reprint of Bill of Rights

[Guest guest]

The following was posted by me about a year ago (I think). A few newer members

have mentioned family problems. Apologies to those who have seen this, but a

reprint seems appropriate.

Warm hugs, Barbara

Hi everyone, It seems many members, including me, have a bit of odd family

or friends to deal with. When I first saw my therapist, she gave me the

following " Bill of Rights " as something to live by and to help me learn to set

boundaries I " lost " control over. It's difficult to begin using these, and

guilt 'o plenty comes with it initially. Then, you learn no one respects

someone they can push around. Reading this every day out loud for 30 days is

essential. These rules have made a difference in my life. Things are far from

perfect, but I do feel stronger and am handling things better. If this helps

one other person, I'll be happy.

With Love, Hugs, Good Mental and Physical Health,

Barbara

Bill of Rights

· I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like

what I do, say, think or fee

· It is okay for me to feel angry and express it in responsible ways.

· I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions,

particularly where others share responsibility for making the decision.

· I have the right to say, “I don’t understand,” without feeling stupid

or guilty.

· I have the right to say, “I don’t know.”

· I have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.

· I do not have to apologize or give reasons when I say “no.”

· I have the right to ask others to do things for me.

· I have the right to refuse requests that others make of me.

· I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating,

conning or treating me unfairly.

· I have the right to tell others when their behavior annoys me.

· I do not have t compromise my personal integrity.

· I have the right to make mistakes and to be responsible for them. I

have the right to be wrong.

· I do not have to be liked, admired or respected by everyone for

everything I do.

· I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts and emotions,

and to take responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself.

· I have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying my

behavior.

· I have the right to decide if I am responsible for finding solutions to

other people’s problems.

· I have the right to change my mind.

· I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before

coping with them.

· I have the right to think about my life and goals and myself and leave

others to God.

· I have the right to leave the company of people who deliberately or

inadvertently put me down, lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate or humiliate me.

That includes my alcoholic partner, my non-alcoholic parent or any other members

of my family. (I didn’t care for this wording. I say “…any alcoholic or

non-alcoholic partners or family members, or any other members of my family.)

· I have a right to a mentally healthy, same-way of existence, although

it will deviate in part, or all, from my parents’ prescribed philosophy of life.

· I have a right to laugh and play and have fun. I have the right to

enjoy this life, right here, right now. I have the right to carve out my own

place in this world.

Remember: I am learning how to give to myself, and that is not bad. I need to

change old feelings of being victimized to new feelings of being victimized to

new feelings of being able to meet challenges successfully.

I don’t have to take care of everyone else. I have choices about how I respond

to people. Some situations can be resolved without my being involved. Others

can lend support to those who need it when I am not willing to be available. It

is okay to put my own well being first. I am important, too.

I will read my Bill of Rights out loud every day to myself. I will feel some of

the old guilt for a while, but it will be mixed with a new situation… that of

excitement along with a sense of aliveness. I will discover that I am

intuitively handling situations that used to baffle me.