Re: who we are in different situations???

[Guest guest]

"In a recent post, someone mentioned being different in real life than on the internet."

That probably would have been me.

"My initial thought was "I am the same person in either setting."

"How do you folks feel about different situations and what aspects of your personality do you use or exhibit in them?"

I should probably elaborate on my statement, or qualify it. I am warning everybody that I am dog-tired though, so my explanation probably will not make much sense.

I have a number of different personaes, and ALL of them occur based upon the people that I am around.

First and foremost is my natural persona. Ideally, I would use this 24/7 and try to. It is usually calm, cool, polite, and friendly.

But in the presence of certain people, that persona can alter into something else. Which way it goes depends on the circumstances.

Upon its founding, this forum was something I regarded as an extension of my own home. A sort of parlour where one might entertain guests and visitors. But along came enough trolls, or people with morals different than mine, or people who could not get along with each other, or people that tried to take advantage of me, or people who were too hypercritical, that I was forced to become a sort of traffic cop who had to step in and direct or redirect traffic around the jams...and sometimes clean-up the messes and aftermaths.

After I realized I could not ever hope to just be myself here, I became a persona which I tend to have with other people: Impatient.

In real life, I may have a lot of patience or a little. It all depends on whom I am dealing with. If a person is of lower intelligence, I have no problem with that, but if they are being deliberately obtuse, then I will get short and impatient with them, much the same was I get short and impatient with phone solicitors.

The more filled up with difficulties my life gets, the more impatient I become. The second I know a phone caller is calling for purposes of a survery or to sell me something, I simply hang up, and if someone I am talking to on a personal level starts to get similarly annoying, I terminate the discussion.

The reason I do this is because I am tired of people of this calibre being an imposition upon my life.

If anyone wanted to know the real me and followed me around for a while, they would realize I am actually quite a charitable and giving fellow who cares about other people. But if people try to take advantage of me or otherwise bother me, they will get the cold shoulder immediately and without question.

With everything going on in my life, I do not have the time to coddle people who have not gotten themselves together enough to be nice to me or figure out what they want/need/require from me.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I've been thinking about this. I'd like to say I am the same online as offline,

however I suspect I may come across differently; I'll elaborate.

Firstly when I am doing volunteer work as a secretary for an organisation, which

involves attending some meetings; I consider such a professional role. As in to

me to speak about personal things at such meetings I for myself would consider

wrong. I had noticed other members at committee meetings often speaking about

personal stuff instead of getting down to business, but for me personally such

seems out of place - not the right/correct setting.

As for how might I differ online than offline. I agree with what you have wrote

regarding in offline situations there is often a bombardment of sensory issues

and I have less time to think, to consider what I am saying. Offline I know that

I can come across as rather passionate about things and I don't think this shows

up online as much.

>

> Good morning;

> In a recent post, someone mentioned being different in real life than on the

internet.

> My initial thought was " I am the same person in either setting, " **See

footnote

> -------------------------------

> BUT on thinking it over, realized that I DO act differently in different

situations.

>

> Some of this is due to what I percieve the situation requires of me, and/or

how comfortable I feel in that setting:

>

> 1. work requires a more polished persona. I am a representative of my

employer.

>

>

> 2.On an internet forum, I am freindlier, more tactful, more empathetic, not

feeling the same pressure as in 'face time.'

> If I don't have the energy to communicate, I don't have to, also am not

overwhelmed by sensory input.

>

> 3. at church, am more myself than at work. am my own person, respecting the

customs and formality of the system.

>

> 4. personal time my own time, where I don't feel a need or obligation to be

social.

> (this is not necessarily " hiding' at home)

> When out and about, I try to be tactful when some extrovert wants to chat

beyond a few sentences and I don't want to, carrying a book to read often helps,

along with saying I am tired from work and taking a break.

