RE: gggrrrr

October 19, 2005

Hi ,

That is such a bummer about your friend. It all goes back to people being

clueless. People can't even begin to relate to what is going on with you

because they don't have it. Plus they can't see it, and when you can't see

something, it's harder to 'get'. It's like this abstract idea that you can't

imagine very well or describe in detail enough that someone will be able to

experience it in their mind. It's just not possible for them. Which makes it

totally and completely unfair to you. You are the one who needs understanding.

You are the one who needs to be able to vent and have her be there for you.

You are the one who is having the rougher time. And unless she is willing

to be there for you, your stress level is going to increase just being around

her. Which will increase your pain levels proportionally. This is not what

you need in your life at this moment, and you have every right to be your

own advocate and protect yourself from additional pain. She will probably not

understand, but that's okay, she doesn't have to. If you decide to take a

break for awhile, and you come back to the friendship again when you (and she,

hopefully) are both in better places, your friendship should stand. And if

it doesn't, then unfortunately, it was never the type of true friendship that

you really needed. There are only 3 or 4 types of friendship, and if the

level that she is offering you is taking too much from you, it's not a healthy

friendship and you are making the very best decision in separating yourself

from it. I know it can be hard, but your recovery is more important than

anything else right now. Also, expectations from each other in a relationship

can

look completely different to each other, and it talking it out and being

understanding and giving toward each other doesn't happen, it can sometimes be

better to get some distance so you each can look at the problems more

clearly. This one reminds me of my girlfriend and I who were both not capable

of

being there for each other during a time when we were both experiencing huge

crises in our lives. We had nothing to give each other because we were so

spent in trying to stay afloat with our own issues. If that is the case, don't

feel bad about that. You have to take care of you right now and let the other

person do the same for herself. One of the things you learn with this

disease is that your focus needs to turn inward for awhile because no one can

see

what's happening with you except you. And you are the only one who can help

you. Remember that for now, okay? And give yourself some tlc. You not only

need it, but you deserve it, and if you admit it, it's okay to want it. You

are in a very rough time right now. I know. Because I wanted and needed it

when I walked in your shoes. But you have to ask for help and

understanding from others. Don't keep your mouth closed when you should open

up and tell

what you need to when the time is right. The people you need in your life

will be there for you. The ones who aren't capable of that are the ones who

need to step out for awhile. Hopefully you will have at least a few that will

get your back while you're going through this whole mess. I, for one, will!

I can't be there physically,but I can emotionally and spiritually and with

empathy!

Hang in there, !

And remember, some are just clueless, and that's okay

xoxox

Tammi

October 20, 2005

,

You are definitely in the right for not wanting to surround yourself by others

who stress you out. And also if they always want to complain about their life

being the end of the world because of bad grades etc, that is by all means her

own fault b/c she got a boyfriend.

Give it sometime and try again to explain to her why you feel the way you do or

better yet send her a letter/email/sit down and talk about it all.

Love and Hugs,

Tracilyn

October 20, 2005

,

Sorry for your psycho friend problems. We have all experienced that here.

My best friend of many years just went off on me one day and demanded that I

go to my doctors office and yell and scream until they gave me a diagnosis,

this was back when I was first ill and they were not sure what was going on.

She could not deal with the lack of a diagnosis, maybe cause her mother had

been a bona fide hypochondriac! But, our friendship did not survive and to

this day I still mourn this loss, but, on the flip side, I have made so many

more friendships thru this disease and the one thing I have learned now is

that I am very selective on who I let in my life and I am very honest and

upfront with people. I basically tell them that I have to cancel things

most of the time and am not a barrel of laughs. I try to limit my

complaining about the disease to people in this group as those that are not

afflicted really can't understand, and let's face it, most of us don't want

to listen to constant complainers. I don't find it really does much to help

either.

Anyway, just know that we are all here for you and you will continue to make

new friends, and this particular friend will either come around, or she won

t. You need to worry more about you and yes with this disease we do have to

be downright selfish about our time and what we allow in our lives.

