Re: social anxiety is escalating, what to do?

[Guest guest]

Is she ready for therapy?

Bonnie

>

> Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's escalating social

> anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and reading and

> now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are escalating that

> the girls in her class do not like her much.

>

> She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot. She still

> has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school phobia is

> also under control now that she is in a private school (smaller setting).

Unfortunately although she is in a special ed school they placed her with 7th

and 8th graders due to her being a very good

> reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this is just

> too challenging for her. Academically it is working OK.

>

> The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30 kids in the

> lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to sit

> at a particular table.

>

> What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least at

> a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of kids

> she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

>

> She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is like a 8-9

> year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

>

> Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts and than

> we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop this

> now.

>

> I would appreciate any ideas.

>

> Pam

>

[Guest guest]

Here's a simple yet potentially beneficial activity for positive interaction and

developing relationships. It is a tool that requires accountability on the

participant. It can be an individual assignment, but I have found it to work

best if assigned to a whole group or class. If assigned to a group, the options

are to have each person find or be assigned a partner or to assign " target

friends " . Target friends allow for more interaction and less duplication in the

assignments. An easy way to assign target friends is to have students stand in

a circle and their assigned " target friend " is the person standing to their

right. This way you can arrange the circle so that there are good " fits " for

the people who may struggle with this assignment.

This can be a week-long assignment with a grade or reward for those who complete

all or most of it. Questions to be answered can include:

1. List 3 things that this person likes to do or talk about

2. List 3 things that this person likes to do at recess (or lunch, or after

school, etc)

3. List three things that this person is good at (other than #1)

4. List 3 other things that you notice about this person.

Then provide a menu of options with a minimum to complete per day or per week.

(A chart or checklist format works nicely)

- Just say hello to them

- Compliment – Give a Sincere Compliment

- Sit near and talk to at lunch – make sure this is okay with the

person

- Play or hang out at recess or free time

- Call them or text them

- Make plans to do something after school or on the weekend

Sometimes kids just forget to do these things or just need a little push. It's

a great lesson to follow diversity or expanding your circle of friend's lesson

and can be a great opportunity for many kids/teens to meet and interact with new

people.

Bonnie

> >

> > Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's escalating social

> > anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and reading and

> > now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are escalating that

> > the girls in her class do not like her much.

> >

> > She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot. She still

> > has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school phobia is

> > also under control now that she is in a private school (smaller setting).

Unfortunately although she is in a special ed school they placed her with 7th

and 8th graders due to her being a very good

> > reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this is just

> > too challenging for her. Academically it is working OK.

> >

> > The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30 kids in the

> > lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to sit

> > at a particular table.

> >

> > What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least at

> > a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of kids

> > she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

> >

> > She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is like a 8-9

> > year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

> >

> > Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts and than

> > we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop this

> > now.

> >

> > I would appreciate any ideas.

> >

> > Pam

> >

>

[Guest guest]

She is not ready for therapy. The behaviorist has us rehearsing

with her staying calm when we say words like " anxiety " or " therapy "

or other triggers words so we are taking steps toward this.

She is able to rehearse scenarios like what if your favorite

show isn't on ...stuff like that ...

In the next few weeks we will probably increment the zoloft

from 50mg up by another part of a tablet. Her mood has improved

on the zoloft, her panic attacks are nearly gone, her OCD thoughts

are still there though and her social anxiety is about the same

as always.

thanks Bonnie for any ideas.

Pam

> >

> > Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's escalating social

> > anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and reading and

> > now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are escalating that

> > the girls in her class do not like her much.

> >

> > She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot. She still

> > has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school phobia is

> > also under control now that she is in a private school (smaller setting).

Unfortunately although she is in a special ed school they placed her with 7th

and 8th graders due to her being a very good

> > reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this is just

> > too challenging for her. Academically it is working OK.

> >

> > The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30 kids in the

> > lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to sit

> > at a particular table.

> >

> > What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least at

> > a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of kids

> > she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

> >

> > She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is like a 8-9

> > year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

> >

> > Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts and than

> > we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop this

> > now.