> When at home, have learned to tell my family when I am taking time off from

human interaction, they don't always respect or remember, but its a progressive

thing. Also don't HAVE to answer the phone, we have a message system, and can

listen to messages and deal with them when needed!!!

>

> 5. public persona: both church and work: from my various duties, people

sometimes recognize me when I am out and about, am prepared for BREIF small

talk.

> -------------------------------------------------------------

>

> However, to some extent, I am still the same basic person wherever I am, an

introvert who lives her life in 'neat' mental compartments.

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

> How do you folks feel about different situations and what aspects of your

personality do you use or exhibit in them?

>

> renaissanzelady

> ___________________________________________________________________

> ** that night I had a strange dream:

> In this dream, I was walking along a street similair to a street in my home

city. (Melvin Street in Sudbury)

> It was daylight, not too warm or too cool.

> In this dream, the houses on one side had stone roofs, not clay tile, but

chunks of rough stone or rock interspersed with a few pieces of 'mica shist', a

translucent mineral.

> These roofs were either peaked roofs or mansard roofs, quite low to the

ground.

> Being curious, I turned up an intesecting street, then down a back alley

behind these houses.

> To my surprise, at the back, they were 2 or 3 floor appartments with

balconies, a common lawn at ground level, and people of diffent ethnicities out

and about.

> This was all quite open, public space, I exchanged greetings with anyone I

met.

> The laneway came to a gradual end, turned into a grassy expanse which was

behind other dwellings. I had a very strong feeling that this was private space

and not to go further.

> The dream ended then.

> ____________________________________________________________

> This is like an allegory of life:

> the street face of the houses; representing our public selves

> the back vioew of th houses; replresenting how we are with friends etc

> the grassy area at the end: either representing the fact trhat some peopl

reveale very little or that we all hav a secret life.

> -------------

> This interpretation was confirmed by a forensics video my daughter was

listening to later;

> people have THREE PERSONAS:

> their social persona, that which they show to cohorts/colleagues,

> their family persona, which they reveal to family and freinds,

> thirdly, their secret self which others might not know;

> (this episode was about a fire dept. employee who was charged with arson.)

>

> __________________________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Good evening;Seasonal changes affect who I am to some extent, both on line and off line.I have been diagnosed with Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder (it is a rare disorder)Spring and summer bring to me many of the syptoms of the Seasonal Affective Disorder which some experience in the cold dark winters.I am on medication for th Seasonal Affective Disorder, it blunts the syptoms, does not eliminate them. (She did not want to prescribe too much and have me be a zombie) My Doctor instructed me to try and maintain a positive mental attitude, be aware of my responses to situations, drink plenty of fluids, and try to avoid being out in the heat of the day. renaissanzelady"My cat Rusty is a servant of the Living God."(adapted from a poem by

Smart)Subject: Re: who we

are in different situations???To: FAMSecretSociety Received: Sunday, May 31, 2009, 4:13 AM

Hi,

I've been thinking about this. I'd like to say I am the same online as offline, however I suspect I may come across differently; I'll elaborate.

Firstly when I am doing volunteer work as a secretary for an organisation, which involves attending some meetings; I consider such a professional role. As in to me to speak about personal things at such meetings I for myself would consider wrong. I had noticed other members at committee meetings often speaking about personal stuff instead of getting down to business, but for me personally such seems out of place - not the right/correct setting.

As for how might I differ online than offline. I agree with what you have wrote regarding in offline situations there is often a bombardment of sensory issues and I have less time to think, to consider what I am saying. Offline I know that I can come across as rather passionate about things and I don't think this shows up online as much.

>

> Good morning;

> In a recent post, someone mentioned being different in real life than on the internet.

> My initial thought was "I am the same person in either setting," **See footnote

> ------------ --------- --------- -

> BUT on thinking it over, realized that I DO act differently in different situations.

>

> Some of this is due to what I percieve the situation requires of me, and/or how comfortable I feel in that setting:

>

> 1. work requires a more polished persona. I am a representative of my employer.

