Dad charged for assaulting bully

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http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Crime/2009/03/29/8925861-sun.html?cid=ETF

Dad charged for assaulting bully

Internet insults of wife, daughter, drove him to shove teenage trash-talker

By MICHELE MANDEL

BOWMANVILLE -- Dave e lost it Monday night. But the angry family man now

charged with assaulting a 15-year-old pleads guilty with an explanation.

And under the circumstances, what would you have done?

The 45-year-old father of two has been closely following our recent series of

stories on bullying. Like hundreds of other readers, these tales have struck a

chord because his daughter has been going through months of harassment

by a group of kids at Bowmanville High School.

e has been in and out of meetings with the school's administration and even

had a sit-down with the police to address his concerns. One of the teens

involved has been suspended twice, once for lying in wait for his daughter and

whipping a handful of coins at her head.

says her troubles stem from a fight with an ex-boyfriend that has now

pitted her against seven of his pals. Unlike her parents, she doesn't call it

bullying. " I don't like that word, " shrugs the pretty 15-year-old, pushing her

long black hair away from eyes that are determined not to reflect a victim.

They've surrounded her, taunted her, called her a slut, blocked her way in the

hallways -- the all too familiar scenario taking place in high schools

everywhere. She is no shrinking violet and is quick to hurl back her own cutting

insults when provoked, but inside, it's taking its toll. Her grades have

plummeted, she's avoided going to class and her parents discovered a razor blade

under her pillow.

But what finally set off her worried dad was a case of cyberbullying by a teen

who hadn't been much involved in the school harassment, except that he is

friends with his daughter's ex.

and this boy had their own history. Once friends, they'd had a falling

out in November when he broke up with her girlfriend by text message. She

threatened to hurt him if he ever hurt her friend again. He told her nobody

liked her and she should go away. She made some comment about his being

abandoned by his mom so he wasn't one to talk.

Not very nice, she admits. They've been enemies ever since.

You could put what followed down to immature teenage trashtalk except that,

these days, sticks and stones may break your bones, but hateful words are posted

on Facebook for all to see.

For e, it was finally the last straw. " I saw red, " he admits.

His daughter had been downstairs on the computer when he heard her scream and

say they had to see what he had just written to her:

" Im sorry you have to deal with that skanky mom of yours. well not really she is

a good f---, you probably know what I'm talking about. You f---ing incest freak

maybe your mom is your dads brother and thats why your so f---ed in the face.

well peace gtg talk to my mom who I do know fyi. "

In the old days, those insults would have disappeared as quickly as they were

uttered, hurtful and nasty -- but ultimately fleeting. But with everything now

online, they take on a permanence they wouldn't have had before.

And for e, those words had crossed the line.

" You can do a lot of things to me but don't talk about my lady like that, " he

says, as he looks across at his wife Yvette in their kitchen. " I'm not trying to

justify what I did but the bullying pushed me to the point that I'm fed up

waiting for the school and the police to do something. "

But this kid hasn't been the one bullying his daughter. And the teen's remarks,

while crude and offensive, were just those of a kid mouthing off. Does that

justify taking the law into your own hands?

" I felt kinda bad about what I did, " he concedes. " I'm the adult and I could

have approached it differently. "

Instead, with his wife at his side, the furious man stormed over to the boy's

house and confronted him at the door. He demanded to know why he'd written such

disgusting things about his family. Voices rose; tempers flared. e admits

he shoved the boy.

" I pushed him and that's the full extent of the assault, " he insists. " I never

struck the kid. It just got to a boiling point. What was said about my wife was

very upsetting. What I did was wrong but I am impressed that I controlled

myself.

" It could have been a lot worse. "

The cabinet maker says he and the teen ended up apologizing to each other and

ended the disagreement with a handshake. He thought the matter was settled.

The next day, though, he got a call from Durham Regional Police asking him to

come into the station. He was being charged with assault.

e says he's never been in trouble with the law before, and the last time he

was in the Sun, it was for having thwarted a robbery in Whitby. For losing his

temper after months of watching his daughter's pain, he now faces an

embarrassing criminal conviction that will put an end to his coaching kids'

soccer and volunteering at their school.

So you can't help feeling sorry for the frustrated dad. But responding to

bullying with more bullying can't be the answer.