> >

> > I would appreciate any ideas.

> >

> > Pam

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Pam,

would it be possible to have a get-together with one or two girls outside of

school (at your place or a neutral setting) so they would all feel more

comfortable together. Would one of the teachers or other staff agree to do a

lunch group with several girls at least once or twice a week either in the

lunchroom or in the classroom, counselor's office--again so they could get to

know each other.

>

> Subject: social anxiety is escalating, what to do?

> To:

> Date: Friday, October 16, 2009, 10:14 AM

> Our latest challenge is how to help

> our daughter's escalating social

> anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and

> reading and

> now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are

> escalating that

> the girls in her class do not like her much.

>

> She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot.

> She still

> has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school

> phobia is

> also under control now that she is in a private school

> (smaller setting). Unfortunately although she is in a

> special ed school they placed her with 7th and 8th graders

> due to her being a very good

> reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this

> is just

> too challenging for her. Academically it is working

> OK. 

>

> The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30

> kids in the

> lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to

> sit

> at a particular table.

>

> What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least

> at

> a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of

> kids

> she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

>

> She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is

> like a 8-9

> year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

>

> Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts

> and than

> we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop

> this

> now.

>

> I would appreciate any ideas.

>

> Pam

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Our list archives feature may be accessed at: 

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//

> by scrolling down to the archives calendar .  Our links

> may be accessed at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//links

> .  Our files may be accessed at

> http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//files

> .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D.(http://www.ocdawareness.com ),

Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), and Dan Geller, M.D.

> (http://www2.massgeneral.org/pediatricpsych/staff/geller.html

> ). You may ask a question of any of these mental health

> professionals by inserting the words " Ask Dr.(insert name) "

> in the subject line of a post to the list.  Our list

> moderators are Castle, Judy Chabot, BJ Closner, and

> Barb Nesrallah.   Subscription issues or

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> at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ocdsupportgroups/links

> .  OCF treatment providers list may be viewed at

http://www.ocfoundation.info/treatment-providers-list.php

> .

> NLM-NIH Drug Information Portal may be viewed at

>

http://druginfo.nlm.nih.gov/drugportal/drugportal.jsp?APPLICATION_NAME=drugporta\

l

> .  OCF recommended reading list may be viewed at

http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocd-oc-spectrum-disorders-book-list.html

> .

>

[Guest guest]

There is an article in the latest OCD Newsletter from OCF this month, about

Attention Modification Program for treatment of Social Anxiety. It is a

computer program - and apparantly it works. There is a research study on this

in SanDiego (ie free) at . I'm not sure how to get access to this

if you are not in the area, but I bet if you call the above number, you can find

our how to get the program or therapy that uses the program. Given her

adversion to therapy, perhaps this is something you can do at home.

However, I also think Bonnie gave some great ideas - and you could easily

implement this " therapy " at home with the help of another child - without

calling it therapy. Make it into a game with the children.

It is often difficult to differentiate between Social Anxiety & OCD - our

daughter has NO social anxiety (without OCD, she is a social butterfly) but when

she has OCD, germ and contamination worries can cause her to stop interacting

altogether. Best - in NC

> >

> > Is she ready for therapy?

> > Bonnie

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi, Pam. My niece has social anxiety, and I've noticed she does much better

one-on-one, than in a group setting. Would it be possible to invite one of the

girls over from the school, so they can get to know each other better in the

" home " setting where she feels safe? Maybe if she gets to know one of the

girls, it will be easier for her at school. Maybe she could suggest which one

to invite. . . .

When Josh was young, he was terribly shy and had trouble too. I used to invite

other kids over and I would even help him while they were there. I would set up

questions that would get them talking. For instance, I would comment that Josh

liked riding a scooter, or would bring up his skateboarding, pokemon cards,

video games, etc. Then I would ask the kid if he liked any of that stuff. It

would help them find common ground to talk about and start relating.

I think one of the things that really helped Josh was he had a friend that was a

HUGE extrovert. This kid just dragged Josh along with him to talk to other

people. It helped Josh to get over it, somewhat.