>

>

> 2.On an internet forum, I am freindlier, more tactful, more empathetic, not feeling the same pressure as in 'face time.'

> If I don't have the energy to communicate, I don't have to, also am not overwhelmed by sensory input.

>

> 3. at church, am more myself than at work. am my own person, respecting the customs and formality of the system.

>

> 4. personal time my own time, where I don't feel a need or obligation to be social.

> (this is not necessarily "hiding' at home)

> When out and about, I try to be tactful when some extrovert wants to chat beyond a few sentences and I don't want to, carrying a book to read often helps, along with saying I am tired from work and taking a break.

> When at home, have learned to tell my family when I am taking time off from human interaction, they don't always respect or remember, but its a progressive thing. Also don't HAVE to answer the phone, we have a message system, and can listen to messages and deal with them when needed!!!

>

> 5. public persona: both church and work: from my various duties, people sometimes recognize me when I am out and about, am prepared for BREIF small talk.

> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

>

> However, to some extent, I am still the same basic person wherever I am, an introvert who lives her life in 'neat' mental compartments.

> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

> How do you folks feel about different situations and what aspects of your personality do you use or exhibit in them?

>

> renaissanzelady

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> ** that night I had a strange dream:

> In this dream, I was walking along a street similair to a street in my home city. (Melvin Street in Sudbury)

> It was daylight, not too warm or too cool.

> In this dream, the houses on one side had stone roofs, not clay tile, but chunks of rough stone or rock interspersed with a few pieces of 'mica shist', a translucent mineral.

> These roofs were either peaked roofs or mansard roofs, quite low to the ground.

> Being curious, I turned up an intesecting street, then down a back alley behind these houses.

> To my surprise, at the back, they were 2 or 3 floor appartments with balconies, a common lawn at ground level, and people of diffent ethnicities out and about.

> This was all quite open, public space, I exchanged greetings with anyone I met.

> The laneway came to a gradual end, turned into a grassy expanse which was behind other dwellings. I had a very strong feeling that this was private space and not to go further.

> The dream ended then.

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> This is like an allegory of life:

> the street face of the houses; representing our public selves

> the back vioew of th houses; replresenting how we are with friends etc

> the grassy area at the end: either representing the fact trhat some peopl reveale very little or that we all hav a secret life.

> ------------ -

> This interpretation was confirmed by a forensics video my daughter was listening to later;

> people have THREE PERSONAS:

> their social persona, that which they show to cohorts/colleagues,

> their family persona, which they reveal to family and freinds,

> thirdly, their secret self which others might not know;

> (this episode was about a fire dept. employee who was charged with arson.)

>

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

>

Yahoo! Canada Toolbar : Search from anywhere on the web and bookmark your favourite sites. Download it now!

[Guest guest]

Hi;

' reply made sense to me.

My initial emotional response was that trolls and others who insult people

deliberately seem really rude, ungracious, and abusing of teh host's

hospitality.

After thinking about it for a while, I wonder if trolls and others who cause

problems on an internet group also cause the same type of problems when visiting

in someone's home? Of course this is idle speculation on my part, beacause I

don't expect any remaining trolls to self-identify and answer my speculation.

Personally I sometimes have problems discerning if someone is being deliberately

obtuse. (After a year, I still can't tell if my work partner is being

deliberately dumb to get attention, or if she is lazy (it's easier to ask her

partner who does have aptitude to find information than to figure it out) or if

she is honestly clueless in some areas.)

Since I am quite direct, when I say something to be deliberately annoying, I

will make ONE statement of ONE sentence, let the person respond, then state that

I was being merely being annoying. The few people I do this with include my

daughter, or a work colleague.

When I have said something really dumb, without intending to, and someone points

it out, I often will reply that I am in a stupid mood, and will try to not be so

clueless.

renaissanzelady

In FAMSecretSociety , environmental1st2003 wrote:

>

>

>

>

> " In a recent post, someone mentioned being different in real life than

> on the internet. "

>

> That probably would have been me.

