Re: Wondering how she feels

[Guest guest]

Christy is she of verbal? For me was of some verbal at that age but

did some echoing still... I to preferred parallel play and being

aorund but not expected to be a part of. i to observed and tried to

imitate but did not really want the interactions just wanted to do

what they were doing and sort of study them if you will. I to had no

interested at that age to really inteact but had strong want to be

to understand those moving , forever changing objects that we call

people..... LOL. Sometimes though even more wanted to explore an

object they had... I to lacked how to gain of access t things back

then so often just took of the object and not having any clue or

thinking about why that other object (person) was reacting the way

they did..... It confused me greatly of them / Often adults rushed

in and grabbed the object frimly out of my hand and told me no that

is mean./... I to lacked what mean was so cant change mean if lack

what it means LOL... But as little girl was most often much isolated

to self and would observe people from safe zones I to created or

would self endulge into play I to found much fun for self.

If was at pool at age of 5 think maybe would be to lay of flat on

the tummy with hands into the water and would be to just watch the

sifting water through my fingers and atch teh sun beams dance off

the water. By age of 9 had self taught of self how to swim simply by

observing so many others i to just jumped in and did of the swim

things by self. I to just be to jumped into 12 foot of water at a

local ymca. which was a rare things for the family of us to ever

take us to communtiy things such as the YMCA. It was of inside pool

and to this day can stillr emember how sounds were in that pool

areas very echoey and bounces off the 4 walls in a very stimmy

fashions, and sometimes painful fashions.

To complete of my words i to be even as adult not ever to feel

lonely but do often feel frustrated for my lack of getting it, or

connecting to people at the level I to seek. In the life of me I to

be much aware I to still be of a parallel fashions of interacting.

Sondra

In Autism_in_Girls , " Cristy Estep "

wrote:

>

> I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were

alot

> of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to

play

> with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them much

> attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and following

> close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't

seemed

> very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So

as

> I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry about

how

> she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind

reader, I

> was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they

felt

> early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was doing

to

> be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I should

have

> gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I

wondered

> if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of

connection

> with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes

to

> her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying

things

> about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was

thinking

> Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on

what I

> should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

> possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

> Cristy

>

[Guest guest]

I can't tell you how she feels, but I did want to respond to one

line of your post...why should she be embarassed of being autistic?

Do you use the word autism around her? There's nothing to be

embarassed about, and by explaining her behavior to other kids, you

are helping her to be accepted. The truth is, she is going to have a

hard time playing with other kids, and especially as they get older,

the other kids are going to KNOW there is something different about

her. If you explain (or help HER explain) why she acts different,

and that it's ok to be different, and how they can interact with

her, etc, you are not only helping her, you are helping the other

kids. Believe me, knowing why she acts a certain way will make it

much easier for the other kids than just wondering what is going on

with her. And she SHOULD be aware of her dx. I don't think labels

should be hidden from kids. It should just be a fact of life. She's

a girl, she's 5, she's autistic. It doesn't have to be embarassing

for her if YOU make sure you are not acting embarassed by it.

Whispering the word autism, or omitting it completely, give the

impression that you are embarassed by it, and therefore, embarassed

of her. While that might not be how you feel, that is the way many

people will see it, including potentially your daughter as she gets

older.

HTH,

Amnesty

>

> I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were

alot

> of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to

play

> with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them much

> attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and following

> close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't

seemed

> very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So

as

> I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry about

how

> she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind

reader, I

> was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they

felt

> early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was doing

to

> be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I should

have

> gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I

wondered

> if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of

connection

> with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes

to

> her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying

things

> about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was

thinking

> Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on

what I

> should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

> possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

> Cristy

>

[Guest guest]

Allie seems to be relieved when I tell other kids she has autism. I

think she understands that it's autism the prevents her from being

able to communicate and when I tell others, they have always been

immediately more accepting of her. I think she feels it a relief when

others understand what's going on with her. She looks at me and smiles

when I say it.

Debi

>

> I can't tell you how she feels, but I did want to respond to one

> line of your post...why should she be embarassed of being autistic?

> Do you use the word autism around her? There's nothing to be

> embarassed about, and by explaining her behavior to other kids, you

> are helping her to be accepted.

[Guest guest]

My son is almost 3, and I occasionally take him to do play dates with

some of my clients who are about the same age. He knows (as much as a

3 year old can) that these kids have autism and that's why they can't

talk like he does. He's totally fine with it of course. But the best

thing is the way he says " autism. " Everytime he tries to say it, it

comes out " awesome! " It's funny, because his language overall is

really good, and there aren't a lot of words he can't say. I haven't

even been tempted to correct him

Amnesty

> >

> > I can't tell you how she feels, but I did want to respond to one

> > line of your post...why should she be embarassed of being

autistic?

