mom & I still have a 'rocky' relationship. She was diagnosed

with

> manic depression (medically termed bi-polar now) after I was out of

> the house. She won't stay on her med's though...she reads up on

them

> & belongs to a depression group here on ...I think some of the

> people are legitimate, but some of them are quacks & give her all

> kinds of bad advice. As soon as one group of med's really start to

> help her, she 'freaks' & quits taking them, saying they are habit-

> forming, cause her to shake, etc. The woman has always been shaky &

> VERY high-strung...she can't sit without shaking at least one leg

up

> & down constantly. She also has a really bad eating disorder...she

> will eat nothing but a piece of bread for days on end, then

> literally stuff herself...all-you-can-eat fish or something

(SEVERAL

> plate fulls), then turn around & go home & eat an entire chocolate

> cake by herself! She weighs just under 100 pounds & is 5' tall. She

> also chain smokes...at least 3 packs a day! And I wonder why I'm so

> messed up! LOL!

>

> Anyway, my mom honestly does not like me. I have no idea why. She

> has apologized over & over again about my childhood, yet when I

talk

> to her, she acts as if it's strictly out of obligation most days.

> Sometimes we can really talk & have a great time, then

> others...well...I don't call very often anymore. Maybe once every 2

> or 3 months. She only lives 20 minutes away. I've had my house for

9

> years...she's been here twice...last time was over 5 years ago.

That

> says a lot, huh?

>

> My brother is 6 years younger than I am...he'll be 28 December 3rd.

> He's been in prison for the last 5 years for theft (drug related -

> self medicating). He'll be in there until he's at least 32. My mom

> adores him. She sends him money orders every week for at least $50

> and talks to him on the phone every day. I love my brother too...he

> really is a great guy. He's mentally ill like my mom, only he also

> has anti-social disorder, which is maddening! But, wouldn't you

> think a parent would at least equally love the child that has done

> something with their life? Oh well...I'll never figure it out.

>

> Cami

>

>

>

> >

> > Dear Cami,

> > I absolutely believe that we control our own lives.It took

> > therapy and a lot of years and a wonderful husband but I now

> > have a relationship with my mother.She is also on medication now

> > for what I would call an anxiety disorder and depression.She was

> > abused by 2 alcoholic parents as a child.IT's NO EXCUSE though.I

> > have never touched my boys and worked very very hard not to be

> > like my Mom.

> > And I certainly agree that the mental and verbal abuse was the

> > worse and does the most damage.

> > {{{{((CAMI}}}}))

> > At my first appointment with a rheumy last week,she asked me if

> > I had been abused as a child so there must be some kind of

> > connection.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

The day you stop being a work in progress, you might as well lay

down & die.

Cami

> > >

> > > Dear Cami,

> > > I absolutely believe that we control our own lives.It took

> > > therapy and a lot of years and a wonderful husband but I now

> > > have a relationship with my mother.She is also on medication

now

> > > for what I would call an anxiety disorder and depression.She

was

> > > abused by 2 alcoholic parents as a child.IT's NO EXCUSE

though.I

> > > have never touched my boys and worked very very hard not to be

> > > like my Mom.

> > > And I certainly agree that the mental and verbal abuse was the

> > > worse and does the most damage.

> > > {{{{((CAMI}}}}))

> > > At my first appointment with a rheumy last week,she asked me

if

> > > I had been abused as a child so there must be some kind of

> > > connection.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >