Re: More on social anxiety

[Guest guest]

Having 3 sons, now ages 20 and 24, and then having social anxiety, shyness

growing up, well I have varied opinions, LOL.

I really worried over my sons and the social stuff too as they grew. And since

in middle school and high school I also usually had a group of friends or at

least 1 or 2 particular ones I would hang around with, I compared myself to my

sons too sometimes.

And throw in Aspergers for where they struggle socially anyway, I was

really concerned with him. I know he wanted friends but he never had any

outside the school hours that he did things with, except for times he was

invited to some event (birthday party or other). I would say it bothered ME

more than him and probably that was true most of the time, though I'm sure he'd

have loved a social life, places to go with friends.... Anyway, I backed off

the subject with him. Because really it's the adult years you make friends,

just some here & there you still may keep in touch with, etc., from high school

and before. Church was good for him, the youth group there did lots of stuff

together as a group and would invite him to personal things. But nothing

weekly.

That said, another son, , had a small group of friends and those friends

changed over the middle & high school years (as my own did at that age). But

mainly he'd have 1 particular friend he spent time with, etc. Even now away at

college, his friends have changed over the past 2 years, I'll ask about

so-and-so and he doesn't see him much anymore, etc. Ahem, girlfriends have

changed too though he just celebrated one year with the current one (!) and

spends most of his time with her (still does soccer and works out, etc.). But

he doesn't go out places to have a good time, seems to enjoy low-key things,

even staying home or going out to a park.

Now my oldest son was always " out and about " and not home much. And at times

his group of " friends " seemed to depend on the season or what he was spending

time doing (playing soccer or skateboarding or...). But he would tell me that

he didn't have any real friends, no best friend. And he'd have liked that. And

he spends most of his time out & about town, sports bars, etc.

So a varied group with my sons. (Ahem, I was most like my oldest with a bit of

the other 2 thrown in perhaps; there were times I liked a weekend alone.)

I guess with your sons you need to observe if they are depressed about the

social stuff, down on themselves...is it bothering THEM to any great degree.

Maybe as a family you can get all of you to go out together once a month? And

then find some " outings " for yourself and just leave the boys at home and you

get your social/friend time. Any particular couple your husband seems to like

where you could plan something he might like to do with them?

Just some thoughts from our life!

>

> I have 2 sons ages 12 and 15. I believe that both of them as well as my

husband, have social anxiety. The 15 year old also has GAD and mild OCD both of

which has lessened thru prozac. My husband's social anxiety has ebbed and

flowed over the years, but I have always noticed that it takes him months of

knowing someone before he is comfortable with them. Sometimes he never gets

comfortable. He usually has an excuse to leave a social event early.

>

> Right now, all 3 of them want to do nothing but stay home on

[Guest guest]

I would say that if the boys honestly are OK with their current situation, let

them be. If they are sad or lonely, they may need help. I was painfully shy as

a kid and even now I can become very uncomfortable outside my job (hospital

administrator believe it or not). My experience tells me that the more I do the

things I am uncomfortable with, the better I feel about it. It's a lot like

exposure therapy.

Bonnie

>

> I have 2 sons ages 12 and 15. I believe that both of them as well as my

husband, have social anxiety. The 15 year old also has GAD and mild OCD both of

which has lessened thru prozac. My husband's social anxiety has ebbed and

flowed over the years, but I have always noticed that it takes him months of

knowing someone before he is comfortable with them. Sometimes he never gets

comfortable. He usually has an excuse to leave a social event early.

>

> Right now, all 3 of them want to do nothing but stay home on weekends, each

with a variation on the theme. My 12 year old who just recently started Jr.

High, is completely uncomfortable with kids he doesn't know, and is not able to

mix. He emotionally and physically remains on the outside of groups. He can be

awkward socially, by interupting others and not following the conversation flow,

and I think kids hesitate to befriend him. My 15 year old seems to have been

dropped by his most current group of friends (they don't pick up the phone when

he calls them and then don't return his calls) and hasn't gotten an invitation

to go out in over 2 months, by anyone! I think this is because he is so

insecure/anxious all the time, but I'm not really sure. He is mostly a really

nice kid. My husband completely isolates himself (this is during the week, also)

and either plays his guitar, reads in bed, or watches sports on TV. His

interaction, even with the family, is minimal.

>

> I am a very social person, and have been extremely frustrated with this

isolation. It would be inaccurate to say we never go out, but it is not very

often. My husband and boys could watch sports on TV all day long if I let them.

The most frustrating part is that my husband thinks I am way over-reacting with

concern over my kids, and that this is just a phase that boys go thru. He

thinks I wouldn't understand because I have never been a teenage boy. So, as a

result, he doesn't deal with any of these issues and just continues to ignore

the problems.

>

> I worry constantly about the 2 boys and feel that life is passing them by. I

am looking for opinions.... is what I described a typical course of events for

teenage boys, or is my husband ignoring red flags? Do you think I am

over-reacting and things will work themselves out, or is this something you

would feel concern over? Thanks, I need a sanity check!

>

[Guest guest]

My mother's instincts tell me that it bothers both of them alot, although when I

broach the subject, they refuse to talk about it. How could it not bother my 15

year old, when who he still thinks are 'best' friends won't even pick up the

phone when he calls? And my poor 12 year old went to a bar mitzvah party for a

neighbor friend and was seated really far away from him. My son's words

afterwards: " I felt like (of the The Office). I thought I was

more important to Jack than I am... " It just broke my heart. They are both

truly nice kids.

My oldest, when he was in grade school, had so many friends that I would get

exhausted just driving him from playdate to playdate. Now, I wish I had those

problems.

[Guest guest]

Based on this post, my instinct would be to get them both into a Social Anxiety

ERP program. It will be much easier for them to deal with this now, with your

support, than when they are " out in the world " . So long as it is done with love

and kindness, I tend to think that finding kids tools to use - and giving them

lots of practice - is critical. We don't have Social Anxiety here (well, except

maybe dh) - but we see Agoraphobia come on very quickly when the OCD/Panic

flares. We have a policy of " doing something " with a friend or a new experience

everyday, if at all possible. Having constant exposure, for her, is the best

medicine. Sounds like your instincts are good - I hope you find some answers

soon. Best - in Nc

>

> My mother's instincts tell me that it bothers both of them alot, although when

I broach the subject, they refuse to talk about it. How could it not bother my

15 year old, when who he still thinks are 'best' friends won't even pick up the

phone when he calls? And my poor 12 year old went to a bar mitzvah party for a

neighbor friend and was seated really far away from him. My son's words

afterwards: " I felt like (of the The Office). I thought I was

more important to Jack than I am... " It just broke my heart. They are both

truly nice kids.

>

> My oldest, when he was in grade school, had so many friends that I would get

exhausted just driving him from playdate to playdate. Now, I wish I had those

problems.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't have boys, just a teenaged daughter, but she is very shy, too

(I'm sure there's some social phobia there, along with her OCD) so I can

relate to what you're saying. She likes to get together with friends

(sometimes), but she never makes the first move to plan something -

sometimes I encourage her to invite friends over for a sleepover, or to

hang out in the summers, but that's usually only 4 or 5 times a year.

Otherwise, she just waits for friends to invite her to something... and

sometimes she doesn't even want to do that. She much prefers to have

down-time - she loves to play computer games. She works so hard in

school during the week, that on weekends she just want to zone out. I'm

the same way... I'd rather be reading a book than being with other

people (except for my husband and daughter - I love being with them). I

don't like being with people because it feels too much like work... it

really stresses me out (I have OCD, too). My husband is completely

different; he's on the go all the time - he loves being around other people.

I think there are two types of people - those who are re-energized by

being with others, and those who are re-energized by having

" alone-time. " My husband is in the first category and my daughter and I

are definitely in the second. We have to have alone-time, or life just

gets too stressful. He has numerous friends, while I have almost none,

and my daughter has something in between.