Fortunately, Josh eventually grew out of it. Unfortunately, my niece did not,

and at 22, she still struggles. She has a tendency to isolate herself like that

too at the college she attends.

Hope you see a turn around before things escalate. It's always an ongoing

battle with anxiety issues, it seems.

BJ

>

> Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's escalating social

> anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and reading and

> now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are escalating that

> the girls in her class do not like her much.

>

> She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot. She still

> has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school phobia is

> also under control now that she is in a private school (smaller setting).

Unfortunately although she is in a special ed school they placed her with 7th

and 8th graders due to her being a very good

> reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this is just

> too challenging for her. Academically it is working OK.

>

> The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30 kids in the

> lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to sit

> at a particular table.

>

> What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least at

> a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of kids

> she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

>

> She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is like a 8-9

> year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

>

> Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts and than

> we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop this

> now.

>

> I would appreciate any ideas.

>

> Pam

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Bonnie for this plan. I have to do something to help her cope better.

Pam

- In , " bhamelburg " wrote:

>

> Here's a simple yet potentially beneficial activity for positive interaction

and developing relationships. It is a tool that requires accountability on the

participant. It can be an individual assignment, but I have found it to work

best if assigned to a whole group or class. If assigned to a group, the options

are to have each person find or be assigned a partner or to assign " target

friends " . Target friends allow for more interaction and less duplication in the

assignments. An easy way to assign target friends is to have students stand in

a circle and their assigned " target friend " is the person standing to their

right. This way you can arrange the circle so that there are good " fits " for

the people who may struggle with this assignment.

>

> This can be a week-long assignment with a grade or reward for those who

complete all or most of it. Questions to be answered can include:

>

> 1. List 3 things that this person likes to do or talk about

> 2. List 3 things that this person likes to do at recess (or lunch, or after

school, etc)

> 3. List three things that this person is good at (other than #1)

> 4. List 3 other things that you notice about this person.

>

> Then provide a menu of options with a minimum to complete per day or per week.

(A chart or checklist format works nicely)

>

> - Just say hello to them

>

> - Compliment – Give a Sincere Compliment

>

> - Sit near and talk to at lunch – make sure this is okay with the

person

>

> - Play or hang out at recess or free time

>

> - Call them or text them

>

> - Make plans to do something after school or on the weekend

> Sometimes kids just forget to do these things or just need a little push.

It's a great lesson to follow diversity or expanding your circle of friend's

lesson and can be a great opportunity for many kids/teens to meet and interact

with new people.

>

> Bonnie

>

>

> > >

> > > Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's escalating social

> > > anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and reading and

> > > now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are escalating that

> > > the girls in her class do not like her much.

> > >

> > > She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot. She still

> > > has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school phobia is

> > > also under control now that she is in a private school (smaller setting).

Unfortunately although she is in a special ed school they placed her with 7th

and 8th graders due to her being a very good

> > > reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this is just

> > > too challenging for her. Academically it is working OK.

> > >

> > > The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30 kids in the

> > > lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to sit

> > > at a particular table.

> > >

> > > What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least at

> > > a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of kids

> > > she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

> > >

> > > She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is like a 8-9

> > > year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

> > >

> > > Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts and than

> > > we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop this

> > > now.

> > >

> > > I would appreciate any ideas.

> > >

> > > Pam

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

thanks for the ideas. It helps to build my confidence!

I am so burned out.

Pam

>

> >

> > Subject: social anxiety is escalating, what to do?

> > To:

> > Date: Friday, October 16, 2009, 10:14 AM

> > Our latest challenge is how to help

> > our daughter's escalating social

> > anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and

> > reading and

> > now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are

> > escalating that

> > the girls in her class do not like her much.

> >

> > She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot.

> > She still

> > has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school

> > phobia is

> > also under control now that she is in a private school

> > (smaller setting). Unfortunately although she is in a

> > special ed school they placed her with 7th and 8th graders

> > due to her being a very good

> > reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this

> > is just

> > too challenging for her. Academically it is working

> > OK. 

