O.T./ A funny from ken..'nother of them true stories!

[Guest guest]

Greetings, all! You know, living here, where I do, here in Asheville, it's kinda

funny: We live in a place wher people save all year, just to come and visit for

two weeks...well, Asheville has " the City " , which is so safe, people " hang out

(ALL cultures) at night, just socializing, and visiting, downtown at night, with

out fear of being " mugged " .

And , not too far away are the TRUE mountains, REAL country, where if you

came in from Asheville, they STILL think of you as a " foriegner " Real mountain

folk.

The upshot of it all is there are a lot of people who come from Ney

York, especially " the City " . , to come and live here, and while I aint saying

they're " bad " people, they ARE different! Why, heck, I've had a visitor here

from New york a time or two, and their biggest complaint is that they can't

sleep,'cause it's too quiet! Can you imagine that!? (Guess they miss the smell

of urine on the sidewalk!)

A few years ago, one of these brash " I know everything-and- I'm-tough-

" guys from New York City came down here, to outside Asheville to live, in a

small(2 streets, and everybody knows each other from generations back small)

town and that's where He was gonna live!

Now, this town is so old fashioned, it still has a general store, with

a porch, where all the ol' mountain men congregate, to swap lies, and chew

tobaccy, as they call it. This New york guy came swaggering up to these guys one

day, and asked them " Hey, what do I do to become a REAL mountain man? "

Well, these ol ' guys stared at each other, and kinda " talked " with each

other, like old dudes do, by not even having to say a word, thinking, " Woof, we

gotta live one HERE, boys! "

They told him " come back here in about 20 minutes, and we'll tell you what

you gotta do! " .Guess they figured on having a little fun with this guy,

figgering on how they lived not too far from the reservation, and it being still

so wild 'round them parts, there still lived a great many bears!

Well, 20 minutes , here comes this " tough guy New Yorker, and these

three ol codgers came up with a plan....hahaha! They told him he's gotta do only

3 things to " qualify " as a " mountain Man " .

They told him " The first thing you gotta do is go on inside and see

ol' Homer, and buy a quart of good corn from him. (Moonshine).

Now, Homer's stuff was pretty potent, what with his family having passed

on down the know how from generation to generation, and they knew that, but

heck, all they wanted to do was have a little fun with this guy.....here's what

they tol' him: ...They said, " Son, first thing you gotta do is drink that whole

Mason jar down...that'll give ya the fortitude to do what comes next.The 2nd

thing you gotta do is fight one of these bears 'round here, with just a

knife!....Then, the third thing ya gotta do is go make love with an Indian

Woman, kinda like a reward, or something. "

Well, this guy, what with being born and raised in New York City,

figured he was up too the task.(He'd just find a SMALL bear),and he figured he

was a pretty good " lover " .

So He says " I can do that " , and off he goes, into Homer's Place, and

bought that Mason jar fulla moonshine, brought it outside, and sure enough

really DID drink it all. Right down! . Then he tells these ol' guys, well, see

ya tonight, I oughta be done by then! "

Off he wanders, wobbling down the street, and these three ol ' guys are

having them selves a pretty good laugh, figuring he'd just find a place to "

sleep it off " .

Well, the day went by, evening came, and no sign of the New Yorker, so

they all went home. Next morn, they climed up on the porch at Homer's, just like

they always did, each day. Morning passed, afternoon came and went, still no

sign of that New Yorker, evening just kinda slowly came on, and one of the ol'

dudes spotted someone staggering down the street, quite a ways off. As the guy

came on closer and closer, they saw it was that New Yorker, and he was in BAD

shape! STILL drunk from all that moonshine. missing one shoe, and most of one

pants leg, the other ripped clear up tp the knees. Big scrapes all over him, a

big chunk of his scalp just gone.....These ol' guys are trying to figure out

what in tarnation happened to him, as the guy staggered over, and that New

yorker, still drunk, all tore up, well, he looks up and says " Well, where's this

Indian Woman I gotta fight with a knife? "

Anyone out there reading this wanna be a bona fide

" Mountain Man? hahaha! Thought you'ld get a laugh outta This one!

Y'all take care now, hear?

All my love......ken

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