Guest guest Posted May 13, 2006 Report Share Posted May 13, 2006 He might have a decent presentation down, but as a human he's still a jerk. *has met him at several conferences*. Some gems include that Aspies are ALWAYS smarter than auties, his whole description of bottom of the barrel destructive autistics. Glad you enjoyed the presentation though. Kassiane --- Debi wrote: > , a 17 year old with autism, spoke at > our ASA-ETC spring > conference today. He is a very handsome, articulate, > funny young man. > Among some things he taught me today is that most of > the behaviors we > consider negative from our children with autism have > explanation. He > stated the majority is rooted in anxiety, fear, or > both. One mom asked > why her 18 year old is so prompt-dependent, gave an > example of him > waiting in his room every morning until she comes up > and tells him to > come down. She wanted to know why he wouldn't > eventually come down. > ' response is that he probably feels so > insecure that he's going > to do the wrong thing. suggested the boy has > learned from being > fussed at that it's better to do nothing until he's > told what to do. > That broke my heart. Made me realize that while > sometimes I need to > tell Allie what she should not do, as mom I need to > be very careful to > give more opportunities to praise her and build up > her self-esteem, > and encourage her to make choices so she will build > confidence in > making her own decisions. I know with the > mother-daughter relationship > we can say 10 positive things and 1 neg and our > girls will remember > the 1 neg more than the other 10, at least that's > how I was with my mom. > > Another thing he said is that auditory integration > helped him > tremendously. In fact, today he was wearing earplugs > so all the sounds > would not be so distracting. He could hear our > questions easily with > the plugs, was amazing hearing. He also said the > vast majority of kids > with autism have hearing that is too acute, too > good, that's why sound > is such a problem. I'm definitely going to look for > a good AI program > in my area. > > Another thing, he talked about him being bullied in > elementary > school. Said what many kids with autism will do in > that situation is > actually provoke the bulliers because they feel it > is a torturous > experience they must get through and provoking the > bullying somehow > gives the person with autism a sense of control, > that at least it's > happening on the person's terms. I wonder if this > might be the case > with a lot of other behaviors. Like with Allie, I > wonder if that's why > she distroys her room as soon as we get it clean, > like maybe she knows > it will get messed up, might as well go ahead and > take care of it so > she feels she has some control. > > He also said that we as parents need to stop placing > time limits on > every aspect of our kids' development. He gave an > illustration of a > child hearing the Hanzel & Grettel story then taking > breadcrumbs & > throwing them all over the floor. When she's fussed > at, she cleans it > up, then goes and gets a doll & throws it into the > oven of her > sister's birthday cake baking. Clearly she was > engaging in pretend > play and if she was 2 we would think it was cute, > but at age 10 we > would be annoyed. Well, for our kids, their pretend > play skills might > be at the 2 yr old age so why are we mad for them > doing something > appropriate for their individual development. > > I think what the things said today further > what I've been > feeling for a while with Allie. I've felt like I > push her to do what > " she's supposed to do " to the point that she is > forced to participate > in a world for which she has little control. That > must be a defeating > feeling and I hope to stop doing that and find a way > to make life more > relaxing and enjoyable on her terms. I'm trying to > ask her more what > she wants to do and teach myself that if it's not an > absolute issue, > why not let her choose what she wants. It might open > the door to more > self-esteem and help her development more than > forcing everything. For > any other 6 1/2 yr old we would allow a certain > amount of choices, but > Allie's limited communication tends to make me want > to choose for her. > I'm trying to slow down and find out her needs in a > way she can express. > > Debi > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Kassi can you to clarify more of you thinking. I to met of him once nd the things that feared me is he states he has interst in only very young girls and has no interest in any ohter beings much. He works in a day care setting or did but he can only relate to very young girls . not that this is bad in itself but for him being male and on specrrum i to fear it can lead to much danger outcomes to him beause if any accuse of him to do wrong he woul d be to have a hard time to prove otherwise in this because he is on a very dangerous soceital boundary ( men are not of care givers in many eyes especially those who state verbally they only be to like very young girls and nothing else. so he can be to get trapped into things innocent or not. scary fixations in that areas. yes much of what he to shared in you notes seems fair statements but havenot heared of him in complete speak as a whole but do have a picture of me and him and nick dubin all at the MAAp cpnference last year. Sondra In Autism_in_Girls , Kassi wrote: > > He might have a decent presentation down, but as a > human he's still a jerk. *has met him at several > conferences*. > > Some gems include that Aspies are ALWAYS smarter than > auties, his whole description of bottom of the barrel > destructive autistics. > > Glad you enjoyed the presentation though. > > Kassiane > > --- Debi wrote: > > > , a 17 year old with autism, spoke at > > our ASA-ETC spring > > conference today. He is a very handsome, articulate, > > funny young man. > > Among some things he taught me