My daughter's old friends " dropped " her, too. When she started high

school, she really only knew one other person well, so she ate lunch

with her, etc. That friend is very outgoing and she met lots of new

friends. My daughter ended up more and more on the edge of the group and

they pretty much ignored her and left her out of stuff... she really

didn't have anything in common with them, anyway. She's a senior in high

school now and for the last two years she's been hanging out with a

group of three other girls who are much more like her - they're really

interested in their schoolwork and a few of them love the anime stuff my

daughter likes. They're not snobbish at all - they don't worry about

being cool - they're just themselves - I'm so grateful.

I've worried over the years that maybe life is passing my daughter by,

too, but honestly, the life she has is the one she wants, except for the

OCD. But even if her OCD was gone tomorrow, she still wouldn't be the

kind of person who want to be on the go and with others all the time.

She would still want to play her computer games and have alone-time.

That's just who she is. My older sister was always extremely shy and

home-bound and she still is (she also has OCD). My parents tried to

force her to change - they made her go away from home to an out-of-town

university. Her OCD " exploded " there, and she has never forgiven them.

I guess I'm trying to say that everyone is different and maybe it's

okay. You probably can't change your husband... I know my husband would

probably like it if I was more outgoing but it's unlikely I'll change at

my age. We've been married over 30 years and he has lots of hobbies, so

he's gotten used to it. But maybe you could encourage your sons... maybe

your 15 yr. old could find some new friends that share his same

interests... is he involved in any clubs, etc. at school? Or maybe you

could somehow invite some of their peers over for some kind of

get-together. Even if it's just one or two people. I guess I would only

really worry if your husband and sons were completely shutting

themselves off from the world. As long as they have some life outside of

the home and a friend or two, maybe it's okay.... just my thoughts.

Take care,

N.

bostonpies wrote:

>

>

> I have 2 sons ages 12 and 15. I believe that both of them as well as

> my husband, have social anxiety. The 15 year old also has GAD and mild

> OCD both of which has lessened thru prozac. My husband's social

> anxiety has ebbed and flowed over the years, but I have always noticed

> that it takes him months of knowing someone before he is comfortable

> with them. Sometimes he never gets comfortable. He usually has an

> excuse to leave a social event early.

>

> Right now, all 3 of them want to do nothing but stay home on weekends,

> each with a variation on the theme. My 12 year old who just recently

> started Jr. High, is completely uncomfortable with kids he doesn't

> know, and is not able to mix. He emotionally and physically remains on

> the outside of groups. He can be awkward socially, by interupting

> others and not following the conversation flow, and I think kids

> hesitate to befriend him. My 15 year old seems to have been dropped by

> his most current group of friends (they don't pick up the phone when

> he calls them and then don't return his calls) and hasn't gotten an

> invitation to go out in over 2 months, by anyone! I think this is

> because he is so insecure/anxious all the time, but I'm not really

> sure. He is mostly a really nice kid. My husband completely isolates

> himself (this is during the week, also) and either plays his guitar,

> reads in bed, or watches sports on TV. His interaction, even with the

> family, is minimal.

>

> I am a very social person, and have been extremely frustrated with

> this isolation. It would be inaccurate to say we never go out, but it

> is not very often. My husband and boys could watch sports on TV all

> day long if I let them. The most frustrating part is that my husband

> thinks I am way over-reacting with concern over my kids, and that this

> is just a phase that boys go thru. He thinks I wouldn't understand

> because I have never been a teenage boy. So, as a result, he doesn't

> deal with any of these issues and just continues to ignore the problems.

>

> I worry constantly about the 2 boys and feel that life is passing them

> by. I am looking for opinions.... is what I described a typical course

> of events for teenage boys, or is my husband ignoring red flags? Do

> you think I am over-reacting and things will work themselves out, or

> is this something you would feel concern over? Thanks, I need a sanity

> check!

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have a similar situation with my daughter and husband. Both would

be on the computer all day every day.