> >

> > The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30

> > kids in the

> > lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to

> > sit

> > at a particular table.

> >

> > What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least

> > at

> > a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of

> > kids

> > she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

> >

> > She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is

> > like a 8-9

> > year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

> >

> > Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts

> > and than

> > we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop

> > this

> > now.

> >

> > I would appreciate any ideas.

> >

> > Pam

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Our list archives feature may be accessed at: 

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//

> > by scrolling down to the archives calendar .  Our links

> > may be accessed at

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//links

> > .  Our files may be accessed at

> > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//files

> > .

> > Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D.(http://www.ocdawareness.com ),

Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), and Dan Geller, M.D.

> > (http://www2.massgeneral.org/pediatricpsych/staff/geller.html

> > ). You may ask a question of any of these mental health

> > professionals by inserting the words " Ask Dr.(insert name) "

> > in the subject line of a post to the list.  Our list

> > moderators are Castle, Judy Chabot, BJ Closner, and

> > Barb Nesrallah.   Subscription issues or

> > suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list

> > administrator, at louisharkins@...

> > .   Our group and related groups are listed

> > at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ocdsupportgroups/links

> > .  OCF treatment providers list may be viewed at

http://www.ocfoundation.info/treatment-providers-list.php

> > .

> > NLM-NIH Drug Information Portal may be viewed at

> >

http://druginfo.nlm.nih.gov/drugportal/drugportal.jsp?APPLICATION_NAME=drugporta\

l

> > .  OCF recommended reading list may be viewed at

http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocd-oc-spectrum-disorders-book-list.html

> > .

> >

[Guest guest]

BJ thanks for sharing so much.

Yesterday when I asked that my daughter be seated

with some friendly group one of the girls

got upset that she had to move her seat and then my daughter ran out of the

lunch room crying (that she had made someone upset).

Today we have a girls group with some of these girls

and it has two behaviorists leading them in fun activities.

And she is now saying she doesn't want to go.

I feel so burned out with all these. I want to just

retreat myself.

But this group really helps be keep it all in prespective.

Thanks BJ.

Pam

it really helps to have all this It is so great

> >

> > Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's escalating social

> > anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and reading and

> > now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are escalating that

> > the girls in her class do not like her much.

> >

> > She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot. She still

> > has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school phobia is

> > also under control now that she is in a private school (smaller setting).

Unfortunately although she is in a special ed school they placed her with 7th

and 8th graders due to her being a very good

> > reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this is just

> > too challenging for her. Academically it is working OK.

> >

> > The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30 kids in the

> > lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to sit

> > at a particular table.

> >

> > What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least at

> > a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of kids

> > she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

> >

> > She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is like a 8-9

> > year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

> >

> > Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts and than

> > we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop this

> > now.

> >

> > I would appreciate any ideas.

> >

> > Pam

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much I will look at this!!

Pam

> > >

> > > Is she ready for therapy?

> > > Bonnie

> > >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you to all that responded. It is so helpful. I was

feeling so burned out and having some helpful advice

helps to not feel that I have to figure this out on my own.

You have all given me various ways I can approach this and

I don't feel so hopeless.

Pam

>

> Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's escalating social

> anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in and reading and

> now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are escalating that

> the girls in her class do not like her much.

>

> She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped alot. She still

> has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her school phobia is

> also under control now that she is in a private school (smaller setting).

Unfortunately although she is in a special ed school they placed her with 7th

and 8th graders due to her being a very good

> reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially this is just

> too challenging for her. Academically it is working OK.

>

> The school (it is private special ed school) has about 30 kids in the

> lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids have to sit

> at a particular table.

>

> What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at least at

> a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of kids

> she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

>

> She is so small and petite and her size and thinking is like a 8-9

> year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

>

> Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased thoughts and than

> we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to stop this

> now.

>

> I would appreciate any ideas.

