Re: Question? gender

[Guest guest]

esther will answer you question of gender from my perspective. i to

theink it is of s developemental things for some of us and in that

areas we have gaps of cognitions and gender is ond of those

cognitions that i to be lagging in. I to in true never felt of

female or male so it is not of a sexual preference to me either as I

to be of just a me gender. I to like many things of girls like of

dolls and toys related to young girls but have few things that are

of interest to me due to sensory and lack of cognitions ot my gender

role and or stereotypied things society says I to should like. I to

know my physical body dictates of female to me but I to not have

many feminine things about me. I to love of pretty things and love

to see of other s dressed like princesses and jewelry of some but

for the most when I to try of them cant wear of them for one most

jewlery has a very ice cold feel to me so it hurts of my skin.

barrettes and things in my hair begin to make of my scalp sore and

it causes me to feel as if something is on me and not right. nail

polish will send me into a very bad mood quick. perfume gags of me

unless it is on others and mild. I to love the colonge smell of Dr.

Amigo and my husband and sons and a few other mens but some mens to

me do not smell good. some womans smeel too strong of make up and so

cant stand of the smell of them too close to me. Womans are of a

higher social order in many ways and in much ways cant keep up

cognitively with their actions , thinking or words. so I to avoid

them but I to nto feel male either not at all but i to realte to

males more in words and often thems body language is more calm and

not as dramatic as females. I to not have masculine features as far

as whiskers or things of this I to be of much a female. Some have

tried to fix me up to look like a much girly person and it makes me

not feel right and I to begin to have of tears and want it off of me

even the wedding day was of hard to me but wore of the make up they

put on me and let of them did of my hair and wore of dress but was

ever so much emotional due to the overload of the changes to me than

the wedding of the husband and me.

I to also be to have many things that if one studies of child

development will see is of typical development but over time should

be to make gains and grow but for me many areas I to be of stuck in

and not seem to mature in the same areas and so the lagging is of

much of 40 years behind my aged peers in many things. this uneven

development of me is of hard to explain it is of not uncommon and

have read of this from parents of thems older teen or young adult

childrens and or met of many like of me but on line find few. While

some would like of the fun of a formal party to dance and dress up

this to me is far from a fun feeling and would be to be more happy

and content to sit in the back on the floor playing with my doll

house people and organizing them into patterns and observing and

studying the actions and words of the people while I to find my own

sense of play and fun that is right for me. Some not understanding

that to me would be to say Sondra come join us and dance and have of

fun it would cause of me anxiety and stress as prefer to be an

outside observer and find my own sense of play. So while I to to be

of feamle and not feel feminine I to be to still like much to

observe of the strong female roles and male roles from a distance.

it does not make of me male though or thinking like of male within

me. I to be just a person who feels as though i to in true have no

gender. I to understand life dictates to me of being a feamle and

take on many of the rols such as wife and mom and grand ma and house

chores and things of this but I to not get a strong sense of

femaleness while performiong these roles. even when to nurse of my

children or to give birth never gave of me a sense of feminine feels

but to me it is just what my body had to do that day or momemt

because it was expected of me to do this. I to take my roles and

responsiblities in very dedicated fashions and so will do them much

so without complaint but it does not make me feel female or male I

to be to just do them.

Also the role to me was in my family all females married of males so

this was modeled to me and so never knew other wise and yet wanted

of wedding like many 3-4 year old girls begin to express and my

mentality to marriage was of the same level . I to wanted wedding

but little clue to relationship and the complexity of marriage. i to

growed into that over time.

Sondra