I don't view this as healthy. Healthy introversion would be time alone and time

with the family. An introverted family can

cook together (rather than have large parties), can go to the bookstore together

(rather than sit in front of electronic devices),

an introverted teen can have one friend (rather than be the life of the party),

an introverted teen can get a job meet people and

come home to rest rather than go out to party. An introverted couple

would do something 1:1 activity rather than in a group.

I have better luck try to shape my daughter's behavior.

I can insist we go out on a family

activity Sat until 3pm but she can pick where we go within reason.

I can insist she help me with work around the house but she can decide if it is

helping cooking dinner or cleaning. But we have

a long way to go.

The RDI therapist (I don't know if RDI is an effective program)

I talked to said they have training in changing behaviors

with families that retreat. I don't know if we can afford RDI

or if it is successful. But it makes sense to try and put into

place changes in the way a family lives. She also said that the

kids learn social skills at home so RDI starts with the family rather than

sending the kids to social skill classes alone. I agree

with that. I have sent my daughter to many social skill classes.

Take care,

Pam

>

> I have 2 sons ages 12 and 15. I believe that both of them as well as my

husband, have social anxiety. The 15 year old also has GAD and mild OCD both of

which has lessened thru prozac. My husband's social anxiety has ebbed and

flowed over the years, but I have always noticed that it takes him months of

knowing someone before he is comfortable with them. Sometimes he never gets

comfortable. He usually has an excuse to leave a social event early.

>

> Right now, all 3 of them want to do nothing but stay home on weekends, each

with a variation on the theme. My 12 year old who just recently started Jr.

High, is completely uncomfortable with kids he doesn't know, and is not able to

mix. He emotionally and physically remains on the outside of groups. He can be

awkward socially, by interupting others and not following the conversation flow,

and I think kids hesitate to befriend him. My 15 year old seems to have been

dropped by his most current group of friends (they don't pick up the phone when

he calls them and then don't return his calls) and hasn't gotten an invitation

to go out in over 2 months, by anyone! I think this is because he is so

insecure/anxious all the time, but I'm not really sure. He is mostly a really

nice kid. My husband completely isolates himself (this is during the week, also)

and either plays his guitar, reads in bed, or watches sports on TV. His

interaction, even with the family, is minimal.

>

> I am a very social person, and have been extremely frustrated with this

isolation. It would be inaccurate to say we never go out, but it is not very

often. My husband and boys could watch sports on TV all day long if I let them.

The most frustrating part is that my husband thinks I am way over-reacting with

concern over my kids, and that this is just a phase that boys go thru. He

thinks I wouldn't understand because I have never been a teenage boy. So, as a

result, he doesn't deal with any of these issues and just continues to ignore

the problems.

>

> I worry constantly about the 2 boys and feel that life is passing them by. I

am looking for opinions.... is what I described a typical course of events for

teenage boys, or is my husband ignoring red flags? Do you think I am

over-reacting and things will work themselves out, or is this something you

would feel concern over? Thanks, I need a sanity check!

>

[Guest guest]

What a great post -- thank you for sharing this!

Lee in CA

Re: More on social anxiety

I don't have boys, just a teenaged daughter, but she is very shy, too

(I'm sure there's some social phobia there, along with her OCD) so I can

relate to what you're saying. She likes to get together with friends

(sometimes), but she never makes the first move to plan something -

sometimes I encourage her to invite friends over for a sleepover, or to

hang out in the summers, but that's usually only 4 or 5 times a year.

Otherwise, she just waits for friends to invite her to something... and

sometimes she doesn't even want to do that. She much prefers to have

down-time - she loves to play computer games. She works so hard in

school during the week, that on weekends she just want to zone out. I'm

the same way... I'd rather be reading a book than being with other

people (except for my husband and daughter - I love being with them). I

don't like being with people because it feels too much like work... it

really stresses me out (I have OCD, too). My husband is completely

different; he's on the go all the time - he loves being around other people.