Lynn

-------Original Message-------

October 20, 2005

Hi ,

You have every right to stay away from people & situations that cause

excessive stress. Since I was diagnosed 3 years ago, there are

people - " friends " - who are no longer in my life. If someone

continually stresses you out with their ranting & such, that is not a

true friend. That's someone who wants you as a sounding board.

After they finish ranting, they feel better while you are left

holding the bag, so to speak. That's SO not cool. Follow your

instincts.

Barbara in Houston

>

> Just need to vent that someone who was one of my best friends, who

was almost always understanding of me and Stills, just went psycho on

me and I am so mad.

>

>> Love Always,

>

October 20, 2005

Thanks, there definitely have been some amazing people here, there is no doubt

about that. I do feel better about my decisions, even though now everything is

awkward because group activities feel like people are " choosing " sides, ya know

that feeling. Anyways, thanks again. It will get better. And more importantly we

deserve better from real friends, I realize that now. Take care! God Bless!

Love Always,

________________________________

From: Stillsdisease on behalf of Blondedolphin172@...

Sent: Thu 10/20/2005 5:52 PM

To: Stillsdisease

Subject: Re: gggrrrr

,

I can understand your frustration when dealing with your best friend. I have

learned through people in my life and my friends in the still's group. I think

that people can't can not understand what we are going through for alot of

reasons. First, Our pain is internal , people can not see it on our outside. For

example, we don't have a broken leg because then they would see our cast and can

see why we are in pain. I have alot of good friends in the still's group that

has explained that to me. ( my close friends, thank you). I have lost good

friends due to still's. These were freinds that I though would always be in my

life. See, i found out from other friends that the girl that was supposed to be

my matran of honor feels that she is tired of understanding why I am always

tired and feel's that I am not really sick and I am making it up for sympathy. I

have learned that if they were truely my friends they would support me not run

away.

Please talk to the people in the group. They are the most caring and

considerate people. I can never give to others what my friends in the still

group gave me. I would never have got through my darkest hours without them. I

hope your friend realizes that your friendship should be the most important

thing.

Danni

gggrrrr

Just need to vent that someone who was one of my best friends, who was almost

always understanding of me and Stills, just went psycho on me and I am so mad.

She told me I have a bad attitude for not wanting to surround myself by people

who stress me out. She told me I am not a good friend for not wanting to listen

to HER complain about school. I will honestly say I have only been complaining

to you guys. I have been very good, listening to her for weeks. I finally told

her a few days ago that I didn't want her to complain that much, and that lasted

for about an hour. She thinks her life is at about the end of the world because

she isn't doing well in school (because she isn't working hard enough cuz she

just got a boyfriend! and is always with him until 3:00 in the morning...and

then she complains how she is tired, when I was up till 6:30 because of Stills).

She basically told me she has just as much reason to complain, if not more than

I do...nothing has come out of my mouth? She is just the least understanding

right now. Telling me I am lucky that I don't have to take anatomy, because I

just withdrew!!! because of Stills!!! She is just in the wrong, for sure, there

isn't a doubt in my mind, but I know I need to be patient, she is just stressed,

but her stress tenses me up. I am barely making it here. Am I right to need a

break from her and all that added stress? What would you do? I just kept my

mouth shut, stopped trying to defend myself and my disease, and asked for a

break, not because I wanted it, but because I needed it. Right? Help!

Love Always,

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October 21, 2005

Oh, , how I know how you feel! I have just recently discovered that we

begin to act like the people we hang around. If you are around a lot of

negativity, it's easy to become negative. If you hang around someone enough

whose language is nothing but swear words, it becomes your language too. Humans

are weird like that.

What I'm trying to say is, take a break from this girl. Some would say that's

mean, b/c friends should be able to vent to one another, but there is a line to

be drawn here. With everything you're going through, you need strength and

support with a positive attitude. Surround yourself with that and focus on

getting better. That's not being selfish, that's being smart!

Hugs to you,

Gail

Kate Vasquez wrote: