School bullies especially cruel to exceptional kids

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http://www.theliberal.com/News/Regional%20News/article/89519

School bullies especially cruel to exceptional kids

March 26, 2009 12:33 PM

's frustrated parents took case to Human Rights Tribunal

By Kim Zarzour

Tidying up one morning before work, pulling the covers over her son's bed, Mrs.

Toldo (not her real name) noticed 's pillow stained with blood.

She soon discovered the teen's arms were covered in scrapes and he had a big

goose egg on the back of his head. " It's nothing, mom, " he shrugged her off. " I

just fell at volleyball practice. "

It wasn't true - but his mom didn't find that out until a few hours later when

she received a phone call from the school.

Her 16-year-old son had been " Bertuzzi'd " - jumped from behind - the latest in a

long, long history of bullying incidents at school.

This one, though, had been caught on videotape.

School has never felt like a friendly place for . The Vaughan boy has

Nonverbal Learning Disorder - a communication disability that is linked to a

complex mix of learning difficulties including impaired social skills.

Like most people with NLD, he's a bright, good-hearted kid who lacks street

smarts - and doesn't understand social cues like facial expression and body

language.

Bullies are attracted to kids like as bulls to a red flag.

As early as Grade 3, his social awkwardness waved the flag at one boy - a " pied

piper " of a kid who thought he was witty. The other kids thought he was witty

too, and they all spent a lot of time being witty together - at 's

expense.

In 's differently wired brain, normal dissing didn't make sense; he

interpreted their razzing as a grave insult and got upset, which egged the

bullies on even more.

" That's what killed him; he just didn't fit, " says his mom. " A little tweak

would get a huge reaction out of him.

" He was the kind of guy who always wanted to be everyone's friend. He tried

desperately to fit in. "

But it was not to be.

" He was never included in anything. Never picked for teams because of the social

issues, even though he was good in sports. Kids wouldn't pass the ball to him.

Poor kid would come home, always defeated. "

Throughout elementary school he put up with his lunch being taken, hat pulled

off, books knocked from his desk, and perpetually bruised shins from being

kicked. When his parents complained, they were told 's behaviour brought

it on.

In Grade 5, stood in front of the school and gave a speech on what it

was like to be different.

" All it takes to stop injustice, " he said, " is for one person to stand up and

make a difference. " His speech won second place. But the bullies weren't

impressed - they kept it up.

His parents did what they could - " social skills programs, counselling, we've

done it all, " says Mrs. Toldo.

The school authorities tried too, with something called " conflict resolution " .

They had sit down with the ringleader bully over a game of chess -

something his father calls " absurd ... like a rape victim being asked to sit

down and play chess with her attacker. "

It was a dismal failure. The bullying continued into high school " it was like a

monkey on his back all the time, " his dad says " and the very people who were

supposed to support him, the teachers and school administrators, weren't there. "

Instead, they offered him bizarre advice, like " if you didn't act that way, you

wouldn't get bullied all the time " ( " So all of a sudden he thinks it's his

fault. He can't help the way his brain is wired, " his mom says.) And later, " if

you think you're going to be assaulted, go where the school cameras are. "

A privately hired psychologist re-tested at the start of high school and

recommended that the school keep tabs on him, noting that, because of his

learning disability and past history, he'd be especially vulnerable to bullying.

The school promised to provide with a " go-to " person and social worker

to talk to.

But as far as the Toldos can tell, that never happened. In fact, they discovered

several of his teachers didn't even know he had an IEP - a special education

plan for identified students.

So the bullies kept up the tripping, the knocking books from his arms - " the

little tweaks that happen, subtle things kids get away with, " says Mr. Toldo.

By Grade 10, was seriously worn down. That's when the iPod incident

occurred.

He was at a volleyball tryout and noticed his $250 iPod, which he'd paid for

himself with money from working at Mac's, was gone.

" Anyone see my iPod? " No response.

He asked a boy he thought was his friend to help him track it down. The

so-called friend said he knew who had it, and he'd tell him - for $150.

That, said 's dad, a retired police officer, is called extortion.

" In my career I've arrested and convicted guys for less. "

Mr. Toldo reported it to the vice-principal. Within a week had his iPod

back, the thieves got two-day suspensions, the extortionist got three. No

charges were laid.

But paid for it: he ran the " gauntlet " in the halls, kids calling him

snitch, throwing papers at him in class, sending threatening e-mails and

slamming him into lockers. That's when the Bertuzzi thing happened.

The guy who jumped him was suspended. But asked that charges not be

laid; he was afraid of being labeled a " rat " and pilloried in the halls again.

He just wanted the whole thing to go away.

It did not though. And here's where the Toldos get really angry.

Throughout his schooldays, no one ever kept track of 's troubles. The

bullies' aggression was recorded - but not being targeted. The

vice-principals who dealt with the transgressors never shared the information

with each other, and so never noticed the pattern of victimization. just

fell through the cracks.

And finally, he let loose. One kid said one too many things and whaled

him.

was charged, given a 20-day suspension and a hearing to be expelled. The

Toldos managed to get that dropped because of " mitigating circumstances " - his

learning disabilities and history of being bullied - but by now, the damage was

done.

withdrew from his family, turned to alcohol to sleep, drugs and cutting

to erase the pain. He was suicidal and landed in hospital.

Mr. and Mrs. Toldo thought they'd done everything right - providing their son

with social skills coaching, lodging complaints, and hand-delivering numerous

out-of-pocket psycho-educational testing reports to the school. But in the end,

they say, the system failed him.

" No one paid serious attention, " says Mr. Toldo, " until my son finally had

enough and popped a guy in the beak. "

That's when the school finally stepped in and offered the previously

promised extra help and social worker.

Those who keep tabs on schoolyard bullying say that 's story is not

unusual. While there hasn't been a lot of research done on a link between

learning disabilities and bullying, studies so far indicate people with LDs are

more likely to be targeted.

Because of that heightened vulnerability, the Toldo family believes 's

school should have taken special care to protect him.

They took their complaint to the Human Rights Tribunal last month, arguing that

's school - and the York Region District School Board - failed to protect

him. They hoped the tribunal would require schools to put full reports of

victimization in the files of children who have learning disabilities or are

designated " at risk " .

This, they say, would allow the student with special needs to be monitored and

assisted. Currently only the perpetrators receive documentation.

On Feb. 20, they settled their complaint through mediation. They are prevented

from disclosing details of the agreement, but say they are satisfied. More

importantly, they say is satisfied.

" He feels like he's had his day, and now he's got some closure, " Mr. Toldo says.

" We told him not to expect them to fall on their knees apologizing and weeping,

but he feels as if he's made a difference. We did what we could. The mediation

process was a form of closure for us. "

With the help of Addiction Services and ongoing counselling, is turning

things around, and plans to attend another high school's co-op program this fall

to earn a diploma.

" I admire his tenacity, " says Mr. Toldo. " Through all that he went through with

bullying, he still went to school. Lesser people would have caved in. "

They hope that the results of their mediated settlement mean other victimized

students at his old high school won't have to go through what he did, and will

be better protected.

And they hope that this was a lesson, finally, that what spoke about in

his Grade 5 speech really does ring true - sometimes all it takes is one person

to stand up to make a difference.