Denial and Grief

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I am still in the fact finding stage, but am finding this group immensely

helpful and confirming so far in dealing with our 8 year old son.

At age 3 he exhibited the first of a zillion irrational fears, and for 5 years

we have viewed our son's behaviors as phases, or temperament. Maybe because it

kept it as something we felt somewhat in control of? I'm still processing that.

But looking back, it was probably the changing intensity levels of his fears

that controlled the situation, not our efforts.

His fears range from frogs, to astroids, to my leaving the house while he is

asleep, to rental cars, to having to go pee over and over, to sleepwalking, to

kidnapping and so on.

As his fears transfer from one thing to another, I am not entirely certain what

therapy will address, other than the anxiety itself. He has come to call it " The

General " based on a nightmare he had once. And giving it that name seems to help

sometimes. Because The General is always trying to make rules about counting or

rituals he falls back on to deal with a fear. And he can sometimes recognize

that.

Up until this last year or so, he has been able to contain it to night and

morning panics, and to avoid situations that he is anxious about. But lately,

it's gotten where he imagines things or situations that aren't real, and worries

it will happen during the day.

This week he could could not be convinced that the all school assembly wasn't a

sleepover. Even though they have never done a sleepover. Even though we are

telling him it's a normal pick up time. He just can't shake the idea, so can't

get out of the car to go to class.

At 3, I could supposed he had a vivid imagination. At age 8, it's more obviously

a disorder. So while we have been dealing with it for years, we are just now

facing it as a disorder, and it is getting worse.

How to explain the mix of relief and grief over this? Relief of the guilt, and

grief of the reality.

I am reading different posts of your own children's behavior, and it's like,

" Wow, we have been in such denial " .

Anyway, official diagnosis in a few weeks. Preliminary diagnosis from intake

doctor is " Anxiety disorder leading to OCD behavior " or something like that.

We are testing for PANDAS just in case it's related to his Scarlet Fever at age

3. And we'll be enrolling him in a 4 week group therapy program for kids/parents

with anxiety, along with one on one. Then they evaluate his response to

determine further OCD treatment.

I am starting to gather that most OCD is diagnosed around this age, but reading

some of your posts, see that there were signs before hand.

I guess it can get worse as they get older. Still fact finding. But also

venting. Thank you!