> > Do you use the word autism around her? There's nothing to be

> > embarassed about, and by explaining her behavior to other kids,

you

> > are helping her to be accepted.

>

[Guest guest]

Goodness, age 5. That was surely a long time ago. I remember I was in

Kindergarten at a Presbyterian Church School. I remember sitting on the

edge of the carpet watching the other kids play but I don't remember feeling

bad about it. It was more of an observation stance for me. I would watch

the other kids play and sometimes I would try and copy them. To this day I

still remain baffled by what people choose to do, but don't really know that

these feelings are negative.

Many times too I don't know how I feel at that particular time. It may take

hours, days or even weeks for me to process what I saw and develop feelings

about it. This makes it hard for me to tell people how I feel about

something because feelings from today may not surface until another moment

tomorrow but do so without my control or knowledge. Sometimes I realize

when I have processed a situation and then wish I could return to do it

right. It just depends on how stimulating or stressful the situation is. I

am still trying to figure this one out since I have had no intervention yet.

Not sure if this helps but it is the best I think I can answer.

Nadine Reynolds

Wondering how she feels

I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were alot

of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to play

with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them much

attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and following

close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't seemed

very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So as

I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry about how

she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind reader, I

was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they felt

early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was doing to

be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I should have

gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I wondered

if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of connection

with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes to

her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying things

about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was thinking

Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on what I

should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

Cristy

[Guest guest]

Cristy,

If you arent embarrassed by her being autistic then she wont be either. I have

to say that sometimes I think when a child has a physical disability it is

almost easier in some ways.

I hate wondering if people are watching ella and wondering if shes retarded,

or just a really bad kid. And if I didnt explain to people about her autism,

they wouldnt know ella.

Because our kids look typical, we should be their voice, be your daughters

advocate! Help her and everyone around her understand the differences and

similarities they share. My little 3 year old ella doesnt really have a voice,

so for now I am her voice and I am proud of her not embarresed. At first when

people say hi to ella and she doesnt answer, and they keep trying, I will tell

them she is autistic and that they have to touch her or get her eye contact

first...most people are very kind and interested, and make the effort to say hi,

and most of the time ella will then say her broken little hi! Now that person is

amazed and touched by the expierience and everyone walks away on top, ella

accomplished her hello, the stranger got a hi from a toddler, and I got to

advocate for my daughter. If you and all of us educate people, even children

about autism our childrens lives will be better!

Just some thoughts

Aimee

Cristy Estep wrote:

I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were alot

of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to play

with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them much

attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and following

close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't seemed

very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So as

I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry about how

she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind reader, I

was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they felt

early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was doing to

be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I should have

gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I wondered

if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of connection

with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes to

her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying things

about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was thinking

Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on what I

should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

Cristy

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

I've been confused as to what to tell people. Alot of people don't

know what autism is here in TN, or so it seems. Then I have to try

to explain it to adults and frankly I get tired of explaining. I'm

kind of gun shy too. For instance, this year when I tried to put my

kids in homeschooling co-op NO ONE would take my daughter because

she has autism. They weren't even open to letting us sit in on a K

class. Not even with me as her aid. They told me she would be

disruptive. I can't begin to tell you how much this upset me. And

that's just one example of the kind of things I've dealt with.

I used to be very open about her having autism, but now more and

more I've having the feeling from other parents that they think

it's very wrong, or bad. And it's like they think it's catching or

something too. I'm so tired of dealing with this and it makes me

very angry. Most people actually don't know she has autism untill

their child tries to interact with her and she doesn't answer. I

usually tell the kids that she doesn't talk much yet and that she

has trouble understanding what they say too. I say things

like " she's very shy. " or " she likes you but she has a hard time

showing it. " It's just easier to do that with the kids cause most of

them that are little don't know what autism is. So I put it in

simpler terms for them. I'm not ashamed in any way about her having

autism. I used to think that it was my responsibility to tell people

about autism. But now I don't, unless the adults seem very open to

it. I don't have that same trouble with kids they're more accepting

at this age. But I don't even know if DD knows what her autism is

really. I used to tell her that I knew she has trouble with this or

that and that's just a part of having autism. But now I don't use

the word as much cause it's just a lable. I have ADD, but the lable

doesn't matter to anyone. They just wanna know why I'm always late.