>

> " My initial thought was " I am the same person in either setting. "

>

> " How do you folks feel about different situations and what aspects of

> your personality do you use or exhibit in them? "

>

> I should probably elaborate on my statement, or qualify it. I am warning

> everybody that I am dog-tired though, so my explanation probably will

> not make much sense.

>

> I have a number of different personaes, and ALL of them occur based upon

> the people that I am around.

>

> First and foremost is my natural persona. Ideally, I would use this 24/7

> and try to. It is usually calm, cool, polite, and friendly.

>

> But in the presence of certain people, that persona can alter into

> something else. Which way it goes depends on the circumstances.

>

> Upon its founding, this forum was something I regarded as an extension

> of my own home. A sort of parlour where one might entertain guests and

> visitors. But along came enough trolls, or people with morals different

> than mine, or people who could not get along with each other, or people

> that tried to take advantage of me, or people who were too

> hypercritical, that I was forced to become a sort of traffic cop who had

> to step in and direct or redirect traffic around the jams...and

> sometimes clean-up the messes and aftermaths.

>

> After I realized I could not ever hope to just be myself here, I became

> a persona which I tend to have with other people: Impatient.

>

> In real life, I may have a lot of patience or a little. It all depends

> on whom I am dealing with. If a person is of lower intelligence, I have

> no problem with that, but if they are being deliberately obtuse, then I

> will get short and impatient with them, much the same was I get short

> and impatient with phone solicitors.

>

> The more filled up with difficulties my life gets, the more impatient I

> become. The second I know a phone caller is calling for purposes of a

> survery or to sell me something, I simply hang up, and if someone I am

> talking to on a personal level starts to get similarly annoying, I

> terminate the discussion.

>

> The reason I do this is because I am tired of people of this calibre

> being an imposition upon my life.

>

> If anyone wanted to know the real me and followed me around for a while,

> they would realize I am actually quite a charitable and giving fellow

> who cares about other people. But if people try to take advantage of me

> or otherwise bother me, they will get the cold shoulder immediately and

> without question.

>

> With everything going on in my life, I do not have the time to coddle

> people who have not gotten themselves together enough to be nice to me

> or figure out what they want/need/require from me.

>

>

>

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

" After thinking about it for a while, I wonder if trolls and others who cause

problems on an internet group also cause the same type of problems when visiting

in someone's home? Of course this is idle speculation on my part, beacause I

don't expect any remaining trolls to self-identify and answer my speculation. "

I am a member of many internet groups and have been for a long time now. I have

seen trolls use the same usernames across the net. In some forums they troll,

but if they find a forum with others just like them, they get along fine.

What I notice with all trolls however, is that they always get kicked out of

groups where the members are calm, cool, and collected, but not necessarily

conservative, and they always keep their membership in forums where the members

are obnoxious. And those obnoxious forums are always opposition to the ones they

get thrown out of in terms of belief systems and atmosphere.

It makes me draw a comparisson between trolls and criminals. In the real world,

criminals never fit in, but in jail, they tend to feel at home. And " home " for

them (jail) is oppositional to the folks that put them there.

I think it takes a certain kind of person to feel at home in a jail, with

rapists, muderers, and molesters, and it must also take a certain kind of person

to feel at home among obnoxious posters. Both jail and obnoxious forums are a

sort of hell on earth. So maybe those of us who throw them out are aspiring

angels.

I also notice that " nice people " never get banned in obnoxious forums. they get

picked on and made fun of as long as they can endure it, and then leave. Sort of

like an innocent person being raped in prison until they commit suicide.

So it seems to me that trolls are not folks that have trouble fitting in. They

are folks who are delight in causing trouble and tormenting people. They are

cyber-bullies, and would be bullies in the real world if there was a sanctuary

that they could live in when they get kicked out of respectable places.

Administrator