I think there are two types of people - those who are re-energized by

being with others, and those who are re-energized by having

" alone-time. " My husband is in the first category and my daughter and I

are definitely in the second. We have to have alone-time, or life just

gets too stressful. He has numerous friends, while I have almost none,

and my daughter has something in between.

My daughter's old friends " dropped " her, too. When she started high

school, she really only knew one other person well, so she ate lunch

with her, etc. That friend is very outgoing and she met lots of new

friends. My daughter ended up more and more on the edge of the group and

they pretty much ignored her and left her out of stuff... she really

didn't have anything in common with them, anyway. She's a senior in high

school now and for the last two years she's been hanging out with a

group of three other girls who are much more like her - they're really

interested in their schoolwork and a few of them love the anime stuff my

daughter likes. They're not snobbish at all - they don't worry about

being cool - they're just themselves - I'm so grateful.

I've worried over the years that maybe life is passing my daughter by,

too, but honestly, the life she has is the one she wants, except for the

OCD. But even if her OCD was gone tomorrow, she still wouldn't be the

kind of person who want to be on the go and with others all the time.

She would still want to play her computer games and have alone-time.

That's just who she is. My older sister was always extremely shy and

home-bound and she still is (she also has OCD). My parents tried to

force her to change - they made her go away from home to an out-of-town

university. Her OCD " exploded " there, and she has never forgiven them.

I guess I'm trying to say that everyone is different and maybe it's

okay. You probably can't change your husband... I know my husband would

probably like it if I was more outgoing but it's unlikely I'll change at

my age. We've been married over 30 years and he has lots of hobbies, so

he's gotten used to it. But maybe you could encourage your sons... maybe

your 15 yr. old could find some new friends that share his same

interests... is he involved in any clubs, etc. at school? Or maybe you

could somehow invite some of their peers over for some kind of

get-together. Even if it's just one or two people. I guess I would only

really worry if your husband and sons were completely shutting

themselves off from the world. As long as they have some life outside of

the home and a friend or two, maybe it's okay.... just my thoughts.

Take care,

N.

bostonpies wrote:

>

>

> I have 2 sons ages 12 and 15. I believe that both of them as well as

> my husband, have social anxiety. The 15 year old also has GAD and mild

> OCD both of which has lessened thru prozac. My husband's social

> anxiety has ebbed and flowed over the years, but I have always noticed

> that it takes him months of knowing someone before he is comfortable

> with them. Sometimes he never gets comfortable. He usually has an

> excuse to leave a social event early.

>

> Right now, all 3 of them want to do nothing but stay home on weekends,

> each with a variation on the theme. My 12 year old who just recently

> started Jr. High, is completely uncomfortable with kids he doesn't

> know, and is not able to mix. He emotionally and physically remains on

> the outside of groups. He can be awkward socially, by interupting

> others and not following the conversation flow, and I think kids

> hesitate to befriend him. My 15 year old seems to have been dropped by

> his most current group of friends (they don't pick up the phone when

> he calls them and then don't return his calls) and hasn't gotten an

> invitation to go out in over 2 months, by anyone! I think this is

> because he is so insecure/anxious all the time, but I'm not really

> sure. He is mostly a really nice kid. My husband completely isolates

> himself (this is during the week, also) and either plays his guitar,

> reads in bed, or watches sports on TV. His interaction, even with the

> family, is minimal.

>

> I am a very social person, and have been extremely frustrated with

> this isolation. It would be inaccurate to say we never go out, but it

> is not very often. My husband and boys could watch sports on TV all

> day long if I let them. The most frustrating part is that my husband

> thinks I am way over-reacting with concern over my kids, and that this

> is just a phase that boys go thru. He thinks I wouldn't understand

> because I have never been a teenage boy. So, as a result, he doesn't

> deal with any of these issues and just continues to ignore the problems.