I sure some people would say that's just an excuse I use. So it's

not even worth saying. I try to explain to her why she has problems

cause I want her to know why things are differen't for her. But

using the word autism is harder for me now because it just seem to

seperate her further from others, and make her seem more differen't

than she already is.

Cristy

> >

> > I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were

> alot

> > of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to

> play

> > with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them

much

> > attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and

following

> > close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't

> seemed

> > very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So

> as

> > I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry

about

> how

> > she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind

> reader, I

> > was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they

> felt

> > early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was

doing

> to

> > be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I

should

> have

> > gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I

> wondered

> > if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of

> connection

> > with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes

> to

> > her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying

> things

> > about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was

> thinking

> > Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on

> what I

> > should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

> > possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

> > Cristy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Debbi,

How old is your daughter? And don't you live in TN?

Cristy

> >

> > I can't tell you how she feels, but I did want to respond to one

> > line of your post...why should she be embarassed of being

autistic?

> > Do you use the word autism around her? There's nothing to be

> > embarassed about, and by explaining her behavior to other kids,

you

> > are helping her to be accepted.

>

[Guest guest]

I think it's great that you have the opportunity tobe around other

families. Maybe if we had some other families close to play with it

would be alot easier for me and my daughter. We just haven't met

anyone with a girl, and the boys we have met are very differen't

from my DD.

Cristy---

In Autism_in_Girls , " Amnesty " wrote:

>

> My son is almost 3, and I occasionally take him to do play dates

with

> some of my clients who are about the same age. He knows (as much

as a

> 3 year old can) that these kids have autism and that's why they

can't

> talk like he does. He's totally fine with it of course. But the

best

> thing is the way he says " autism. " Everytime he tries to say it,

it

> comes out " awesome! " It's funny, because his language overall

is

> really good, and there aren't a lot of words he can't say. I

haven't

> even been tempted to correct him

> Amnesty

>

>

>

> > >

> > > I can't tell you how she feels, but I did want to respond to

one

> > > line of your post...why should she be embarassed of being

> autistic?

> > > Do you use the word autism around her? There's nothing to be

> > > embarassed about, and by explaining her behavior to other

kids,

> you

> > > are helping her to be accepted.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks ,

I'm feeling better now since that's kinda what Sondra wrote too.

I still can't understand alot of the reasons behind people's

actions. Expecially when they're being mean to each other ot hurtful

in some way cause I'm just not like that at all. My husband tells me

that I relate to others wrong. He says that I have to remember that

other people don't usually feel as I do, or as strongly as I do

about things. Alot of things bother me that don't seem to bother

others and I feel like a drama queen for getting upset. That would

probably be why I get so worried about Hope. I think she must feel

like I would if I were her. And from what I'm learning she probably

isn't bothered at all by these things. Did you know you had autism

or were you DXed with something? How did you feel about yourself

when you were a kid.

Cristy

>

> Goodness, age 5. That was surely a long time ago. I remember I

was in

> Kindergarten at a Presbyterian Church School. I remember sitting

on the

> edge of the carpet watching the other kids play but I don't

remember feeling

> bad about it. It was more of an observation stance for me. I

would watch

> the other kids play and sometimes I would try and copy them. To

this day I

> still remain baffled by what people choose to do, but don't really

know that

> these feelings are negative.

>

>

>

> Many times too I don't know how I feel at that particular time.

It may take

> hours, days or even weeks for me to process what I saw and develop

feelings

> about it. This makes it hard for me to tell people how I feel

about

> something because feelings from today may not surface until

another moment

> tomorrow but do so without my control or knowledge. Sometimes I

realize

> when I have processed a situation and then wish I could return to

do it

> right. It just depends on how stimulating or stressful the

situation is. I

> am still trying to figure this one out since I have had no

intervention yet.

>

>

>

>

> Not sure if this helps but it is the best I think I can answer.

>

>

>

> Nadine Reynolds

>

>

>

>

>

> Wondering how she feels

>

>

>

> I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were

alot

> of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to

play

> with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them much

> attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and following

> close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't

seemed

> very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So

as

> I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry about

how

> she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind

reader, I

> was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they

felt

> early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was doing

to

> be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I should

have

> gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I

wondered

> if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of

connection

> with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes

to

> her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying

things

> about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was

thinking

> Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on

what I

> should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

> possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

> Cristy

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Was I diagnosed with something?! Lol do you have a few pages? (Me joking)

Anyhow, I was never " officially " diagnosed with anything. There were two

main problems: the first being my mother hates, and I mean HATES with a

passion, educators, counselors and especially psychologists. I think it

roots to her own insecurities that have probably also given birth to her

drinking problem too. Therefore mom would not allow me to see a

psychologist for any intervention. She would always say " all they are going

to tell you is that your problem is your mother. " The second problem was my

intellect. My teachers all felt I was very intelligent which to them did

away with any possibility of a learning disability, all though they did

complain I wouldn't sit still and that I hid under desks during fire drills.