today is that most of > > the behaviors we > > consider negative from our children with autism have > > explanation. He > > stated the majority is rooted in anxiety, fear, or > > both. One mom asked > > why her 18 year old is so prompt-dependent, gave an > > example of him > > waiting in his room every morning until she comes up > > and tells him to > > come down. She wanted to know why he wouldn't > > eventually come down. > > ' response is that he probably feels so > > insecure that he's going > > to do the wrong thing. suggested the boy has > > learned from being > > fussed at that it's better to do nothing until he's > > told what to do. > > That broke my heart. Made me realize that while > > sometimes I need to > > tell Allie what she should not do, as mom I need to > > be very careful to > > give more opportunities to praise her and build up > > her self-esteem, > > and encourage her to make choices so she will build > > confidence in > > making her own decisions. I know with the > > mother-daughter relationship > > we can say 10 positive things and 1 neg and our > > girls will remember > > the 1 neg more than the other 10, at least that's > > how I was with my mom. > > > > Another thing he said is that auditory integration > > helped him > > tremendously. In fact, today he was wearing earplugs > > so all the sounds > > would not be so distracting. He could hear our > > questions easily with > > the plugs, was amazing hearing. He also said the > > vast majority of kids > > with autism have hearing that is too acute, too > > good, that's why sound > > is such a problem. I'm definitely going to look for > > a good AI program > > in my area. > > > > Another thing, he talked about him being bullied in > > elementary > > school. Said what many kids with autism will do in > > that situation is > > actually provoke the bulliers because they feel it > > is a torturous > > experience they must get through and provoking the > > bullying somehow > > gives the person with autism a sense of control, > > that at least it's > > happening on the person's terms. I wonder if this > > might be the case > > with a lot of other behaviors. Like with Allie, I > > wonder if that's why > > she distroys her room as soon as we get it clean, > > like maybe she knows > > it will get messed up, might as well go ahead and > > take care of it so > > she feels she has some control. > > > > He also said that we as parents need to stop placing > > time limits on > > every aspect of our kids' development. He gave an > > illustration of a > > child hearing the Hanzel & Grettel story then taking > > breadcrumbs & > > throwing them all over the floor. When she's fussed > > at, she cleans it > > up, then goes and gets a doll & throws it into the > > oven of her > > sister's birthday cake baking. Clearly she was > > engaging in pretend > > play and if she was 2 we would think it was cute, > > but at age 10 we > > would be annoyed. Well, for our kids, their pretend > > play skills might > > be at the 2 yr old age so why are we mad for them > > doing something > > appropriate for their individual development. > > > > I think what the things said today further > > what I've been > > feeling for a while with Allie. I've felt like I > > push her to do what > > " she's supposed to do " to the point that she is > > forced to participate > > in a world for which she has little control. That > > must be a defeating > > feeling and I hope to stop doing that and find a way > > to make life more > > relaxing and enjoyable on her terms. I'm trying to > > ask her more what > > she wants to do and teach myself that if it's not an > > absolute issue, > > why not let her choose what she wants. It might open > > the door to more > > self-esteem and help her development more than > > forcing everything. For > > any other 6 1/2 yr old we would allow a certain > > amount of choices, but > > Allie's limited communication tends to make me want > > to choose for her. > > I'm trying to slow down and find out her needs in a > > way she can express. > > > > Debi > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Wow. He didn't talk about the young girls with us (groups of autistic people, several times). That could get him in trouble, like you said. I wouldn't wish that on ANYONE, in Illinois being labeled a predator leads to all sorts of icky outcomes. Largely I think he's a very lonely kid, and he gets to feel 'special' speaking, and that's ok. But he told a whole bunch of us that he feels those with Asperger's are better than autistics, and deserve more human rights...I was appalled. He also talked about heroically saving computer equipment from kids who will destroy everything and will never amount to anything. That scared me, because no child should be thought of in that sense. There was also a lot of arguing with my friend about such things and he just resorted to " well I'm right and you're wrong " , developmentally appropriate perhaps but people hold one to a higher standard if they're " public " . At MAAP 2 years ago he also followed me around and tried to talk to me in secluded areas, which is just something that creeps me out from anyone. But I decided he can be a major jerk AFTER that, hoping I'd just gotten a bad impression. It's frustrating too, because he has the potential to be a great young maan and help so many people, but there's some prejudices that need to go, and the only interested in very young girls thing needs looked into. I hope he gets what he needs, we're all in this autism thing together. (even if right now I don't like being around him very much. Happens among all groups) Kassiane who hopes there was some sense in there, is kind of tired... --- sondra wrote: > > > Kassi can you to clarify more of you thinking. I to > met of him once > nd the things that feared me is he states he has > interst in only > very young girls and has no interest in any ohter > beings much. He > works in a day care setting or did but he