>

> Pam

>

[Guest guest]

Pam,

Hang in there and try to find some time and destressers for yourself. I thought

this past summer that I would just feel better when my daughter started to do

better, so I didn't need to take care of myself. Big mistake. When I was a

wreck, I couldn't help my kids, I couldn't be flexible, think of solutions, or

find much empathy. I didn't feel like a very good mom. Occasional breaks and

(in my case) anti-depressants have made a big difference in me. My daughter has

made progress, but I also feel like I can handle stress better, have a higher

frustration tolerance, and a lower anxiety level myself.

Sending you best wishes,

>

> Subject: Re: social anxiety is escalating, what to do?

> To:

> Date: Saturday, October 17, 2009, 1:16 PM

> Thank you to all that responded. It

> is so helpful. I was

> feeling so burned out and having some helpful advice

> helps to not feel that I have to figure this out on my

> own.

> You have all given me various ways I can approach this and

>

> I don't feel so hopeless.

>

> Pam 

>

>

> >

> > Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's

> escalating social

> > anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in

> and reading and

> > now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are

> escalating that

> > the girls in her class do not like her much.

> >

> > She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped

> alot. She still

> > has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her

> school phobia is

> > also under control now that she is in a private school

> (smaller setting). Unfortunately although she is in a

> special ed school they placed her with 7th and 8th graders

> due to her being a very good

> > reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially

> this is just

> > too challenging for her. Academically it is working

> OK. 

> >

> > The school (it is private special ed school) has about

> 30 kids in the

> > lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids

> have to sit

> > at a particular table.

> >

> > What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at

> least at

> > a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of

> kids

> > she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

> >

> > She is so small and petite and her size and thinking

> is like a 8-9

> > year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

> >

> > Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased

> thoughts and than

> > we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to

> stop this

> > now.

> >

> > I would appreciate any ideas.

> >

> > Pam

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Our list archives feature may be accessed at: 

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//

> by scrolling down to the archives calendar .  Our links

> may be accessed at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//links

> .  Our files may be accessed at

> http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group//files

> .

> Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D.(http://www.ocdawareness.com ),

Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), and Dan Geller, M.D.

> (http://www2.massgeneral.org/pediatricpsych/staff/geller.html

> ). You may ask a question of any of these mental health

> professionals by inserting the words " Ask Dr.(insert name) "

> in the subject line of a post to the list.  Our list

> moderators are Castle, Judy Chabot, BJ Closner, and

> Barb Nesrallah.   Subscription issues or

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>

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> .  OCF recommended reading list may be viewed at

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>

[Guest guest]

, do you have a link to that OCD newsletter? I can't find it.

Thanks in advance.

[Guest guest]

Hi - I get the newsletter via mail (it's the one that just arrived). But

I will email the foundation tonight & ask if they have an email version. If

you'll email me at susan@..., I'll send you that, or scan it in and

email it to you on Monday.

>

> , do you have a link to that OCD newsletter? I can't find it.

>

> Thanks in advance.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I too have noted that Matt has no interest in socializing when he's going

through a bad time. Then he doesn't understand why the kids aren't as inviting

when he's ready for them! Since he's been doing well for a while now, the

things we presently struggle with the most are the social issues and the

attentional/executive deficits. I don't know how much better they will get.

His pdoc thinks some of it's med related and so we are cautiously weaning him.

I can say that since Matt's anxiety is so much better, it's amazing how much

more social he is. It makes me really question his Asperger's diagnosis? I

recently went to a presentation on anxiety and stress in school-aged children

and the psychologist commented about how social skills are delayed and

underdeveloped in children with anxiety disorders. This is something I believed

was the case with Matt even prior to go to the presentation. I guess the

priority then is to allay the anxiety (meds and therapeutic intervention) and

then work on the rest of it.

I think the teachers could do a little more to foster social interaction.

's social skills therapist (he doesn't see her anymore) once said that

" practice makes perfect even with social skills " .

Bonnie

Bonnie

> > >

> > > Is she ready for therapy?

> > > Bonnie

> > >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for the advice. When my daughter's

obsessiveness increases I do have moments of real hopelessness.

It helps so much to get encouragement!