The school counselor had the county psychologist come observe me in class

who decided I was ADD, and audio learner, in need of glasses and had low

reading comprehension. This made mom hate the school even more because they

were trying to force her to put me on Ritalin. He was right about one

thing.I needed glasses.

Any how, to make a long story short, I was smashed between a narrow minded,

small town school system and a mother with HUGE insecurities and a drinking

problem. I am still in therapy to sort the damage that did. I don't want

to sound bitter, but I am still angry about having no intervention as a

child.

How I felt? Well that is probably best left to this excerpt. This writing

is from my journal that I have kept since I was old enough to write

constructively, probably around the 4th grade, which is also when I realized

I was SO different. I hope this explains how I felt. This particular

writing I wrote at age 13:

I am different. To some that means nothing, to others - weird, but it is

simply against the norm. Some fear this word as if it were a great,

unexplainable mass hovering in the depths of space, while others loath in

it. But fear of those who are different has set amongst the general public,

for they do not understand it, neither word nor definition. The air that

surrounds me has an uneasy feel to those who find discomfort in the unusual,

those who choose not to learn, or fail to try, of the rare but great force

that perpetually churns within my being, that great force being the

unexplained. The Bermuda Triangle has a secret to reveal, the Dead Sea

yearns to contain life, AIDS a cure and hatred, a heart. The rare, the

different, the unexplained cannot be seen by those who look or by those who

are scholarly, but only by those, like me, who are driven to existence by

the unknown.

I wrote biographically about my feelings in school and within myself. You

can read this on my website www.liquidc2.com <http://www.liquidc2.com/>

under " her mind http://www.liquidc2.com/mind.htm " then select " history " . I

am trying to get my book " the Journey of the Phoenix " published because I

think it could help parents like you to see the inner thoughts of a child

who did not know why she was this way until later in life so no one can say

" oh that is just an excuse. "

By the way, the next time someone says " Oh that's just an excuse " then why

can't you just say " You are darned right it is my excuse, so what is yours

for being so rude? "

Nadine

Wondering how she feels

>

>

>

> I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were

alot

> of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to

play

> with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them much

> attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and following

> close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't

seemed

> very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So

as

> I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry about

how

> she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind

reader, I

> was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they

felt

> early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was doing

to

> be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I should

have

> gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I

wondered

> if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of

connection

> with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes

to

> her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying

things

> about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was

thinking

> Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on

what I

> should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

> possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

> Cristy

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Aimee,

I feel the same way you do. I've felt like I'd done something wrong

alot of the time. Now talking to other parents I'm beginning to see

that alot of as are going through this. It makes me so angry. I

guess we're expected to stay with our own kind so that no one will

catch it. I know we speak a differen't language sometimes. But I can

can have normal conversations when I need to. I will say this

though, you see who are your real friends are. And I really value

the friends I still have. I've been blessed with people in my life

who adore my daughter. It's so sad that people think this way. They

(and their children) are missing out on knowing our kids. But no

matter how you look at it, it still really hurts. And I'm so not

looking forward to having to deal with this when Hope gets older and

she's being hurt by it too. The scary thing is that we're not the

only ones, every day more and more kids are being DXed. We're the

ones breaking new ground. I have no idea how to get through to

people that my daughter is just like everyone else inside, she just

doesn't show it like other people. I really don't feel like dealing

with it anymore. I'm too tired, with trying to be therapist,

doctor,teacher,etc. I'm getting really bitter and I hate it. The

very worst thing is that my son is NT and he can't figure out why no

one calls us back when we call to set up a get together or

something. It makes me so mad. He has to deal with it as well. I

don't understand it so how do I explain it to him?

Can you make me one of those bumperstickers too?

Cristy

-- In Autism_in_Girls , aimee henkel

wrote:

>

> Debi,

> Do you ever feel as though we are outcast as parents as well? I

know I am excluded from typical child functions and playdates for

fear of ella being catchy or whatever....

> But also I am excluded from my friends with children, they tried

to be ok when the dx first came out, but now, Ive fallen off the

map, and no ones lookin!