can only > relate to very > young girls . not that this is bad in itself but for > him being male > and on specrrum i to fear it can lead to much danger > outcomes to him > beause if any accuse of him to do wrong he woul d be > to have a hard > time to prove otherwise in this because he is on a > very dangerous > soceital boundary ( men are not of care givers in > many eyes > especially those who state verbally they only be to > like very young > girls and nothing else. so he can be to get trapped > into things > innocent or not. scary fixations in that areas. yes > much of what he > to shared in you notes seems fair statements but > havenot heared of > him in complete speak as a whole but do have a > picture of me and him > and nick dubin all at the MAAp cpnference last year. > > Sondra > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Kassi i to be to feel those with Aspergers have higher functionalability and access than those with autism but in no ways do I to feel they are more superior to in the sense that autisitc donto deserve or are a lesser. i to think the needs are differnet is all. SO i to lack what he was trying to say in those words aobut aspergers and autistics. And aobut computers what do he to feel is a the right way to use of them? I to lack here? do he to feel the computer has only one superiour fnction and any who to uses it other wise is wasting computers away? i to wonder if underlying he is of one who is stuck to heiarchy of things and because of this is rigid to the rules of who things go/ About the little girls yes he shared it verbally to teh audience of maap that he has only interest in young girls mostly the preschool girls but as they get older they areno longer of that interest to him. He to say other people are annoying to him. but he did walk around with hims little sister the whole time holding her hand and being with her. I to not be to think bad things of hims intent but think hims odd in this can lead to wrong doings if any to sahre anythings that can be to make it be of a criminal actions. I to think hims development can relate and function at the female preschool ages. he to feels accepted and fit in among that populations. Lonely I to not know of that in him he to seemed of quite content and everyonce in a while he to be to stopped and had of words to me. He is very tall with dark cutly hair and well groomed whiskers. But he to also be to leaded the panel and so told each they could be to ahve of 10 minutes to speak but nick was first and only spoke 3 minutes and then james told him to stop hims time was up and then moved it on even though nicks tipic was of very interesting. lacked having a watch so was unable to know of the time laspe things so he to borrowed nicks. Nick was a good sport and sat quietly trying to understand why james maked him stop so early into hims presentation. But then later shared he least tolerates of males. So maybe inside james was unable to tolerate of nicks presense or voice for some inward reason not expressed but it maked nick feel bad . Nick is of good frined to me and he to shared of it and we both tried hard to understand why james did of that. Again i to agree that has much potential in being a good pseaker but some of hism thinking is stuck into this order of systems that he lacks seeing the truths that no one shouild be the greater or lesser but all should be of an equal. but if one can sift apart many of the words he to says there is hidden in some gold too. he just has to sift through the pan as he to speaks until he finds the gold nugget to share but in the mean while lots of grit and sand needs moved about. i to think that is ture with all speakers though. And to be fair yes he is of a person with great potential and ability. I to also think many on spectrum get fearful over things we sense but lack the full reasons of the why behind it. remember when my fear was of high to you because I tolacked why the cure word triggered you to change you pattern of words and ways it caused me a great fear to you . And the first meeting of real you asked of me to have of my shirt you was of joke but I to lacked readung that and lacked why you wanted of my shirt and inside fearful if did not give it you might be to change you pattern there but I to be brave and tell you no and asked why you wanted of my shirt LOL It took me a long time to understand you more and not feel I to understand you well and because of that no longer fearful of you/ I to understand you triggers. Sondra In Autism_in_Girls , Kassi wrote: > > Wow. He didn't talk about the young girls with us > (groups of autistic people, several times). That could > get him in trouble, like you said. I wouldn't wish > that on ANYONE, in Illinois being labeled a predator > leads to all sorts of icky outcomes. > > Largely I think he's a very lonely kid, and he gets to > feel 'special' speaking, and that's ok. But he told a > whole bunch of us that he feels those with Asperger's > are better than autistics, and deserve more human > rights...I was appalled. He also talked about > heroically saving computer equipment from kids who > will destroy everything and will never amount to > anything. That scared me, because no child should be > thought of in that sense. > > There was also a lot of arguing with my friend about > such things and he just resorted to " well I'm right > and you're wrong " , developmentally appropriate perhaps > but people hold one to a higher standard if they're > " public " . > > At MAAP 2 years ago he also followed me around and > tried to talk to me in secluded areas, which is just > something that creeps me out from anyone. But I > decided he can be a major jerk AFTER that, hoping I'd > just gotten a bad impression. > > It's frustrating too, because he has the potential to > be a great young maan and help so many people, but > there's some prejudices that need to go, and the only > interested in very young girls thing needs looked > into. I