>

> I worry constantly about the 2 boys and feel that life is passing them

> by. I am looking for opinions.... is what I described a typical course

> of events for teenage boys, or is my husband ignoring red flags? Do

> you think I am over-reacting and things will work themselves out, or

> is this something you would feel concern over? Thanks, I need a sanity

> check!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your interesting message, . It sounds like maybe I should

hang out with your husband while you and my husband stay home! Just kidding, of

course. But, it is a healthy perspective you have about the different kinds of

people we can be. I do realize that a big part of my frustration with my family

is that I am such an outgoing person, and I am impatient with the introvert

(when they are in my own family). I completely understand shyness, and the need

to be alone. In fact, I absolutely love my alone time during the day. But, I

believe there should be balance. Some alone time and some social time. Again,

in our situation, I believe my kids are not always choosing to be isolated. I

think they both would go out alot more if included. When they are invited

somewhere, they always jump on it. It's just that if it's a social

phobia/anxiety, which is what I think it is, then it is not just shyness or the

need for alone time. It is someone (or some three, in my house) who want to be

more social, and can't. They just seem to not be able to relax in most social

settings and kids are not (understandably) continually going out of their way to

include them. Also, I think initiative is an important life skill, and now is

the time to learn it. It is an exposure, each time they initiate, it will be

slightly easier the next time.

Watching my son this past weekend NOT dancing, NOT playing the games, and NOT

socializing at his table at the big party we were at, just felt symbolic to me

of his future. On the other hand, he is a bright, musical and sweet kid, and

maybe I should accept that he will put his energies to good use in other ways.

As long as he is happy, I am happy. I just don't think he's happy.

[Guest guest]

Are they involved in anything else, where they could make friends? Church?

Scouts? Hobbies? Groups? If not, is that an option?

I'm so sorry that they are struggling.

Josh always did better one on one, when he went through his shyness, and I

suspect there was some social anxiety there too. He would get overwhelmed by a

group or crowd. But, if we invited one kid over, he could handle that and did

pretty well. Is that something that might help, do you think?

Hugs,

BJ

>

> My mother's instincts tell me that it bothers both of them alot, although when

I broach the subject, they refuse to talk about it. How could it not bother my

15 year old, when who he still thinks are 'best' friends won't even pick up the

phone when he calls? And my poor 12 year old went to a bar mitzvah party for a

neighbor friend and was seated really far away from him. My son's words

afterwards: " I felt like (of the The Office). I thought I was

more important to Jack than I am... " It just broke my heart. They are both

truly nice kids.

>

> My oldest, when he was in grade school, had so many friends that I would get

exhausted just driving him from playdate to playdate. Now, I wish I had those

problems.

>

[Guest guest]

My 12 year old is in scouts, and in various bands, and I think he mingles there

fine. Even my 15 year old 'seems' to be social at school. It just doesn't seem

to transfer to the after-school hours. I cannot get my older one to get

involved in school stuff. He has finally agreed, and is actually excited, about

training our dog to become a therapy dog, and then bringing her into hospitals,

etc. He also loves golf, skiing, basketball. All at recreation levels, he

can't seem to make the school teams, but at least has tried.

Sometimes, it just seems like we all just need a huge dose of good things

happening to us, you know? Especially you, BJ. I know you are going thru a lot

right now. I am sending you positive energy.

W

[Guest guest]

My children have always related better to animals than to people. My 17 year

old with Asperger's loves reptiles, so he volunteers at a reptile education

center. He is the one holding the 6 foot long boa constrictor when people walk

through the door. Holding the reptile kind of stabilizes him and he is able to

chat with people in this manner, (by telling them everything they ever wanted to

know about this reptile!)

My 13 year old volunteers at a nursing home by cleaning out the bird cages,

(which she LOVES.) She then will sit and play cards with the elderly for an

hour or so. She is not so good at socializing with kids her own age, but I

thought this would be a start.

My 26 year old uses his talents to socialize through the computer. He has

actually begun dating this way and has met a few nice women.

Socializing is difficult for these kids, but I do everything I can at home to

make them feel loved and respected for who they are and they seem to understand

that they are different and not to bother with kids who don't understand. (My

17 year old, in high school, has actually come to the rescue of other kids who

have been picked on. Like animals, he can relate to the underdog.)