> Family members who were close are now gone, places I use to eat

at arent so friendly anymore, and for some odd reason no one i know

ever wants me to babysit or watch their child...I might make them

autistic...right?

> All I know is autistic behavior and poor communication are a lot

less frustrating for me then ignorance and no excuse for bad

behavior, which is what I find in a lot of people.

> Aimee

> I like animals and people with autism more than you!!!

> That will be my next bumper sticker!LOL

>

> Debi wrote:

> Cristy, I hear you loud and clear on the co-op thing. I

was looking

> for , my NT daughter, to get into a co-op thing for second

> grade. I emailed one group. I got a prompt reply that they had an

> opening, but because of my email addy they " have to ask if she has

> autism, because if she does have autism, you'll have to jump

through

> this hoop and this flame to allow us to allow her... " I responded

that

> I found their Christian group (and i'm a devout Christian)

extremely

> offensive toward those Christ wanted the Church to help more than

> anyone, and were is the Christian church on helping " the least of

> these " . She replied with a they've done this-and-that to

help " needy "

> children. I told her again, the Christian church has failed to

include

> those Christ was most vocal about helping, and until their program

> included *all* children, they were not following Biblical

principles.

>

> Sorry if that is offensive to anyone, but Jesus is clear about

helping

> those most in need of help. I've found the failure of the Christian

> schools to do so extremely offensive. It's not about money, anyone

> with a desire to help can work wonders, and many local autism

groups

> would be more than willing to provide training funding for any

school

> willing to open doors, it's not about money.

>

> Debi

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone

call rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

I looked at the things you've written, and you are a wonderful

writer. I'll buy the book if you ever write it.

I was wondering what things you think would have helped you most

when you were growing up? maybe this sounds like a stupid question,

but as I'm trying to figure out how to help my daughter I see that

alot of things parents and therapists do seem to be seen as trying

to program kids. Alot of people on the spectrum say that they're

offended that some are doing certain things that insult the

children's intelligence. I was wondering what you think. Maybe I

could get a clearer picture.And by the way, thanks for sharing all

that you do and for answering questions. I understand things so much

better so much better after being here and reading what you, Sondra,

and Kassie have written.

Cristy

> >

> > Goodness, age 5. That was surely a long time ago. I remember I

> was in

> > Kindergarten at a Presbyterian Church School. I remember sitting

> on the

> > edge of the carpet watching the other kids play but I don't

> remember feeling

> > bad about it. It was more of an observation stance for me. I

> would watch

> > the other kids play and sometimes I would try and copy them. To

> this day I

> > still remain baffled by what people choose to do, but don't

really

> know that

> > these feelings are negative.

> >

> >

> >

> > Many times too I don't know how I feel at that particular time.

> It may take

> > hours, days or even weeks for me to process what I saw and

develop

> feelings

> > about it. This makes it hard for me to tell people how I feel

> about

> > something because feelings from today may not surface until

> another moment

> > tomorrow but do so without my control or knowledge. Sometimes I

> realize

> > when I have processed a situation and then wish I could return

to

> do it

> > right. It just depends on how stimulating or stressful the

> situation is. I

> > am still trying to figure this one out since I have had no

> intervention yet.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Not sure if this helps but it is the best I think I can answer.

> >

> >

> >

> > Nadine Reynolds

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Wondering how she feels

> >

> >

> >

> > I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were

> alot

> > of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to

> play

> > with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them

much

> > attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and

following

> > close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't

> seemed

> > very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So

> as

> > I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry

about

> how

> > she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind

> reader, I

> > was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they

> felt

> > early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was

doing

> to

> > be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I

should

> have

> > gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I

> wondered

> > if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of

> connection

> > with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes

> to

> > her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying

> things

> > about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was

> thinking

> > Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on

> what I

> > should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

> > possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

> > Cristy

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Ok, I can't believe I didn't say this earlier, but the really crazy

thing is that we are going to be in that co-op. Just on their terms.