Pam

> > >

> > > Our latest challenge is how to help our daughter's

> > escalating social

> > > anxiety. She is not going out at recess but staying in

> > and reading and

> > > now she is sitting alone at lunch. Her thoughts are

> > escalating that

> > > the girls in her class do not like her much.

> > >

> > > She is 11 year old and on zoloft and it has helped

> > alot. She still

> > > has OCD thoughts but it is manageable right now. Her

> > school phobia is

> > > also under control now that she is in a private school

> > (smaller setting). Unfortunately although she is in a

> > special ed school they placed her with 7th and 8th graders

> > due to her being a very good

> > > reader and having a great vocabulary. However socially

> > this is just

> > > too challenging for her. Academically it is working

> > OK. 

> > >

> > > The school (it is private special ed school) has about

> > 30 kids in the

> > > lunch room and they do not want to impose that kids

> > have to sit

> > > at a particular table.

> > >

> > > What should I propose? I did suggest fixed setting at

> > least at

> > > a table to make it concrete and to limit the number of

> > kids

> > > she sees at lunch to the same group exposure daily.

> > >

> > > She is so small and petite and her size and thinking

> > is like a 8-9

> > > year old not 11-14 (the group she is in).

> > >

> > > Last spring social anxiety triggered OCD increased

> > thoughts and than

> > > we had flat out school refusal. So I want to try to

> > stop this

> > > now.

> > >

> > > I would appreciate any ideas.

> > >

> > > Pam

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Our list archives feature may be accessed at: 

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> > by scrolling down to the archives calendar .  Our links

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> > (http://www2.massgeneral.org/pediatricpsych/staff/geller.html

> > ). You may ask a question of any of these mental health

> > professionals by inserting the words " Ask Dr.(insert name) "

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> > administrator, at louisharkins@...

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> > .  OCF treatment providers list may be viewed at

http://www.ocfoundation.info/treatment-providers-list.php

> > .

> > NLM-NIH Drug Information Portal may be viewed at

> >

http://druginfo.nlm.nih.gov/drugportal/drugportal.jsp?APPLICATION_NAME=drugporta\

l

> > .  OCF recommended reading list may be viewed at

http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocd-oc-spectrum-disorders-book-list.html

> > .

> >

[Guest guest]

Thanks Bonnie for sharing what is happening with Matt.

's medication probably does need to be increased

again. She is only on 50mg of zoloft. Any challenge

is triggering her avoidant behaviors. We just can't smooth

life out enough.

She still complains daily about taking the tablet of zoloft,

but we have a reward system in place and I don't respond

to her complaints.

Adding another tablet or partial tablet may be difficult

to get her to cooperate with. But that is the next step.

I loved hearing that Matt is doing better this year!

Pam

> > > >

> > > > Is she ready for therapy?

> > > > Bonnie

> > > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

If they increase the Zoloft, it would be a different pill. Maybe you could fib

a little and say it's a different manufacturer? I know that may go against some

principle, but we're talking about functioning after all. Sounds like you are

having an easier time working with her?

Yes, I'm lucky this year with Matt. He went on a 3 day trip with the whole 5th

grade last week. No calls home, no iPod, no TV/video games!!! We did a lot of

exposure work before he left because he was anxious about being away from home.

He had a good time and did pretty well so he says (I have no other way to know).

I know they would have called me if he needed me. The day that he left, a lot

of the other moms were upset, some cried. I was so damned happy that Matt was

able to go that I couldn't be sad even if I wanted to. I almost skipped home!

He came back with a fever and cold and still said he was glad he went. There

were issues like he said he was cold (it snowed there) but didn't remember to

layer his clothes as I showed him many times beforehand. I doubt that he

remembered to wash his hair while in the shower. Who knows about his teeth?

That's an example of what we have to work on. However, even 18 months ago, I

wouldn't be able to consider sending him on that trip so I remain hopeful.

Hang in there and keep working on her getting into therapy. That above all else

really has made a difference for us though I do realize that you have to be

receptive to it as well and perhaps the meds can lower her anxiety enough for

you to be able to try again. The therapeutic things you are doing with her

sound great.