Linsdey sen

http://5kidswidisabilities.wordpress.com

[Guest guest]

Oh, yes! I'll take a huge does of something good! ) Wouldn't that be nice.

I agree we all need that! And thank you for the positive energy. It's much

appreciated.

Gee, I'm sorry it doesn't carry over into the after-school hours. It's tough

being a teen. Seemed easier when I was a teenager. The thing that has helped

Josh is video gaming. The kids (especially boys) are so into it, so

occasionally he has invited others over to play and have pizza. That was a big

hit. It helped break the ice.

That is AWESOME about him training your dog to become a therapy dog! What a

great idea!

BJ

>

> My 12 year old is in scouts, and in various bands, and I think he mingles

there fine. Even my 15 year old 'seems' to be social at school. It just

doesn't seem to transfer to the after-school hours. I cannot get my older one

to get involved in school stuff. He has finally agreed, and is actually

excited, about training our dog to become a therapy dog, and then bringing her

into hospitals, etc. He also loves golf, skiing, basketball. All at recreation

levels, he can't seem to make the school teams, but at least has tried.

>

> Sometimes, it just seems like we all just need a huge dose of good things

happening to us, you know? Especially you, BJ. I know you are going thru a lot

right now. I am sending you positive energy.

>

> W

>

[Guest guest]

I'm like you, when we see our kids respond positively something... JUMP on it!

I sincerely just want them to be happy. I just need to be assured that they

really are, and I don't get that sense. If it's social phobia, then it tells me

that being isolated isn't what they want. I met with my therapist yesterday.

She said I need to let them figure it out, and it's not an emergency. Sigh.

[Guest guest]

My 11-year-old daughter also has ocd-related social anxiety and she is

introverted as well. She goes to a social skills group once a week and we also

have a reward system in which she earns points for starting conversations with

kids. She is a very quiet kid. She does have a few close friends that she's

known since kindergarten and that is a blessing.

It is hard to know how much to intervene and how much to just to accept her and

let her be. Most of the time she seems to be happy just as she is, but there

are other times when I think she wishes she had more friends to hang out with.

She will spend long amounts of time engrossed in computer and video games if I

let her.

Like her, I have a bit of social anxiety and am also introverted. That makes it

hard to help sometimes, because I have to deal with my own anxiety as well! My

hope for her is that she will have an easier time than I did, especially at her

age. I go through periods when I really worry about this.

Added to the social anxiety is the problem of just being so preoccupied by her

own thoughts that there is a whole lot that goes on socially that she just never

notices (and thus doesn't learn from or practice). I feel sad sometimes,

watching her around other kids, who socialize so easily, while it just doesn't

come naturally to her at all.

She is making progress, but it is very slow.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Well, in one sense you are lucky that she is young enough to be willing to go to

the social skills classes. My 15 year old son absolutely refuses anything

therapeutic, except his one med. My 12 year old would probably be too anxious

to go to a social skills class, ironically. Today is Halloween and neither one

of them have anyone to trick or treat or party with tonight. I just can't

believe it has come to this.

I am actually considering taking them both out of their academically strong, but

highly competitive and intimidating schools, and placing them in a local charter

school. I asked for feedback from teachers re: my High school sophomore, and 5

days later, have only heard back from 2 of them. That is unacceptable to me. I

was told by the guidance counselor that I would have to wait until Wednesday to

hear from the rest. Ten days from my original request!

[Guest guest]

I'm in the process of choosing a middle school for my daughter next year and

argue with myself daily about whether to keep her in public school or to select

a private school (which would be tough to pay for) or charter school that has

smaller class sizes and would be less overwhelming socially. We have one

private school in our area that caters to kids with " learning differences " (she

has some). I think that the teachers there would actually be willing to try to

facilitate her social skills/relationships, whereas unless a kid has a behavior

problem, it is difficult to get the school to pay attention to their social

needs at all.