See last year, no one knew us, so we signed right up with no

problem . It wasn't till the first day that they knew my DD had

autism. Well, they told me that DD and I couldn't be in the

preschool class. She didn't say " cause your daughter has autism. "

but made up something about how things had gotten confused and

someone else was supposed to teach. I had a fit and told them that

they'd better give me all my money back cause I was totally pulling

both my children out. And I said it with quite a few other moms

standing there watching. They had agreed that I could teach all year

with DD in the class before they'd known she had autism. Well that

backed them off really quick and got me a year in. Ha ha I pulled

the autism card. LOL! (Just joking) After the end of the year,

they're supposed to give the parents who were in last year the first

pick of classes. And I made it known that we'd be back next year

and tried to get my kids spaces. I got the runaround for two weeks

untill finally someone told me that they wouldn't allow Hope in the

Kindergarden class. They also said that they'd talked it over and we

could stay this year and I could teach the PreK class with Hope for

the first six weeks But that they'd NEVER let her in the class and

suggested that we send her to public school instead. I'm surprised

that my head didn't fly off right there! She asked me what I'd do

after this year. So I told her(with a huge smile on my face)that she

shouldn't worry about that, cause by then no one will even be able

to tell Hope had had autism and they'd let her in class. If it

weren't for my husband absolutly INSISTING that we go, I would have

told them to stuff it. So now I have to do what they want it and

deal with their negative attitudes so my son can be a part of a

student body. Now I'm thinking maybe all this could be for a reason.

I would love to have some thoughts from others on how to change

their minds this year. If I have to swallow my pride and put up with

this. I'd like to do some good for the others that come after us. I

even wondered if I could sue them. Is it awful that I want to get

back at them so bad? I at least want to show them how wrong they

are. Sorry for the rant, by the way.

Cristy

>

> Cristy, I hear you loud and clear on the co-op thing. I was looking

> for , my NT daughter, to get into a co-op thing for second

> grade. I emailed one group. I got a prompt reply that they had an

> opening, but because of my email addy they " have to ask if she has

> autism, because if she does have autism, you'll have to jump

through

> this hoop and this flame to allow us to allow her... " I responded

that

> I found their Christian group (and i'm a devout Christian)

extremely

> offensive toward those Christ wanted the Church to help more than

> anyone, and were is the Christian church on helping " the least of

> these " . She replied with a they've done this-and-that to

help " needy "

> children. I told her again, the Christian church has failed to

include

> those Christ was most vocal about helping, and until their program

> included *all* children, they were not following Biblical

principles.

>

> Sorry if that is offensive to anyone, but Jesus is clear about

helping

> those most in need of help. I've found the failure of the Christian

> schools to do so extremely offensive. It's not about money, anyone

> with a desire to help can work wonders, and many local autism

groups

> would be more than willing to provide training funding for any

school

> willing to open doors, it's not about money.

>

> Debi

>

[Guest guest]

I'll have to think on this because my needs changed as I got older, which I

guess is expected. One universal I can say is time and patience. Sometimes

people just pushed me to respond in a certain time limit. That was hard.

When I felt like I had time to think in my own way and process, then I was

better able to grasp concepts. I know this is not always possible, but when

it is it is needed.

I also needed people who were patient. People who did no get offended when

their first idea of how to help me didn't work. There were a few teachers I

had like this and they made the difference between passing and failing.

They were never afraid to try something new, again and again to get results.

They also taught me to overcome my weaknesses by using my strengths instead

of " correcting " my weakness.

Nadine

Wondering how she feels

> >

> >

> >

> > I was watching my daughter the other day at the pool. There were

> alot

> > of kids playing in the water around her and some even trying to

> play

> > with her. For the most part she didn't seem to be paying them

much

> > attention. But I did see her looking at some of them and

following

> > close behind. This is actually pretty new. She really hasn't

> seemed

> > very interested in other children, only teenagers and adults. So

> as

> > I'm watching her I'm wondering if she feels lonely. I worry

about

> how

> > she feels so often and although I know no one here is a mind

> reader, I

> > was wondering is others on the spectrum could tell me how they

> felt

> > early in their childhood. I took some of the things she was

doing

> to

> > be attempts to get others attention and was wondering if I

should

> have

> > gone up to help her make friends. I didn't, I just watched. I

> wondered

> > if she felt dissapointed at not having made some sort of

> connection

> > with the other kids. I'm not sure as to what to do when it comes

> to

> > her socializing. I also don't want to embarass her by saying

> things

> > about her to the other kids, like she has autism, etc. Was

> thinking

> > Kassie, or Sondra might be able to give me some advice on

> what I

> > should or shouldn't be doing. I was to treat her as normally as

> > possible, but help if I can. Oh, by the way, she's five.

> > Cristy

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I LOVE that bumper sticker! I do feel like an outcast. I think a lot

of it is when Allie was dxed everyone felt so bad for me they didn't

know what to do, so it was easier for them to do nothing, and nothing

is best accomplished by pulling away. Like at church, most of our

church is my age, which means every parent was looking at their own

toddlers feeling my pain to a certain extent. I also think some of it

is my stoic nature, I don't let people close to me, so they won't crap

on me. Lol.