Bonnie

> > > > >

> > > > > Is she ready for therapy?

> > > > > Bonnie

> > > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Bonnie, I am so excited for you and Matt. How wonderful he went on

a trip. Wow! He is doing so well. A 3 day trip is such a challenging

activity. He must be very stable. You have worked so hard on getting his health

to this point.

Your news is so encouraging.

Congratulation!!!

Pam

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Is she ready for therapy?

> > > > > > Bonnie

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Bonnie, I second Pam, that is great he managed that trip, and I'm so glad that

HE is glad he went!

>

> Bonnie, I am so excited for you and Matt. How wonderful he went on

> a trip. Wow! He is doing so well. A 3 day trip is such a challenging

> activity. He must be very stable. You have worked so hard on getting his

health to this point.

>

> Your news is so encouraging.

>

> Congratulation!!!

>

[Guest guest]

That is so awesome about Matt, Bonnie. But, sorry he came home sick.

Josh seems to do better when he is away, doing something to keep his mind

occupied. Do you think that played a part in it for Matt?

I'm really impressed that you were able to turn off the sad and " worry " . . (You

know, other moms were crying, but you were happy). But, I completely understand

it. Because our kids struggle with more than the average kid, we celebrate when

they do normal stuff.

I need to work at turning off the worry about Josh. I've often thought if he

was a regular kid, one without OCD/GAD/Anxiety maybe I wouldn't have to worry so

much, but he isn't, so I do. <sigh>

That's one thing about therapy. . .I've struggled to change my thinking right

along with Josh. I tend to want to protect him. Even still, with him being 17.

It's hard to turn that off, when you've been doing it for years.

BJ

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Is she ready for therapy?

> > > > > > Bonnie

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I just plain think that Matt was ready and that he wanted to prove something to

himself. These days, when he gets a scratch now and then, he tells ma that he

" can take it " and in the past would give up trying again in fear of harm to

himself. We did some really tough exposures (tough for even me to watch) before

he left and I am trying to help him learn how to imagine it so that he can take

his exposure work with him wherever he goes.

I was indeed celebrating the fact that Matt was doing something normal,

something I didn't believe he could do even a year ago. I'm trying not to

overprotect him as well. I did get a little teary when on the second night of

his trip - I truly missed him and wanted so much to hear about what he was

doing. Today, I had Matt's IEP renewal and I did my best to explain that I

don't want to overcompensate for him, but I want to be sure that I know what he

needs and to address it properly. That is a wait and see for now.

I have days when all the therapy and meds and IEP's gang up on me and overwhelm

me - sometimes in the middle of the night and I can't seem to even take a deep

breath. I sob for a couple of hours and then I sort of snap out of it and focus

on the task at hand - the priority of the day and somehow, I get by. Each time

I get sad, I remember when Matt was 8 and he looked up at me with tears in his

eyes and asked why no one loved him, what he he done that was so bad that no one

wanted to help him get better. That charges me up and gives me the voice to

demand help and the strength to go and find it.

Admittedly, I don't for a minute miss Matt's younger days even though he was

adorable. I don't like to reminisce much at all. Those days were wrought with

fear, doubt, dread, embarrassment, loneliness, and helplessness. I lived a

lifetime in just 5 yrs! When I hear the others going through tough times, I

just know what they mean - I wish I could help more.

Bonnie

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Is she ready for therapy?

> > > > > > > Bonnie

> > > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks. I also tried google-ing it and still didn't come up with much that the

layperson could understand. I'm just curious, even though I think my 15 year

old couldn't bear another therapy treatment.

> >

> > , do you have a link to that OCD newsletter? I can't find it.

> >

> > Thanks in advance.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I got a copy of the article so email me and I'll be happy to resend. As

therapies go, this is more of a computer game, so maybe a bit easier to do than

most anxiety/exposure therapies. Good luck!

> > >

> > > , do you have a link to that OCD newsletter? I can't find it.

> > >

> > > Thanks in advance.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>