Sue

>

> Well, in one sense you are lucky that she is young enough to be willing to go

to the social skills classes. My 15 year old son absolutely refuses anything

therapeutic, except his one med. My 12 year old would probably be too anxious

to go to a social skills class, ironically. Today is Halloween and neither one

of them have anyone to trick or treat or party with tonight. I just can't

believe it has come to this.

>

> I am actually considering taking them both out of their academically strong,

but highly competitive and intimidating schools, and placing them in a local

charter school. I asked for feedback from teachers re: my High school

sophomore, and 5 days later, have only heard back from 2 of them. That is

unacceptable to me. I was told by the guidance counselor that I would have to

wait until Wednesday to hear from the rest. Ten days from my original request!

>

[Guest guest]

I am fortunate that my school system has developed ALP (Alternate Learning

Programs) for children with psychiatric illnesses. These classrooms are

separate from classrooms for children with behavioral problems. Each class (1

for elementary school, 1 for junior high and 1 for high school,) have 2 special

education teachers, 2 aides and 6 children. The children have regular class

schedules and they attend regular classes to the best of their ability. If they

do not attend the regular classes per their choice, the work is sent to the ALP

room and the special ed teachers help them. This classroom is their homeroom,

and they are very very supportive of each other. On Friday's they go out to

lunch together to provide a social skills activity. The high school group went

to the homecoming dance and they felt comfortable because they knew each other.

These teachers are also supportive of their IEPs and will provide advocacy to

ensure IEP accommodations are carried out. My son's indicates he is given

extended time to do projects and homework assignments. When he got a low grade

in one subject because he had not finished a project, the regular teachers were

reminded that he has extended time to complete all work. This classroom is

great because it has a therapeutic goal, not behavioral goals. I never would

have thought my son would be able to attend a regular high school, but he is

doing is successfully and is even on the honor roll!

Lindsey sen

http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com

[Guest guest]

Many school systems have these type of classes in order to comply with federal

law (IDEA). It sounds like your district has a good program and that your son

is thriving in it. But what happens to kids whose problems are not severe

enough to qualify for special education? My daughter has qualified for some

tutoring occasionally, but her learning differences are not significant enough

to warrant special education services. Furthermore, she does not pose any

behavior problems, she is simply so quiet and shy that she hardly gets noticed.

I have tried to prompt the school counselor into doing something with my

daughter. One year she did do a social skills group for " shy kids " but that was

before the OCD diagnoses, so of course, without addressing OCD, it didn't do any

good. Anyway, I think the counselor is busy with kids who are disruptive, etc.

That is why I am looking at schools with smaller class sizes, so that my

daughter will get more attention. The private school for kids with learning

differences does have small class size as well a counselor who will work with

the child's therapist and teachers. However, it cost big bucks... I have to

decide whether it is worth going into debt and whether I want to " segregate " her

from kids who do not have learning differences.

Sue

>

>

>

> I am fortunate that my school system has developed ALP (Alternate Learning

Programs) for children with psychiatric illnesses. These classrooms are

separate from classrooms for children with behavioral problems. Each class (1

for elementary school, 1 for junior high and 1 for high school,) have 2 special

education teachers, 2 aides and 6 children. The children have regular class

schedules and they attend regular classes to the best of their ability. If they

do not attend the regular classes per their choice, the work is sent to the ALP

room and the special ed teachers help them. This classroom is their homeroom,

and they are very very supportive of each other. On Friday's they go out to

lunch together to provide a social skills activity. The high school group went

to the homecoming dance and they felt comfortable because they knew each other.

These teachers are also supportive of their IEPs and will provide advocacy to

ensure IEP accommodations are carried out. My son's indicates he is given

extended time to do projects and homework assignments. When he got a low grade

in one subject because he had not finished a project, the regular teachers were

reminded that he has extended time to complete all work. This classroom is

great because it has a therapeutic goal, not behavioral goals. I never would

have thought my son would be able to attend a regular high school, but he is

doing is successfully and is even on the honor roll!

>

> Lindsey sen

> http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com

>