I do think there is fear from others, but I think it's fear of not

understanding what's going on. People are often afraid of upsetting

Allie, so it's easier for them to not do anything so they won't upset

her. Of course, she knows it and runs with it, very funny to watch a

2-3 yr old child have such power over adults. And, Allie can be

upsetting to other kids. I know if I was the me before Allie and my

Dinah was playing with " an Allie " and she let off a few of her

screams, I'd be avoiding her, too. Dinah gets very upset with Allie

when she screams. I can see why parents wouldn't wanna put their kids

through it.

When Allie was first dxed I felt alone around NT parents. While they

were complaining about their kids arguing, I was on my knees begging

God to allow Allie to be able to argue with her sister. Suddenly the

NT struggles seemed so assinine to me. But the asd moms, they

understood and I knew they understood. So, I found myself only wanting

to be around those moms, which further isolated myself. A couple years

in I realized that I had to try to reach out to the NTs just to

provide my other kids some level of normalcy.

Definitely family has deserted me. My mother stopped coming around the

kids, my brother hasn't talked to me since the dx (5 years ago) and

I've told my uncle he can kiss my @$$ on at least one occasion, and

I'm fully prepared to do it again, <g>. He thinks it's rediculous I

pushed for Allie to be educated. He's never had kids of his own, so

he's very ignorant, but I'm trying to help him learn.

Debi

[Guest guest]

I think it would be totally cool to have the rally at his church! I

read about him a few yrs ago, he's doing a really cool thing. BTW, I

didn't show you my autism tat, did I?

Next time someone tells you there's no place for women in ministry,

ask them about Lydia, who bears a large responsibility for

Christianity in Europe, I think the ref is in Acts. Esther saved her

entire race, and God-love , she had her demons but still managed

to birth the Jews. And who was it that God allowed to find Jesus

Raised? It wasn't a man, it was a woman! When you read the Gospels,

women serve significant roles, going as far as to annoint the Body of

Christ and wash His feet. I'd say The Lord who allows one to annoint

Him finds her a worthy person.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Cristy, first thing I'd to is go tell on them to God. I'd go and pour

our my heart before Him, so He can help you heal. The next thing I

would do is approach them very positively and lovingly and compliment

them on how Christ-like they are being by serving those Christ most

intended the Church to serve. I'd also point our Scripture, about how

every time they refused a thirsty person a drink of water they were

refusing Christ, and reiterate that they are giving you the drink, and

therefore, watering Christ.

I'd also contact your local ASA org and ask them about training

opportunities for the school. It's depending on how your ASA charter

is written as to what they can do. Like my local org, we cannot

provide direct services. So, we probably wouldn't pay for training for

one kid with autism at one school. But, if the training were so more

than one child with autism would be allowed, the board would probably

be very open. Our org is always wanting to increase community

services, but we're limited on those who are interested, and very much

limited on those in our community willing to serve.

I would also suggest Joni & Friends. It's a ministry dedicated to

helping churches learn how to minister to those with disabilities. I

don't know how much of that has an autism focus, but like my ASA,

often what they lack is the connection to those who are in need of

help, and support from volunteers to make it happen. Joni and Friends

might very well help them to understand what they lack in Biblical

focus and Spiritual guidance.

Let us know what happens with what ever you decide.

Debi

[Guest guest]

I guess Im just using the advocacy as a stim myself, but it helps me.....

bumper stickers for everyone!

Aimee

Cristy Estep wrote:

Aimee,

I feel the same way you do. I've felt like I'd done something wrong

alot of the time. Now talking to other parents I'm beginning to see

that alot of as are going through this. It makes me so angry. I

guess we're expected to stay with our own kind so that no one will

catch it. I know we speak a differen't language sometimes. But I can

can have normal conversations when I need to. I will say this

though, you see who are your real friends are. And I really value

the friends I still have. I've been blessed with people in my life

who adore my daughter. It's so sad that people think this way. They

(and their children) are missing out on knowing our kids. But no

matter how you look at it, it still really hurts. And I'm so not

looking forward to having to deal with this when Hope gets older and

she's being hurt by it too. The scary thing is that we're not the

only ones, every day more and more kids are being DXed. We're the

ones breaking new ground. I have no idea how to get through to

people that my daughter is just like everyone else inside, she just

doesn't show it like other people. I really don't feel like dealing

with it anymore. I'm too tired, with trying to be therapist,

doctor,teacher,etc. I'm getting really bitter and I hate it. The

very worst thing is that my son is NT and he can't figure out why no

one calls us back when we call to set up a get together or

something. It makes me so mad. He has to deal with it as well. I

don't understand it so how do I explain it to him?