hope he gets what he needs, we're all in this > autism thing together. > > (even if right now I don't like being around him very > much. Happens among all groups) > > Kassiane > who hopes there was some sense in there, is kind of > tired... > > --- sondra wrote: > > > > > > > Kassi can you to clarify more of you thinking. I to > > met of him once > > nd the things that feared me is he states he has > > interst in only > > very young girls and has no interest in any ohter > > beings much. He > > works in a day care setting or did but he can only > > relate to very > > young girls . not that this is bad in itself but for > > him being male > > and on specrrum i to fear it can lead to much danger > > outcomes to him > > beause if any accuse of him to do wrong he woul d be > > to have a hard > > time to prove otherwise in this because he is on a > > very dangerous > > soceital boundary ( men are not of care givers in > > many eyes > > especially those who state verbally they only be to > > like very young > > girls and nothing else. so he can be to get trapped > > into things > > innocent or not. scary fixations in that areas. yes > > much of what he > > to shared in you notes seems fair statements but > > havenot heared of > > him in complete speak as a whole but do have a > > picture of me and him > > and nick dubin all at the MAAp cpnference last year. > > > > Sondra > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 HI, I've been reading he posts about with interest. I don't know him, but tomorrow night I'm going to hear Shore speak. http://www.autismasperger.net/ I know people who have heard him and they thought he was good. I haven't read his books. Does anyone know him? Does anyone have any opinions of his work? Thanks, Melinda PS-Happy Mother's Day to the moms on the list Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 I know ! I wrote with him and have presented with him multiple times. I have 2 of his presentations memorized too. And I'm " in " at least 2, something I wrote and my sensory mess and some other stuff. Heh. He's my honorary uncle. I'll have to ask him what he's talking about tomorrow. He used to do stuff with the Method, I think he still does, and that's really cool (I might get MM certified this summer), and the music therapy with the auties is great too. He taught me piano hand over hand because that's the only way I learn. My favorite thing he's really advocated for is including the kids in their IEP process. He'll probably go into that. That's a major stim of his. He includes people in the presentations a lot, is funny, and audiences love him. And says stuff worth hearing, which is important. Kassiane slightly biased, being an honorary neice and all --- EbuyerMTC@... wrote: > HI, > I've been reading he posts about with > interest. I don't know > him, but tomorrow night I'm going to hear > Shore speak. > http://www.autismasperger.net/ I know people who > have heard him and they thought he was good. > I haven't read his books. Does anyone know him? Does > anyone have any opinions > of his work? > Thanks, > Melinda > PS-Happy Mother's Day to the moms on the list > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Wow, I hate to hear he's like that. He did say one thing that I disagreed with during a conversation between us that had nothing to do with autism, but I took that to him being 17. My own 17 yr old nephews annoy me with similar comments, lol. I don't remember any bottom of the barrel stuff. Debi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Isn't the the one that tells about being in college and dating & his girlfriend told him she wanted to sleep with him, he said okay, went back to her place, got in bed & went to sleep, said the next day he couldn't figure out why she was mad at him. That is too funny, that expression always confused me, too. I never could figure out what the big deal was about " sleeping " with someone. Even now when I hear that I always have to think, " Okay, did they SLEEP or do something else? " Debi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 I hope some of it is immaturity. I really do. As he learns more (hopefully) the attitude will adjust a bit. I think he was surprised that the higher functioning autistic people he attached himself to didn't share his view. Kassiane --- Debi wrote: > Wow, I hate to hear he's like that. He did say one > thing that I > disagreed with during a conversation between us that > had nothing to do > with autism, but I took that to him being 17. My own > 17 yr old nephews > annoy me with similar comments, lol. I don't > remember any bottom of > the barrel stuff. > > Debi > > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 LOL yes that's ! I don't get that expression either. He also busts people for stimming. Kassiane --- Debi wrote: > Isn't the the one that tells about being in college > and dating & his > girlfriend told him she wanted to sleep with him, he > said okay, went > back to her place, got in bed & went to sleep, said > the next day he > couldn't figure out why she was mad at him. That is > too funny, that > expression always confused me, too. I never could > figure out what the > big deal was about " sleeping " with someone. Even now > when I hear that > I always have to think, " Okay, did they SLEEP or do > something else? " > > Debi > > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 15, 2006 Report Share Posted May 15, 2006 Someone asked why people stim. He said, " All people stim. " I was sitting there crocheting. I laughed during the break as he approached me, I told him my stim was a double crochet for over an hr. HE told me when he was younger he became obsessed with knitting but him mom made him stop in public because of him being a boy. Debi > > LOL yes that's ! I don't get that expression > either. He also busts people for stimming. > > Kassiane > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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