Can you make me one of those bumperstickers too?

Cristy

-- In Autism_in_Girls , aimee henkel

wrote:

>

> Debi,

> Do you ever feel as though we are outcast as parents as well? I

know I am excluded from typical child functions and playdates for

fear of ella being catchy or whatever....

> But also I am excluded from my friends with children, they tried

to be ok when the dx first came out, but now, Ive fallen off the

map, and no ones lookin!

> Family members who were close are now gone, places I use to eat

at arent so friendly anymore, and for some odd reason no one i know

ever wants me to babysit or watch their child...I might make them

autistic...right?

> All I know is autistic behavior and poor communication are a lot

less frustrating for me then ignorance and no excuse for bad

behavior, which is what I find in a lot of people.

> Aimee

> I like animals and people with autism more than you!!!

> That will be my next bumper sticker!LOL

>

> Debi wrote:

> Cristy, I hear you loud and clear on the co-op thing. I

was looking

> for , my NT daughter, to get into a co-op thing for second

> grade. I emailed one group. I got a prompt reply that they had an

> opening, but because of my email addy they " have to ask if she has

> autism, because if she does have autism, you'll have to jump

through

> this hoop and this flame to allow us to allow her... " I responded

that

> I found their Christian group (and i'm a devout Christian)

extremely

> offensive toward those Christ wanted the Church to help more than

> anyone, and were is the Christian church on helping " the least of

> these " . She replied with a they've done this-and-that to

help " needy "

> children. I told her again, the Christian church has failed to

include

> those Christ was most vocal about helping, and until their program

> included *all* children, they were not following Biblical

principles.

>

> Sorry if that is offensive to anyone, but Jesus is clear about

helping

> those most in need of help. I've found the failure of the Christian

> schools to do so extremely offensive. It's not about money, anyone

> with a desire to help can work wonders, and many local autism

groups

> would be more than willing to provide training funding for any

school

> willing to open doors, it's not about money.

>

> Debi

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone

call rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Debi,

I did have to ask god to help me, expecially at first when it was

still so fresh and all I wanted to do was give them all a piece of

my mind. I know that's not the way. After asking for some devine

guidance on the matter I feel that trying to win over some of the

other mom's would be my best bet. My daughter has this gift of being

able to touch people deep in their heart. She brings out the best in

people if they will only see her for who she is. I think they need

to get a larger dose of what she's all about and I plan to have her

right in there with the other kids when there's school functions.

Since my son is enrolled they can't say that Hope can't be at the

functions too. Those are for the whole family, even the other kids

in your family who aren't enrolled.when those on the board see that

the other moms and children like Hope, and that she's not some kind

of disturbance, then maybe I will get more cooperation from them.

I will call the autism society also and see if there is anything

else we can do. I've been dreading going back there since we re

enrolled my son, but maybe this is a opportunity to help others in

some way.

Cristy

>

> Cristy, first thing I'd to is go tell on them to God. I'd go and

pour

> our my heart before Him, so He can help you heal. The next thing I

> would do is approach them very positively and lovingly and

compliment

> them on how Christ-like they are being by serving those Christ most

> intended the Church to serve. I'd also point our Scripture, about

how

> every time they refused a thirsty person a drink of water they were

> refusing Christ, and reiterate that they are giving you the drink,

and

> therefore, watering Christ.

>

> I'd also contact your local ASA org and ask them about training

> opportunities for the school. It's depending on how your ASA

charter

> is written as to what they can do. Like my local org, we cannot

> provide direct services. So, we probably wouldn't pay for training

for

> one kid with autism at one school. But, if the training were so

more

> than one child with autism would be allowed, the board would

probably

> be very open. Our org is always wanting to increase community

> services, but we're limited on those who are interested, and very

much

> limited on those in our community willing to serve.

>

> I would also suggest Joni & Friends. It's a ministry dedicated to

> helping churches learn how to minister to those with disabilities.

I

> don't know how much of that has an autism focus, but like my ASA,

> often what they lack is the connection to those who are in need of

> help, and support from volunteers to make it happen. Joni and

Friends

> might very well help them to understand what they lack in Biblical

> focus and Spiritual guidance.

>

> Let us know what happens with what ever you decide.

>

> Debi

>